Twilight
This is colored by the fact that I had a lot of spoilers before reading. At first I wasn't going to read this because I had heard some things about it and thought, "good Christ that sounds awful!" But then people played "Horrify the Twilight Noob" with me and after the 100th, "OMFG, WUT?!?!!" I decided I had to read this crapfest for myself. Yes, I'm the only person you know who got obsessed with Twilight for how God awful it is. Not really surprising, I am a fan of bad horror movies (an even bigger fan of good ones, but bad ones have their own...je ne sais quoi).
The following is just me responding to certain quotes and making commentary throughout the book (some of it in AIM chats with my sister). I do a sort of formal review at the end.
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Ugh, it's in the first person. I can already tell it's going to be a great book.
buttercup31: "Her hair was a deep black..."
buttercup31: Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that?
emtqueen85: How can anything be a "deep black?"
emtqueen85: Either it's black or it's not.
buttercup31: THANK YOU
emtqueen85: There are no shades of black.
buttercup31: Just wanted to make sure that I wasn't crazy in thinking that was a stupid fucking description.
buttercup31: It's not like you can have light black.
buttercup31: That's called "gray."
emtqueen85: Yeah
emtqueen85: I was just about to say that
He was arguing with her in a low attractive voice.
What does that even mean? "Attractive voice?"
Okay, so if he can smell Bella so strongly, why does he not smell her as soon as she walks into the office? Hell, he should have had her scent as she was coming up the hall. But she was able to stand behind him for how long until someone else walked in the office kicking up wind that would have been present as she was walking in as well? That makes sense.
"He was so mean. It wasn't fair."
Mature, Bella. Really mature.
Edward has a musical voice...okay...
Edward: A mystery, wrapped in a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in...sparkles?
See, this is one of the problems with writing in the first person. You can't have her describing what Edward is wearing in one scene, because that is what literature dictates, and then have her say that she has never really noticed what he wears a few chapters later. Pay attention to what you're writing.
The rain continued heavily, though, and the weeks passed.
Uh...nice transition.
I couldn't allow him to have this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy.
Well, at least she was marginally self-aware for a minute.
Today I was worse than usual because my head was so filled with Edward.
A good placeholder for...intelligence, no?
"For not just letting that stupid van squish me."
SUPERFLUOUS WORDS ARE SUPERFLUOUS.
"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted.
"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full - of butterflies.
Hahahah...what?
buttercup31: Frig, can't wait to watch the whole [Twilight Movie]. Is it weird I am so obsessed with this shit because it is so bad?
emtqueen85: You're like the opposite of the Twilight fans
buttercup31: Awesome.
emtqueen85: Hahahahaha
Ugh, for real, the reason why the entire movie is nothing but these two staring at each other is because THE BOOK IS NOTHING BUT FURTIVE GLANCES AND STARING!!!!
buttercup31: Once you get over the hump of the first chapter it gets much easier to wade through the piss poor writing.
buttercup31: Okay, is there a difference between reddish-brown/auburn and bronze?
emtqueen85: Bronze is more on the blonde side, I think, if we're talking hair.
buttercup31: Yeah, we are.
buttercup31: And yeah, that's what I thought.
buttercup31: So how does his hair go from being reddish-brown to bronze in the course of two pages?
emtqueen85: BECAUSE HE'S A SPARKLY VAMPIRE AND THAT'S PART OF THEIR SPARKLY POWERS, TO CHANGE THEIR HAIR COLOR IN THE SAME SCENE
buttercup31: grrrrrrr
"I know." He smiled again, and then he changed the subject. "I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you."
"They'll survive." I could feel their stares boring into my back.
"I may not give you back, though," he said with a wicked glint in his eyes.
Executed properly that could have been cute. Here, it's just creepy as fuck. I seriously had this scene from Will & Grace in my head throughout so much of the book!
This book is like a joke that never gets to the punch line. You see where this could be going but it is so badly written that you're left unsatisfied. Must find good romance/fantasy/thriller for when I'm done reading these.
For christ's sake, this woman needs a thesaurus!!! She uses the exact same adjectives over and over and over, and EVERY FUCKING TIME she's describing the same thing.
We get it, he has a "perfect" face/is "perfect" in every way.
His eyes are "deep gold/butterscotch."
Christ alive.
And for the love of all that is holy HE'S EDWARD - FUCKING - CULLEN. WE GET IT. STOP SAYING EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!
He's the only Edward in the damn book, why must he be Edward Cullen in almost every single reference?
As adults we don't introduce ourselves by first and last name usually, why is this "teenage" boy?
emtqueen85: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/30592922.html?thread=4026623642#t4026623642
emtqueen85: HAH!
buttercup31: Hahahha, I was laughing so hard at that in twilight_sucks earlier today.
buttercup31: OMG, I'M A KILLER, BELLA, STAY AWAY FROM ME FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!!!!!!!!!!
buttercup31: aaaahaha
emtqueen85: I LOVE YOU BUT I'M GOING TO IGNORE YOU AND TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP
buttercup31: OMG HE'S TREATING ME LIKE CRAP!!!! WHY IS HE SO MEAN?? IT ISN'T FAIR!!! WHAT DID I DO??? OMG, I CAN'T EAT BECAUSE HE'S SO MEAN TO ME!!! IF HE GOES TO CLASS I'M GOING TO DITCH NAO! OMG, WILL HE BE AT LUNCH, WILL HE BE MEAN-FACE TO ME? OH, LOOK, HE'S NOT HERE, I CAN RELAX. AWWWW, NOW I'M DISAPPOINTED AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
buttercup31: "You're dangerous?" I guessed, my pulse quickening as I intuitively realized the truth of my own words. He was dangerous. He'd been trying to tell me that all along.
emtqueen85: *headdesk*
buttercup31: No, because he told you like 35 times that he would be a bad friend for you and that he was trying to stay away from you and you should stay away from him???
buttercup31: She would be one of those people who gets faint around blood.
emtqueen85: Of course.
buttercup31: She is going to make like the worst vampire ever.
buttercup31: Ugh, if he gives her one more command without her response being, "bitch, I'll cut you." I might scream.
emtqueen85: Find a muffler
buttercup31: "How old are you, Bella?" His voice sounded frustrated for some reason I couldn't imagine.
buttercup31: I can...
emtqueen85: Hahaha
buttercup31: God, she is such a brat.
She wants information so she shamelessly "flirts" with a 15-year-old? Nice. She's female, that's how we do, right?
"I mostly worked on my essay." I didn't add that I was finished with it - no need to sound smug.
He hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Oh yeah - that's due Thursday, right?"
"Um, Wednesday, I think."
"Wednesday?" He frowned. "That's not good… What are you writing yours on?"
"Whether Shakespeare's treatment of the female characters is misogynistic."
HAH! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Ahhhhh
God, her life practically ends because he's not in school? WTF?
Really with all the klutziness? We get the point, she has A "flaw."
Does SMeyer know what cut-offs are? Or do I not know?
I did like this line: "I wasn't going out without taking someone with me." That's my motto!
Okay, note to authors: rape scenes (or the hint thereof) are passe as plot advancers. Especially when it's a bunch of black men (or am I the only one who read that into every reference of "dark-haired man"??) on a little white girl, and especially when it is all in an effort to have an "OMG MY MAYUN SAVED ME!!" moment.
"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella."
Uh huh...
"I wanted nothing more than to be alone with my perpetual savior."
...that is a great way to start a relationship.
And why is she so comfortable being commanded around by this guy?
"I think you should eat something." Edward's voice was low, but full of authority. Oh really?
"He walked to the door of the restaurant and held it open with an obstinate expression. Obviously, there
would be no further discussion." Uhm, 'kay?
"Drink," he ordered. I sipped at my soda obediently, and then drank more deeply, surprised by how thirsty I was. I realized I had finished the whole thing when he pushed his glass toward me. WTF? Is this like the movie Secretary where she realizes she's totally into being a subbie?
Ugh, "dazzle?" Really? Awesome, big-girl word right there.
"I don't know if I have a choice anymore." His voice was almost a whisper. "I was wrong - you're much more observant than I gave you credit for."
Yes, because you've had all the subtlety of a Mac truck. You must really think she's an idiot (not really an erroneous opinion though).
WHAT THE HELL?? He admits to fucking TRACKING you to Port Angeles and that's cool? Not "OMG creepy stalker!" in the least??
buttercup31: The vampire confirmation scene in the book is very anti-climatic.
emtqueen85: That's what I've heard.
buttercup31: Glad I'm not the only one.
buttercup31: I'm like...this is it??
buttercup31: "You a vamp?"
buttercup31: "Yeas."
buttercup31: "Cool."
emtqueen85: That's exactly what one of my managers said at work today about when she read the book
"I don't want to be a monster." His voice was very low.
*buttercup31 rolls her eyes...hard*
"It makes me… anxious… to be away from you." His eyes were gentle but intense, and they seemed to
be making my bones turn soft.
...
"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too." I blushed to be saying this out loud.
OMG, AWWWW...frighteningly obsessive love. Hahahahah, what is with those fans?? This is...not what you're looking for.
Edward. Is. Annoying. "OMG, Bella, I LUV you but I shouldn't be near you. I'm dangerous. I don't want to be a monster, but I might eat you. And not in that good way..."
Shut up.
SMeyer harping on Bella's klutziness is just pathetic. She could only see fit to give her one flaw and that's the only thing she has to write about Bella. There is NOTHING else about her...at all. Yet, somehow, in this short time, Edward is "fascinated" by her.
Then there is his constant and incessant harping on her flaw. Every other line out of him is some "joke" about her dying. Then it progressed to dying not in his presence, that he has to keep watch over her to keep her alive and he doesn't want her going this place or that alone. He'd prefer that she stay near him so he can keep tabs to her. This is quickly going down the, "if I can't have you, no one will!" path.
Ugh, in addition, he talks to her like he's her father. "I'd prefer you stay near me." What? Do you want to put me on a leash too?
Emotional abuse...So. Much. Emotional. Abuse.
Okay, man, you're gong to have to fucking sack up and stay away from her. This constant, "you should stay away from me, I'm dangerous," "You shouldn't be alone with me!" Etc. and so forth and leaving the choice up to her is bullshit. You command her in every other way, but about this you leave it up to her? And what incentive have you given her to stay away from you? I mean, we can see the crazy stalker side, but she can't. You've given her no real indication of the danger she is in with you. YOU know the danger she is in, and YOU are the one who wants to protect her from that danger, then YOU need to take charge in the one freaking way you actually should leave her no choice and end this. Dummy.
Oh, look, he agrees with me...yet, still won't do it.
A messy break up is not what he meant by "ends badly," dumbass.
He turned then, with a mocking smile, and I stifled a gasp. His white shirt was sleeveless, and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing clothes. He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was no way this godlike creature could be meant for me.
Why no, no he is not. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT, STUPID.
"I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious."
Wait...what?
"Tell me what you're thinking..."
Okay, I want to give him a pass on saying that so much because he's used to being able to hear anyone's thoughts at any time. But no man ever asks that question, let alone SO FREAKING MUCH.
SPARKLE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
WTF at how she skipped over the reveal and reaction? She just jumps because constructing a proper scene would be way too much work. With all those different adjectives and such.
"I don't scare you?" he asked playfully, but I could hear the real curiosity in his soft voice.
Uhm, you're SPARKLING, MAN! Sparkling is not something that generally strikes terror in the heart of 17-year-old girls.
"As I had just that once before, I smelled his cool breath in my face. Sweet, delicious, the scent made my mouth water. It was unlike anything else. Instinctively, unthinkingly, I leaned closer, inhaling. And he was gone, his hand ripped from mine. In the time it took my eyes to focus, he was twenty feet away, standing at the edge of the small meadow, in the deep shade of a huge fir tree. He stared at me, his eyes dark in the shadows, his expression unreadable. I could feel the hurt and shock on my face. My empty hands stung.
"I'm… sorry… Edward," I whispered. I knew he could hear.
"Give me a moment," he called, just loud enough for my less sensitive ears. I sat very still. "
Hahahahahah, I swear I still laugh like an idiot at this and the real music video! Both brilliant. But I swear this is the first thing I thought when I read that part of the scene.
"How easily frustrated I am," he sighed. I looked into his eyes, abruptly grasping that this was every bit as new to him as it was to me. As many years of unfathomable experience as he had, this was hard for him, too. I took courage from that thought.
So....what? You're telling me he's a century old virgin vampire? Oh...he is...
"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood.
Yikes. That's just...yeah.
...PLEASE. STOP. ASKING. QUESTIONS. So. Many. Questions. It's furtive glances, staring, and questions at this point. [Next up: Inappropriate touching.]
"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and -" He stopped abruptly, looking away.
Way to make it even creepier than it is, man. She's the same age as those "children."
Okay so is he falling in love with her, or is it the scent of her delicious special lady blood that he loves? He's not actually making a distinction.
Nor is she really. Everything about him is meant to draw in prey, yet there is no distinction from those feeding mechanisms and her "love" for him.
"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me."
Awwww...how romantic!!!
"Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." He looked down, ashamed again. "The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable."
....and? What? That's it? There's nothing else about her you're going to miss?
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
"What a stupid lamb," I sighed.
"What a sick, masochistic lion." He stared into the shadowy forest for a long moment, and I wondered where his thoughts had taken him.
Such. Amazing. Dialogue.
Okay, what the hell is with the italicization in this book? You don't need to continually lead the audience into whatever words you want emphasized. Especially since 9 times out of 10 the WRONG word was italicized. Or was that just me? It was even more of an awkward read behind that mess.
So...are they going to do everything but kiss? It's kind of annoying.
I never would have been able to have such a serious conversation about how dangerous he is and how he wanted to KILL me so hard while he was sitting there sparkling. I'd be laughing like,"I'm sorry, dude, I just can't take you seriously when you're fucking sparkling like that!"
Right...he feels like stone...GOT IT. Jaysus.
Ick. HIM BREAKING IN TO YOUR HOUSE AND SPYING ON YOU AT NIGHT IS NOT FLATTERING!!!
And the normal boys were just so annoying...
He sat up slowly, so as not to startle me again. Then he leaned forward and reached out with his long arms to pick me up, gripping the tops of my arms like I was a toddler. He sat me on the bed beside him. "Why don't you sit with me," he suggested, putting a cold hand on mine.
*shudder* CREE. PY.
"Thank you." He smiled. "You see," he continued, looking down now, "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" He picked up one of my hands and pressed it lightly to his face. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome" - he breathed in the scent at my wrist - "I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…"
It's awesome that he took her to a desolate meadow in the middle of the forrest to figure that out. And even better that she doesn't care!
"For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."
...ew?
Okay, she needs to tell him to stop smelling her neck. It's disconcerting.
Is she using "marriage" as a euphemism for "sex" here?
I'm confused.
"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." His voice had become just a soft murmur. He moved his icy palm to rest it against my cheek. "If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."
Oh, I guess that would be a "yes," then. Hahahahahahaha, nice sexy talk!
Good Lord, you can't have a good moment in this book pass without it getting super fucking creepy again.
"He threw me over his stone shoulder, gently, but with a swiftness that left me breathless. I protested as he carried me easily down the stairs, but he ignored me. He sat me right side up on a chair."
Yeah...no. Not okay.
See, that's another problem with the first-person narrative. A lot of action is happening elsewhere but we're still with the narrator's perspective and she's about to die. Much less interesting than a vampire getting torn to shreds and set on fire.
So there are how many vampires in the room and Edward (the one who is about to kill her at any time for her extra-tasty-to-him, delicious lady blood) is the only one who could suck out the venom?? Wut?
And where the hell is it possible to fall down two flights of stairs through a window??
"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose." I was getting better at this. It was easy to admit how much I needed him.
Yeah, okay, but that is obviously not true as you were just willing to get eviscerated by a vampire to save your mother. Idiot.
Oh my God. He "surprised" you with the prom (you were wearing chiffon, where the fuck did you think you were going?) and that's worth crying and throwing a tantrum? SERIOUSLY? You know, as bad as I think abuse is, she sometimes makes me wish that he'd haul off and backhand her.
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Well...that was interesting. I don't know. Not the worst trash novel out there, but it is just that...a trash novel. I eternally worry about the people who think this is great literature. That is...frightening. I don't think I've ever asked the question "what??" so much in my life reading this book (and I just finished torts class). I felt like it was at least once every page. "Hahahahaha....what?" or "Wait...what??" The start of the book read like exceptionally bad fanfic (I was about ready to quit in that first chapter), then it rose to not good fanfic, then generic fanfic, and finally leveled out at slightly better than fanfic (much less spelling and grammar errors than usual fanfic, but not absent either). I have to say that I did kind of like the climax (as you see the commentary was sparse because I was into it), but then it got exceedingly generic. "OMG, I have your moms!" "OH NOES! I'll slip away and not tell anyone, not even make a call to my mom to verify, and get dead because I believe you have my moms!"
I swear to God Bella is the biggest, fucking idiot. If she wasn't throwing a tantrum and slamming doors, or being oddly subservient, she was doing something incredibly stupid. She's as stupid a character as Rachel Dawes in The Dark Knight. Well, maybe slightly better as she seems to be able to work the sarcasm once in awhile. She's a very one dimensional character. She's supposed to be plain but all the guys There's Something About Mary her. She constantly throws juvenile tantrums, but she really only has one flaw: being an interminable klutz and combining that with stupid actions that almost gets her killed on a regular basis. I'm not sure how I feel about her fervent desire to become a vampire now. I guess I'm not so disturbed by her wanting to become one as it's kind of the only way this "forever" thing they keep talking about is actually going to be a reality, and it's a plot advancer that kind of has to come (or is it because I already know it comes?). What really bugs me is how easily she wants to shed her parents. Especially since she made a big show of acting like a petulant child toward the people trying to save her life because it would leave her parents unprotected. Get some consistency.
On a similar note, all the females in this book, aside from the vampiric females, seemed to be blathering idiots. Since all the boys at Forks High fall for Ms. Swan, all the girls are jealous nitwits. And her mother...it is more important to traipse after the new husband than to stay with her still underage daughter? She only had a year until she was out of the house anyway.
Edward...that is just...yeah. I wanted to be okay with the whole love story/romance. Some of it could have been really cute, but like I said before, a good moment could not pass without it getting so very creepy. And I'm not into self-loathing vampires. I didn't accept it from Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire and I'm not feeling it now. SMeyer's mythology really sucks. The only thing I like is that some of them have advanced powers the others don't have. Otherwise...yikes. ESPECIALLY THE SPARKING! WHAT UP WITH THE SPARKLING, MAN?! Ugh. And while I don't think his abuse rose to the level that some people said it did, it was still not good. He's the only man that will ever be able to save her, keep her safe...love her. He didn't outright say that, but he didn't have to. That's what emotional abuse is. It's insidious. There's a big difference between harmless jokes. All couples have them, but he takes it too far. Up until they finally say they love each other all he does is answer questions and make fun of her in every way. Then once they did, it was answering questions, saying "I love you," actually...no, at first he was saying "you are my life now" and then finally got to "I love you," and making fun of her in every way. This is the primary reason why I'm so disturbed that this is considered "young adult" reading and so many kids are obsessed with it. They might be old enough to handle the rest of the themes (throughout the rest of the books), but I doubt they understand emotional abuse, it's effects, and how it progresses. I have seen so many LJ icons and FB flare asking, "where is my Edward Cullen?" THAT IS A PROBLEM.
All in all, I can see where people get addicted. Hell, it only took me a week to read, during finals, and mostly on the bus to and from school. I just don't understand how it has become so ubiquitous. People act like this is some kind of paragon of writing and storytelling, it really is not. At most it should have been blip on the Harlequin radar.
Oh well, on to the next one. This mess gets so much worse, I can't stop reading now. Only part of the "OMFG, WUT!?!"s came from the first book.
The following is just me responding to certain quotes and making commentary throughout the book (some of it in AIM chats with my sister). I do a sort of formal review at the end.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ugh, it's in the first person. I can already tell it's going to be a great book.
buttercup31: "Her hair was a deep black..."
buttercup31: Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that?
emtqueen85: How can anything be a "deep black?"
emtqueen85: Either it's black or it's not.
buttercup31: THANK YOU
emtqueen85: There are no shades of black.
buttercup31: Just wanted to make sure that I wasn't crazy in thinking that was a stupid fucking description.
buttercup31: It's not like you can have light black.
buttercup31: That's called "gray."
emtqueen85: Yeah
emtqueen85: I was just about to say that
He was arguing with her in a low attractive voice.
What does that even mean? "Attractive voice?"
Okay, so if he can smell Bella so strongly, why does he not smell her as soon as she walks into the office? Hell, he should have had her scent as she was coming up the hall. But she was able to stand behind him for how long until someone else walked in the office kicking up wind that would have been present as she was walking in as well? That makes sense.
"He was so mean. It wasn't fair."
Mature, Bella. Really mature.
Edward has a musical voice...okay...
Edward: A mystery, wrapped in a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in...sparkles?
See, this is one of the problems with writing in the first person. You can't have her describing what Edward is wearing in one scene, because that is what literature dictates, and then have her say that she has never really noticed what he wears a few chapters later. Pay attention to what you're writing.
The rain continued heavily, though, and the weeks passed.
Uh...nice transition.
I couldn't allow him to have this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy.
Well, at least she was marginally self-aware for a minute.
Today I was worse than usual because my head was so filled with Edward.
A good placeholder for...intelligence, no?
"For not just letting that stupid van squish me."
SUPERFLUOUS WORDS ARE SUPERFLUOUS.
"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted.
"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full - of butterflies.
Hahahah...what?
buttercup31: Frig, can't wait to watch the whole [Twilight Movie]. Is it weird I am so obsessed with this shit because it is so bad?
emtqueen85: You're like the opposite of the Twilight fans
buttercup31: Awesome.
emtqueen85: Hahahahaha
Ugh, for real, the reason why the entire movie is nothing but these two staring at each other is because THE BOOK IS NOTHING BUT FURTIVE GLANCES AND STARING!!!!
buttercup31: Once you get over the hump of the first chapter it gets much easier to wade through the piss poor writing.
buttercup31: Okay, is there a difference between reddish-brown/auburn and bronze?
emtqueen85: Bronze is more on the blonde side, I think, if we're talking hair.
buttercup31: Yeah, we are.
buttercup31: And yeah, that's what I thought.
buttercup31: So how does his hair go from being reddish-brown to bronze in the course of two pages?
emtqueen85: BECAUSE HE'S A SPARKLY VAMPIRE AND THAT'S PART OF THEIR SPARKLY POWERS, TO CHANGE THEIR HAIR COLOR IN THE SAME SCENE
buttercup31: grrrrrrr
"I know." He smiled again, and then he changed the subject. "I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you."
"They'll survive." I could feel their stares boring into my back.
"I may not give you back, though," he said with a wicked glint in his eyes.
Click to viewExecuted properly that could have been cute. Here, it's just creepy as fuck. I seriously had this scene from Will & Grace in my head throughout so much of the book!
This book is like a joke that never gets to the punch line. You see where this could be going but it is so badly written that you're left unsatisfied. Must find good romance/fantasy/thriller for when I'm done reading these.
For christ's sake, this woman needs a thesaurus!!! She uses the exact same adjectives over and over and over, and EVERY FUCKING TIME she's describing the same thing.
We get it, he has a "perfect" face/is "perfect" in every way.
His eyes are "deep gold/butterscotch."
Christ alive.
And for the love of all that is holy HE'S EDWARD - FUCKING - CULLEN. WE GET IT. STOP SAYING EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!
He's the only Edward in the damn book, why must he be Edward Cullen in almost every single reference?
As adults we don't introduce ourselves by first and last name usually, why is this "teenage" boy?
emtqueen85: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/30592922.html?thread=4026623642#t4026623642
emtqueen85: HAH!
buttercup31: Hahahha, I was laughing so hard at that in twilight_sucks earlier today.
buttercup31: OMG, I'M A KILLER, BELLA, STAY AWAY FROM ME FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!!!!!!!!!!
buttercup31: aaaahaha
emtqueen85: I LOVE YOU BUT I'M GOING TO IGNORE YOU AND TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP
buttercup31: OMG HE'S TREATING ME LIKE CRAP!!!! WHY IS HE SO MEAN?? IT ISN'T FAIR!!! WHAT DID I DO??? OMG, I CAN'T EAT BECAUSE HE'S SO MEAN TO ME!!! IF HE GOES TO CLASS I'M GOING TO DITCH NAO! OMG, WILL HE BE AT LUNCH, WILL HE BE MEAN-FACE TO ME? OH, LOOK, HE'S NOT HERE, I CAN RELAX. AWWWW, NOW I'M DISAPPOINTED AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
buttercup31: "You're dangerous?" I guessed, my pulse quickening as I intuitively realized the truth of my own words. He was dangerous. He'd been trying to tell me that all along.
emtqueen85: *headdesk*
buttercup31: No, because he told you like 35 times that he would be a bad friend for you and that he was trying to stay away from you and you should stay away from him???
buttercup31: She would be one of those people who gets faint around blood.
emtqueen85: Of course.
buttercup31: She is going to make like the worst vampire ever.
buttercup31: Ugh, if he gives her one more command without her response being, "bitch, I'll cut you." I might scream.
emtqueen85: Find a muffler
buttercup31: "How old are you, Bella?" His voice sounded frustrated for some reason I couldn't imagine.
buttercup31: I can...
emtqueen85: Hahaha
buttercup31: God, she is such a brat.
She wants information so she shamelessly "flirts" with a 15-year-old? Nice. She's female, that's how we do, right?
"I mostly worked on my essay." I didn't add that I was finished with it - no need to sound smug.
He hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Oh yeah - that's due Thursday, right?"
"Um, Wednesday, I think."
"Wednesday?" He frowned. "That's not good… What are you writing yours on?"
"Whether Shakespeare's treatment of the female characters is misogynistic."
HAH! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Ahhhhh
God, her life practically ends because he's not in school? WTF?
Really with all the klutziness? We get the point, she has A "flaw."
Does SMeyer know what cut-offs are? Or do I not know?
I did like this line: "I wasn't going out without taking someone with me." That's my motto!
Okay, note to authors: rape scenes (or the hint thereof) are passe as plot advancers. Especially when it's a bunch of black men (or am I the only one who read that into every reference of "dark-haired man"??) on a little white girl, and especially when it is all in an effort to have an "OMG MY MAYUN SAVED ME!!" moment.
"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella."
Uh huh...
"I wanted nothing more than to be alone with my perpetual savior."
...that is a great way to start a relationship.
And why is she so comfortable being commanded around by this guy?
"I think you should eat something." Edward's voice was low, but full of authority. Oh really?
"He walked to the door of the restaurant and held it open with an obstinate expression. Obviously, there
would be no further discussion." Uhm, 'kay?
"Drink," he ordered. I sipped at my soda obediently, and then drank more deeply, surprised by how thirsty I was. I realized I had finished the whole thing when he pushed his glass toward me. WTF? Is this like the movie Secretary where she realizes she's totally into being a subbie?
Ugh, "dazzle?" Really? Awesome, big-girl word right there.
"I don't know if I have a choice anymore." His voice was almost a whisper. "I was wrong - you're much more observant than I gave you credit for."
Yes, because you've had all the subtlety of a Mac truck. You must really think she's an idiot (not really an erroneous opinion though).
WHAT THE HELL?? He admits to fucking TRACKING you to Port Angeles and that's cool? Not "OMG creepy stalker!" in the least??
buttercup31: The vampire confirmation scene in the book is very anti-climatic.
emtqueen85: That's what I've heard.
buttercup31: Glad I'm not the only one.
buttercup31: I'm like...this is it??
buttercup31: "You a vamp?"
buttercup31: "Yeas."
buttercup31: "Cool."
emtqueen85: That's exactly what one of my managers said at work today about when she read the book
"I don't want to be a monster." His voice was very low.
*buttercup31 rolls her eyes...hard*
"It makes me… anxious… to be away from you." His eyes were gentle but intense, and they seemed to
be making my bones turn soft.
...
"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too." I blushed to be saying this out loud.
OMG, AWWWW...frighteningly obsessive love. Hahahahah, what is with those fans?? This is...not what you're looking for.
Edward. Is. Annoying. "OMG, Bella, I LUV you but I shouldn't be near you. I'm dangerous. I don't want to be a monster, but I might eat you. And not in that good way..."
Shut up.
SMeyer harping on Bella's klutziness is just pathetic. She could only see fit to give her one flaw and that's the only thing she has to write about Bella. There is NOTHING else about her...at all. Yet, somehow, in this short time, Edward is "fascinated" by her.
Then there is his constant and incessant harping on her flaw. Every other line out of him is some "joke" about her dying. Then it progressed to dying not in his presence, that he has to keep watch over her to keep her alive and he doesn't want her going this place or that alone. He'd prefer that she stay near him so he can keep tabs to her. This is quickly going down the, "if I can't have you, no one will!" path.
Ugh, in addition, he talks to her like he's her father. "I'd prefer you stay near me." What? Do you want to put me on a leash too?
Emotional abuse...So. Much. Emotional. Abuse.
Okay, man, you're gong to have to fucking sack up and stay away from her. This constant, "you should stay away from me, I'm dangerous," "You shouldn't be alone with me!" Etc. and so forth and leaving the choice up to her is bullshit. You command her in every other way, but about this you leave it up to her? And what incentive have you given her to stay away from you? I mean, we can see the crazy stalker side, but she can't. You've given her no real indication of the danger she is in with you. YOU know the danger she is in, and YOU are the one who wants to protect her from that danger, then YOU need to take charge in the one freaking way you actually should leave her no choice and end this. Dummy.
Oh, look, he agrees with me...yet, still won't do it.
A messy break up is not what he meant by "ends badly," dumbass.
He turned then, with a mocking smile, and I stifled a gasp. His white shirt was sleeveless, and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing clothes. He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was no way this godlike creature could be meant for me.
Why no, no he is not. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT, STUPID.
"I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious."
Wait...what?
"Tell me what you're thinking..."
Okay, I want to give him a pass on saying that so much because he's used to being able to hear anyone's thoughts at any time. But no man ever asks that question, let alone SO FREAKING MUCH.
SPARKLE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
WTF at how she skipped over the reveal and reaction? She just jumps because constructing a proper scene would be way too much work. With all those different adjectives and such.
"I don't scare you?" he asked playfully, but I could hear the real curiosity in his soft voice.
Uhm, you're SPARKLING, MAN! Sparkling is not something that generally strikes terror in the heart of 17-year-old girls.
"As I had just that once before, I smelled his cool breath in my face. Sweet, delicious, the scent made my mouth water. It was unlike anything else. Instinctively, unthinkingly, I leaned closer, inhaling. And he was gone, his hand ripped from mine. In the time it took my eyes to focus, he was twenty feet away, standing at the edge of the small meadow, in the deep shade of a huge fir tree. He stared at me, his eyes dark in the shadows, his expression unreadable. I could feel the hurt and shock on my face. My empty hands stung.
"I'm… sorry… Edward," I whispered. I knew he could hear.
"Give me a moment," he called, just loud enough for my less sensitive ears. I sat very still. "
Hahahahahah, I swear I still laugh like an idiot at this and the real music video! Both brilliant. But I swear this is the first thing I thought when I read that part of the scene.
"How easily frustrated I am," he sighed. I looked into his eyes, abruptly grasping that this was every bit as new to him as it was to me. As many years of unfathomable experience as he had, this was hard for him, too. I took courage from that thought.
So....what? You're telling me he's a century old virgin vampire? Oh...he is...
"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood.
Yikes. That's just...yeah.
...PLEASE. STOP. ASKING. QUESTIONS. So. Many. Questions. It's furtive glances, staring, and questions at this point. [Next up: Inappropriate touching.]
"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and -" He stopped abruptly, looking away.
Way to make it even creepier than it is, man. She's the same age as those "children."
Okay so is he falling in love with her, or is it the scent of her delicious special lady blood that he loves? He's not actually making a distinction.
Nor is she really. Everything about him is meant to draw in prey, yet there is no distinction from those feeding mechanisms and her "love" for him.
"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me."
Awwww...how romantic!!!
"Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." He looked down, ashamed again. "The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable."
....and? What? That's it? There's nothing else about her you're going to miss?
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
"What a stupid lamb," I sighed.
"What a sick, masochistic lion." He stared into the shadowy forest for a long moment, and I wondered where his thoughts had taken him.
Such. Amazing. Dialogue.
Okay, what the hell is with the italicization in this book? You don't need to continually lead the audience into whatever words you want emphasized. Especially since 9 times out of 10 the WRONG word was italicized. Or was that just me? It was even more of an awkward read behind that mess.
So...are they going to do everything but kiss? It's kind of annoying.
I never would have been able to have such a serious conversation about how dangerous he is and how he wanted to KILL me so hard while he was sitting there sparkling. I'd be laughing like,"I'm sorry, dude, I just can't take you seriously when you're fucking sparkling like that!"
Right...he feels like stone...GOT IT. Jaysus.
Ick. HIM BREAKING IN TO YOUR HOUSE AND SPYING ON YOU AT NIGHT IS NOT FLATTERING!!!
And the normal boys were just so annoying...
He sat up slowly, so as not to startle me again. Then he leaned forward and reached out with his long arms to pick me up, gripping the tops of my arms like I was a toddler. He sat me on the bed beside him. "Why don't you sit with me," he suggested, putting a cold hand on mine.
*shudder* CREE. PY.
"Thank you." He smiled. "You see," he continued, looking down now, "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" He picked up one of my hands and pressed it lightly to his face. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome" - he breathed in the scent at my wrist - "I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…"
It's awesome that he took her to a desolate meadow in the middle of the forrest to figure that out. And even better that she doesn't care!
"For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."
...ew?
Okay, she needs to tell him to stop smelling her neck. It's disconcerting.
Is she using "marriage" as a euphemism for "sex" here?
I'm confused.
"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." His voice had become just a soft murmur. He moved his icy palm to rest it against my cheek. "If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."
Oh, I guess that would be a "yes," then. Hahahahahahaha, nice sexy talk!
Good Lord, you can't have a good moment in this book pass without it getting super fucking creepy again.
"He threw me over his stone shoulder, gently, but with a swiftness that left me breathless. I protested as he carried me easily down the stairs, but he ignored me. He sat me right side up on a chair."
Yeah...no. Not okay.
See, that's another problem with the first-person narrative. A lot of action is happening elsewhere but we're still with the narrator's perspective and she's about to die. Much less interesting than a vampire getting torn to shreds and set on fire.
So there are how many vampires in the room and Edward (the one who is about to kill her at any time for her extra-tasty-to-him, delicious lady blood) is the only one who could suck out the venom?? Wut?
And where the hell is it possible to fall down two flights of stairs through a window??
"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose." I was getting better at this. It was easy to admit how much I needed him.
Yeah, okay, but that is obviously not true as you were just willing to get eviscerated by a vampire to save your mother. Idiot.
Oh my God. He "surprised" you with the prom (you were wearing chiffon, where the fuck did you think you were going?) and that's worth crying and throwing a tantrum? SERIOUSLY? You know, as bad as I think abuse is, she sometimes makes me wish that he'd haul off and backhand her.
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Well...that was interesting. I don't know. Not the worst trash novel out there, but it is just that...a trash novel. I eternally worry about the people who think this is great literature. That is...frightening. I don't think I've ever asked the question "what??" so much in my life reading this book (and I just finished torts class). I felt like it was at least once every page. "Hahahahaha....what?" or "Wait...what??" The start of the book read like exceptionally bad fanfic (I was about ready to quit in that first chapter), then it rose to not good fanfic, then generic fanfic, and finally leveled out at slightly better than fanfic (much less spelling and grammar errors than usual fanfic, but not absent either). I have to say that I did kind of like the climax (as you see the commentary was sparse because I was into it), but then it got exceedingly generic. "OMG, I have your moms!" "OH NOES! I'll slip away and not tell anyone, not even make a call to my mom to verify, and get dead because I believe you have my moms!"
I swear to God Bella is the biggest, fucking idiot. If she wasn't throwing a tantrum and slamming doors, or being oddly subservient, she was doing something incredibly stupid. She's as stupid a character as Rachel Dawes in The Dark Knight. Well, maybe slightly better as she seems to be able to work the sarcasm once in awhile. She's a very one dimensional character. She's supposed to be plain but all the guys There's Something About Mary her. She constantly throws juvenile tantrums, but she really only has one flaw: being an interminable klutz and combining that with stupid actions that almost gets her killed on a regular basis. I'm not sure how I feel about her fervent desire to become a vampire now. I guess I'm not so disturbed by her wanting to become one as it's kind of the only way this "forever" thing they keep talking about is actually going to be a reality, and it's a plot advancer that kind of has to come (or is it because I already know it comes?). What really bugs me is how easily she wants to shed her parents. Especially since she made a big show of acting like a petulant child toward the people trying to save her life because it would leave her parents unprotected. Get some consistency.
On a similar note, all the females in this book, aside from the vampiric females, seemed to be blathering idiots. Since all the boys at Forks High fall for Ms. Swan, all the girls are jealous nitwits. And her mother...it is more important to traipse after the new husband than to stay with her still underage daughter? She only had a year until she was out of the house anyway.
Edward...that is just...yeah. I wanted to be okay with the whole love story/romance. Some of it could have been really cute, but like I said before, a good moment could not pass without it getting so very creepy. And I'm not into self-loathing vampires. I didn't accept it from Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire and I'm not feeling it now. SMeyer's mythology really sucks. The only thing I like is that some of them have advanced powers the others don't have. Otherwise...yikes. ESPECIALLY THE SPARKING! WHAT UP WITH THE SPARKLING, MAN?! Ugh. And while I don't think his abuse rose to the level that some people said it did, it was still not good. He's the only man that will ever be able to save her, keep her safe...love her. He didn't outright say that, but he didn't have to. That's what emotional abuse is. It's insidious. There's a big difference between harmless jokes. All couples have them, but he takes it too far. Up until they finally say they love each other all he does is answer questions and make fun of her in every way. Then once they did, it was answering questions, saying "I love you," actually...no, at first he was saying "you are my life now" and then finally got to "I love you," and making fun of her in every way. This is the primary reason why I'm so disturbed that this is considered "young adult" reading and so many kids are obsessed with it. They might be old enough to handle the rest of the themes (throughout the rest of the books), but I doubt they understand emotional abuse, it's effects, and how it progresses. I have seen so many LJ icons and FB flare asking, "where is my Edward Cullen?" THAT IS A PROBLEM.
All in all, I can see where people get addicted. Hell, it only took me a week to read, during finals, and mostly on the bus to and from school. I just don't understand how it has become so ubiquitous. People act like this is some kind of paragon of writing and storytelling, it really is not. At most it should have been blip on the Harlequin radar.
Oh well, on to the next one. This mess gets so much worse, I can't stop reading now. Only part of the "OMFG, WUT!?!"s came from the first book.