Dilemmas and Complaints...
Ok... my first complaint is the awful heat here in my room. It is three in the morning and my window is open but we are roasting in here. I have been roasting all day, and since I got back from the city, it has been the worst. We were supposed to get air conditioning in the dorms today but that obviously never happened.
I did go to the city today and I went shopping. It was a lot of fun and I think I have some cute clothes to wear. I just need a few little items to make the outfits work... also known as a camisole because my white shirt... yeah... you can really see straight through it.
Another dilemma is about school ending so very soon. I can't believe it. And my dad is going to be leaving early Tuesday to come here and pick me up... which really means that I need to take medicine to get rid of my cold because he has promised to beat me profusely about the head and shoulders if I don't. He won't because he loves me but I do want to get better. I have been sniffling all day and it is really getting on my nerves. Also, it continues to make eating very interesting because you are trying to chew and breathe through your mouth all at the same time.
Anyway, my main dilemma, and part of the reason that I am still up (besides the awful heat which is very hard to go to sleep in) has to deal with my latest entry. My friends who drank last night caught the harsh side of my temper and I was very rude. I am not sure if I regret it but I was very mean. I even told them that I would have to reconsider if we were actually friends. And while I would never give up that friendship, and I hope they know that, I did feel betrayed by it. I thought they were different from everyone else, like I am. I know I am different and I thought my friends were too. Finding out that they are not, that they are normal college kids was hard for me. Whether right or wrong, this is how I felt. I found this out and suddenly, my world is not the same. It was harsh and so my tongue was harsh as well (or rather my words because I couldn't actually talk to them, to my regret). I talked to my mother and she pointed out that I am different and cannot expect my friends to be different as well. But I did, and that was the problem. Now, I need to re-evaluate things and who the people around me are. My friends lost my respect or part of it last night, just as those of my friends who have done this before. The funny thing is that I don't mind so much when it is the people here at my new school. They are my friends and I hold them in high regard and I am not approving of their similar actions but just a little while ago, I was laughing with a friend who is obviously tipsy. She is very amusing and I feel no change or betrayal from her actions, as I did with my home friends this morning. Is it because I have known them for so much longer and came to the idea that since they didn't do this in high school, they would not in college?? I am not sure but it is the only tie I can see. I honestly don't know exactly what to do at this point. I know part of it is to truly realize that my friends are just like everyone else... I am the one who is different and I alone am different. Does that make me alone?? I hope not. I can see them wanting to go drinking in the future and me being the only one not to. What a lonely place to be. I hope I will get used to being alone... it seems to be my place in life. I am off now... off to sleep and to dream and to sort through my various dilemmas. Later...
I did go to the city today and I went shopping. It was a lot of fun and I think I have some cute clothes to wear. I just need a few little items to make the outfits work... also known as a camisole because my white shirt... yeah... you can really see straight through it.
Another dilemma is about school ending so very soon. I can't believe it. And my dad is going to be leaving early Tuesday to come here and pick me up... which really means that I need to take medicine to get rid of my cold because he has promised to beat me profusely about the head and shoulders if I don't. He won't because he loves me but I do want to get better. I have been sniffling all day and it is really getting on my nerves. Also, it continues to make eating very interesting because you are trying to chew and breathe through your mouth all at the same time.
Anyway, my main dilemma, and part of the reason that I am still up (besides the awful heat which is very hard to go to sleep in) has to deal with my latest entry. My friends who drank last night caught the harsh side of my temper and I was very rude. I am not sure if I regret it but I was very mean. I even told them that I would have to reconsider if we were actually friends. And while I would never give up that friendship, and I hope they know that, I did feel betrayed by it. I thought they were different from everyone else, like I am. I know I am different and I thought my friends were too. Finding out that they are not, that they are normal college kids was hard for me. Whether right or wrong, this is how I felt. I found this out and suddenly, my world is not the same. It was harsh and so my tongue was harsh as well (or rather my words because I couldn't actually talk to them, to my regret). I talked to my mother and she pointed out that I am different and cannot expect my friends to be different as well. But I did, and that was the problem. Now, I need to re-evaluate things and who the people around me are. My friends lost my respect or part of it last night, just as those of my friends who have done this before. The funny thing is that I don't mind so much when it is the people here at my new school. They are my friends and I hold them in high regard and I am not approving of their similar actions but just a little while ago, I was laughing with a friend who is obviously tipsy. She is very amusing and I feel no change or betrayal from her actions, as I did with my home friends this morning. Is it because I have known them for so much longer and came to the idea that since they didn't do this in high school, they would not in college?? I am not sure but it is the only tie I can see. I honestly don't know exactly what to do at this point. I know part of it is to truly realize that my friends are just like everyone else... I am the one who is different and I alone am different. Does that make me alone?? I hope not. I can see them wanting to go drinking in the future and me being the only one not to. What a lonely place to be. I hope I will get used to being alone... it seems to be my place in life. I am off now... off to sleep and to dream and to sort through my various dilemmas. Later...