Hahahahaha
Want to know something fucked up?
Good, I'll tell you. Somehow, despite being careful as shit motherfuckers this past month after last months baby fiasco, I am fucking pregnant.
Pregnant.
PREGNANT.
AGAIN.
I feel awful and inconsistent and foolish and tired of everything.
Chance and I talked all day about it. For a few hours he was entertaining the idea of keeping it, it seemed like we were leaning that way. Then he got on the phone with his sister, stood 6 feet away from me and talked about how he absolutely wanted nothing to do with having a baby right now.
Haaa. I hadn't even been considering it as an option until we talked about it and he said he was open to it. Then the more we talked about it, the more I realized that's what I wanted.
Then at the end of the night, it was a resolute, "No" and now I definitely have to have an abortion that I'm not even sure I want but fuck if I'm going to force Chance into fatherhood right now when he wants nothing to do with it.
He wants a baby in two years. So fuck it.
In two years we can make another baby that he'll actually want and I'll try to not spend most of my time until then mourning this one.
I feel like I should just delete myself with the baby.
I can't cope right now.
//.Stardust
[It had been more of a wish, actually but it sounded better to call it a dream. Everyone knew that dreams were prophetic]
Good, I'll tell you. Somehow, despite being careful as shit motherfuckers this past month after last months baby fiasco, I am fucking pregnant.
Pregnant.
PREGNANT.
AGAIN.
I feel awful and inconsistent and foolish and tired of everything.
Chance and I talked all day about it. For a few hours he was entertaining the idea of keeping it, it seemed like we were leaning that way. Then he got on the phone with his sister, stood 6 feet away from me and talked about how he absolutely wanted nothing to do with having a baby right now.
Haaa. I hadn't even been considering it as an option until we talked about it and he said he was open to it. Then the more we talked about it, the more I realized that's what I wanted.
Then at the end of the night, it was a resolute, "No" and now I definitely have to have an abortion that I'm not even sure I want but fuck if I'm going to force Chance into fatherhood right now when he wants nothing to do with it.
He wants a baby in two years. So fuck it.
In two years we can make another baby that he'll actually want and I'll try to not spend most of my time until then mourning this one.
I feel like I should just delete myself with the baby.
I can't cope right now.
//.Stardust
[It had been more of a wish, actually but it sounded better to call it a dream. Everyone knew that dreams were prophetic]