I woke up this morning to MORE FUCKING CATS than I really have the capacity to care about. Some bitch shat 'em out and decided to raise them in my goddamn house, like, hell, there's probably safer places to live in a nuclear power plant, but the dumb shits decided on my place. Shit ( Read more... )

Who walked a crooked mile.
He found a crooked sixpence
Against a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat
Which caught a crooked mouse,
And they all lived together
In a crooked little house."

Y'all, I don't even got a preamble rant today, all I got to say is I am so excited about ( Read more... )

"At my door, door, door.

He grabbed me by the collar,
He made me pay a dollar,

I don't want to go to Mexico
No more, more, more."

Thanks for covering my ass for parole and greasing the wheels of the American justice system and shit, Ed. I really owe you, son.

So. Apparently, kidnapping them little pocket-sized motherfuckers is ( Read more... )

"As pretty as I can be.
And all the boys in the neighborhood
Are crazy over me!"

Oh Lord. Anybody remember that crazy publicist I hired a few years back when I was presumably retarded or blasted out of my right mind? Them pictures are still floating around the internet! Like, fucking Lord, I thought I got rid of all that bullshit but noooo, I Goggled ( Read more... )

FUCKING SHIIIIIIT. MOTHER FUCKING GODDAMN SHIT ASS PINCHER BUG PINCHED MY SHIT. AW LORD I AM GONNA DIE OH JESUS OH SHIT MOTHER FUCKER.
I AM GONNA FUCKING DIE GODDAMNIT AND I JUST FUCKING GOT HERE.


( Read more... )

Great, sure, that’s a great idea. Let’s all ditch Gotham and leave Crane to deal with the Bat! -No really, I don’t mind, I’ll just get busted hard with my pants around my ankles and do a little dance with the Batman and end up in fucking traction for a week, and holed up in Arhkam probably, like, for-fucking-ever.

Jesus H. Thanks a shit. load, y’ ( Read more... )