The Doctor is IN.

[but_fearitself]

Hey, y'all, long time no see, and I do apologize about that-- I been busier than a fucking one-legged man in an asskicking contest, like y'all don't even know-- Halloween and all that, which I'll tell y'all all about a little later, and some private business of mine that I very well may never talk about because it involved riding around with a

Comments

[loar5]

Oh man, I've got so many things

Ehh, I'm ftm transgendered- I think? I'm not certain at all, which is really bothering me. And I've got some extreme phobia of vaginas, which I might be confusing for gender identity issues- but then again, I like being treated as a male and I think it fits me, and I really hate my body now

Also, I'm incredibly shy- I mean, I'm scared to go up to the cashier because I don't want to embarrass myself. And I barely post on the internet for the same reason (except now, but I bet I'm gonna regret this later). I'm getting a bit better, but seriously, it's still ridiculous. I've got incredibly low self-esteem (which I don't really mind, but everybody else says it's a problem!). And I'm really interested in bdsm, but I think I might be more interested in 'abusive' than 'bdsm', which is a little worrisome

hmmm, maybe I should've talked to you more than once before telling you my life story .-.

[mellifluous_ink]

I would definitely agree that you should work out and work past the phobia and body-hate before deciding it's a gender issue. Even if one is trans, it is still completely possible to love one's body. Gender doesn't have anything to do with how you look--not enough for it to 'fix' your body-image issues if you change gender.

Low self-esteem is a problem because it means you think you are of low worth and that you do not respect yourself. And not respecting yourself is probably the most unhealthy thing in the world. It makes sense that, being of low self-esteem, you would be interested in abusive partners. Possibly you think you are a 'fuck up' or something similar, and need to be punished for perceived wrongdoing that no one is punishing you for. To this end, I would strongly suggest you do not look for a partner until you love yoruself. If you don't, you are going to just compound your issues and possibly get yourself permanently scarred, whether physically or mentally.

I'm speaking from experience, here, on all counts.

[loar5]

That's actually the most insightful advice I've ever gotten! Thank you! :D

It sounds stupid, but I still don't see the problem with my having low self-esteem... I mean, it's basically my defining character trait. ^^; And it makes me want to improve! But if it led to all my other things, then I guess I'll start trying to get better. .__.
Urgh, I don't even know how to start working on body-image and all that.

Thank you again! I know I don't have it that bad, but it's still nice to rant, and even nicer to have people actually listen :)

[mellifluous_ink]

Let me put it this way: when you don't respect someone, do you want to take care of them? Low self-esteem is not a 'defining character trait', it is a natural problem encountered by most people at some point in their lives, when they are learning that they are individuals. It's a response to the newness of realising one is an individual, and the fear that comes with venturing out of the nest and trying to find a place to fit in larger human society

[loar5]

Oh! I get what you mean
I... guess I really have to start working on my self-image. Urgh!
...I really wish I could say more, especially since you put so much thought into your replies, but I'm awful with words... ._.