the men in my life...
...for some reason take up more space in my head than they need to. the only females that take up that much room are the GB (including the grand mini) and Amy. She's the sister i wished for all my life. then there is my newest little man. who will take precedence above all others, no question.
back to the grown men.
baby daddy is a post unto himself, and i am not ready to break the dam on that one.
the fabulous five: i miss them-as a whole- so much. static sun. static sun minus one. and any incarnarition thereof. my boys..who reminded me that i am more than mom, boss. definitely not cut out to be suzie homemaker.
they've since scattered in the wind, but the three- my mind, heart and soul- are still very much present in my life. still reminding me that aside from all the hats i wear, i am still a person. still a woman. and those three are the only ones that can see through the wall i try so hard to keep solid.
except there's another one that snuck up on me. who knew? you will forever be in my heart, i dunno how you put that crack there, but you did thank you for being you. i'd be happy for you to meet the rest of my guys someday...
::sigh::
don't know where i was headed with this... seems to happen when i work from stream of consiousness. free writing sometimes tells you things about yourself that you don't even want to know.
and i have discovered that i feel owned, consumed (but not stalkerish) and powerless to stop or control that. so it becomes an exercise in self control daily. helps with the other areas i need control in, but i dunno how to get past it in the other. so that it's clear for those involved.