trainwreck.
it's the only acceptable word for me right now.
overemotional and almost missed the birth of another grandbaby. feeling like i need to look into other career choices. i love my job, don't get me wrong. and i am damn good at it considering the area i am required to try to find GOOD, long term help. : sigh: ya have to at least "sort of give a fuck". because for all of the time off i don't get to take... i am starting not to. i just can't afford the pay cut.
this gramma thing. overwhelming. GB is grown. they don't need me as much and i am kind of okay with that. kind of. newest little is a little man. who will probably some day be a ginormous man (it's genetic) and he has already stolen my heart and my breath.
but here's what happened:
little man's granpa made me feel like an idiot for even shedding a single tear.
told me i didn't need to be there for my mini AND implied that i was incapable of being responsible for little guy's big sister ( almost 2 years old) overnight.
fuck you, dude. i can "out-mother" anyone. ANYONE.
SO. i am sittin in my jeep thinkin about all of this, watching laundry spin in commercial sized dryer drums and finishing up a half of a half pint.. (quarter pint?) of peach vodka and chasing it with toblerone and diet coke.
so ready to just fucking jump,and not look back for anything or anyone.
but then there are those mini clones to think of...