of fleeting joy and the overwhelming agony of failure's repetition
so, i'm a corporate whore. i work for two seperate corporations (one of which acts as though it is repulsed by the idea of it being a corporation and perfers to be considered "headquarters"....lame). on the one hand, there is the job that i enjoy working with the people there, but i can't stand the way the suits are running things, and everyday i think about how i could do things differently and more successfully. then on the other hand there's the job that i can have fun at and be myself, but i am paid in chump change and i only work once at week at best.
i put myself out on a limb far too often for my own good....and while i place a lot of faith in my own personal protective shields, i find these same guardians lay faulty at the most in-opportune times. that very timing that hangs over me taunting me....laughing in its own dark irony. my timing is always off. i find places and people at the wrong times....had it been x-months later, or x-years earlier, things would have played out for the best. i hate "would haves".....i think they are worse than "what ifs", because at least no one ever mentions the "what ifs." sure it all "just wasn't the right time"....and timing is everything, as they say....but i hate the way the memory haunts me. and when i'm gone and forgotten, those nights will still be there dancing in my mind like they never ended, making me smile and breaking my heart. please shield me.
i put myself out on a limb far too often for my own good....and while i place a lot of faith in my own personal protective shields, i find these same guardians lay faulty at the most in-opportune times. that very timing that hangs over me taunting me....laughing in its own dark irony. my timing is always off. i find places and people at the wrong times....had it been x-months later, or x-years earlier, things would have played out for the best. i hate "would haves".....i think they are worse than "what ifs", because at least no one ever mentions the "what ifs." sure it all "just wasn't the right time"....and timing is everything, as they say....but i hate the way the memory haunts me. and when i'm gone and forgotten, those nights will still be there dancing in my mind like they never ended, making me smile and breaking my heart. please shield me.