(no subject)
I still miss you. I want it to go away, and at the same time I don't. I want to remember. I want to remember that I loved you and was afraid to say it. I stopped myself because I thought I was doing what was right for both of us. I didn't ever say it to you because I didn't trust that I wasn't going to try and take it back. I also didn't trust that you were going to remain that person, for good reason. You didn't, but I should have told that person I loved her so that when you changed it might not be as hard as it has been to say goodbye to the girl you were. I would have said my peace to her, now I can't. She's gone.
One thing that has changed in me, destruction no longer relieves the pain in my heart. Not even temporarily. I can see very clearly that it is a blind path that wont take me anywhere nor teach me anything. A cut will not make you remember how it felt in that moment, or teach you how to grow from it. It only perpetuates more pain. Not only did you not solve or help yourself you made it worse, and turned you against yourself. I've done it often, thinking that pain could teach me how to live. It taught me that I could become my own enemy once I felt it, and that I most likely would.
Things have changed now. I'm growing up. I now know that pain, and "life experience" will teach you nothing when they are sought for there own sake. Knowing this has changed my life.
One thing that has changed in me, destruction no longer relieves the pain in my heart. Not even temporarily. I can see very clearly that it is a blind path that wont take me anywhere nor teach me anything. A cut will not make you remember how it felt in that moment, or teach you how to grow from it. It only perpetuates more pain. Not only did you not solve or help yourself you made it worse, and turned you against yourself. I've done it often, thinking that pain could teach me how to live. It taught me that I could become my own enemy once I felt it, and that I most likely would.
Things have changed now. I'm growing up. I now know that pain, and "life experience" will teach you nothing when they are sought for there own sake. Knowing this has changed my life.