(no subject)
Pounding unsteady steps as I move through the night. I shouldn't be running now. I'm so weak. Pain strikes my ankle as the pain in my knee seems to subside. All I seem to know is this seething and utter rage. Unrequiting and raw. Angry unlike any other moment in my life. I continue as the pain moves up my body into my side and my shoulder. All I'm doing is wearing down my already weakened immune system but I can't stop. Not yet...The music in my iPod stops. I've run too hard for it. Seemingly my anger dies away with the music. I stop. Halfway from home. Far enough to keep going if only to get home. I cut through side streets. Now I only move to make my way home. My thoughts are coherent and somewhat logical again. I find myself in dark patches of street. The lights too far off to shine on me. Running through the dark. As though blind...I come to light again. Closer to home now. The one time I should have listened to myself.
Searching my thoughts, I find truth in my actions. I like to think I never lie to myself but that can't be completely true. In the hopes of levying my anger I set out to run but why was I angry. My rage predisposed towards myself. I can't punch myself but I can hurt my body through other ways. I'm so weak sometimes. I don't want to show it. I come to the realization that I want to do something to myself I haven't done for a few years. Not now though I decide. I don't think I can go back to that. I don't want to go back to that. I have a lot at the moment.
I should have listened to myself. I never do anymore.
Searching my thoughts, I find truth in my actions. I like to think I never lie to myself but that can't be completely true. In the hopes of levying my anger I set out to run but why was I angry. My rage predisposed towards myself. I can't punch myself but I can hurt my body through other ways. I'm so weak sometimes. I don't want to show it. I come to the realization that I want to do something to myself I haven't done for a few years. Not now though I decide. I don't think I can go back to that. I don't want to go back to that. I have a lot at the moment.
I should have listened to myself. I never do anymore.