Familiar Feelings...
I am sitting in my room with the lights off and the feelings of old times that I thought, I hoped were long gone. The monitor is casting a light toward my familiar object in hand. The reflection shines so clearly in the darkness. The cold constantly sending chills up my spine. We are so cold we're so cold. Memories of what I've done in the past and what I've been doing recently stick out in my head more than the light coming from the monitor. The Shamrock hides my secret. Amazing... I have things in my favor and the only thought in my head is simply forgetting all about it taking the step that I have been avoiding for years. Why does it matter anyway? I understand that people care, b/c in my eyes other people have been number one for my entire life. I could care less what happens to me if I can help another. Why should others suffer when I am the one that deserves it? The pain is a sudden rush for me. Just a taste of all the darkness closing in on me. A glimpse of the existance that I should be involved in. An existance where everything is so cold and dark. A world of fear and cold. A world of complete isolation. A place where I belong. Where I wont be a burden to anyone aside from myself. Where I can't hurt anyone else. Where I belong. Alone. My only companion is made of cold relentless steel with a 3 inch handle. The feeling can only be topped by sex. The feeling of pain, then it hits, the most amazing feeling of content, like this is supposed to happen, then cold so very cold, as it all rushes out, the cold remains, and soon I am empty again. My pain, My bleeding, My suffering is something I accept. It must happen. If it didn't, well, if it didn't I would make the world a better place for everyone around me...