The 'my life in general' post!
It’s been a strange few weeks for me. To be dismissively comprehensive: I’ve been in shock. As you know, I failed my exams and was kicked out of university, and told to “get a job”. I quickly went through a process of accepting this.
My last step that day I was given the news, was to say goodbye and sorry to my Computer Science project group. When I went to do so, my CS tutors became massively supportive. They asked for every detail about my situation, and it became apparent that I might have a chance to get back in.
A week of waiting later, I go to the next CS session with a sense of cautious optimism about myself. I am greeted with a resounding chorus of “Ah... your here. They didn’t tell you? Well...”, shortly followed by, “well you know that advice about... seeking employment? Maybe it was sound”.
The next week, after I have again accepted that I am kicked out, I have to move on, and I don’t need university... I am told by Burfdl that one of his tutors wants to see me and ask about my situation. I see her, and she was very supportive and very helpful but she still came to the same conclusion “get a job”. However this time it was “get a job in software”, alongside a 4 year plan to get into the computer science department.
Again I went through the healing process, started looking for jobs making the tea in software houses, started a few of my own projects... but then a phone call from my parents shocks me again. They want me back. They want me back so much that they are going to repeal my kicked out status, and replace it with “Temporary Leave of Study Due to Extenuating Circumstances”; something that they haven’t done in 26 years.
And I have 12 hours to decide if I want to take this or not. Of course I did... but I had just convinced myself I did not. The end result of all this being, I am going back this September to start the foundation year again, after having prepared properly to start the course.
No communication was given to me, nothing official to say I had been kicked out, nothing at all to say that they might want me back, or that the board was reconvening or anything. Just a series of hard pits and hard valleys, and that can shake you up something bad, especially when you feel so out of the loop.
Time recently has been trivial, I couldn’t remember if something was 2 weeks ago, or 2 days ago. I was staying up for days at a time, not leaving the house, worrying about everything, getting nothing done, and really neglecting Alex (which I feel awful for). Yet I am definitely on the up n’ up now.
Roughly two weeks ago I gave up smoking, and roughly 4 days ago I gave up caffeine. Not having any stimulants was a bit of a shock to my system, but it was good because it meant I slept extensively (as soon as I got rid of the nicotine patches and normal tea). Tonight is an anomaly, as I really can’t sleep at all. Also, I really like Rooibos (red bush, caffeine free) tea.
I’ve been finding that I am staying at a much nicer medium. Controlling my seemingly manic and depressive sides appropriately (although tonight I hit a bit of depressiveness that I’m working through, today probably just overstimulated me).
What you really need to know though is that I am getting better. I’m going to start my preparations a week from now, (this week will be preparing for preparations!). I also intend to write more, stay away from the stimulants, and find much more time for myself to relax and to spend with you, my friends (and hopefully cut out these late nights!).
Thanks for being there for me everyone! Even if I didn’t call out to you, or tell you the whole deal, it still means allot to me.
(And special apologies to the English language).
My last step that day I was given the news, was to say goodbye and sorry to my Computer Science project group. When I went to do so, my CS tutors became massively supportive. They asked for every detail about my situation, and it became apparent that I might have a chance to get back in.
A week of waiting later, I go to the next CS session with a sense of cautious optimism about myself. I am greeted with a resounding chorus of “Ah... your here. They didn’t tell you? Well...”, shortly followed by, “well you know that advice about... seeking employment? Maybe it was sound”.
The next week, after I have again accepted that I am kicked out, I have to move on, and I don’t need university... I am told by Burfdl that one of his tutors wants to see me and ask about my situation. I see her, and she was very supportive and very helpful but she still came to the same conclusion “get a job”. However this time it was “get a job in software”, alongside a 4 year plan to get into the computer science department.
Again I went through the healing process, started looking for jobs making the tea in software houses, started a few of my own projects... but then a phone call from my parents shocks me again. They want me back. They want me back so much that they are going to repeal my kicked out status, and replace it with “Temporary Leave of Study Due to Extenuating Circumstances”; something that they haven’t done in 26 years.
And I have 12 hours to decide if I want to take this or not. Of course I did... but I had just convinced myself I did not. The end result of all this being, I am going back this September to start the foundation year again, after having prepared properly to start the course.
No communication was given to me, nothing official to say I had been kicked out, nothing at all to say that they might want me back, or that the board was reconvening or anything. Just a series of hard pits and hard valleys, and that can shake you up something bad, especially when you feel so out of the loop.
Time recently has been trivial, I couldn’t remember if something was 2 weeks ago, or 2 days ago. I was staying up for days at a time, not leaving the house, worrying about everything, getting nothing done, and really neglecting Alex (which I feel awful for). Yet I am definitely on the up n’ up now.
Roughly two weeks ago I gave up smoking, and roughly 4 days ago I gave up caffeine. Not having any stimulants was a bit of a shock to my system, but it was good because it meant I slept extensively (as soon as I got rid of the nicotine patches and normal tea). Tonight is an anomaly, as I really can’t sleep at all. Also, I really like Rooibos (red bush, caffeine free) tea.
I’ve been finding that I am staying at a much nicer medium. Controlling my seemingly manic and depressive sides appropriately (although tonight I hit a bit of depressiveness that I’m working through, today probably just overstimulated me).
What you really need to know though is that I am getting better. I’m going to start my preparations a week from now, (this week will be preparing for preparations!). I also intend to write more, stay away from the stimulants, and find much more time for myself to relax and to spend with you, my friends (and hopefully cut out these late nights!).
Thanks for being there for me everyone! Even if I didn’t call out to you, or tell you the whole deal, it still means allot to me.
(And special apologies to the English language).