Naked as we came
I offer no explanation.
Mind the gap please.
Retroactive truth hits you the hardest. It also normally hits you at your lowest, or loneliest time. Just to give it that extra special something. Like a kick in the face after you just watched your childhood pet enter "the big sleep." It just stings a little more than it would've had it happened on that other day. The one that sucked less.
I spent so much this year worrying that I had wasted the last three years of college sitting in an empty living room, creating something that didn't exist, that I forgot that sometimes people just let go. Sometimes people just let you go. Time is fleeting, there are bigger and better things to gain or experience. So you adopt that wretched catching up on the street corner conversation (Hi, how's life, what are you doing with yourself, still doing that _______?, that's cool. Gotta run! Take care!).
Spare me. Fuck that.
I wish someone would've laid it all balls out on the table. "Listen, after this is over, we wont talk anymore. Also, I probably wont give a shit what you're doing and how your life is going.. so.. peace out."
Sometimes you think you're a certain person to someone. You can sit in their room and just sit, or talk, or listen.. and you think "This person I want to know forever. I want to know what this person is doing in 30 years and why they're doing it. I like knowing this person."
Then it's gone. Just like that. Me vs. The Inevitable Decline. So I thought I had some friends. I hate just being an eventual fleeting memory.
I had a point and I lost it. I shouldn't have access to a delete key. I lose most of the things I mean to say because of it.
So I'm lonely now. Maybe that's where I've led this. What a disappointing comeback. The Inevitable Cycle. You start in one place, move through a transition and.. end up back where you started. For some people it's a couple friends at home or a cat or something. For me it's realizing that without three specific people, I'd be lonely all the time.
What is it about me that's so easy to let go?
For the record this year sucked. Not in every way. But in many ways that used to matter not just to me. So I probably wont see most of you ever again. You all know who you are. If we do happen to run into eachother on some random street corner we can just have a sardonic conversation about what we're doing with our lives like we care. Then, immediately following, I can gouge my eyes out.
Sometimes I can really be a girl about shit, but I really will miss you guys. Fuck, I already do. I kinda wish I could say you miss me too, but I'm not that optimistic.
By the way I'm not putting any of this in a cut because if I'm on your friends page you're going to click it and read it anyway. Or just scroll over it. So who cares? Look, I wrote a lot. If I'm just taking up space delete me and get it over with.
So. Peace out.
I'm okay, if you were wondering.
Mind the gap please.
Retroactive truth hits you the hardest. It also normally hits you at your lowest, or loneliest time. Just to give it that extra special something. Like a kick in the face after you just watched your childhood pet enter "the big sleep." It just stings a little more than it would've had it happened on that other day. The one that sucked less.
I spent so much this year worrying that I had wasted the last three years of college sitting in an empty living room, creating something that didn't exist, that I forgot that sometimes people just let go. Sometimes people just let you go. Time is fleeting, there are bigger and better things to gain or experience. So you adopt that wretched catching up on the street corner conversation (Hi, how's life, what are you doing with yourself, still doing that _______?, that's cool. Gotta run! Take care!).
Spare me. Fuck that.
I wish someone would've laid it all balls out on the table. "Listen, after this is over, we wont talk anymore. Also, I probably wont give a shit what you're doing and how your life is going.. so.. peace out."
Sometimes you think you're a certain person to someone. You can sit in their room and just sit, or talk, or listen.. and you think "This person I want to know forever. I want to know what this person is doing in 30 years and why they're doing it. I like knowing this person."
Then it's gone. Just like that. Me vs. The Inevitable Decline. So I thought I had some friends. I hate just being an eventual fleeting memory.
I had a point and I lost it. I shouldn't have access to a delete key. I lose most of the things I mean to say because of it.
So I'm lonely now. Maybe that's where I've led this. What a disappointing comeback. The Inevitable Cycle. You start in one place, move through a transition and.. end up back where you started. For some people it's a couple friends at home or a cat or something. For me it's realizing that without three specific people, I'd be lonely all the time.
What is it about me that's so easy to let go?
For the record this year sucked. Not in every way. But in many ways that used to matter not just to me. So I probably wont see most of you ever again. You all know who you are. If we do happen to run into eachother on some random street corner we can just have a sardonic conversation about what we're doing with our lives like we care. Then, immediately following, I can gouge my eyes out.
Sometimes I can really be a girl about shit, but I really will miss you guys. Fuck, I already do. I kinda wish I could say you miss me too, but I'm not that optimistic.
By the way I'm not putting any of this in a cut because if I'm on your friends page you're going to click it and read it anyway. Or just scroll over it. So who cares? Look, I wrote a lot. If I'm just taking up space delete me and get it over with.
So. Peace out.
I'm okay, if you were wondering.