Aunty Bunny and the innerworkings of my mind
Yay I'm gonna be an aunty. I just found out. My sister just told me. Yay :D
I don't ever see myself having kids though.I used to want to have children more than anything else in this world.But now I just want to live my life to it's fullest and don't care what anybody says. Being with a friend of mine recently(Very cute, want him to be mine) has made me realise just how short life really is.I mean I wanna live my life and do things without having to worry about children all the time. I just wanna get up and go one day and I wouldn't be able to do that with kids in tow. I dont have much money as is and I doubt I ever will. The job I want even when qualified I'll only be on about £9000 a year and that's not a lot. That'd only just keep me going let alone kids aswell. Don't get me wrong I love kids. I just don't see my life with them. I mean I'd never have an abortion or put a kid up for adoption. If I was to get pregnant I'd keep it and care for it in the best way I could and I'd love it more than anything. I just know that life is too short to be worrying over children as well as myself. Yes you may think I am being selfish here but I know that I could never provide for a child. I don't want to be that tied down anyway. I'm a free spirit. I love doing things spontaniously. I want to travel the world one day,go to all the places I want to and with children in tow I doubt I'd be able to do that. I'm REALLY happy for my sister and I've told her that I'm willing to look after it when she wants me to. I'd love to look after it all the time for her.I can take it out and buy it clothes and toys but I'll know i can hand it back at the end of the day and know I have done all I can to care for it. I wanna work in a nursery as a nursery nurse. I absolutely love kids it's just that I could get hit by a bus tomorrow who knows what life will bring my way. I deffinatly want to get married one day so I have someone to go travelling with but I doubt I'll have children. As I said before, If we have kids then fair doos it'll be a challenge in my life that I've never faced before. But first I need to be more financially secure and more secure in who I am. I still selfharm on the odd occassion and I don't want my child to see me doing that. This is what I mean. I wouldn't want to bring a child into a world of hurt and hatred. I'd want it to know it would have a nice normal life with a happy family and the money to have anything it wants. I don't see me having kids tho so I'm not gonna worry about things like that. My life at the minute is far too complicated anyway. I mean I'm currently unemployed and I'm madly in love with someone who I have no idea about. We're friends. Nothing more than friends but we sleep together. I mean I like the fact that we sleep together, who wouldn't? But I love him so much and it hurts me to see him getting hurt in life. I just want him to be happy and if that means not being with me I guess I'm gonna have to deal with that. I want him to find his true love in life. I want him to find the one woman who makes him feel the way I feel about him. The woman his life would be empty without. The woman who he wants to go home to everynight. The woman who when he sees her his heart melts and he just wants to sleep in her arms for all eternity. I want to tell him all this but it scares me to think I could lose him again or he'd just laugh at me and call me stupid. All I wanna hear from him is those 3 words I long to hear and if he's reading this it isn't "Suck me off!" I care so much for him and I know he knows this. I'm just a stupid girl who wants her heart breaking I guess. I wish I had never let myself love him again. He caused me so much hurt the first time and I'm gonna let him do it again. Why can't I be his perfect woman? Why do I have to feel this way? Why can't I just be friends with him?Why do I always fall for him? I wish him happiness in his life no matter what he does. I wish for him to always be happy no matter what his life brings and I hope one day soon he finds that woman he deserves in his life. I don't deserve him anyway. People who know him would call me a fool and tell me that he doesnt deserve me...Maybe even he would tell me that. But I really do think it's the other way round.
Anyways...Too many tears....Can't see lol
Love to all
=^-^=Bunny
I don't ever see myself having kids though.I used to want to have children more than anything else in this world.But now I just want to live my life to it's fullest and don't care what anybody says. Being with a friend of mine recently(Very cute, want him to be mine) has made me realise just how short life really is.I mean I wanna live my life and do things without having to worry about children all the time. I just wanna get up and go one day and I wouldn't be able to do that with kids in tow. I dont have much money as is and I doubt I ever will. The job I want even when qualified I'll only be on about £9000 a year and that's not a lot. That'd only just keep me going let alone kids aswell. Don't get me wrong I love kids. I just don't see my life with them. I mean I'd never have an abortion or put a kid up for adoption. If I was to get pregnant I'd keep it and care for it in the best way I could and I'd love it more than anything. I just know that life is too short to be worrying over children as well as myself. Yes you may think I am being selfish here but I know that I could never provide for a child. I don't want to be that tied down anyway. I'm a free spirit. I love doing things spontaniously. I want to travel the world one day,go to all the places I want to and with children in tow I doubt I'd be able to do that. I'm REALLY happy for my sister and I've told her that I'm willing to look after it when she wants me to. I'd love to look after it all the time for her.I can take it out and buy it clothes and toys but I'll know i can hand it back at the end of the day and know I have done all I can to care for it. I wanna work in a nursery as a nursery nurse. I absolutely love kids it's just that I could get hit by a bus tomorrow who knows what life will bring my way. I deffinatly want to get married one day so I have someone to go travelling with but I doubt I'll have children. As I said before, If we have kids then fair doos it'll be a challenge in my life that I've never faced before. But first I need to be more financially secure and more secure in who I am. I still selfharm on the odd occassion and I don't want my child to see me doing that. This is what I mean. I wouldn't want to bring a child into a world of hurt and hatred. I'd want it to know it would have a nice normal life with a happy family and the money to have anything it wants. I don't see me having kids tho so I'm not gonna worry about things like that. My life at the minute is far too complicated anyway. I mean I'm currently unemployed and I'm madly in love with someone who I have no idea about. We're friends. Nothing more than friends but we sleep together. I mean I like the fact that we sleep together, who wouldn't? But I love him so much and it hurts me to see him getting hurt in life. I just want him to be happy and if that means not being with me I guess I'm gonna have to deal with that. I want him to find his true love in life. I want him to find the one woman who makes him feel the way I feel about him. The woman his life would be empty without. The woman who he wants to go home to everynight. The woman who when he sees her his heart melts and he just wants to sleep in her arms for all eternity. I want to tell him all this but it scares me to think I could lose him again or he'd just laugh at me and call me stupid. All I wanna hear from him is those 3 words I long to hear and if he's reading this it isn't "Suck me off!" I care so much for him and I know he knows this. I'm just a stupid girl who wants her heart breaking I guess. I wish I had never let myself love him again. He caused me so much hurt the first time and I'm gonna let him do it again. Why can't I be his perfect woman? Why do I have to feel this way? Why can't I just be friends with him?Why do I always fall for him? I wish him happiness in his life no matter what he does. I wish for him to always be happy no matter what his life brings and I hope one day soon he finds that woman he deserves in his life. I don't deserve him anyway. People who know him would call me a fool and tell me that he doesnt deserve me...Maybe even he would tell me that. But I really do think it's the other way round.
Anyways...Too many tears....Can't see lol
Love to all
=^-^=Bunny