Fic | The Mechanics of Mornings
Title: The Mechanics of Mornings
Author: attilatehbun
Fandom: Young Avengers
Pairing/Characters: Billy Kaplan/Teddy Altman, Kate Bishop, Eli Bradley, Tommy Shepherd
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1200+
Summary: Mornings, they're hard. Especially when you have only five minutes to figure it out and no coffee.
A/N:riko asked for a timestamp of 24 hours later for Every Day That Gets To Pass. You don't really have to have read that to understand this, but it can't hurt?
::
A phone rings.
Billy startles abruptly awake. In that stretched, discordant moment that it takes sleep to fade, the only thing it occurs to him to feelthink is confusion. Who could possibly be calling- wait does his phone even actually ring? Teddy's calls come Zelda themed, Kate's are programmed with some band he's never heard of and lyrics he doesn't understand, and he distinctly remembers giving Eli a Sousa march because it annoyed the shit out of him. And Tommy never bothers to call because "Telephones are too slow, bro." He's never heard a ring. So what in the hell is that?
And, wait. Again. Because does he even have his phone? He feels like he doesn't have his phone. For some reason. Wait. Except that he's already established that that couldn't be his phone, anyway, and hold on, where the fuck even is he, sinking into a bed that is much large and much too soft to be the third generation mattress he "inherited" off of Nanna Rosen when he moved out, no matter how much it smells like her cigarettes and holy crap he has to stop that ringing so he can find a second to think.
Billy flails out an arm and connects much too quickly and much too sharply with an entirely unfamiliar nightstand- and fuck, his elbow- and he still can't reach the source of the ringing because there's a huge weight planted firmly in the center of his back. He squirms and it doesn't dislodge, but it does kind of breathe on his skin, hot and uncomfortably drooly, and apparently Billy's naked too? He squirms again under what has to be someone's head, soft hair tickles his back, and that's when he recognizes Teddy's large and scratchy foot in between his calves, so that, at least, is alright.
It takes him one more wriggle, but it gets the job done, movea Teddy's weight far enough down Billy's back that he can finally reach out and grab what is, apparently, an anonymous hotel phone.
Where in the hell is he?
"What part of 'We have to check out by one' did you fail to grasp?" are the first words he hears when he gets the phone up to his face. There's a lot of exasperation in the tone, but it's mostly outweighed by affection, so it actually leaves him more confused than ever.
"Nnnng...Kate?" he manages, because trying to comprehend the English language while getting an grip on his surroundings and the fact he's being called on a hotel phone and trying to pull himself the rest of the way out from under Teddy's bulk so he can sit up and have a conversation like a normal person with a neck that doesn't rotate like he's in the Exorcist is really kind of difficult to do all at once, even if he weren't something of a uni-tasker with a caffeine dependency that has not, yet, been satisfied.
Someone in the background of Kate's end of the call says something that sounds like, "Tell me you didn't have to wake him up," and given that there's much much more irritation in that voice than anything else, Billy figures it's Eli. Which still leaves him with the incredibly complex puzzle of a) where the hell is he and 2) why is it somewhere that Kate and Eli would also be? Fuck, what he wouldn't give for like, four hours to wake up properly.
Kate doesn't even bother to cover the receiver to reply, "This is Billy, of course I did."
"I'm...doesn't," Billy tries, eloquently.
"Billy, I love you, but can you please put Teddy on?" Kate says. "He's better at mornings than you and we only have twenty minutes before we have to check out and I don't really have the patience to deal with you like this because Tommy got into the coffee pot in the bathroom and he's about to start vibrating through the walls."
"There's a coffee pot in the bathroom?" Billy gets out, because there might be a lot of stuff going on right now that he can't wrap his head around, and he still not quite remember exactly where he is or why, but his priorities are laser-focused.
He can actually hear Kate hit herself in forehead with the handset.
Behind her, Billy hears Eli say "Tommy, jesus christ," and there's a crash, and when Kate brings the receiver back to her mouth all she says is, "Please. Teddy. Phone. Now."
Unfortunately, Billy thinks, that's probably going to be a bit of a problem. Teddy, disgruntled - apparently - at the fact that his pillow had moved and shifted and turned into bony, rather hairy knees, has been gradually sleep-scooching his face up Billy's thigh over the course of this entire nonsensical conversation. He's now dangerously close to being fully planted in Billy's lap, and his breath is still hot but it's not really particularly uncomfortable anymore, and there are certain parts of Billy's anatomy that are 100% awake and ready to jumprightin! to things, context be damned.
"Um, Katie, can you hold on just one sec?" Billy squeaks says (because Teddy's hand is now gripping the back of Billy's knee and he's rubbing his cheek towards Billy's hip), and puts the phone down on the table. Better to not cause more property damage, not if Tommy's gotten into coffee. Then Billy concentrates really hard and the comforter and sheets go flying off the end of the bed.
Billy is prepared for the "YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH," that comes out of Teddy's mouth and the full-body flail that goes with it (because Teddy hates hates hates cold in any form), but he's still pretty glad he put the phone down in any case. Times like these, Teddy is not generally in full control of his strength.
"I don't think I want to know what you just did to him, Billy," Billy hears faintly from the receiver.
Better that than what I wanted to do, Billy ('s dick) thinks, but he's too busy throwing the phone at Teddy's chest and avoiding Teddy's glare and grasping arms to do more than shout, "Promise you'll mourn me!" and flee to the sanctuary of bathroom.
He hears Teddy's curse through the door and then something that sounds distinctly like a comforter being torn off a bed and wrapped around a very familiar set of hips. Billy winces at the thought of the hotel bill, which, he's starting to remember, Kate is going to have to pay. At least that explains why she's so insistent on appropriate check out times. Then he hears Teddy's low rumble as he starts talking presumably to Kate. Billy catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, sees the bruises left over from yesterday's battle (oh that's right) and winces more at the sight than the actual feel.
Billy knows he's going to have to deal with the pain soon enough. He also knows he's going to have to face Teddy's glare (and probably Kate's, and maybe even Eli's) when he finally comes out of the bathroom. He tears open one of the packets of terrible hotel coffee and tips it into the filter. He's going to have to face clean-up from the battle and, more than likely, finding the five of them a way back home to NYC. He fills the reservoir and flicks the switch. But at least when that happens, all that dealing he'll have to do, well. It'll be post-coffee.
Everything's easier post-coffee.
::fin::
Author: attilatehbun
Fandom: Young Avengers
Pairing/Characters: Billy Kaplan/Teddy Altman, Kate Bishop, Eli Bradley, Tommy Shepherd
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1200+
Summary: Mornings, they're hard. Especially when you have only five minutes to figure it out and no coffee.
A/N:riko asked for a timestamp of 24 hours later for Every Day That Gets To Pass. You don't really have to have read that to understand this, but it can't hurt?
::
A phone rings.
Billy startles abruptly awake. In that stretched, discordant moment that it takes sleep to fade, the only thing it occurs to him to feelthink is confusion. Who could possibly be calling- wait does his phone even actually ring? Teddy's calls come Zelda themed, Kate's are programmed with some band he's never heard of and lyrics he doesn't understand, and he distinctly remembers giving Eli a Sousa march because it annoyed the shit out of him. And Tommy never bothers to call because "Telephones are too slow, bro." He's never heard a ring. So what in the hell is that?
And, wait. Again. Because does he even have his phone? He feels like he doesn't have his phone. For some reason. Wait. Except that he's already established that that couldn't be his phone, anyway, and hold on, where the fuck even is he, sinking into a bed that is much large and much too soft to be the third generation mattress he "inherited" off of Nanna Rosen when he moved out, no matter how much it smells like her cigarettes and holy crap he has to stop that ringing so he can find a second to think.
Billy flails out an arm and connects much too quickly and much too sharply with an entirely unfamiliar nightstand- and fuck, his elbow- and he still can't reach the source of the ringing because there's a huge weight planted firmly in the center of his back. He squirms and it doesn't dislodge, but it does kind of breathe on his skin, hot and uncomfortably drooly, and apparently Billy's naked too? He squirms again under what has to be someone's head, soft hair tickles his back, and that's when he recognizes Teddy's large and scratchy foot in between his calves, so that, at least, is alright.
It takes him one more wriggle, but it gets the job done, movea Teddy's weight far enough down Billy's back that he can finally reach out and grab what is, apparently, an anonymous hotel phone.
Where in the hell is he?
"What part of 'We have to check out by one' did you fail to grasp?" are the first words he hears when he gets the phone up to his face. There's a lot of exasperation in the tone, but it's mostly outweighed by affection, so it actually leaves him more confused than ever.
"Nnnng...Kate?" he manages, because trying to comprehend the English language while getting an grip on his surroundings and the fact he's being called on a hotel phone and trying to pull himself the rest of the way out from under Teddy's bulk so he can sit up and have a conversation like a normal person with a neck that doesn't rotate like he's in the Exorcist is really kind of difficult to do all at once, even if he weren't something of a uni-tasker with a caffeine dependency that has not, yet, been satisfied.
Someone in the background of Kate's end of the call says something that sounds like, "Tell me you didn't have to wake him up," and given that there's much much more irritation in that voice than anything else, Billy figures it's Eli. Which still leaves him with the incredibly complex puzzle of a) where the hell is he and 2) why is it somewhere that Kate and Eli would also be? Fuck, what he wouldn't give for like, four hours to wake up properly.
Kate doesn't even bother to cover the receiver to reply, "This is Billy, of course I did."
"I'm...doesn't," Billy tries, eloquently.
"Billy, I love you, but can you please put Teddy on?" Kate says. "He's better at mornings than you and we only have twenty minutes before we have to check out and I don't really have the patience to deal with you like this because Tommy got into the coffee pot in the bathroom and he's about to start vibrating through the walls."
"There's a coffee pot in the bathroom?" Billy gets out, because there might be a lot of stuff going on right now that he can't wrap his head around, and he still not quite remember exactly where he is or why, but his priorities are laser-focused.
He can actually hear Kate hit herself in forehead with the handset.
Behind her, Billy hears Eli say "Tommy, jesus christ," and there's a crash, and when Kate brings the receiver back to her mouth all she says is, "Please. Teddy. Phone. Now."
Unfortunately, Billy thinks, that's probably going to be a bit of a problem. Teddy, disgruntled - apparently - at the fact that his pillow had moved and shifted and turned into bony, rather hairy knees, has been gradually sleep-scooching his face up Billy's thigh over the course of this entire nonsensical conversation. He's now dangerously close to being fully planted in Billy's lap, and his breath is still hot but it's not really particularly uncomfortable anymore, and there are certain parts of Billy's anatomy that are 100% awake and ready to jumprightin! to things, context be damned.
"Um, Katie, can you hold on just one sec?" Billy squeaks says (because Teddy's hand is now gripping the back of Billy's knee and he's rubbing his cheek towards Billy's hip), and puts the phone down on the table. Better to not cause more property damage, not if Tommy's gotten into coffee. Then Billy concentrates really hard and the comforter and sheets go flying off the end of the bed.
Billy is prepared for the "YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH," that comes out of Teddy's mouth and the full-body flail that goes with it (because Teddy hates hates hates cold in any form), but he's still pretty glad he put the phone down in any case. Times like these, Teddy is not generally in full control of his strength.
"I don't think I want to know what you just did to him, Billy," Billy hears faintly from the receiver.
Better that than what I wanted to do, Billy ('s dick) thinks, but he's too busy throwing the phone at Teddy's chest and avoiding Teddy's glare and grasping arms to do more than shout, "Promise you'll mourn me!" and flee to the sanctuary of bathroom.
He hears Teddy's curse through the door and then something that sounds distinctly like a comforter being torn off a bed and wrapped around a very familiar set of hips. Billy winces at the thought of the hotel bill, which, he's starting to remember, Kate is going to have to pay. At least that explains why she's so insistent on appropriate check out times. Then he hears Teddy's low rumble as he starts talking presumably to Kate. Billy catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, sees the bruises left over from yesterday's battle (oh that's right) and winces more at the sight than the actual feel.
Billy knows he's going to have to deal with the pain soon enough. He also knows he's going to have to face Teddy's glare (and probably Kate's, and maybe even Eli's) when he finally comes out of the bathroom. He tears open one of the packets of terrible hotel coffee and tips it into the filter. He's going to have to face clean-up from the battle and, more than likely, finding the five of them a way back home to NYC. He fills the reservoir and flicks the switch. But at least when that happens, all that dealing he'll have to do, well. It'll be post-coffee.
Everything's easier post-coffee.
::fin::