thirty days ; 24
b.a.p/secret ; all these thoughts in my head, they all involve you
himchan/sunhwa ; pg ; 2409 words
excluding all what if’s, sunhwa has a pretty good life.
» 30 days » day twenty-four » knowledge.
she doesn’t know what it is. to be honest, she doesn’t even want to know. she’s content with blaming it on hormones and stress, desperation off never finding that special someone finally taking over.
she’s glad for busy schedules, they prevent her from thinking too much, but most of all they prevent her from seeing himchan. no more late night dance practices in the studio, no bumping into each other at the company building, no overanalyzing his smile, or the way he scrunches up his nose when he isn’t happy, or how he pouts in the most adorable way when someone teases him.
her schedules are life savers.
sunhwa knows she stares at him, hell she even knows he catches her staring one too many times. he’ll get that knowing look on his face, half smirking, half blushing and she doesn’t care about getting caught staring, as long as he keeps looking at her like that.
even though it really isn’t good for her. because what if it actually means something. it doesn’t, but still. what if.
being from the same company means appearing in each other’s shows, stepping by at the filming set of a new music video and doing interviews together. sunhwa knows she’s supposed to pay attention to the filming, but he’s standing behind her, massaging her shoulders and making stupid comments. she finds herself laughing, leaning back just a little more so his chest is touching her back.
the what are you two doing? brings her back to earth and she flushes bright red, stepping forward so his hands slip off her shoulders. she lets out a small sigh at the loss, but quickly covers it with yelling at hyosung to focus on her own parts instead.
himchan says she’s his ideal type. she isn’t sure if he just says that because she’s his senior, or because she’s part of the same company or simply, because he actually means it. she doesn’t know if she wants to know the answer to it either. because what if.
what good can come out of it.
“are you nervous?” he murmurs into her ear.
she sits up with a start, heart beating loudly in her chest because god damn it, his face is just a couple of centimeters away from her, doesn’t he know what he’s doing? and then he leans back, with that smirk on his face.
she gulps.
“no, don’t be stupid. i've done this so many times before, why should i be nervous?”
but she is. her hands are shaking, multiple scenarios of failures flying through her head, dance routine repeating itself over and over. she wonders when he learned to read her so well.
“it’s alright to be nervous. that’s what you said to me, remember?”
black eyes are watching her intently and she shudders. she remembers. it was in another lifetime, when he was still preparing for debut, a couple of minutes before his first appearance as an mc. she told him, because it felt like the right thing to say. she doesn’t think it was.
“there’s no need to be nervous.”
he nods. “right.”
every idol dreams of being cast in certain shows. when you’re a rookie, star king is the place to go. when you’re not-a-rookie-but-not-an-idol-either, you hope for strong heart, or some other talk show that gets your face known amongst the public. and when you’ve finally established yourself as a proper idol, you want to be cast in we got married.
the show that gives you permission to date in public.
sunhwa isn’t sure what to think of that. because of all people, it had to be kwanghee. her friend. sort of. as far as you can have friends in this industry. she likes him though, his brightness never fails to cheer her up, no matter how much it annoys her sometimes too. she just hoped it would be someone new, someone that could make her company sweat because what if.
even siwan would have been fine. a friend of a friend, not awkward but not comfortable either. then again, she wouldn’t be able to wear heels. or act dumb. no, maybe it’s better to be paired up with kwanghee. he knows her, there’s no pressure.
but there’s still two words repeating in her head. what if.
“what if you start liking him like that?” jieun asks her after a shoot with him.
they’re in the dance studio, waiting for b.a.p. to finish their dance practice so they can take over, practicing until the early morning. the beats of the song crash into her body, her heart tuning itself to it automatically and she forces herself to look away.
“not a chance.” she half laughs, slapping her friend’s arm playfully. “it’s kwanghee, how can i like him?”
jieun laughs with her, shaking her head. “okay, so it’s unlikely it will happen. but what if he turns out to be prince charming? what if he is manly and romantic and everything you always wanted? you could start liking him.”
the music stops, heavy breathing filling up the room. she sees black eyes watching her through the mirror.
“not a chance.”
“i met your husband today.”
she snorts.
“he’s quite possessive of you.”
another snort.
“i think he actually likes you.”
yet another snort.
“don’t you think he’s taking this thing too seriously?”
she looks up, smile playing on her lips. “probably. but what do you expect, it’s kwanghee. he doesn’t really have a grip on reality.”
“do you take it seriously?”
she’s ready to answer, but then she pauses. her smile falters as she squints at him. “are you taking it seriously?”
he avoids her eyes, playing with the cups on the table.
“what do you want me to say himchan?” she asks after a while.
“i don’t know.”
she sighs and takes a strand of hair between her fingers, twirling it around.
“i don’t know either.”
“it’s so nice to finally meet you!”
kwanghee’s brightness annoys her. she’s glad her annoyed face looks similar to her jealous face, it saves her from pretending and blowing her cover. she glares at kwanghee, standing in between him and hyosung and makes sure to mention siwan in her next sentence. it gets the effect she wants and kwanghee is silent. for a couple of seconds.
meeting each other’s groups is just part of the ritual, just like acting jealous, possessive and in love. she puts on a fake smile as she sees the ze:a members walking into the room, playing her part as she walks towards siwan. she hides her real smile as she sees kwanghee’s smile turning into a pout, making small talk with the other members, but staying close to siwan at all times.
before she knows it the boys are complaining about being hungry and she’s ushered into the kitchen. siwan has followed her, gently taking the plates out of her hands and helping her set the table. she mouths a thanks and he shrugs, gesturing to kwanghee.
“seems like your husband is busy with your band members.”
sunhwa looks over at them and raises an eyebrow. “we all know how much he loves hyosung and zinger.”
siwan chuckles and stands next to her. “you aren’t jealous.”
“no.”
“he is.”
despite not wanting too, she smiles. it isn’t that she takes pleasure in leading him on. it’s part of the program for her, there’s no real emotion. she’s just pleased to know someone likes her for once, not hyosung or jieun or zinger. no, he likes sunhwa.
“he’ll get over it.”
“let’s hope so. i’m not looking forward to him whining about my sunhwa all day.”
they laugh and sunhwa wonders what would have happened if it was siwan instead of kwanghee. would they be comfortable, or would they hardly talk, fighting all the time. perhaps people would think they’re an awkward couple, begging the producers to take them off the show. or people could love them, the handsome actor and the silly girl, having a fake love affair. would she get caught up in the moment, forget about the world and think of him as her one and only?
she glances at siwan and imagines him as her husband. boyfriend even. it doesn’t seem right, no matter how she puts it. but what if.
“a lot of people like our sunhwa,” hyosung exclaims, clasping sunhwa’s arm excitedly. “you should treat her better, she might run off with someone else.”
kwanghee gasps, pursing his lips in dissatisfaction and his band members burst out laughing. “i can’t imagine anyone liking someone like her.”
sunhwa slaps his arm, pretending to be annoyed but she’s actually amused. “as if someone would like you,” she retorts.
“seems like we will only have each other,” kwanghee says, smile on his face.
she shakes her head, pushing his arms away from her while laughing. “no, i don’t want to. there has to be someone else for me! help me, jieunnie, please tell me you know someone.”
“well, there’s himchan of course…”
her heart skips a beat at the simple mention of his name and she gulps down all her feelings. “he’s fine, maybe i should meet up with him next week!” she exclaims.
kwanghee’s protest gets mingled with the table bursting out in laughter and she doesn’t even try to follow the conversation that follows. she repeats her words softly to herself and has to bite back a curse when she realizes she means every word of it.
she’s avoiding him. she’s not really trying, because she is busy and doesn’t have time for anything else than dance practice and the occasional filming, but inside the company building she does avoid him. no more turning up earlier for dance practice to see him dance, no staying behind after practice.
she knows he has watched the show. jongup told yongguk, who told jieun, who told hyosung who told sunhwa. she doesn’t know what he thinks of it though. every other person wouldn’t think anything about her comment, it was just something she said to make kwanghee jealous. but he isn’t every other person. he’s himchan, the boy with the black eyes who knows what she’s feeling with just a simple glance.
she turns around the corner, slowing down as she sees a familiar figure sitting in front of the practice room. another thing she wasn’t good at. avoiding people.
he looks up, tired smile forming on his face as he sees it’s her.
“hey stranger.”
she smiles awkwardly, bag dropping on the floor beside him. “hey.”
he stands up, his hood falling of his head and her eyes open wide as she sees
“oh my god, they cut your hair. you look like a devil again.”
she slaps her hand in front of her mouth once as he chuckles, brushing a hand through his hair.
“it will grow.”
“aren’t you done with promotions though?”she looks at his hair worriedly. “why did you need a new haircut?” then it dawns on her. “please tell me you didn’t ask for this haircut.”
“well…”
“himchan!”
“the long hair bothered me. let me enjoy my free time with a new haircut.”
she grimaces. “unless you’re planning to avoid the mirror, i don’t see how you can enjoy…this.”
“hey!” he pinches her arm, smile on his face.
sunhwa can’t help but smile back and for a moment it feels like nothing’s wrong. until he brings it up of course.
“so when do we start filming?”
“shut up.”
“i’m serious.”
“so am i.”
she picks up her bag from the floor and moves past him, opening the door to the practice room. he grabs her arm and turns her around. she pulls her arm back, but he doesn’t let go.
“there is something. between us. right?”
a blush spreads on her cheeks as she nods slowly.
“are you taking you and him seriously?”
she thinks back to their conversation a couple of weeks ago. “are you?”
a smirk appears on his face and her heart starts to beat faster. “no.”
“me neither.”
as he leans in a smile appears on her face, heart fluttering and fingers shaking. her breath hitches when she realizes this is actually happening right now and oh my god, i have a husband. a fake one, but still a husband. and what if he finds out? how am i supposed to pretend kwanghee’s my husband when i have a boyfr- wait, will himchan be her…what are they going to do? what are they going to tell the others? what will the company say and -
“stop thinking so much,” himchan mutters.
if possible, she turns even redder. his thumb is stroking her cheek, black eyes burning right into her soul and this is it, this is -
“and then the director said we had to do that wedding pose at the end, but -”
they jump away from each other, sunhwa stumbling over her bag and falling to the ground, pouting as she looks up at himchan who's looking at her with a silly grin on his face. the b.a.p. members reach the practice room and look between the two of them bemusedly.
“what are you doing on the floor?” youngjae asks.
“did himchan push you?”
the boys gasp as they turn on himchan, who just protests and tells them to stop blaming him for everything. yongguk just grins and starts to slowly usher the kids away, winking at the two of them as he leaves too.
himchan holds out his hand, helping sunhwa up and she scowls. he coughs, catching her attention and a blush automatically creeps onto her face again. she should find it weird that despite being interrupted, they fall right back into their little moment, but she forgets all about it when himchan leans closer and -
“what are you two doing?!”
dance practice ends up in a mess, her legs don’t cooperate at all and the knowing looks the others give her don’t help much either. she ignores everything and everyone around her, drifting off into her own world full of black eyes, a low voice and possible kissing scenarios where no one interrupts them.
it might be the wrong timing - having a husband, making a comeback, being busy - but she doesn’t care. she doesn’t want to think about maybe’s and what if’s. for once she doesn’t want to wonder what could be or what could have been.
she will think about the consequences later.
(a/n: so. i don't really know where i was going with this. i drifted away from the prompt a little, but i don't care: it's 2.4k of himchan/sunhwa. anyway, this fic is what i wish would happen. because imagine: what if she has a husband and a boyfriend? how can she continue the show? kissing himchan before leaving to film the show with kwanghee? what if kwanghee kisses her? would himchan get jealous? should she try to make himchan jealous? what if kwanghee finds out? what if the production crew finds out, she would get into so much trouble. they would make her quit the show halfway and people would be left wondering what crime she committed to get kicked off.
but to be honest, i don't care. as long as she has himchan.)
himchan/sunhwa ; pg ; 2409 words
excluding all what if’s, sunhwa has a pretty good life.
» 30 days » day twenty-four » knowledge.
she doesn’t know what it is. to be honest, she doesn’t even want to know. she’s content with blaming it on hormones and stress, desperation off never finding that special someone finally taking over.
she’s glad for busy schedules, they prevent her from thinking too much, but most of all they prevent her from seeing himchan. no more late night dance practices in the studio, no bumping into each other at the company building, no overanalyzing his smile, or the way he scrunches up his nose when he isn’t happy, or how he pouts in the most adorable way when someone teases him.
her schedules are life savers.
sunhwa knows she stares at him, hell she even knows he catches her staring one too many times. he’ll get that knowing look on his face, half smirking, half blushing and she doesn’t care about getting caught staring, as long as he keeps looking at her like that.
even though it really isn’t good for her. because what if it actually means something. it doesn’t, but still. what if.
being from the same company means appearing in each other’s shows, stepping by at the filming set of a new music video and doing interviews together. sunhwa knows she’s supposed to pay attention to the filming, but he’s standing behind her, massaging her shoulders and making stupid comments. she finds herself laughing, leaning back just a little more so his chest is touching her back.
the what are you two doing? brings her back to earth and she flushes bright red, stepping forward so his hands slip off her shoulders. she lets out a small sigh at the loss, but quickly covers it with yelling at hyosung to focus on her own parts instead.
himchan says she’s his ideal type. she isn’t sure if he just says that because she’s his senior, or because she’s part of the same company or simply, because he actually means it. she doesn’t know if she wants to know the answer to it either. because what if.
what good can come out of it.
“are you nervous?” he murmurs into her ear.
she sits up with a start, heart beating loudly in her chest because god damn it, his face is just a couple of centimeters away from her, doesn’t he know what he’s doing? and then he leans back, with that smirk on his face.
she gulps.
“no, don’t be stupid. i've done this so many times before, why should i be nervous?”
but she is. her hands are shaking, multiple scenarios of failures flying through her head, dance routine repeating itself over and over. she wonders when he learned to read her so well.
“it’s alright to be nervous. that’s what you said to me, remember?”
black eyes are watching her intently and she shudders. she remembers. it was in another lifetime, when he was still preparing for debut, a couple of minutes before his first appearance as an mc. she told him, because it felt like the right thing to say. she doesn’t think it was.
“there’s no need to be nervous.”
he nods. “right.”
every idol dreams of being cast in certain shows. when you’re a rookie, star king is the place to go. when you’re not-a-rookie-but-not-an-idol-either, you hope for strong heart, or some other talk show that gets your face known amongst the public. and when you’ve finally established yourself as a proper idol, you want to be cast in we got married.
the show that gives you permission to date in public.
sunhwa isn’t sure what to think of that. because of all people, it had to be kwanghee. her friend. sort of. as far as you can have friends in this industry. she likes him though, his brightness never fails to cheer her up, no matter how much it annoys her sometimes too. she just hoped it would be someone new, someone that could make her company sweat because what if.
even siwan would have been fine. a friend of a friend, not awkward but not comfortable either. then again, she wouldn’t be able to wear heels. or act dumb. no, maybe it’s better to be paired up with kwanghee. he knows her, there’s no pressure.
but there’s still two words repeating in her head. what if.
“what if you start liking him like that?” jieun asks her after a shoot with him.
they’re in the dance studio, waiting for b.a.p. to finish their dance practice so they can take over, practicing until the early morning. the beats of the song crash into her body, her heart tuning itself to it automatically and she forces herself to look away.
“not a chance.” she half laughs, slapping her friend’s arm playfully. “it’s kwanghee, how can i like him?”
jieun laughs with her, shaking her head. “okay, so it’s unlikely it will happen. but what if he turns out to be prince charming? what if he is manly and romantic and everything you always wanted? you could start liking him.”
the music stops, heavy breathing filling up the room. she sees black eyes watching her through the mirror.
“not a chance.”
“i met your husband today.”
she snorts.
“he’s quite possessive of you.”
another snort.
“i think he actually likes you.”
yet another snort.
“don’t you think he’s taking this thing too seriously?”
she looks up, smile playing on her lips. “probably. but what do you expect, it’s kwanghee. he doesn’t really have a grip on reality.”
“do you take it seriously?”
she’s ready to answer, but then she pauses. her smile falters as she squints at him. “are you taking it seriously?”
he avoids her eyes, playing with the cups on the table.
“what do you want me to say himchan?” she asks after a while.
“i don’t know.”
she sighs and takes a strand of hair between her fingers, twirling it around.
“i don’t know either.”
“it’s so nice to finally meet you!”
kwanghee’s brightness annoys her. she’s glad her annoyed face looks similar to her jealous face, it saves her from pretending and blowing her cover. she glares at kwanghee, standing in between him and hyosung and makes sure to mention siwan in her next sentence. it gets the effect she wants and kwanghee is silent. for a couple of seconds.
meeting each other’s groups is just part of the ritual, just like acting jealous, possessive and in love. she puts on a fake smile as she sees the ze:a members walking into the room, playing her part as she walks towards siwan. she hides her real smile as she sees kwanghee’s smile turning into a pout, making small talk with the other members, but staying close to siwan at all times.
before she knows it the boys are complaining about being hungry and she’s ushered into the kitchen. siwan has followed her, gently taking the plates out of her hands and helping her set the table. she mouths a thanks and he shrugs, gesturing to kwanghee.
“seems like your husband is busy with your band members.”
sunhwa looks over at them and raises an eyebrow. “we all know how much he loves hyosung and zinger.”
siwan chuckles and stands next to her. “you aren’t jealous.”
“no.”
“he is.”
despite not wanting too, she smiles. it isn’t that she takes pleasure in leading him on. it’s part of the program for her, there’s no real emotion. she’s just pleased to know someone likes her for once, not hyosung or jieun or zinger. no, he likes sunhwa.
“he’ll get over it.”
“let’s hope so. i’m not looking forward to him whining about my sunhwa all day.”
they laugh and sunhwa wonders what would have happened if it was siwan instead of kwanghee. would they be comfortable, or would they hardly talk, fighting all the time. perhaps people would think they’re an awkward couple, begging the producers to take them off the show. or people could love them, the handsome actor and the silly girl, having a fake love affair. would she get caught up in the moment, forget about the world and think of him as her one and only?
she glances at siwan and imagines him as her husband. boyfriend even. it doesn’t seem right, no matter how she puts it. but what if.
“a lot of people like our sunhwa,” hyosung exclaims, clasping sunhwa’s arm excitedly. “you should treat her better, she might run off with someone else.”
kwanghee gasps, pursing his lips in dissatisfaction and his band members burst out laughing. “i can’t imagine anyone liking someone like her.”
sunhwa slaps his arm, pretending to be annoyed but she’s actually amused. “as if someone would like you,” she retorts.
“seems like we will only have each other,” kwanghee says, smile on his face.
she shakes her head, pushing his arms away from her while laughing. “no, i don’t want to. there has to be someone else for me! help me, jieunnie, please tell me you know someone.”
“well, there’s himchan of course…”
her heart skips a beat at the simple mention of his name and she gulps down all her feelings. “he’s fine, maybe i should meet up with him next week!” she exclaims.
kwanghee’s protest gets mingled with the table bursting out in laughter and she doesn’t even try to follow the conversation that follows. she repeats her words softly to herself and has to bite back a curse when she realizes she means every word of it.
she’s avoiding him. she’s not really trying, because she is busy and doesn’t have time for anything else than dance practice and the occasional filming, but inside the company building she does avoid him. no more turning up earlier for dance practice to see him dance, no staying behind after practice.
she knows he has watched the show. jongup told yongguk, who told jieun, who told hyosung who told sunhwa. she doesn’t know what he thinks of it though. every other person wouldn’t think anything about her comment, it was just something she said to make kwanghee jealous. but he isn’t every other person. he’s himchan, the boy with the black eyes who knows what she’s feeling with just a simple glance.
she turns around the corner, slowing down as she sees a familiar figure sitting in front of the practice room. another thing she wasn’t good at. avoiding people.
he looks up, tired smile forming on his face as he sees it’s her.
“hey stranger.”
she smiles awkwardly, bag dropping on the floor beside him. “hey.”
he stands up, his hood falling of his head and her eyes open wide as she sees
“oh my god, they cut your hair. you look like a devil again.”
she slaps her hand in front of her mouth once as he chuckles, brushing a hand through his hair.
“it will grow.”
“aren’t you done with promotions though?”she looks at his hair worriedly. “why did you need a new haircut?” then it dawns on her. “please tell me you didn’t ask for this haircut.”
“well…”
“himchan!”
“the long hair bothered me. let me enjoy my free time with a new haircut.”
she grimaces. “unless you’re planning to avoid the mirror, i don’t see how you can enjoy…this.”
“hey!” he pinches her arm, smile on his face.
sunhwa can’t help but smile back and for a moment it feels like nothing’s wrong. until he brings it up of course.
“so when do we start filming?”
“shut up.”
“i’m serious.”
“so am i.”
she picks up her bag from the floor and moves past him, opening the door to the practice room. he grabs her arm and turns her around. she pulls her arm back, but he doesn’t let go.
“there is something. between us. right?”
a blush spreads on her cheeks as she nods slowly.
“are you taking you and him seriously?”
she thinks back to their conversation a couple of weeks ago. “are you?”
a smirk appears on his face and her heart starts to beat faster. “no.”
“me neither.”
as he leans in a smile appears on her face, heart fluttering and fingers shaking. her breath hitches when she realizes this is actually happening right now and oh my god, i have a husband. a fake one, but still a husband. and what if he finds out? how am i supposed to pretend kwanghee’s my husband when i have a boyfr- wait, will himchan be her…what are they going to do? what are they going to tell the others? what will the company say and -
“stop thinking so much,” himchan mutters.
if possible, she turns even redder. his thumb is stroking her cheek, black eyes burning right into her soul and this is it, this is -
“and then the director said we had to do that wedding pose at the end, but -”
they jump away from each other, sunhwa stumbling over her bag and falling to the ground, pouting as she looks up at himchan who's looking at her with a silly grin on his face. the b.a.p. members reach the practice room and look between the two of them bemusedly.
“what are you doing on the floor?” youngjae asks.
“did himchan push you?”
the boys gasp as they turn on himchan, who just protests and tells them to stop blaming him for everything. yongguk just grins and starts to slowly usher the kids away, winking at the two of them as he leaves too.
himchan holds out his hand, helping sunhwa up and she scowls. he coughs, catching her attention and a blush automatically creeps onto her face again. she should find it weird that despite being interrupted, they fall right back into their little moment, but she forgets all about it when himchan leans closer and -
“what are you two doing?!”
dance practice ends up in a mess, her legs don’t cooperate at all and the knowing looks the others give her don’t help much either. she ignores everything and everyone around her, drifting off into her own world full of black eyes, a low voice and possible kissing scenarios where no one interrupts them.
it might be the wrong timing - having a husband, making a comeback, being busy - but she doesn’t care. she doesn’t want to think about maybe’s and what if’s. for once she doesn’t want to wonder what could be or what could have been.
she will think about the consequences later.
(a/n: so. i don't really know where i was going with this. i drifted away from the prompt a little, but i don't care: it's 2.4k of himchan/sunhwa. anyway, this fic is what i wish would happen. because imagine: what if she has a husband and a boyfriend? how can she continue the show? kissing himchan before leaving to film the show with kwanghee? what if kwanghee kisses her? would himchan get jealous? should she try to make himchan jealous? what if kwanghee finds out? what if the production crew finds out, she would get into so much trouble. they would make her quit the show halfway and people would be left wondering what crime she committed to get kicked off.
but to be honest, i don't care. as long as she has himchan.)