thirty days ; 23
infinite ; tell me lies, i will believe them
myungsoo/sungyeol ; pg ; 860 words
feelings don’t exist in his world. they shouldn’t anyway.
» 30 days » day twenty-three » thousand.
vi.
afterwards, sungyeol holds him back.
“i didn’t mean it like that,” he says.
blood circulation to his legs seems to have stopped, myungsoo can barely move forward and all he can do is nod dumbly.
“i know.”
“no, you don’t.” sungyeol shakes his head, fingers shaking when they reach for myungsoo’s hand. “i didn’t mean L. i meant myungsoo.”
myungsoo frowns.
“i would. i want to. not as a girl, but as me. right now.”
it’s stuttered, slurred even, and myungsoo has a hard time understanding the words as they are, but it’s harder when his heart is pounding in his ears blurring every sound out.
“what?”
sungyeol looks down, tangling their fingers together.
his fingers are cold. just like his feet.
yet they still set myungsoo’s skin on fire.
“i like you.”
and so do his words.
v.
he wouldn’t have paid attention to what any of them said, if it wasn’t for sungyeol squeezing his leg and saying his name.
“ - pick L, because he’s the most trustworthy guy of all of them.” laughter. “no, but really. i wouldn’t mind having him as my boyfriend, he’d take care of me and never cheat on me.”
myungsoo gulps. react normally, what’s the proper reaction for this? what is this anyway? a joke, teasing, incoherency, a confession?
he puts on a smile and accepts the microphone from sungyeol. he doesn’t remember the question, so he looks at the screen behind the interviewer, making out the words
who would you date if you were a girl?
and he doesn’t really have time to think of a proper answer, but he doesn’t think it matters. not for him anyway.
“i would date sungyeol. i just like him the best.”
the boys react with pokes, jealous exclaims of what about us?, whines and backhugs, but myungsoo doesn’t really notice any of it, because sungyeol is smiling at him and stroking his leg.
iv.
sungyeol collapses to the floor, hands pressing on his stomach as he breathes heavily. myungsoo falls to his knees, hunched over as he leans on his hands. drops of sweat make their way from his hair to the tip of his nose, eventually losing their battle with gravity and falling to the ground. myungsoo wonders if a puddle will form if he sits there long enough.
“i'm never going to do this again. screw six packs and muscles, i don’t want them anyway.”
“you always say that, sungyeol.”
“it’s true this time.”
“liar.”
sungyeol laughs, sitting up and leaning closer. myungsoo follows a drop of sweat until it disappears in the front of his wifebeater. he wants the words to be true though. he wants to stop all of this, so he can go back to being himself and not train to be one of the same. he doesn’t want to be just another pretty face with a great body. he wants to be just myungsoo.
“i never lie.”
myungsoo snorts. “and i'm not lying when i say i'm the most handsome guy in the group.”
“you are.”
“hmm?”
sungyeol sighs, flicking his hair out of his face. his tone is soft when he finally replies. “you are lying. you are the most handsome of us all.”
myungsoo pretends he doesn’t feel that familiar stab in his chest.
“yet another lie. besides, i know you’ve been waiting to take over the pretty boy place. and that’s why -” myungsoo pushes himself up, standing straight. “ - you keep working out until your body is better than woohyun’s. because you’ll have everything then. looks, length, body. right?”
then he runs away. it’s the only reaction that is still his.
iii.
sungyeol rolls around the floor, clutching his stomach and body bumping into myungsoo. laughter booms around the room and myungsoo looks around, cameras filming their every move 'cause over the top reactions, laughter that isn’t real or maybe it is. he isn’t sure.
it’s funny, it really is. normally he would be like the others, rolling around and feet kicking anything in sight, tears forming in his eyes as he gasps for air.
myungsoo sighs and searches for the right reaction among all the instructions he was forced to remember.
he sighs and settles for a half-smirk.
ii.
sungyeol’s cold feet find their way between his legs, the cold seeping into his skin like it belongs there, which in a way is true because L doesn’t feel warmth, he has no emotion or feelings - L is just a carcass that moves and talks to their company’s wishes.
“do you think we’ll ever get used to this?” sungyeol asks.
myungsoo listens to the snores around him, feels the aches in his body, the iron grip the tiredness holds him in, the weight of being one among thousands pressing him down, he hears the thoughts in his head that never seem to stop and thinks no. no, we never will.
“yes. of course we will.”
i.
“introduce yourself,” one of the script writers whispers. she starts counting down.
he takes a deep breath, mask firmly placed on his face. he pushes the name myungsoo to the back of his mind. he looks up and half-glares at the camera.
“i'm L, the visual.”
myungsoo/sungyeol ; pg ; 860 words
feelings don’t exist in his world. they shouldn’t anyway.
» 30 days » day twenty-three » thousand.
vi.
afterwards, sungyeol holds him back.
“i didn’t mean it like that,” he says.
blood circulation to his legs seems to have stopped, myungsoo can barely move forward and all he can do is nod dumbly.
“i know.”
“no, you don’t.” sungyeol shakes his head, fingers shaking when they reach for myungsoo’s hand. “i didn’t mean L. i meant myungsoo.”
myungsoo frowns.
“i would. i want to. not as a girl, but as me. right now.”
it’s stuttered, slurred even, and myungsoo has a hard time understanding the words as they are, but it’s harder when his heart is pounding in his ears blurring every sound out.
“what?”
sungyeol looks down, tangling their fingers together.
his fingers are cold. just like his feet.
yet they still set myungsoo’s skin on fire.
“i like you.”
and so do his words.
v.
he wouldn’t have paid attention to what any of them said, if it wasn’t for sungyeol squeezing his leg and saying his name.
“ - pick L, because he’s the most trustworthy guy of all of them.” laughter. “no, but really. i wouldn’t mind having him as my boyfriend, he’d take care of me and never cheat on me.”
myungsoo gulps. react normally, what’s the proper reaction for this? what is this anyway? a joke, teasing, incoherency, a confession?
he puts on a smile and accepts the microphone from sungyeol. he doesn’t remember the question, so he looks at the screen behind the interviewer, making out the words
who would you date if you were a girl?
and he doesn’t really have time to think of a proper answer, but he doesn’t think it matters. not for him anyway.
“i would date sungyeol. i just like him the best.”
the boys react with pokes, jealous exclaims of what about us?, whines and backhugs, but myungsoo doesn’t really notice any of it, because sungyeol is smiling at him and stroking his leg.
iv.
sungyeol collapses to the floor, hands pressing on his stomach as he breathes heavily. myungsoo falls to his knees, hunched over as he leans on his hands. drops of sweat make their way from his hair to the tip of his nose, eventually losing their battle with gravity and falling to the ground. myungsoo wonders if a puddle will form if he sits there long enough.
“i'm never going to do this again. screw six packs and muscles, i don’t want them anyway.”
“you always say that, sungyeol.”
“it’s true this time.”
“liar.”
sungyeol laughs, sitting up and leaning closer. myungsoo follows a drop of sweat until it disappears in the front of his wifebeater. he wants the words to be true though. he wants to stop all of this, so he can go back to being himself and not train to be one of the same. he doesn’t want to be just another pretty face with a great body. he wants to be just myungsoo.
“i never lie.”
myungsoo snorts. “and i'm not lying when i say i'm the most handsome guy in the group.”
“you are.”
“hmm?”
sungyeol sighs, flicking his hair out of his face. his tone is soft when he finally replies. “you are lying. you are the most handsome of us all.”
myungsoo pretends he doesn’t feel that familiar stab in his chest.
“yet another lie. besides, i know you’ve been waiting to take over the pretty boy place. and that’s why -” myungsoo pushes himself up, standing straight. “ - you keep working out until your body is better than woohyun’s. because you’ll have everything then. looks, length, body. right?”
then he runs away. it’s the only reaction that is still his.
iii.
sungyeol rolls around the floor, clutching his stomach and body bumping into myungsoo. laughter booms around the room and myungsoo looks around, cameras filming their every move 'cause over the top reactions, laughter that isn’t real or maybe it is. he isn’t sure.
it’s funny, it really is. normally he would be like the others, rolling around and feet kicking anything in sight, tears forming in his eyes as he gasps for air.
myungsoo sighs and searches for the right reaction among all the instructions he was forced to remember.
he sighs and settles for a half-smirk.
ii.
sungyeol’s cold feet find their way between his legs, the cold seeping into his skin like it belongs there, which in a way is true because L doesn’t feel warmth, he has no emotion or feelings - L is just a carcass that moves and talks to their company’s wishes.
“do you think we’ll ever get used to this?” sungyeol asks.
myungsoo listens to the snores around him, feels the aches in his body, the iron grip the tiredness holds him in, the weight of being one among thousands pressing him down, he hears the thoughts in his head that never seem to stop and thinks no. no, we never will.
“yes. of course we will.”
i.
“introduce yourself,” one of the script writers whispers. she starts counting down.
he takes a deep breath, mask firmly placed on his face. he pushes the name myungsoo to the back of his mind. he looks up and half-glares at the camera.
“i'm L, the visual.”