On a clear day you can see forever.
Hopefully this entry makes sense to me tomorrow when I read it.
Today was one of those days where out of nowhere you take a step out of yourr skin and stand there looking at your self. I got up today and decided to go for a walk in the city. I didn't go anywhere special just up by my offfice and down in the village. I didn't do anything special either just went for a walk with my ipod and my small selection of music. Maybe it was a combination of the music and just the fact that I have been doing alot off thinking about where I am and where i am going, but, on the way home from the city on the subway train everything just became clear. The train was crossing over the manhaattan bridge and Phill Collins was playing on the ipod. I remember just looking out the window and listening to the music and thinking.
i was thinking to myself , I have a great job and i work alot, and i am in the greatest city in the world. latley though i have been feeling really alone. Alone is not a feeling that I am used to feeling and it has been bothering me. I have been thinking about why I feel this way and I came to the conclusion that it is my own fault. I try to place blame so much on others that I didn't even look at the obviouse place. All my life I have been the type of person that has surounded him self with friends and felt comfortable. The only problem is that I have never let myself be comfortable with myself. Yeah I am sure of myself most of the time but most of the time that is an act. I always land on my feet no matter what gets thrown at me or what i get my selff into. Never once have i stepped back and looked at that and done soemthing for myself. Everything I have done thus far has been for someone else. i make things my own but 9 times out of 10 i got to that place because of someone else. So today out of nowhere that all just came at me like a ton of bricks.
I have got to step out of myself and open myslef to do what i want and what makes me happy. There are plenty of people in my life tht I care very much about but the one person that depends on me the most is the one I ignore.
Today was one of those days where out of nowhere you take a step out of yourr skin and stand there looking at your self. I got up today and decided to go for a walk in the city. I didn't go anywhere special just up by my offfice and down in the village. I didn't do anything special either just went for a walk with my ipod and my small selection of music. Maybe it was a combination of the music and just the fact that I have been doing alot off thinking about where I am and where i am going, but, on the way home from the city on the subway train everything just became clear. The train was crossing over the manhaattan bridge and Phill Collins was playing on the ipod. I remember just looking out the window and listening to the music and thinking.
i was thinking to myself , I have a great job and i work alot, and i am in the greatest city in the world. latley though i have been feeling really alone. Alone is not a feeling that I am used to feeling and it has been bothering me. I have been thinking about why I feel this way and I came to the conclusion that it is my own fault. I try to place blame so much on others that I didn't even look at the obviouse place. All my life I have been the type of person that has surounded him self with friends and felt comfortable. The only problem is that I have never let myself be comfortable with myself. Yeah I am sure of myself most of the time but most of the time that is an act. I always land on my feet no matter what gets thrown at me or what i get my selff into. Never once have i stepped back and looked at that and done soemthing for myself. Everything I have done thus far has been for someone else. i make things my own but 9 times out of 10 i got to that place because of someone else. So today out of nowhere that all just came at me like a ton of bricks.
I have got to step out of myself and open myslef to do what i want and what makes me happy. There are plenty of people in my life tht I care very much about but the one person that depends on me the most is the one I ignore.