Thirst for Flavor
Note to Self: Too much Ginger and Garlic dont add flavor to food.
Right now, I feel as if one of those soap opera opening credit sequences is flashing through my mind, except that instead of people there are drinks. I'm so desperate. I have bought this bottle of sparkling apple cider, but I refuse to open it. I'm not drinking that until I leave this country. I don't care how bad it will taste after all the time. Besides, I figure it'll just ferment anyway and give it all a bit more kick.
Anyways, I went to the supermarket and bought 36 cans of coke and the fridge is crammed. I guess that should be enough for tomorrow else you would see a very unhappy guy. I don’t feel like drinking the coke. I want to have a beer. I forgot to get one. How could I overlook beer? How could I be such foolish? It wasn’t me really; my friends EPOCH and NOOK would not wait.
Look at these empty bottles around me though. It's shameful. People are always yelling at me because when I drink something, I usually leave that little tiny bit at the bottom of the bottle, you know, those few drops that sink into the little cavities at the deepest insets of the thing? I don't know. I suppose it just isn't supposed to be. I mean, you drink it, and there's no carbonation, only syrup, or no syrup, just water. It's not right. I mean, if you eat an apple, you don't eat the stem do you? Same thing.
When I close my eyes I can see the liquor shop with a treasure chest of icy cold, you guessed it, unopened bottles of pure sweet beer nectar. Fuck that. I'm in my boxers boiling in this room, and I'm not going to get the beer now and have some sort of heart attack going from one temperature extreme to the other needlessly. Yea, it’s cold outside.
Maybe I'll just lick the bottle caps lying all around my floor. Yes, that could work. Hmm... let's try...
Okay.
Yeah.
Wow.
Really...That's... That's just disgusting... Oh! Wait...
I just need flavor. I guess I can just open one of those coke cans now. Yeah, now is a good time for one, don’t you think. Let’s see.
*opens a ice cold can of coke
The reason that I got shit load of coke today is coz I was really pissed of this morning when I had nothing to drink but water. That actually took me back to my post a few days ago and how I bitched about me hating to drink water in the morning. So I decided I don’t want to throw away the rest of the week waking up just to water.
Com'on what's a guy to do? Water water everywhere but not a drop of flavor. I was like going to go crazy. So I got in the shower and got ready for the job interview early, headed down to the city and paid a shit load of money unnecessarily for a tiny little cup of juice.
Okay, yea i had this job interview today. Wait don't get all excited too soon. It was not for a huge managerial position but just the same shit i hate... another phone job...but yea I needed change. So, I reach 15 minutes early as i started early so i could get something to drink on my way. Anyways, the interview was so non-momentous. The bitch was like "What are your career goals" and i was like "Listen bitch, if i knew that why the fuck would i be sitting in front of your seedy face today." then she was like "Where do you see yourself in next 2 years?" and I was like "Ha! Sure somewhere but not here...you ugly skank." Pccch...
Anyways coming back to my rant, you got to understand, it takes a lot of beverage to satisfy this man. Oh yeah, you know it baby. I can down more liquid than an aussie can booze, and believe me, I know what I'm talking about. Seriously though, I'm convinced of the idea of them making like some kind of liquid capsule, you know, like a plastic contained giant pill shaped thing full of soda or something. You just put the tip in your mouth, press a button on the bottom, and the pellet of liquid shoots inside you. That's basically how I drink sometimes. I'm like a vacuum.
Okay, maybe not. But you get the idea. I need my liquids. The beverage is my spinach. It's my lasagna. It's my KRYPTONITE for kryptonite, whatever that means.
*pauses to get a mandarin out of desperation.
See... *begins to say while sucking down juicy sections of fleshy flavor... these go good with coke. The thing about these bloody things is while they are easy to peel, they are overflowing with juice. It's like trying to take the sheets of a waterbed without making it swish a bout, except this thing isn't sealed off. It gets everywhere. I feel like I am just in some sort of fruit fetish porn.
"Yeah, you like that... huh? You want some more juice?"
"Yeah baby..."
"Oh yeah… you're such juicy..."
"Oh yeah...squeeze my citrus all up and down...”
What? Oh!!! Shush you... Sshhhh... Ok that was weird but be glad I didn't go for the banana.
Anyways, it actually helped. Now I'm not thirsty and don't fancy any kind of drink at all. Oh this is good. So I'll not just rot away inside like a mummy in some sarcophagus of thirst and dissatisfaction. Oh the metaphors--the metaphors!! I can't take it, I tells ya... *looks at the coke can closely ..."My precious."
Jesus christ the juice in these things: it's like the size of a plum and it's got more in it than a watermelon. Oh yeah.