Life is so like evil with MIKE-C4

Mar 24, 2006 21:15


You know, the funny thing is, all I do is try to argue with people that I'm an incredibly serious person. I don't know why I act all random and weird. I think, sometimes it's to push people away. I don’t know. Sometimes being alone feels safer or not safer maybe, but more right. Sometimes I feel like I just don't deserve to be near anything that breathes.

I try and just calm my thoughts and jot them down somehow. I want the world to hear them, or well, just someone would be enough for a start. I just can't. I try. It's just hard. When you're constantly abandoned, neglected and uncared for by your closest friends and loved ones, you sort of develop a system of self. I am not speaking of something recent or someone in particular but its something I have noticed in course of time.

Anyways, it's like I'm in my own little country with my own little passport and language. If you're not from the Island-Nation of Me, we send men with guns out to escort you back home.

I'm really going to try though. I am actually going to try to be happy. Yay! I owe it to myself to figure this all out and to just be frank. I'm so tired of all the delays and crypticism and what have you. I just want to get it out there and say, hey look at that, I did that. Now I want to cry.

I'm so confused.

There was once upon a time I was happy. I felt like nothing mattered in life and everything was sort of cool. I feel like I've to backtrack my steps and find out where it all changed. But it’s easier said than done. Aren’t we supposed to be moving forward? I am scared coz I don’t want to go so far that nothing could pull me out of my shell. That is what is keeping me from moving on and coping up with all the changes in my life since past four years.

Well, on a different topic, it’s fucking hot in my room. I swear to god I could kill for a cold beer right now.

* closes eyes and thinks of beer

“Ahhhh!!!! BEER…Oh!! Wait!!! I see my AMY LEE too.”

That’s what I need guys, Beer and Amy Lee... I need Amyleer.

Okay, so I have checked the refrigerator twice and it’s still empty. First time I checked it was empty and 20 mins later I checked it again and guess what... it’s still empty. I guess its normal to check your fridge a few times hoping that something might actually turn up miraculously coz you are just too fucking lazy to take your ass out and buy some drinks to put it in the goddam fridge.

Just think about it, if they have refrigerators that can like communicate with each other and can keep stock of the drinks and food in it. Yes, I know there’s something similar out there... it’s not a novel idea. I am not talking of those with the internet and shit built into it but I am thinking of those which can think and ones with food downloading capabilities. Like I could walk up to my fridge, MIKE-C4, when out of beer and say...

ME: “Hey, MIKE we are out of Crown Larger. Get me one, I am thirsty.”
MIKE: “... beep... beep... beep. Mike-C4 here, BEER_TYPE=CROWN_LARGER SEND_ID= C4:MIKE:AC:00:01:AA:AF.”

ME: “Com’on MIKE you are the new C4 generation fridge... just fuckin download a beer for me.”
MIKE: “I am trying to communicate to the other C4’s so I can transfer the beer from there data bank to mine. I just need to find any node on the C4 network of refrigerators which has the value HAS_BEER >1 and BEER_TYPE=CROWN_LARGER. Once I find that I will send a data request to that particular node for molecular disintegration of the beer. It will breakdown the molecules of the beer to data packets that can be received by me via the Super Fiber Optic Cables that now transfer data at a 10 times faster speed than the normal fiber optic cables.”

ME: “Ya, that don’t make any sense, at all... just get me the beer, MIKE”
MIKE: “Hey, I found a system with CROWN_LARGER and it has started the data transfer.”

ME: “Good!!! See that’s why I bought you... okay where’s the beer”
MIKE: “Ya, I am waiting for all the data packets to be transferred so that I can assemble them together. Once I get that I’ll just have to match the start address of each packet to the finish addresses, sort them in sequence and run the molecular assimilation program to convert the packets into the beer.”

ME: “You got to be fuckin kidding me... just gimme my goddam beer for crying out loud.”
MIKE: “Yea and I also need to debit you bank a/c with the money for the beer and the money for the data download, which will be 1cent/MB.”

ME: “Okay, so do that... 1c for 1MB, aye... not bad... how much will that be”
MIKE: “700 ML of BEER is 7GB, so that’s $70 for 7000MB. Also it will be 30mins to download the beer so that is $18 on top because your service provider charges 1cent/sec connection charges. ”

ME: “Fuckin $88 for a bottle of beer... you must be joking, MIKE... I am already all broke since I bought you.”
MIKE: “Actually it is $96.80 10% GST applies.”

*gets a sledge-hammer, beats the shit out of MIKE-C4, walks to the Liquor shop and buys the beer for $6

I mean seriously, don’t I have something better to do? I guess not, I mean, who am I to talk? I'm writing here.

random, thoughts, story, beer, life

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