The word that scares me most...
Infertility
It's been a while since I've posted here...over 2 years. And in the time since I've been absent, a lot has happened. Mostly I've been writing in my own personal journals because my journey has been just that, insanely personal. But I am coming out from under the "personal" shell to begin to share my experience.
When you are in your 20's & living the high life, you never suspect that you can't get pregnant. You take the proper precautions to ensure you don't get pregnant and never give it a second thought. You never think "if" I can get pregnant, it's "when" I do get pregnant. When you make that decision that it's baby time, you stop taking the pill and bam, you get pregnant, right? 20 months have passed and I am still waiting for that BAM. Never did I think this would happen to me. Never did I wonder if I could have children. When Dennis & I first got married, we didn't really want children then. But we didn't want to close the door on the thought, so we got on the 5 year plan and went from there. Now I cannot imagine my life without being a mother. To go from one extreme to the other has been a very surreal journey for me...and to repeatedly have "no" be in my fertile language is heartbreaking.
Throughout this journey, my relationship with Dennis has grown in leaps & bounds. I am so blessed by that man. Throughout this journey, my faith has been tested and stretched...but is stronger than ever. I am so blessed by my God. Throughout this journey, I have found support in ways I never imagined and had disappointments that I never thought possible. But I am a stronger woman through all of this.
We just finished the initial fertility testing...and are embarking on a journey that I never thought I would have to be on. I have learned so much about a subject that people just don't really talk about...or know that much about. What do you say to someone who can't have a baby? People don't really know. Even I don't really know. But hopefully in sharing my experience, one day, I will.
It's been a while since I've posted here...over 2 years. And in the time since I've been absent, a lot has happened. Mostly I've been writing in my own personal journals because my journey has been just that, insanely personal. But I am coming out from under the "personal" shell to begin to share my experience.
When you are in your 20's & living the high life, you never suspect that you can't get pregnant. You take the proper precautions to ensure you don't get pregnant and never give it a second thought. You never think "if" I can get pregnant, it's "when" I do get pregnant. When you make that decision that it's baby time, you stop taking the pill and bam, you get pregnant, right? 20 months have passed and I am still waiting for that BAM. Never did I think this would happen to me. Never did I wonder if I could have children. When Dennis & I first got married, we didn't really want children then. But we didn't want to close the door on the thought, so we got on the 5 year plan and went from there. Now I cannot imagine my life without being a mother. To go from one extreme to the other has been a very surreal journey for me...and to repeatedly have "no" be in my fertile language is heartbreaking.
Throughout this journey, my relationship with Dennis has grown in leaps & bounds. I am so blessed by that man. Throughout this journey, my faith has been tested and stretched...but is stronger than ever. I am so blessed by my God. Throughout this journey, I have found support in ways I never imagined and had disappointments that I never thought possible. But I am a stronger woman through all of this.
We just finished the initial fertility testing...and are embarking on a journey that I never thought I would have to be on. I have learned so much about a subject that people just don't really talk about...or know that much about. What do you say to someone who can't have a baby? People don't really know. Even I don't really know. But hopefully in sharing my experience, one day, I will.