How do you know a true friend?

[buffywnabe]

So, I think I posted about how I found out the guy I liked was dating someone. But now I wonder if it is true. I found out Saturday night that the girl I had asked about it, and I had asked her to keep a secret, had told someone I didn't want her to tell that I was asking. That older woman. Well then Saturday night when I said I could do the road trip thing, the older woman said she didn't want me to go unless I was over the guy. First of all, how the f*** is it her business if I am or not? I am so shy that it is not like I ever did anything that could be annoying or pathetic in front of him or even to her. I told her once I liked him, and then she would keep pulling me aside or pulling him along to ride in a car with us. I was just really enjoying having someone "real" (meaning not a celebrity) I found attractive even if I didn't even think anything would happen. It gave me a reason to want to look nice, to buy some sexy lingerie, etc. Even if nothing came of it, which again, I didn't think would, it was fun.

So I'm pissed at her, I'm pissed at the other person I talked to who told her. That person even told me they would keep it a secret, which they obviously didn't. One of my teacher friends, Jo, who is like my best friend, when I told her about the whole situation, she says she bets that they told him, which will really piss me off. Then, Saturday at the going away party for the girl who told my secret, she and the older woman and this other girl were just all over him. The older woman, who is married with two very young children, went up and basically straddled him from behind. It almost felt to me as if they were doing that in front of me on purpose. After she brought that up about not wanting me to go unless I was over him, my feeling were pretty hurt. I stayed at the party long enough to see the one person who had to close at the bookstore, and then left shortly after he got there. Lately I've been one of the people hanging on until the bitter end of those parties, but I just didn't feel like I was wanted there at that point. I also wonder if the "he's dating someone" story came from them on purpose.

But, if he does know, he's not acting like most of the guys I have experience with in the past. Usually when they know I like them and they don't like me, they start avoiding me or being mean to me. Since I was worried he knew, when I saw him at work last night, I didn't avoid him, but I didn't go out of my way to start a conversation with him. He started a conversation with me. He didn't have to, I was standing at the sink taking some aspirin for my headache, facing away from him where he was sitting at the table reading, and I didn't say anything to him, just walked in and went straight to the meds. He asked me a question. I don't know. I still just wonder if maybe he was ever interested. There are just all kind of comments he made that seem weird if you aren't interested. He's not someone I would ever call just a flirt that you would expect him to say those things. Aaaah!! So I'm over him I guess. But I still want him as a friend and hope they don't tell him and ruin that. Or if he already knows, that does make him one of the nicest guys I've known. It actually reminds me of the guy I had a crush on in high school that was really nice even though I don't think he liked me as more than a friend, but when he found out I liked him more, he danced with me a dance after one of the basketball games and even wrote me a very nice letter when he turned me down and gave me such a nice reason that there was no way I could ever feel bad. If he's like that guy, then even if I don't get to go out with him, I'm glad I have him as a friend. Those are the types of people I want in my life as opposed to the supposed friends who aren't understanding about when someone likes someone.