It's Doable (Starting Over 'verse) kargrif, Angel/Xander
Title: It’s Doable
Author: kargrif
Summary: Written for Dec. 07 beginning at
buffy_and_then Set soon after Angel gets introduced to the group in First Touch.
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Xander & Angel, Giles
Season: Beginning of Season 4
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: m/m lusty feelings
Word count: 1,740
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.
Beta'd by: spikeslovebite, ya'll don't know the crap you'd be reading without her. Srsly!
AN #1: I hadn’t intended to write any more of this ‘verse than the 6 parts I had planned for
buffy_and_then, but
noandwhere said: I want to read the one after the first one when Whistler introduces them in the library! I want to see Angel really notice Xander for the first time! not sure if this is what you meant but this is what the muse gave me. Hope you like.
AN #2: The last part is done and ready to post, I’ll have it up either tonight or in the morning.
***
Angel hovered in the entrance to the library, reluctant to release the swinging door. The main room was empty and he wasn’t sure what to do next. He was about to leave when Giles stepped out of the office, head stuck in a book, oblivious of Angel’s presence.
“Hey, big guy,” a voice boomed behind him, making the vampire jump. A hand slapped him on the back as the owner of the voice passed him in the doorway. Xander grinned as he scooted past him and into the library. Angel was unsure what startled him more; the easy, casual way the boy touched him, or the lighthearted grin that made his whole face light up.
“Hi,” Angel finally answered, realizing he had been staring. He cleared his throat nervously and turned towards Giles. “Whistler asked me to, uh…give you this,” he said, shifting hesitantly forward and holding the book out awkwardly in front of him.
He certainly didn’t want to add that the fashion disaster of a demon had given him the book as a way to spend more time getting to know the group. Having decided that the vampires social skills were sadly lacking, he had provided several books and artifacts to act as icebreakers until he became more comfortable with the teens and Watcher.
“Ah, yes,” Giles said, reaching out to take the book cautiously. The librarian perched his glasses back in place and examined the volume. “This is a very rare book. Thank you.”
Angel ducked his head shyly, thankful that he had lost the ability to blush centuries ago.
“What, no pressie for me?” Xander laughed when the vampire stuttered an apology. “Hey, it’s okay. I was just teasing, no worries.”
Angel nodded faintly. “Sorry. It’s just-I’m not used to being around humans that much.”
Xander eyed the vampire curiously. “Well, that’s okay, ‘cause we’re not exactly what you’d call normal humans anyway.”
Both the men moved towards the library table so Angel followed uncertainly. Xander picked up a random book from those scattered on the table and plopped down into a chair, flipping through the pages much too fast to actually be reading.
“Do you need a hand researching?” Angel asked.
Giles looked up distractedly from the tome Angel had brought. “Y-yes, if you don’t mind. We’re researching for prophecies connected to either Buffy or the Master. If you find anything, please let me know,” he mumbled, already lost into the book once more and wandering away to his office.
Left alone with Xander, Angel sat next to the teen and chose a book to begin searching through. He could feel the heat emanating from Xander and was unsure whether he wanted to move away or closer to the enticing warmth.
They continued in silence for a while before Angel finally gathered the courage to speak. “So, where are the girls?” he asked, cringing at the lame question. He shrugged inwardly; at least he hadn’t asked about the weather.
“Oh, Buffy’s trying out for some cheerleading thing. Willow went to offer moral support.”
“Why didn’t you go?” Angel wondered, hoping he wasn’t being too nosy.
Xander grinned self-depreciatingly. “Girls in short skirts tend to make me even more of a social leper than normal. I tend to speak in tongues that are not known in any human language, which often results in me either getting my face slapped or mocked until I run away in shame.”
“Oh,” Angel murmured, something settled hard deep within him. The thought of Xander chasing after and eventually getting a girlfriend filled the vampire with dread. It was one thing to tell himself that the boy would never be interested in him, but it was another to hear first hand that he was the wrong gender to even hope for a mutual attraction.
He tried to reason with his mind and heart, told himself that it was a passing thing, a reaction to being away from humanity too long and latching onto the first person to show him kindness and acceptance. It was too bad that neither would listen to his reasoning. He was falling hard for a child who would never return his affection, and yet he didn’t think he could stay away from the boy, not even to save his own heart.
“So what’s it like?”
The question startled Angel, lost so deep in his own thoughts. “Excuse me?” He shifted nervously, hoping that he hadn’t given any of his inner brooding a voice for Xander to hear.
“The soul. It’s okay if you don’t wanna tell me, but Whistler said it was pretty harsh.”
Angel looked into the boy’s eyes and saw nothing but honest interest and sympathy and found he wanted to tell him. To bare his soul, so to speak, and share a connection with this person who had welcomed him so readily.
“It is. Harsh, that is,” Angel began slowly. “It was almost…crushing,” he said, struggling to find the words to describe the pain and torment of those first years, as well as the despair and loneliness since then. “I think I would have been happy to dust for at least a decade but I couldn’t do it. I used to stand in doorways just outside of the sunlight and wish for the strength to take those last few steps.”
He glanced at Xander to make sure that his story wasn’t upsetting the boy. Wide, shining eyes stared back with compassion, so he continued. “Everything was so harsh and cold. I was a vampire for over a century, but I never really felt the cold before, not until the soul. In the beginning, I was crazy; the images and voices of all those that I killed came back to punish me. I couldn’t escape, not from them; the ghosts of all the people I murdered,” he mumbled the last, unaware that he had began to rub his chest in agitation. Warm fingers wrapped comfortingly around his other hand and he looked up in surprise.
“And the loophole? Whistler said it was gone, but do you know what it was? And would you have used it if you had known?”
“No, I didn’t know. Gypsies aren’t big on letting you in on their plans, especially when their plans include cursing you,” the vampire said wryly.
Xander laughed and Angel felt the loss keenly as he let his fingers slip away before turning serious once more. “And would you have used it if you had?”
Angel pondered that question for a moment before answering. “I’d like to say no, but those first few years, I think I would have been so desperate to stop feeling that way, I would have done anything.”
Xander nodded slowly. “I get that.”
Angel worried about the shadows in his new friends eyes. They held an unknown pain that the vampire wished to erase.
The sound of glass breaking shattered the moment and both were up and moving quickly to the office door. They found Giles swearing and muttering, standing over a broken teacup with the book Angel had given him in hand. He ignored the glass as he frantically read and re-read the page. “No…must be a way…it can’t be-”
Xander rushed into the room. “Giles, what’s wrong?”
Angel stood in the doorway, uncertain he would be welcome in the Watcher’s private area.
Giles glanced up, startled, looking as if he had forgotten their presence. “N-nothing. I-it’s nothing for you to worry about.”
Xander crossed his arms, trying his best for a Willow resolve face, the same one she used on him when he tried to lie his way out of schoolwork. “Try it again, with more conviction this time.”
Sighing, Giles sat down in his chair heavily. “It’s the Codex. It contains many prophecies that have already come to pass. I’ve…I’ve found one about Buffy and the Master,” he added quietly. He picked up the book he had dropped on the desk and read aloud, “Ho korias phanaytie toutay...tay nuktee.”
“And for those in the audience that can barely speak English?” Xander joked, trying to ease the growing tension in the room.
'The Master shall rise, and the Slayer shall…” Angel paused, looking even paler than normal.
“Shall? Kick his ass, right?” the boy asked weakly.
Giles stood slowly, his face downturned. “The Slayer shall face the Master and…die. In the process, the Master will break free of his prison, open the Hellmouth, and let loose hell on Earth,” he finished, finally looking up at the other two men.
Xander fell back into the office chair. The silence stretched on, the only sound in the room was the shaking of Xander’s leg as he sat biting his nails. He jumped up suddenly and turned to Giles. “The Master is trapped underground right?” he asked, pointing a finger distractedly.
“Y-yes, but what-“
“That means Buffy would have to go underground to face him,” Xander clarified.
“Yes, but-“
Xander spread his arms as if to say ‘well there you are’. “So Buffy doesn’t go.”
Giles stripped the glasses from his face in annoyance. “The situation is much more complex than that, Xander. The Codex is never wrong.”
Xander snorted. “So we make it wrong. Buffy doesn’t go. Buffy doesn’t face the Master. Ergo, Buffy doesn’t die.”
Giles began to pace in the small amount of space he had left in his office. “Y-you can’t just ignore a prophecy. It isn’t that simple.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” Giles asked, bewildered.
“Why can’t it be that simple?”
“B-because-”
“Because why?” Xander demanded. “Because some weird, stinky dudes born in another century say so? Hello! Nineteenth century here.”
“Twentieth,” Angel coughed quietly.
“Whatever,” Xander scoffed, waving his hand in the air. “The point is; we make our own choices. We don’t have to do it just because someone wrote it in a book.”
“So we just…” Giles trailed off, flustered over Xander’s plan.
“Ignore it, yes. Just like my Geometry homework. Hey, seventeen years of slacking can’t be wrong. It’s a doable plan, as Mrs. Westinghouse will testify.”
Giles sighed in exasperation. “Xander, the math teacher is named Maples.”
“See! Total avoidance is the way to go!” Xander grinned proudly.
Xander watched as the two men stared at each other, trying to come to terms with the idea.
Finally Angel shrugged. “He has a point. If she doesn’t go…”
“Then she won’t die,” Giles finished for him.
Slowly, Angel and Giles began to smile.