What am I to do?
Right now I have been trying my best to stay away from a horrible problem at home. My brother and his wife have been very difficult. I know that we all have our faults and no one is the victim. I really did think my keeping to myself would make things work but that doesn't seem to work at all. I haven't been sleeping at home for like the past week and a half because of the way things are. Once I do get home I only sleep for a little while and then have to start the day. But this weekend has been very tough on me. For the first time in over a year I had to call out of work because of how physically ill I became in response to the situation. I am still feeling rather upset and ill. I don't need to add to the stress I already have, especially with classes starting tomorrow. I feel so stressed out that I'm completely overwhelmed, to the point where I feel like droping my classes just so I wont have to deal with the added stress. But I know that it wouldn't help me at all to do that. I make so many mistakes and yet I feel as if this time (as wrong as I can be) that I'm not being unreasonable. I just want my own room and my space to call my own. Its been far too long for my brother to use the excuses that he does as to why that room of his isn't cleaned out. I have always done my best to keep a civil tongue with his wife, but her attitude and behavior is just too much. I feel as if I'm being pushed out of the house, much like how I was pushed out of our childhood room. The house is always a constant mess. I do my best to pick up after myself and keep things organized, but it still seems as if nothing is really being done. I'm not a neat freak (far from it), however I cant keep living in the house with its current condition. Back the feeling of being pushed out, not only emotionally, but physically. Why is it so much to ask for a place of my own, a room, a space that does not contain anything of anyone else. I deserve my privacy, I am 22 yrs old. I have been living in that house my whole life and I have done my best to adjust to all the differences that occur, but this is far more difficult. There is someone living in the house who has never been a part of the family before. We all need to adjust. But I think the biggest adjustments that need to be made are by that person. They are coming into a home that they had been in before but never lived in. We are a family unit, messed up as we are, but she is not an original part of the family, she's an addition and as such needs to remember her place in the household. I'm sure she would not want me walking around in her childhood home dressed inappropriately and getting mad at her for insignificant things. I am aware of many things and always have been, but I realize that being a witness doesn't mean I understand the entire situation. As it has been pointed out to me. However, I feel that we do need to read deeper into situations and what is said. Without looking deeper and trying to understand as much as we can we will not learn and thus repeat the same mistakes again. I know that this means I will need to make efforts to find a middle ground that all can agree upon. Seeking advice on the situation I listened, and hardly spoke--they spoke of what will happen (which it did), gave reasoning behind it-- which allowed me to understand. I feel as if it is evident to those around that there is a major problem. I keep asking myself if I am crazy for feeling as I do. Am I the only one seeing this? I have others that agree, in their own way, as to what I suspect. So maybe I'm not crazy, maybe.