feeling strangely fine
Lately I've been feeling...
as defeated by my own self-destructiveness as usual and I want it to stop. I think I've broken it down to Social Anxiety Disorder where I fear many social situations with much concern of being judged and ridiculed by people in that concurrent situation. Also self confidence is at an all too normal low for me, not thinking I'm good enough for anyone and
thinking that everything I do will end in failure. I figured that a self-improving idealism would help me overcome what I fear, but it only gets lost in the shuffle of everyday anxiety. I find myself seeking the pleasure of uptaining tangible objects to satisfy this urge to be happy... although it is a temporary happiness... it's a happiness non the less. This also explains my much addictive personality and the need for one kind of drug or another in my system at all times. I may seem healthy physically but mentally I am quite disturbed. I feel that my potential as a human being is being restricted to the point that I don't even have the realization of how amazing a person I can be. There is so much love to be given and so much life to be lived that it overwhelms me in this comatose state of depression. I spend many hours of my day sitting and thinking about what I don’t have and who I am not like. I often find comfort in music and the love of my girlfriend, but I need more than temporary comfort, I need seek treatment and overcome these feelings of failure and unappreciation for what I have and who I am.
it is sad to say yet most accurate that I am my own worst enemy.
as defeated by my own self-destructiveness as usual and I want it to stop. I think I've broken it down to Social Anxiety Disorder where I fear many social situations with much concern of being judged and ridiculed by people in that concurrent situation. Also self confidence is at an all too normal low for me, not thinking I'm good enough for anyone and
thinking that everything I do will end in failure. I figured that a self-improving idealism would help me overcome what I fear, but it only gets lost in the shuffle of everyday anxiety. I find myself seeking the pleasure of uptaining tangible objects to satisfy this urge to be happy... although it is a temporary happiness... it's a happiness non the less. This also explains my much addictive personality and the need for one kind of drug or another in my system at all times. I may seem healthy physically but mentally I am quite disturbed. I feel that my potential as a human being is being restricted to the point that I don't even have the realization of how amazing a person I can be. There is so much love to be given and so much life to be lived that it overwhelms me in this comatose state of depression. I spend many hours of my day sitting and thinking about what I don’t have and who I am not like. I often find comfort in music and the love of my girlfriend, but I need more than temporary comfort, I need seek treatment and overcome these feelings of failure and unappreciation for what I have and who I am.
it is sad to say yet most accurate that I am my own worst enemy.