(no subject)
i went for a walk, late as it is. for some strange reason, my mp3 player seemed to be in tune with me, playing sad, slow, somber music to fit my mood. i've felt strange today. i've felt like nothing has connected, like something has been dislogded and i've been going in circles because of it. i don't know, it just seems hard to focus on...life in general. but i now know why.
my psychic mp3 player eerily kept playing slow, somber music, and in line with that "under the bridge" started playing. it is one of my favorite songs, one of only a few that i never grow tired of listening to. but, something odd happened that had never happened before. the mood of the intro flowed perfectly, and then the verses started. the first lyrics were sung, "sometimes i feel like i don't have a partner". for the first time ever, i couldn't relate to the song. maybe i had never listened to it that closely, or paid attention to it (as we do when we here a song so many times). here i was, completely immersed in the mood of the song, and the first lyric was simply not true. it's been a very long time since i've felt completely alone. even now with Erica half a state away, i don't feel alone. it completely ruined the moment for me. here i was, enjoying a song that fit my mood, and suddenly, everything is ruined because lyrics made me think about Erica and become happy!
you never really notice what someone means until they are gone a little bit. in the marines, i got so use to missing Erica that it seemed strange to actually enjoy being with her. now, i've gotten so use to the joy of having her around that being without her is too much. no, i don't sit around pining for her all day. but, i am much more scatterbrained that normal. i meant to do like seven things today and ended up doing none of them. normaly if Erica is in boone and i'm not spending time with her, i'm productive. i think "i'm not spending time with Erica, so i better be doing something productive". that way, if i'm not spending time with Erica, i'm atleast getting something done (and by doing stuff i ensure more Erica time later). but now, there seems no point. why should i be productive if it still means i don't get to see Erica?
Erica needs to come back so i can get somethings done!
maybe i'm finaly getting tired. i hate working the night shift at troy's. i hate getting off work at 11:30
my psychic mp3 player eerily kept playing slow, somber music, and in line with that "under the bridge" started playing. it is one of my favorite songs, one of only a few that i never grow tired of listening to. but, something odd happened that had never happened before. the mood of the intro flowed perfectly, and then the verses started. the first lyrics were sung, "sometimes i feel like i don't have a partner". for the first time ever, i couldn't relate to the song. maybe i had never listened to it that closely, or paid attention to it (as we do when we here a song so many times). here i was, completely immersed in the mood of the song, and the first lyric was simply not true. it's been a very long time since i've felt completely alone. even now with Erica half a state away, i don't feel alone. it completely ruined the moment for me. here i was, enjoying a song that fit my mood, and suddenly, everything is ruined because lyrics made me think about Erica and become happy!
you never really notice what someone means until they are gone a little bit. in the marines, i got so use to missing Erica that it seemed strange to actually enjoy being with her. now, i've gotten so use to the joy of having her around that being without her is too much. no, i don't sit around pining for her all day. but, i am much more scatterbrained that normal. i meant to do like seven things today and ended up doing none of them. normaly if Erica is in boone and i'm not spending time with her, i'm productive. i think "i'm not spending time with Erica, so i better be doing something productive". that way, if i'm not spending time with Erica, i'm atleast getting something done (and by doing stuff i ensure more Erica time later). but now, there seems no point. why should i be productive if it still means i don't get to see Erica?
Erica needs to come back so i can get somethings done!
maybe i'm finaly getting tired. i hate working the night shift at troy's. i hate getting off work at 11:30