now what
well, the whole thing with me and annie has ended. i suppose that's a bad way to put it because it wasn't just 'a thing'. it was definately more than that. i'm not gonna spill my guts too much and i won't get into why it all happened, the fact is it did. now i will do the best i can to go on with my life. at this point i'm trying to remember what my life was like and what i did more than three months ago, before we got together. everyone probably thinks i'm some big asshole and a loser and shithead and all that but if anyone knew what was in my head, everything that is in there, thy might understand. annie and i talked about many things during lunch yesterday and as i figured nothing was really solved it was just another time i had to watch her cry and this time it was because of me. she then wrote me a letter and it said that many of the things could've been solved through talking when we were with each other. a big point was that i tried to talk to her many times abut many things and somehting always came up where she had an exceuse not to talk about anything serious. so nothing ever got solved. i don't think she realizes how much she has actually hurt me throughout out relationship. for example (and i promise it'll be my last one) when she posted about her great weekend at the river. Ya woohoo she went out and got shitfaced with a large group of guys who could really care less about her, almost got herself killed, and she can't even remember what happened after a certain point. that was hurtful along with just plain embarassing that the girl i'm with would go out and do shit like that, then have the freakin audasity to post it to the world. oh ya, rich's girlfriend sure cares about him. i actually heard that from someone who said it with the upmost sarcasm. anyway, i said i wouldn't get into it and i did, sorry i did it just started to pour out. i'm gonna go back to my ways of keeping everyhting to myself, i mean everything. so don't be suprised if you see much less of my posts, not like very many read the long drawn out ramblings anyway. it's okay, i don't blame any of you for not wanting to have anything to do with my shit. so i'll go now and begin again keeping things completely to myself as i once did. if you read this annie, i know it won't make anything better but i do love you. i know it hurts you to hear that but i will say it one last time, because it is complete truth... I love you