thinkful wishing.
it's really been a long day...i've been sooo tired since like, noon today, but i haven't stopped. (ain't no stoppin' us now...isn't that a song??)
anyway, i went to substitute at the elementary school today, and one of the little kids that i met yetserday came up to me and was like, miss tang, how old are you? and i was like, um, how old do i look? and she goes, you look...11.
i look ELEVEN years old? haha. yeah, this proves that children that young have absolutely no concept of age. but i cracked up and was like, i look eleven??? and i acted shocked. and she goes, "i know!!! that's so old!!!" AHHAAHAHA. it was cute. and then i wanted to be like, dude, if you think i'm old go look at your mom.
but of course, i didn't say that.
TIRED. OF EVERYTHING.
like i said yesterday, i think right now, my body is running solely on mental energy...my body's about to collapse, and my brain stopped working a few days ago. every ounce of energy i can muster up all comes from my brain. i have to TELL myself that i'm not tired and that i can refrain from screaming my head off.
today my aunt had to move hospitals. actually, she had to move from the hospital to a nursing home cuz her insurance only covered that one place. sadly, my aunt is not the age of normal nursing home patients, but she really didn't have a choice, so they moved her there.
my aunt is one of the strongest women i know. but being in this situation has been so hard for her b/c she hates asking people to do stuff for her. i think that's where i get that trait from. anyway, so the nurses at the hospital have been soooo good to her since she went in last week. and i guess since we're nice to them too, they area always friendly and never mind doing stuff for us when we ask.
when we were leaving the hospital today to be transfered to the other place, my aunt started crying everytime one of her nurses came to say goodbye. she genuinely wanted to thank them for their patience with her the past week...and a few of the nurses were crying too. (and yeah, i almost cried, but i didn't.)
so then we follow the ambulance over the nursing home, and honest to God...even if my parents ever get to that age and need medical help or constant supervision, i am NOT putting them in a nursing home.
the whole way over there, my mom was telling me like, horror stories of some old ladies we know that were put into nursing homes, and i guess i didn't fully believe it. but then, after my aunt got settled into her bed, we were waiting for one of the nurses to arrive and then all of a sudden i hear an old lady YELLING.
"nurse!!!! please!! my arm...it hurts so much! nurse!! my arm, oh, it hurts so!!!" this went on for literally 30 minutes, probably more, and everytime she yelled, my heart kept breaking for her. and NONE of the nurses were helping her.
so i went into the hallway and started looking around for a nurse, but i didnt' see any. so i went to the nurse's station and was like, uh, there's an old lady that needs a nurse badly. and then the nurse just looked up and was like, we know. and didn't say anything else.
and the old lady kept crying out loud and sounded like she was in a lot of pain. as i was standing in the hallway, i couldn't help but start crying for her. nobody was helping her and she was in so much pain. what if she just like, died like that?? or waht if she had been massively bleeding, but none of the nurses wanted to help her? i was so tempted to just go into the room and asked her what she needed, but then i couldn't since you know, problems will obviously come out of that.
but yeah, to imagine that my aunt will have to be spending the next month there, totally broke my heart. i offered to stay overnight to help her since my aunt can't move right now, but she didn't want me to. and the old lady sharing the room with my aunt was making some weird gurgling noises and sighing really loud. i hope she was okay.
so yeah...i hope nobody i know ever has to stay at a nursing home. it's terrible. unless i SEE someone definitely cared for there, no way am i putting my own parents there. it's just too cruel. i don't want to imagine them having to scream for a nurse, and nobody come for almost an hour.
later on, i was walking by the old lady's room again, and she was on the phone with i guess her family. i overheard her kinda sobbing and saying, "nobody came, nobody came. this is the worst i have ever been treated." and i felt soooo bad for her.
i wish there was something i could have done to help her. i wish there were something i could do to help my aunt. i wish my mom wouldn't be so stressed out and worried, and i wish that i could fully concentrate on one thing.
i wish, i wish, i wish...
i need prayer. please please be praying for me and my family.
now when i think about it, i'm almost certain God brought me back home to Houston to be with my family because they need it. you can also pray for my mom...she wants to quit her job and start helping all the old ladies from our church who are in nursing homes or in hospitals. so i guess just pray for wisdom in her decision making. pray for me...that i can have time to be still and have peace in my heart. pray also for me because i feel like i have to put a lot of stuff behind for now, most of which i can't really put behind, even though i dont' feel like i have any other choice.
my parents, my aunt and i are all hanging on by a thin thread. please keep us in your prayers.
poofy eyes tomrorow. darnit.
anyway, i went to substitute at the elementary school today, and one of the little kids that i met yetserday came up to me and was like, miss tang, how old are you? and i was like, um, how old do i look? and she goes, you look...11.
i look ELEVEN years old? haha. yeah, this proves that children that young have absolutely no concept of age. but i cracked up and was like, i look eleven??? and i acted shocked. and she goes, "i know!!! that's so old!!!" AHHAAHAHA. it was cute. and then i wanted to be like, dude, if you think i'm old go look at your mom.
but of course, i didn't say that.
TIRED. OF EVERYTHING.
like i said yesterday, i think right now, my body is running solely on mental energy...my body's about to collapse, and my brain stopped working a few days ago. every ounce of energy i can muster up all comes from my brain. i have to TELL myself that i'm not tired and that i can refrain from screaming my head off.
today my aunt had to move hospitals. actually, she had to move from the hospital to a nursing home cuz her insurance only covered that one place. sadly, my aunt is not the age of normal nursing home patients, but she really didn't have a choice, so they moved her there.
my aunt is one of the strongest women i know. but being in this situation has been so hard for her b/c she hates asking people to do stuff for her. i think that's where i get that trait from. anyway, so the nurses at the hospital have been soooo good to her since she went in last week. and i guess since we're nice to them too, they area always friendly and never mind doing stuff for us when we ask.
when we were leaving the hospital today to be transfered to the other place, my aunt started crying everytime one of her nurses came to say goodbye. she genuinely wanted to thank them for their patience with her the past week...and a few of the nurses were crying too. (and yeah, i almost cried, but i didn't.)
so then we follow the ambulance over the nursing home, and honest to God...even if my parents ever get to that age and need medical help or constant supervision, i am NOT putting them in a nursing home.
the whole way over there, my mom was telling me like, horror stories of some old ladies we know that were put into nursing homes, and i guess i didn't fully believe it. but then, after my aunt got settled into her bed, we were waiting for one of the nurses to arrive and then all of a sudden i hear an old lady YELLING.
"nurse!!!! please!! my arm...it hurts so much! nurse!! my arm, oh, it hurts so!!!" this went on for literally 30 minutes, probably more, and everytime she yelled, my heart kept breaking for her. and NONE of the nurses were helping her.
so i went into the hallway and started looking around for a nurse, but i didnt' see any. so i went to the nurse's station and was like, uh, there's an old lady that needs a nurse badly. and then the nurse just looked up and was like, we know. and didn't say anything else.
and the old lady kept crying out loud and sounded like she was in a lot of pain. as i was standing in the hallway, i couldn't help but start crying for her. nobody was helping her and she was in so much pain. what if she just like, died like that?? or waht if she had been massively bleeding, but none of the nurses wanted to help her? i was so tempted to just go into the room and asked her what she needed, but then i couldn't since you know, problems will obviously come out of that.
but yeah, to imagine that my aunt will have to be spending the next month there, totally broke my heart. i offered to stay overnight to help her since my aunt can't move right now, but she didn't want me to. and the old lady sharing the room with my aunt was making some weird gurgling noises and sighing really loud. i hope she was okay.
so yeah...i hope nobody i know ever has to stay at a nursing home. it's terrible. unless i SEE someone definitely cared for there, no way am i putting my own parents there. it's just too cruel. i don't want to imagine them having to scream for a nurse, and nobody come for almost an hour.
later on, i was walking by the old lady's room again, and she was on the phone with i guess her family. i overheard her kinda sobbing and saying, "nobody came, nobody came. this is the worst i have ever been treated." and i felt soooo bad for her.
i wish there was something i could have done to help her. i wish there were something i could do to help my aunt. i wish my mom wouldn't be so stressed out and worried, and i wish that i could fully concentrate on one thing.
i wish, i wish, i wish...
i need prayer. please please be praying for me and my family.
now when i think about it, i'm almost certain God brought me back home to Houston to be with my family because they need it. you can also pray for my mom...she wants to quit her job and start helping all the old ladies from our church who are in nursing homes or in hospitals. so i guess just pray for wisdom in her decision making. pray for me...that i can have time to be still and have peace in my heart. pray also for me because i feel like i have to put a lot of stuff behind for now, most of which i can't really put behind, even though i dont' feel like i have any other choice.
my parents, my aunt and i are all hanging on by a thin thread. please keep us in your prayers.
poofy eyes tomrorow. darnit.