Somebody Save Jennifer - Chapter Thirteen
Title: Somebody Save Jennifer
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing/Character(s): Nate/Jenny; additional characters
Rating: Mature
Type: Hurt/Comfort/Romance
Spoilers: Completely AU
Summary: We all have problems, but for Jennifer Humphrey they' re much bigger. Will she be able to get over her addiction with his help and the help of others around her?
A/N: Thanks so much to my beta Jenna {_chngingx3lanes } You are amazing! I love you! Thanks so much for helping me out with the chapter!
Chapter Thirteen - I Will Be
There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go
I know I let you down but it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go
I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay
He stared blankly at the round medium sized burn on her side; the burnt flesh looked as if it still stung. He reached out, placing his hand on the permanent mark. It felt fleshy under his fingertips, like it was fresh. She needed to tell him something, and he was guessing it was related to the burn she just showed him. Placing his hand away from her side, he looked into her eyes, searching for answers; he found nothing. She was struggling, holding back whatever it was she wanted to say to him, more than likely afraid of his reaction. Nate placed his hand on her face, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb, soothing her. He stared into her cobalt blue eyes, waiting for her to begin.
When she didn’t say anything, Nate spoke, “Jenny, what do you need to tell me?”
A fresh coat of tears laced her eyes, but she wiped them away quickly. “I, uh, I need to tell you about where I came from.” Nate sat further on the bed, facing Jenny, the two of them holding hands. Jenny looked away from him, avoiding all types of eye contact.
“When I was ten, my father’s business started struggling, the next year it went bankrupt. He was really angry. I mean, he worked his whole life trying to start that business and he just failed.” She let go of his hand, nervously tucking a clump of hair behind one ear.
Michael Humphrey spent his entire life living in the shadow of his older and much more talented brother, Rufus. His brother was everything he wasn’t: talented, popular with both the girls and boys at their schools growing up, and their parents believed in him more. Michael was thrilled when he married before Rufus, although his brother was graced with a child before him. But Michael never let it get him down. He went to college, working on a business plan to start his own company; and he did. The business was his baby, the one great achievement he held over his brother. He put everything he had into that business. When it went bankrupt, he snapped, depression taking over him.
“I’m so sorry,” Nate apologized although he had no reason to. It just felt like the right thing to say. He waited patiently for her to continue.
“After his business failed, my father started to change,” Jenny explained, her voice low, tight with sadness. “…he just wasn’t my dad anymore. He started drinking a lot more than usual.”
Sensing where the conversation was going, Nate piped in, “…he became an alcoholic.”
The tears were starting to fall now. It was the first time she’d said this aloud since after the accident in the office of Susan Boyd. It was easier then, telling her past to a stranger, someone she never had to see again outside of the office. But here, in front of the boy she loved, it was hard. It was hard to tell him of the struggle she faced, the things that happened to her before him, St. Jude’s & Constance Billard, and the new life she lived.
But this was what she wanted. She’d coached herself into doing this long before she relapsed. Taking a deep breath, she continued, “…he became abusive. It was only towards my mother at first, and I didn’t see it the first time. I would only hear them and see her covering the bruises in the morning before she went to work.”
She thought back to the very first time her mother and father argued since the company started going bankrupt. She’d just gotten back from spending the weekend in Manhattan with her Uncle Rufus and Cousin Dan. Jenny remembered the wonderful time she spent with them, the laughs and jokes they shared. Even back then, Jenny loved spending time with her uncle and cousin, and it felt great to be away from her house after all the sadness surrounding her father’s current situation. When she returned home that night, walking into the apartment they were in the mist of moving out of, Jenny walked in on her parents arguing. Her father was sitting on the couch, scotch in hand, while her mother stood in front of the television, hands on her hips. When ever her parents did fight, they always tried to keep it from her, lowering their voices or going to the farthest part of the apartment away from her. But now that her father went bankrupt, they never seemed to care about her feelings. They fought in front of Jenny not caring of the damage it would cause. That night after visiting her cousin and uncle, Jenny went into her room, trying to focus on the homework on her desk, but the voices of her parents became so loud, she gave up, pressing her ear to the door and listening to them.
Her father sounded angry, his drunken screams pounding against her bedroom door. But before she even knew it, her father’s hand collided with the side of her mother’s face, cracking the skin. It all felt so loud, so close, that Jenny stepped back from the wooden door, stumbling back as if she’d been slapped.
“Jenny.” He brought her back to reality. The last thing Nate wanted to do was push her into telling him the rest of the story, but he knew she’d feel much better after doing so.
“I never asked her about it. I never tried to make it stop. I just hid, not saying a word.” Most people in her situation would have asked questions, the mother's reassuring their children that everything was going to be alright, but no one did that for Jenny. She just went on as if nothing happened, as if her father hitting her mother wasn't wrong. “...my mom didn't say anything either. She just let it all happen.”
At the age of seven, Marci Cook-now Humphrey-witnessed her mother being abused by her father. It was a common thing between the two of them, like an unspoken deal. He would hit her, she took it and said nothing. It was the way Marci was raised, so when her husband hit her for the first time, she took it and said nothing, just like her mother all those years back when she was a young girl. Her mother never comforted her, came to tell her that abuse was wrong. Instead, she covered the bruise, going on about their everyday lives. Marci believed that was the way all husband and wives communicated, their children just having to deal with it, too. Marci said nothing to her own daughter, following the exact same path as her mother.
It was easy for Jenny to tell him about her parents, but the next part was hard, venturing into a place that was all about her. “I was thirteen when he first hit me. My friend, Kami, thought it would be a good idea if I were to dye my hair blond. I remember my dad coming into the bathroom, and being really upset.”
She glanced towards Nate, the anger on his face shining through the dimly-lit room. Jenny placed a hand on the left side of her neck, tilting her head to the side. “...he ordered Kami to go home, and that's when he yelled at me. He told me that I was a 'shame' to the family, that I was being influenced badly by my friends.” She didn't go into the gory details, shying away from the actual beating she'd received, letting Nate figure out the rest for himself.
Looking at her, the girl he loved so much, Nate couldn't believe that she'd ever been abused, let alone by her own father. It made him sick, wanting to find the son of a bitch and beat him to a pulp. “…that’s when the cutting started. It helped me, a lot, or so I thought. But whenever I was in that place, everything else just went away. My mom and my dad didn’t fight and life was back to the way it was before. I used to hide it, but after everyone at school found out, I stopped. I embraced it and ultimately let it take over my life.”
Nate wiped the pad of his thumb across the small tears that escaped. She smiled weakly at him, gracious of his prescense. “...I was going to tell you the night of the dance, about my...problem, but then Vanessa came, and she said those things.”
He pulled her close, her head resting on his chest. He smelled of stale beer and peanuts, but Jenny didn't care. She wrapped her arms around him, crying loudly. Jenny just wanted to be in his arms, feel him comforting her. “Don't think about her, she's not worth it.”
Jenny pulled away, wiping the water from her eyes. “I wish someone would have told me that months back.”
“What do you mean?” Nate asked, pressing his forehead against hers.
“There is a reason story behind how I got here.” She kissed the tip of his nose, his cheek, his ear, and then his other cheek. “If it wasn't for Dan and my uncle, I never would have gotten out the situation I was in.”
“You don't have to tell me the story if you don't want to,” Nate reassured her.
Jenny nodded her head. “But I want to tell you. If I don't, I'll probably hate myself.” She sat up straighter, wrapping her arms and legs around him. “Five months before I started school at SJCB, I went to visit Dan and my uncle. The school was having some kind of holiday.”
Nate intertwined their finger. “I was supposed to come home with him that weekend for your uncle's concert, but my mom asked me to come and visit her.”
Jenny smiled. Maybe her life would have turned out a little bit differently if Nate would have came with Dan that weekend, their relationship taking a different path. “Well, my friend Kami came along with me. She was my best friend, and we did everything together. Kami was still my friend even after the entire school found out about my cutting.”
“There was this guy, Asher, and I'd known him for a while from previous visits. We would talk and laugh. I sort of had a small crush on him.” Jenny kissed the jealous pout away from his lips. “He invited Kami and me to a party at his house after the concert. I was so excited.”
Asher Hornsby was a boy Jenny met a while back, when visiting Rufus and Dan. He’d lived in the penthouse below theirs, meeting him one day on the elevator. They’d hit it off right then, becoming really close friends. Of course Jenny was hoping for it to turn into something more, maybe even a real relationship. Every time she would see Asher, Jenny would get weak in the knees, her head spinning just from the sight of him. He was everything Jenny thought she wanted in her first boyfriend: smart, handsome, and incredibly nice to her. When he invited her and Kami to his house that night, Jenny told herself that this would be the night she and Asher became something more.
“…the party was amazing! I’d never seen anything like it before,” Jenny reminisced, remembering lavish penthouse filled with rich teenagers like Asher, drinking, laughing, and making out where ever they wanted. She felt so out of place that night, unlike Kami, who seemed to fit right in, doing shots, and kissing random guys.
“Asher asked me if I wanted to go upstairs with him and play some pool. We played for a really long time, just laughing and talking. Just getting to know each other more. Then, Kami came upstairs with one of Asher’s friends. She was wasted by this point, but even when she was drunk, Kami knew what she was doing. It was all apart of some ‘plan’ she had,” Jenny remembered her friend’s words.
She finished the story for Nate, telling him about the pool game the four of them played, the flirty comments Kami would throw in Asher’s directions. There were even times when she would rub up against him, swaying her body in a seductive way to gain his attention. Jenny told him the next part, how she’d gone back down stairs with Asher’s friend to get a bottle of water for Kami and use the bathroom. Because Asher was too drunk to show her where either one was, his friend volunteered to show her. While the two of them were down stairs, Asher’s friend started to touch her in ways that made her terribly uncomfortable. She pushed the boy away, finding her way back upstairs to where she’d left Kami. Jenny was going to grab her friend and return to her uncle’s penthouse, until she found them.
“She knew that I liked him. I‘d told her a thousand times, but that didn‘t stop her from sleeping with him,” Jenny said sadly, wiping the stray tear from her right eye.
Kami had always been there for Jenny, the one person she could turn to when times were hard, but she betrayed her by sleeping with the one and only boy she'd ever liked at that time. Jenny was so hurt by her only friend’s betrayal, she bolted from the room, them hearing her of course, and out of the penthouse.
“I felt so lousy after it happened. I didn’t even wanna go back to my uncle’s place, so I took the subway back home, which was a big mistake. My father was drinking like always and he and my mother were fighting,” Jenny explained. She hadn’t even gone inside the apartment that night to know that her parents were fighting. She could hear them from inside the hallway, the shatter of a beer bottle smashing against the wall. After leaving her parents, Jenny walked all night back into Manhattan, not caring of the dangers that would happen to her being all alone. She just walked, head down tears streaming down her face.
“When I got to my uncle’s penthouse, Amelia, his maid, told me that he and Dan went out looking for me and Kami.” But Jenny barely heard the maid as she walked passed her upstairs and into the bathroom. There was a part of Jenny that wanted to die, the part that was tired of the life she was living, the hurt she suffered trough everyday. But the other part of herself told Jenny what she was about to do was wrong, that in a matter of days life would heal and she’d be handed the greatest gift of all. Ultimately, Jenny ignored the second half, giving into the temptation. There was glass everywhere around the bathroom when Dan and Rufus found her, the blood staining the floor, along with Jenny’s long-sleeved shirt. Nate knew the rest of the story, so she stopped there, looking up into his eyes, awaiting his reaction.
He pulled her close to him. “I will never, ever, hurt you like that.”
It was at that moment, the lyrics to her uncle’s song came rushing into her head: ‘My blue eyed girl gone tell the world your problem now, don't be scared, I'll save you from this hell.’ Nate was making the commitment just like her uncle all those months back, only this time the format was different. He was saying this to her, rather than the world, a secret just between the two of them.
Jenny leaned towards him, capturing his mouth with hers. The kiss was soft, loving, a kiss they’d never shared before together let alone with anyone else; it was all there own, just like Nate’s promise.
~*~
“I still can’t believe you told Nate you hated him.” Eric laughed his high pitched laugh. He was sitting at the end of Jenny’s hospital bed, staring at her from the head of it. He’d come from home that afternoon during the scheduled visiting hours. He’d been there nearly two hours, listening as she Jenny recapped him on the situation that went down yesterday.
“Well, I did at the time.” Jenny defended herself, kicking at her friend’s knee, but he quickly moved it away from her. “…but I also told him I loved him.”
He smiled. “How long are they going to keep you?”
Jenny shrugged, smoothing her hands down the bed sheet. “I don’t know. Not long, I guess.”
“I'm proud of you, Jenny.” He told her honestly, leaning back on his hands. He was happy to know that Jenny was in a better mood after her relapse. Eric never once judged her for it, not even after she’d told him the reason behind it. He’d thought about relapsing many of times, and at one point the almost did if it wasn’t for his sister, Serena.
“For what?” she asked, curiously. She hadn't done much for him to proud of her, just realized the truth that Nate really did love her.
“For bouncing back so quickly like you did,” he explained. Eric admired the strength Jenny seemed to have after her relapse. She wasn’t letting it consumer her life most people would, falling back into their old ways. Instead, she was up and about, living life the way she normally would.
“Trust me, Eric, it hasn't been easy,” Jenny admitted, remembering the battle inside her head between the two voices, the sad night where all she wanted to do was die. It had all been hard for Jenny, not knowing how to break free from it all. “…but maybe I'm doing so good because I told Nate about my parents.”
“I still don’t see how you told him all of that. I would have been terrified.” Eric proclaimed. He wasn’t as strong as Jenny, keeping most of his feeling bottled up when it came to the people in his life.
“I just really wanted to tell him,” Jenny explained, remembering the conversation she and Nate shared late last night. “…I needed to share that with him.”
Eric nodded in agreement before a smile graced his lips. “I have a surprise for you.” He stood from the bed, walking towards the door, knocking on it twice.
“Wha-” She was cut off however, the door swinging open, revealing the one person she never expected to see again. Jenny covered her mouth with both hands, surprised.
Agnes Sparks strutted into the room, her long mahogany waves flowing behind her. She looked the same as before leaving school, just minor changes to her face and wardrobe. Agnes did a spin around the room, imitating her best model walk. Jenny and Eric laughed at their friend, clapping and cheering once she was done.
“Thank you, thank you.” Agnes bowed, kissing her hand and waving it into the air like the diva she was. Once the fun was over, she stared at Jenny, trying her best not to cry. She really missed her friend.
Jenny extended her arms, the two girls embracing one another in a tight bear hug. “You look good.”
“I look like hell.” Agnes laughed at her friends words, sitting down on the bed. Jenny tucked a loose strand of hair behind one ear. “What are you doing back here anyway?”
Agnes laughed in disbelief. “How heartless do you think I am? You’re my best friend, Jenny, of course I was going to come and see you.”
She smiled brightly, thankful of her friend’s presents. Jenny loved her uncle and Dan, but there was nothing better than having friends. “Aw, thank you, Aggie.”
The mahogany haired girl scoffed, hating the nickname her friend bestowed on her. “You’re welcome, Jen.”
“It’s this just the sweetest reunion.” Eric plopped down on the bed between them, shaking the mattress. The three of them laughed, joining in on a group hug.
“You got that right, Erie,” both Jenny and Agnes giggled the last part together, inducting Eric into their hated nickname hall of fame. Eric laughed with them, their happiness surrounding the air, helping Jenny to forget all about her relapse.
When the laughter subsided, Agnes told them stories about her modeling trips, the photo shoots she’d booked, and the French heir she‘d met while in the beautiful city of Paris. Eric and Jenny laughed every time Agnes told a funny story about her mother or the crazy things the photographers would say to her while taking the pictures. Jenny realized then just how much she’d missed her roommate and friend. Things just weren’t the same when Agnes wasn’t around. She made situations more light, funny almost. She didn’t make a big deal out of Jenny’s relapse, nor did she criticize her reasons for doing so. Agnes just nodded, listened, and stated her opinion that always seemed to be just what the person wanted to hear. She was a good friend to Jenny in that way, the one person besides Eric that would never look at her differently as before.
Jenny and Eric told Agnes their school stories, the recent Gossip Girl blast that involved other people. Agnes squealed with delight when she heard how Jenny and Nate became a couple, telling Jenny that she was right all along about the two of them belonging together. Stories about the dance flew around, Jenny describing to Agnes the dress she’d designed all by herself. They continued with their stories, not even realizing the snowfall just outside the window as it began to get thicker, presenting the winter season to all of New York. It didn’t matter to them what was going on outside of those walls, the three of them, friends, living in the moment.
When visiting hours were over, Agnes and Eric left, saying a thousand ‘goodbyes’ to Jenny before heading out of the room. Bex stayed with Jenny for a while, filling Jenny in on the news of her uncle’s up-coming summer tour around the country. Dan apologized to both Nate and Jenny for his behavior the day before, explaining that he was just frustrated. He and Nate returned to being friends just like before. Chuck and Blair sent flowers from France, the two of them staying with Blair’s father at his Vineyard. There was a note from Blair, something personal, telling Jenny that she wasn’t the only one with a “problem”. Jenny was gracious for the letter, Blair’s kind words filling her with peace. Serena was the last to come by, the two of them talking about Jenny’s next design. Jenny was gracious for the people in her life, and although she couldn’t define herself in a single word, she knew a word to describe those people around her were; family. And for the first time in her life, she knew what it actually meant to have one.
She was sitting on the windowsill when Nate walked in. He was wearing a fresh change of clothes, the hair gone from his face, smiling. “Hey.”
He kissed the to of her head, sitting in front of her on the window. Jenny smiled at him. “Hi. I thought visiting hours were over.”
“Yeah, well, the nurse thinks I’m your cousin,” Nate laughed along with Jenny. “I missed you.”
Jenny blushed, leaning forward to kiss the tip of his nose. “I missed you more.”
Nate pressed kissed her lips, whispering softly, “Impossible.”
She giggled against his mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling Nate closer to her. “I love you so much.”
“I love you more than you‘ll ever know.” He pulled her into his lap, her back pressed into his, nuzzling his nose into her neck. Suddenly remembering the reason he’d come to see her besides the obvious, Nate placed Jenny back in her pervious spot, pulling an object from his pocket. “I have something for you.”
Jenny eyed him curiously, wondering what he possibly could have for her. “What is it? An early Christmas present?”
Nate shook his head, answering both if her questions. He revealed to her, a small pink phone with clear rhinestones on the back in the shape of the letter ‘J’. When she saw the phone, Jenny gasped. It was the one she’d lost months back. “Where did you find this?”
He handed over the phone to her. “I kind of kept it all this time.” Nate remembered back to the night he’d found Jenny’s phone on the floor near his bed.
“Since when?” she looked up at him and asked. Jenny remembered losing it after Vanessa first arrived, when she and Nate were still together.
“Since the night we first kissed.” Jenny blushed, a happy smile gracing her lips. She was relived to see that Nate thought of it as the night they first kissed, rather than the night Vanessa came to visit him at school. “You left it and I kind of kept it. It just seems right that you have it back.”
Jenny threw her arms around him, pressing her lips to his hardly. “Thank you.” Nate kissed her back, his hands gripping at her hips, as he pulled her into his lap.
When breaking away, Jenny glanced towards the window, the snow falling heavily on the other side. It made her think back to the school dance, how she and Nate never got a chance to dance to a slow song. In that moment, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. She stood up from his lap, extending her hand to him.
“What?” Nate asked confused, taking her small hand in his, standing up.
“Will you dance with me?” she asked him with a smile. Nate complied, pulling her close to him, moving softly with her.
It didn’t matter that their was no music, the two of them not looking their best, or that they were inside of a hospital room. All that mattered was the two of them, living in the moment, something Jenny never allowed herself to do before meeting him. Outside, the snow fell from above, people bustling their way through the streets preparing for the Christmas holiday, their lives different from Jenny’s in everyway. But there was one similar aspect the happy people of New York and Jenny shared. At that moment, they were all happy, anticipating being with the ones they loved the most, and there in Nate’s arms, no danger coming her way, Jenny understood what it was like to be apart of a family in the Christmas holiday. It didn‘t matter that throughout all the year you hated one another, all that mattered was that moment, in that place. Jenny realized that the holidays weren’t dark and sad. It was something normal; natural and delightful.
Chapter Twelve <<---------------->> Chapter Fourteen
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing/Character(s): Nate/Jenny; additional characters
Rating: Mature
Type: Hurt/Comfort/Romance
Spoilers: Completely AU
Summary: We all have problems, but for Jennifer Humphrey they' re much bigger. Will she be able to get over her addiction with his help and the help of others around her?
A/N: Thanks so much to my beta Jenna {_chngingx3lanes } You are amazing! I love you! Thanks so much for helping me out with the chapter!
Chapter Thirteen - I Will Be
There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go
I know I let you down but it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go
I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay
He stared blankly at the round medium sized burn on her side; the burnt flesh looked as if it still stung. He reached out, placing his hand on the permanent mark. It felt fleshy under his fingertips, like it was fresh. She needed to tell him something, and he was guessing it was related to the burn she just showed him. Placing his hand away from her side, he looked into her eyes, searching for answers; he found nothing. She was struggling, holding back whatever it was she wanted to say to him, more than likely afraid of his reaction. Nate placed his hand on her face, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb, soothing her. He stared into her cobalt blue eyes, waiting for her to begin.
When she didn’t say anything, Nate spoke, “Jenny, what do you need to tell me?”
A fresh coat of tears laced her eyes, but she wiped them away quickly. “I, uh, I need to tell you about where I came from.” Nate sat further on the bed, facing Jenny, the two of them holding hands. Jenny looked away from him, avoiding all types of eye contact.
“When I was ten, my father’s business started struggling, the next year it went bankrupt. He was really angry. I mean, he worked his whole life trying to start that business and he just failed.” She let go of his hand, nervously tucking a clump of hair behind one ear.
Michael Humphrey spent his entire life living in the shadow of his older and much more talented brother, Rufus. His brother was everything he wasn’t: talented, popular with both the girls and boys at their schools growing up, and their parents believed in him more. Michael was thrilled when he married before Rufus, although his brother was graced with a child before him. But Michael never let it get him down. He went to college, working on a business plan to start his own company; and he did. The business was his baby, the one great achievement he held over his brother. He put everything he had into that business. When it went bankrupt, he snapped, depression taking over him.
“I’m so sorry,” Nate apologized although he had no reason to. It just felt like the right thing to say. He waited patiently for her to continue.
“After his business failed, my father started to change,” Jenny explained, her voice low, tight with sadness. “…he just wasn’t my dad anymore. He started drinking a lot more than usual.”
Sensing where the conversation was going, Nate piped in, “…he became an alcoholic.”
The tears were starting to fall now. It was the first time she’d said this aloud since after the accident in the office of Susan Boyd. It was easier then, telling her past to a stranger, someone she never had to see again outside of the office. But here, in front of the boy she loved, it was hard. It was hard to tell him of the struggle she faced, the things that happened to her before him, St. Jude’s & Constance Billard, and the new life she lived.
But this was what she wanted. She’d coached herself into doing this long before she relapsed. Taking a deep breath, she continued, “…he became abusive. It was only towards my mother at first, and I didn’t see it the first time. I would only hear them and see her covering the bruises in the morning before she went to work.”
She thought back to the very first time her mother and father argued since the company started going bankrupt. She’d just gotten back from spending the weekend in Manhattan with her Uncle Rufus and Cousin Dan. Jenny remembered the wonderful time she spent with them, the laughs and jokes they shared. Even back then, Jenny loved spending time with her uncle and cousin, and it felt great to be away from her house after all the sadness surrounding her father’s current situation. When she returned home that night, walking into the apartment they were in the mist of moving out of, Jenny walked in on her parents arguing. Her father was sitting on the couch, scotch in hand, while her mother stood in front of the television, hands on her hips. When ever her parents did fight, they always tried to keep it from her, lowering their voices or going to the farthest part of the apartment away from her. But now that her father went bankrupt, they never seemed to care about her feelings. They fought in front of Jenny not caring of the damage it would cause. That night after visiting her cousin and uncle, Jenny went into her room, trying to focus on the homework on her desk, but the voices of her parents became so loud, she gave up, pressing her ear to the door and listening to them.
Her father sounded angry, his drunken screams pounding against her bedroom door. But before she even knew it, her father’s hand collided with the side of her mother’s face, cracking the skin. It all felt so loud, so close, that Jenny stepped back from the wooden door, stumbling back as if she’d been slapped.
“Jenny.” He brought her back to reality. The last thing Nate wanted to do was push her into telling him the rest of the story, but he knew she’d feel much better after doing so.
“I never asked her about it. I never tried to make it stop. I just hid, not saying a word.” Most people in her situation would have asked questions, the mother's reassuring their children that everything was going to be alright, but no one did that for Jenny. She just went on as if nothing happened, as if her father hitting her mother wasn't wrong. “...my mom didn't say anything either. She just let it all happen.”
At the age of seven, Marci Cook-now Humphrey-witnessed her mother being abused by her father. It was a common thing between the two of them, like an unspoken deal. He would hit her, she took it and said nothing. It was the way Marci was raised, so when her husband hit her for the first time, she took it and said nothing, just like her mother all those years back when she was a young girl. Her mother never comforted her, came to tell her that abuse was wrong. Instead, she covered the bruise, going on about their everyday lives. Marci believed that was the way all husband and wives communicated, their children just having to deal with it, too. Marci said nothing to her own daughter, following the exact same path as her mother.
It was easy for Jenny to tell him about her parents, but the next part was hard, venturing into a place that was all about her. “I was thirteen when he first hit me. My friend, Kami, thought it would be a good idea if I were to dye my hair blond. I remember my dad coming into the bathroom, and being really upset.”
She glanced towards Nate, the anger on his face shining through the dimly-lit room. Jenny placed a hand on the left side of her neck, tilting her head to the side. “...he ordered Kami to go home, and that's when he yelled at me. He told me that I was a 'shame' to the family, that I was being influenced badly by my friends.” She didn't go into the gory details, shying away from the actual beating she'd received, letting Nate figure out the rest for himself.
Looking at her, the girl he loved so much, Nate couldn't believe that she'd ever been abused, let alone by her own father. It made him sick, wanting to find the son of a bitch and beat him to a pulp. “…that’s when the cutting started. It helped me, a lot, or so I thought. But whenever I was in that place, everything else just went away. My mom and my dad didn’t fight and life was back to the way it was before. I used to hide it, but after everyone at school found out, I stopped. I embraced it and ultimately let it take over my life.”
Nate wiped the pad of his thumb across the small tears that escaped. She smiled weakly at him, gracious of his prescense. “...I was going to tell you the night of the dance, about my...problem, but then Vanessa came, and she said those things.”
He pulled her close, her head resting on his chest. He smelled of stale beer and peanuts, but Jenny didn't care. She wrapped her arms around him, crying loudly. Jenny just wanted to be in his arms, feel him comforting her. “Don't think about her, she's not worth it.”
Jenny pulled away, wiping the water from her eyes. “I wish someone would have told me that months back.”
“What do you mean?” Nate asked, pressing his forehead against hers.
“There is a reason story behind how I got here.” She kissed the tip of his nose, his cheek, his ear, and then his other cheek. “If it wasn't for Dan and my uncle, I never would have gotten out the situation I was in.”
“You don't have to tell me the story if you don't want to,” Nate reassured her.
Jenny nodded her head. “But I want to tell you. If I don't, I'll probably hate myself.” She sat up straighter, wrapping her arms and legs around him. “Five months before I started school at SJCB, I went to visit Dan and my uncle. The school was having some kind of holiday.”
Nate intertwined their finger. “I was supposed to come home with him that weekend for your uncle's concert, but my mom asked me to come and visit her.”
Jenny smiled. Maybe her life would have turned out a little bit differently if Nate would have came with Dan that weekend, their relationship taking a different path. “Well, my friend Kami came along with me. She was my best friend, and we did everything together. Kami was still my friend even after the entire school found out about my cutting.”
“There was this guy, Asher, and I'd known him for a while from previous visits. We would talk and laugh. I sort of had a small crush on him.” Jenny kissed the jealous pout away from his lips. “He invited Kami and me to a party at his house after the concert. I was so excited.”
Asher Hornsby was a boy Jenny met a while back, when visiting Rufus and Dan. He’d lived in the penthouse below theirs, meeting him one day on the elevator. They’d hit it off right then, becoming really close friends. Of course Jenny was hoping for it to turn into something more, maybe even a real relationship. Every time she would see Asher, Jenny would get weak in the knees, her head spinning just from the sight of him. He was everything Jenny thought she wanted in her first boyfriend: smart, handsome, and incredibly nice to her. When he invited her and Kami to his house that night, Jenny told herself that this would be the night she and Asher became something more.
“…the party was amazing! I’d never seen anything like it before,” Jenny reminisced, remembering lavish penthouse filled with rich teenagers like Asher, drinking, laughing, and making out where ever they wanted. She felt so out of place that night, unlike Kami, who seemed to fit right in, doing shots, and kissing random guys.
“Asher asked me if I wanted to go upstairs with him and play some pool. We played for a really long time, just laughing and talking. Just getting to know each other more. Then, Kami came upstairs with one of Asher’s friends. She was wasted by this point, but even when she was drunk, Kami knew what she was doing. It was all apart of some ‘plan’ she had,” Jenny remembered her friend’s words.
She finished the story for Nate, telling him about the pool game the four of them played, the flirty comments Kami would throw in Asher’s directions. There were even times when she would rub up against him, swaying her body in a seductive way to gain his attention. Jenny told him the next part, how she’d gone back down stairs with Asher’s friend to get a bottle of water for Kami and use the bathroom. Because Asher was too drunk to show her where either one was, his friend volunteered to show her. While the two of them were down stairs, Asher’s friend started to touch her in ways that made her terribly uncomfortable. She pushed the boy away, finding her way back upstairs to where she’d left Kami. Jenny was going to grab her friend and return to her uncle’s penthouse, until she found them.
“She knew that I liked him. I‘d told her a thousand times, but that didn‘t stop her from sleeping with him,” Jenny said sadly, wiping the stray tear from her right eye.
Kami had always been there for Jenny, the one person she could turn to when times were hard, but she betrayed her by sleeping with the one and only boy she'd ever liked at that time. Jenny was so hurt by her only friend’s betrayal, she bolted from the room, them hearing her of course, and out of the penthouse.
“I felt so lousy after it happened. I didn’t even wanna go back to my uncle’s place, so I took the subway back home, which was a big mistake. My father was drinking like always and he and my mother were fighting,” Jenny explained. She hadn’t even gone inside the apartment that night to know that her parents were fighting. She could hear them from inside the hallway, the shatter of a beer bottle smashing against the wall. After leaving her parents, Jenny walked all night back into Manhattan, not caring of the dangers that would happen to her being all alone. She just walked, head down tears streaming down her face.
“When I got to my uncle’s penthouse, Amelia, his maid, told me that he and Dan went out looking for me and Kami.” But Jenny barely heard the maid as she walked passed her upstairs and into the bathroom. There was a part of Jenny that wanted to die, the part that was tired of the life she was living, the hurt she suffered trough everyday. But the other part of herself told Jenny what she was about to do was wrong, that in a matter of days life would heal and she’d be handed the greatest gift of all. Ultimately, Jenny ignored the second half, giving into the temptation. There was glass everywhere around the bathroom when Dan and Rufus found her, the blood staining the floor, along with Jenny’s long-sleeved shirt. Nate knew the rest of the story, so she stopped there, looking up into his eyes, awaiting his reaction.
He pulled her close to him. “I will never, ever, hurt you like that.”
It was at that moment, the lyrics to her uncle’s song came rushing into her head: ‘My blue eyed girl gone tell the world your problem now, don't be scared, I'll save you from this hell.’ Nate was making the commitment just like her uncle all those months back, only this time the format was different. He was saying this to her, rather than the world, a secret just between the two of them.
Jenny leaned towards him, capturing his mouth with hers. The kiss was soft, loving, a kiss they’d never shared before together let alone with anyone else; it was all there own, just like Nate’s promise.
~*~
“I still can’t believe you told Nate you hated him.” Eric laughed his high pitched laugh. He was sitting at the end of Jenny’s hospital bed, staring at her from the head of it. He’d come from home that afternoon during the scheduled visiting hours. He’d been there nearly two hours, listening as she Jenny recapped him on the situation that went down yesterday.
“Well, I did at the time.” Jenny defended herself, kicking at her friend’s knee, but he quickly moved it away from her. “…but I also told him I loved him.”
He smiled. “How long are they going to keep you?”
Jenny shrugged, smoothing her hands down the bed sheet. “I don’t know. Not long, I guess.”
“I'm proud of you, Jenny.” He told her honestly, leaning back on his hands. He was happy to know that Jenny was in a better mood after her relapse. Eric never once judged her for it, not even after she’d told him the reason behind it. He’d thought about relapsing many of times, and at one point the almost did if it wasn’t for his sister, Serena.
“For what?” she asked, curiously. She hadn't done much for him to proud of her, just realized the truth that Nate really did love her.
“For bouncing back so quickly like you did,” he explained. Eric admired the strength Jenny seemed to have after her relapse. She wasn’t letting it consumer her life most people would, falling back into their old ways. Instead, she was up and about, living life the way she normally would.
“Trust me, Eric, it hasn't been easy,” Jenny admitted, remembering the battle inside her head between the two voices, the sad night where all she wanted to do was die. It had all been hard for Jenny, not knowing how to break free from it all. “…but maybe I'm doing so good because I told Nate about my parents.”
“I still don’t see how you told him all of that. I would have been terrified.” Eric proclaimed. He wasn’t as strong as Jenny, keeping most of his feeling bottled up when it came to the people in his life.
“I just really wanted to tell him,” Jenny explained, remembering the conversation she and Nate shared late last night. “…I needed to share that with him.”
Eric nodded in agreement before a smile graced his lips. “I have a surprise for you.” He stood from the bed, walking towards the door, knocking on it twice.
“Wha-” She was cut off however, the door swinging open, revealing the one person she never expected to see again. Jenny covered her mouth with both hands, surprised.
Agnes Sparks strutted into the room, her long mahogany waves flowing behind her. She looked the same as before leaving school, just minor changes to her face and wardrobe. Agnes did a spin around the room, imitating her best model walk. Jenny and Eric laughed at their friend, clapping and cheering once she was done.
“Thank you, thank you.” Agnes bowed, kissing her hand and waving it into the air like the diva she was. Once the fun was over, she stared at Jenny, trying her best not to cry. She really missed her friend.
Jenny extended her arms, the two girls embracing one another in a tight bear hug. “You look good.”
“I look like hell.” Agnes laughed at her friends words, sitting down on the bed. Jenny tucked a loose strand of hair behind one ear. “What are you doing back here anyway?”
Agnes laughed in disbelief. “How heartless do you think I am? You’re my best friend, Jenny, of course I was going to come and see you.”
She smiled brightly, thankful of her friend’s presents. Jenny loved her uncle and Dan, but there was nothing better than having friends. “Aw, thank you, Aggie.”
The mahogany haired girl scoffed, hating the nickname her friend bestowed on her. “You’re welcome, Jen.”
“It’s this just the sweetest reunion.” Eric plopped down on the bed between them, shaking the mattress. The three of them laughed, joining in on a group hug.
“You got that right, Erie,” both Jenny and Agnes giggled the last part together, inducting Eric into their hated nickname hall of fame. Eric laughed with them, their happiness surrounding the air, helping Jenny to forget all about her relapse.
When the laughter subsided, Agnes told them stories about her modeling trips, the photo shoots she’d booked, and the French heir she‘d met while in the beautiful city of Paris. Eric and Jenny laughed every time Agnes told a funny story about her mother or the crazy things the photographers would say to her while taking the pictures. Jenny realized then just how much she’d missed her roommate and friend. Things just weren’t the same when Agnes wasn’t around. She made situations more light, funny almost. She didn’t make a big deal out of Jenny’s relapse, nor did she criticize her reasons for doing so. Agnes just nodded, listened, and stated her opinion that always seemed to be just what the person wanted to hear. She was a good friend to Jenny in that way, the one person besides Eric that would never look at her differently as before.
Jenny and Eric told Agnes their school stories, the recent Gossip Girl blast that involved other people. Agnes squealed with delight when she heard how Jenny and Nate became a couple, telling Jenny that she was right all along about the two of them belonging together. Stories about the dance flew around, Jenny describing to Agnes the dress she’d designed all by herself. They continued with their stories, not even realizing the snowfall just outside the window as it began to get thicker, presenting the winter season to all of New York. It didn’t matter to them what was going on outside of those walls, the three of them, friends, living in the moment.
When visiting hours were over, Agnes and Eric left, saying a thousand ‘goodbyes’ to Jenny before heading out of the room. Bex stayed with Jenny for a while, filling Jenny in on the news of her uncle’s up-coming summer tour around the country. Dan apologized to both Nate and Jenny for his behavior the day before, explaining that he was just frustrated. He and Nate returned to being friends just like before. Chuck and Blair sent flowers from France, the two of them staying with Blair’s father at his Vineyard. There was a note from Blair, something personal, telling Jenny that she wasn’t the only one with a “problem”. Jenny was gracious for the letter, Blair’s kind words filling her with peace. Serena was the last to come by, the two of them talking about Jenny’s next design. Jenny was gracious for the people in her life, and although she couldn’t define herself in a single word, she knew a word to describe those people around her were; family. And for the first time in her life, she knew what it actually meant to have one.
She was sitting on the windowsill when Nate walked in. He was wearing a fresh change of clothes, the hair gone from his face, smiling. “Hey.”
He kissed the to of her head, sitting in front of her on the window. Jenny smiled at him. “Hi. I thought visiting hours were over.”
“Yeah, well, the nurse thinks I’m your cousin,” Nate laughed along with Jenny. “I missed you.”
Jenny blushed, leaning forward to kiss the tip of his nose. “I missed you more.”
Nate pressed kissed her lips, whispering softly, “Impossible.”
She giggled against his mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling Nate closer to her. “I love you so much.”
“I love you more than you‘ll ever know.” He pulled her into his lap, her back pressed into his, nuzzling his nose into her neck. Suddenly remembering the reason he’d come to see her besides the obvious, Nate placed Jenny back in her pervious spot, pulling an object from his pocket. “I have something for you.”
Jenny eyed him curiously, wondering what he possibly could have for her. “What is it? An early Christmas present?”
Nate shook his head, answering both if her questions. He revealed to her, a small pink phone with clear rhinestones on the back in the shape of the letter ‘J’. When she saw the phone, Jenny gasped. It was the one she’d lost months back. “Where did you find this?”
He handed over the phone to her. “I kind of kept it all this time.” Nate remembered back to the night he’d found Jenny’s phone on the floor near his bed.
“Since when?” she looked up at him and asked. Jenny remembered losing it after Vanessa first arrived, when she and Nate were still together.
“Since the night we first kissed.” Jenny blushed, a happy smile gracing her lips. She was relived to see that Nate thought of it as the night they first kissed, rather than the night Vanessa came to visit him at school. “You left it and I kind of kept it. It just seems right that you have it back.”
Jenny threw her arms around him, pressing her lips to his hardly. “Thank you.” Nate kissed her back, his hands gripping at her hips, as he pulled her into his lap.
When breaking away, Jenny glanced towards the window, the snow falling heavily on the other side. It made her think back to the school dance, how she and Nate never got a chance to dance to a slow song. In that moment, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. She stood up from his lap, extending her hand to him.
“What?” Nate asked confused, taking her small hand in his, standing up.
“Will you dance with me?” she asked him with a smile. Nate complied, pulling her close to him, moving softly with her.
It didn’t matter that their was no music, the two of them not looking their best, or that they were inside of a hospital room. All that mattered was the two of them, living in the moment, something Jenny never allowed herself to do before meeting him. Outside, the snow fell from above, people bustling their way through the streets preparing for the Christmas holiday, their lives different from Jenny’s in everyway. But there was one similar aspect the happy people of New York and Jenny shared. At that moment, they were all happy, anticipating being with the ones they loved the most, and there in Nate’s arms, no danger coming her way, Jenny understood what it was like to be apart of a family in the Christmas holiday. It didn‘t matter that throughout all the year you hated one another, all that mattered was that moment, in that place. Jenny realized that the holidays weren’t dark and sad. It was something normal; natural and delightful.
Chapter Twelve <<---------------->> Chapter Fourteen