wow it's been a while
Wow lets see what i can say there have been so many changes since the last time i wrote here it's not even funny! I no longer am dating jesse! He's a complete cock sucker! I am now with a guy named kyle and instead of feeling happy i'm picking him apart for no apparent reason! just because i can i suppose and i'm dooming our relationship before it's really even starting! It is horrible that i am doing this and there is nothign i can really do to stop myself! I tend to find things wrong with people even if they're perfectly fine. I believe the only guy i didnt pick apart was jesse...and he should have been the one i should have! I gave him that once chance i should have gave someone else and now i feel as if for a while i will pick apart every guy i date whether or not i should! i just will! I did hear news of jesse going to canada with his friends and getting the shit beat out of him by 3 black guys! i supposed thats karma's way of doing justice for me! It's horrible regaurdless the fact that i hate the guy i still love and care about him and it just bothers me because i shouldn't think so highly of some dip shit that treated me like trash! I guess i fear my relatinoship with kyle because i'm afraid that he will yet be another jesse and i will again get hurt! So now i'ma fraid to even get close...i am infact picking him apart so much that i have made myself feel weirded out by everything! I dont know what is wrong with me but hopefully i will get over this feeling..and really be true to myself instead of all my outside influences! ::sigh:: i think this week at school will be a hectic one!