I'm done
Instead of being sad, relieved or even excited graduation seemed to have come and gone like any other day. In the past I've had friends tell me that You will cry through out the ceremony, and I've had friends tell me that You would be so excited but in my case neither happened. I sat in the front listened to the entire thing and I didn't feel a thing. Instead of being happy that I was finally done with high school I was sad for other reasons. Jesse and I had gotten into a large argument a few hours before my graduation. We were on the brinks of breaking up when I read a journal entry he had written about me. In it he told me that I wasn't the girl he had ever dreamed of being with. And the only reason he was with me was beause of one reason and that was because i'm asian. Those words peirced me like flying daggers and I wanted to go die. From all the arguemnts and other disagreements jesse and I have had along the way..this was by far the most hurtful one. And even though we are ok now, I still want to think whole heartedly if this is realy the man I want to stay with the rest of my life. At alot of times I feel like he's an irresponsible being that just wastes space. He's unreliable and unable to do anythign seriously with out screwing up and then getting mad at me when I tell him of his mistake. It really hurts me to think that I've wasted 2 whole years on a guy that I am just begginning to really get to know his true nature. I feel as if though I have been cheated of my time and love and I could have been with someon ebetter. I use to think that he was my world and I wouldn't trade anything for him but as I slowly think about it now I feel as if though I should rethink my values. Friends and school and then lastly if I have room I will give it to jesse maybe. I dotn know what to do anymore. Although I am sick of holding us together I feel as if though if we should fall apart that it is my fault. I dont know what to do if I were to loose him but I sure as hell will take a better offer if it was to come along. I guess I'm telling peole that if i were to find someone new who has all the qualities i'm lookin for and everyting that I wanted YES I would dump jesse for them. I am beggining to get sick of getting hurt all the time and always having to care about his feelings and how he feels when I get shit in return. Maybe some of my frinds are right when they tell me that I can do better!