its been awhile..........................

[bubblez0577]

yeha i know its been quite a while since my last entry ...well just hld tight cuz the reason will blow ur mind....well it started about 3 to 4 wks ago when i had to hurry up and finish the wedding...keith was getting sicker and my nerves were shot,....the wedding it self? well it went off without a hitch....it was alright i guess....thanks for the closeness of the one who helped me...u know who u are....then that same weeked on sunday...i started getting stomach cramps...not like the monthly depression or nothing but it felt like someone had punched me in my stomach...the tight feeling in my gut was killing me.....keith decided to have me go to the doctors walkin clinic and i obligied him in doing so...the doctor told me i was sufering from depression and gave me depression meds and when i asked why my stomach felt like it did he replied that the strain was wearing on my stomach lining and that was that...he sent me home with some depression meds and acid reflux meds and tld me to go home and get some sleep....i did as i was told....i got back home about 7 that night and tried my damndest to go to sleep but the pain was getting worse by the minute....it just wldnt go away no matter what i did to stop it....finally about midnight keith had had enough and dragged me to the hospital....i remember walkin in to the hospital but everything else is a blur....well when i came to my bady had swollen beyond recognition...keith was standing by my bedside crying as he told me that he was glad i was back and that they almost lost me......i had no idea what that meant as i just grinned and fell back in to my darkness...the meds they were pumping into my iv were great.......they always are....but come to find out my appendix had burst at approximately 9 that night and if i would have followed my doctors instrutions i would have never woke up....keith wld have woken to a dead wife and i wont be lyin when i say "what a wake up call"......to think that all it wldve taken was me falling asleep to die and leave this world has overwhelmed me.....i have begun to speak to god again since this and no i cant really truthfully say i believe but i figure if he does i owe him a thank you huh.....so i did and as i did that i still under the same breath decided to let him know that he is and always will be my grieveance for my turmoil filled life....that will never change but thank you to him for not taking me from my children and husband and all that i cherish.......welll...thought id fill u in....i will try to keep up with the inputs from time to time....i promise......

to hold a life is dear......to live a life is surreal......to live and succeed is to persevere.....to love and die is to feel....you will never know what life brings till the end is near....u will never understand what love is until u let go of the fear.....death is a nother word for life as love is another word for grief.....no one will understand the meanings till their own life is bequethed.......

little somthing to confuse u for a while......till next time sweets, tata, bubblez