uncertain
not really sure what's going to happen with this...
i know i grew some balls this summer, and definitely turned into more of a flirt.
part of me wants to flaunt that to one who earlier seemed... disappointed?... by my earlier lack in these attributes. part of me wonders if there's still interest. slash if there ever really was interest.
i've been trying to be socialish and start conversations, but i've discovered i suck at that. it's weird. when we're alone, we can just talk for hours and hours and hours (or at least we have in the past... many times), but when we're in a situation that should be social, we can't even really start a conversation. what the crap.
i probably should just be a man (err...) and try to bring up the subject about what happened/didn't happen this spring, and find out what he really wants. once the conversation takes place, whatever happens, i'm not too incredibly concerned with future awkwardness. i think it'll be fine. it's just... err... making the first move. (wait... wasn't that the whole problem in the first place? bah...)
i almost made a VERY forward comment tonight. it's probably better that i didn't. that could have been quite awkward, even if he were interested. but the thought makes me giggle a little bit inside.
hopefully my dreams tonight will surround this situation instead of all the ghost stories we told while we were camping. really, i should be spending the night sharing a bed with lauren (the one who took my old viz RA job...) in a cabin with scotty, niraj and joe. however, apparently a lot of people really didn't want to do the camping thing, so around 11:30-ish, we packed it in and headed back to campus. i really didn't care either way. but at least there i would have had friends to sleep with (err... yeah... take that however you want :-P). now i'm in smyth alone. oh well.
but i did get to drive the bigass school van today. teehee. we have a limited source of loras-legal drivers, since it takes like a year (err... a week) to get driving records from wisconsin, and most of our 21-year-olds are wisconsiners. since i'm a legal iowan, i just had to go to the DMV in town and within 10 minutes i had a piece of paper with a state seal that said i have a clean record. i drove the mini van most of the day (the biggest thing i'd ever driven...), but they sent me in one of the biggies to come home from the campground. it was fun. i feel important. and cool. and, not gonna lie, the 12-seater is easier to drive than the mini van. crazy.
i suppose i should go to bed... i have to get up in the morning and do some laundry. i'm almost out of undies!!! they made our schedule for tomorrow to plan on eating breakfast at camp at 9, then drive back and have til noon to shower and such before lunch. now that we're not camping, we basically have 12 hours free. crazy.
wootwoot RA bootcamp!
p.s.
is "wisconsinite" the actual term for a wisconsin resident? that's what the spell check wanted to change "wisconsiners" to. but we all know how great the spell check is...