At Least It's Better Than A Meteor Wiping Us All Out
Less than 24 hours to go until the big volunteer appreciation dinner!
We've (and by we, I mean me, and more me, and then maybe the team and me) been working on this dinner for AGES. We literally started when the school year started nearly four months ago, and now it's finally HERE.
And the best part is, it's about to be OVER.
After ripping out my hair figuring out this part of budget and that part of decorations and running my butt up and down trying to buy everything and make everything because nobody else was replying to my (admittedly too-many) e-mails, it's going to be done! Hooray!!
The scary part is, though, the big day itself. I don't know how "ready" we are. I mean, we finished the last of the big things today--but how many things can I count that could go wrong? Or go right? Lots, that's how many.
Anyway, I'm trying to keep my mind off of it by keeping myself busy. Of course, that's when the procrastination mode begins to kick in, and really troubling stuff shifts into top gear.
So you know how girls have the tendency to overanalyze? Okay, well, there's the problem in a nutshell. I think I'm overthinking things, but there's also about a 110% chance that I'm not.
People who want to be "friends" don't invite themselves upstairs too-casually and make every excuse possible to come into (not inappropriate, geez!) contact with you. You know, like cheek-against-head, head-against-shoulder, hand-against-hand contact. Especially not when their morals are pretty much keep-your-distance-with-the-opposite-sex-unless-something's-officially-going-on.
This makes me think that I missed a step here. And to be honest?
I feel like a total ass for it.
When nothing's happening, I feel disappointed. I feel like I want something to happen.
And then when it does, I feel like running into the nearest closet, slamming the door behind me, and burning the key. Which makes me wonder why I wanted anything to happen in the first place.
Is it even possible to try out a relationship when this is the premise that it's built on?
The other part of it is that there's someone else--possibly. And that, of course, isn't fair at all to him. But what do you do when you're unsure, and think that he could be that someone, maybe only because you know that he feels that way too?
"And shameful though it might me, I loved his love for me." Ella Enchanted
I'm scared that if I give this up now, I might look back later and mourn the loss of something wonderful. But he deserves better than that. And I feel like if I don't make it clear now, I might only end up hurting him more later. He's been hurt enough as it is.
And what about the possibility that, if I got closer to that someone else...I pushed him away, too? What if that isn't what I want at all, and I'm using it as an excuse to run away from the first situation?
Well, I guess all of this will be inconsequential in about 500 years anyway.
We've (and by we, I mean me, and more me, and then maybe the team and me) been working on this dinner for AGES. We literally started when the school year started nearly four months ago, and now it's finally HERE.
And the best part is, it's about to be OVER.
After ripping out my hair figuring out this part of budget and that part of decorations and running my butt up and down trying to buy everything and make everything because nobody else was replying to my (admittedly too-many) e-mails, it's going to be done! Hooray!!
The scary part is, though, the big day itself. I don't know how "ready" we are. I mean, we finished the last of the big things today--but how many things can I count that could go wrong? Or go right? Lots, that's how many.
Anyway, I'm trying to keep my mind off of it by keeping myself busy. Of course, that's when the procrastination mode begins to kick in, and really troubling stuff shifts into top gear.
So you know how girls have the tendency to overanalyze? Okay, well, there's the problem in a nutshell. I think I'm overthinking things, but there's also about a 110% chance that I'm not.
People who want to be "friends" don't invite themselves upstairs too-casually and make every excuse possible to come into (not inappropriate, geez!) contact with you. You know, like cheek-against-head, head-against-shoulder, hand-against-hand contact. Especially not when their morals are pretty much keep-your-distance-with-the-opposite-sex-unless-something's-officially-going-on.
This makes me think that I missed a step here. And to be honest?
I feel like a total ass for it.
When nothing's happening, I feel disappointed. I feel like I want something to happen.
And then when it does, I feel like running into the nearest closet, slamming the door behind me, and burning the key. Which makes me wonder why I wanted anything to happen in the first place.
Is it even possible to try out a relationship when this is the premise that it's built on?
The other part of it is that there's someone else--possibly. And that, of course, isn't fair at all to him. But what do you do when you're unsure, and think that he could be that someone, maybe only because you know that he feels that way too?
"And shameful though it might me, I loved his love for me." Ella Enchanted
I'm scared that if I give this up now, I might look back later and mourn the loss of something wonderful. But he deserves better than that. And I feel like if I don't make it clear now, I might only end up hurting him more later. He's been hurt enough as it is.
And what about the possibility that, if I got closer to that someone else...I pushed him away, too? What if that isn't what I want at all, and I'm using it as an excuse to run away from the first situation?
Well, I guess all of this will be inconsequential in about 500 years anyway.