(no subject)
i've noticed a lot lately that even if i had the opportunity to switch lives with anyone from any time period, i dont think i would. i'm very content in my life and who i am (even though i JUST realized how ocd i am, which explains a lot), and where i'm going. i feel like i could walk into just about any situation and come out okay. working at ymca camp has even given me a set of balls and a direction in life. the amount of unnecessary self-taxing shit that i'm willing to take from people is at an all time low. i also want to be a teacher and work in the city and then go to law school and write educational policies. how about that?
i've also been pretty much monogomous. i havent slept with anyone but alex since i met him (even though i made out with a couple dozen people during june... but that was pride month, so whatever and it was mostly for "kiss a king"). this is weird because i'm still in a very polyamorous space, i'm very much allowed to do whatever i want because we're calling it an open relationship, and have been really into girls lately.. but i kind of dont want to. and i know that i dont want him to so it's good that he's not. i mean, he treats me so well and i do love him and would be monogomous with him, but he's far away and i'll be damned if i get myself into a long-term long-distance relationship. i'm 19 years old and about to start my third semester of college. for the love of god, i'm allowed to have a partner nearby me and i'm sick of the ones that mean the most to me being far away. that said, we'll see what goes down this semester. if i end up with a girlfriend, i end up with a girlfriend. really the longest that i have to wait is until january when he moves either to chapel hill or asheville. it'll still be long distance both ways but chapel hill is good because it's close enough to make occational "i need to see you right now" and weekend visits, but not so much that i feel like he's moving halfway across the country to be with me. because he's not-- he was planning on moving to nc before me.. also the idea that someone is willing to put so much into me freaks me out. we'll see, aye?
i have a lot of observations and new parts of my [soul, i feel] that have come from working with these kids but i have to write them later because it's shabbat and my family's here.
i've also been pretty much monogomous. i havent slept with anyone but alex since i met him (even though i made out with a couple dozen people during june... but that was pride month, so whatever and it was mostly for "kiss a king"). this is weird because i'm still in a very polyamorous space, i'm very much allowed to do whatever i want because we're calling it an open relationship, and have been really into girls lately.. but i kind of dont want to. and i know that i dont want him to so it's good that he's not. i mean, he treats me so well and i do love him and would be monogomous with him, but he's far away and i'll be damned if i get myself into a long-term long-distance relationship. i'm 19 years old and about to start my third semester of college. for the love of god, i'm allowed to have a partner nearby me and i'm sick of the ones that mean the most to me being far away. that said, we'll see what goes down this semester. if i end up with a girlfriend, i end up with a girlfriend. really the longest that i have to wait is until january when he moves either to chapel hill or asheville. it'll still be long distance both ways but chapel hill is good because it's close enough to make occational "i need to see you right now" and weekend visits, but not so much that i feel like he's moving halfway across the country to be with me. because he's not-- he was planning on moving to nc before me.. also the idea that someone is willing to put so much into me freaks me out. we'll see, aye?
i have a lot of observations and new parts of my [soul, i feel] that have come from working with these kids but i have to write them later because it's shabbat and my family's here.