(no subject)
Oh so many years ago when I took developmental psychology, I learned about all the different developmental stages of the human organism. We learned the theories about why people behave in certain ways in dealing with these changes, and how to help other transition from one stage to the next. But the class never prepared me for the depth of pain I am now having to endure in moving from adult to caregiver taking care of my aging parents.
It's not the confused hormone induced uncertainty of adolescence desperately desiring autonomy and a sense of self. It's more of an oppressively quiet insidious resignation to the knowledge that your life will soon forever change, that your two greatest caregivers, supporters, champions, heroes and best friends are deminishing, and absolute certainty about what your future with them holds.
My father has become gravely ill, and while the doctors tell us not to give up hope, all of us, each of us know he isn't long for this world. When we left the hospital last night they were preparing to intubate him so that a respirator could control his breathing for him. He has a progressive form of lung disease that causes fiberous scare tissue to develop in his lungs, and is making it difficult for him to breathe. When we got him back to the emergency room last night after only having him home for a single day he was breathing well over 30 times per minute, and the doctors feared his heart would fail if they didn't take over breathing for him. However, they believe a secondary infection has set in which could make a difficult situation more desperate. There are still dangers of pulminary edema and heart failure.
My parents have been married for now more than 55 years. And though she is so very tired, my mother is marching forward like a soldier going to war, still taking care of her family. It has been so very painful to watch and at the same time so amazing to watch my mother gently and lovingly take care of my father, hoping she won't, but knowing she is about to loose her life long partner and soul mate.
It's not the confused hormone induced uncertainty of adolescence desperately desiring autonomy and a sense of self. It's more of an oppressively quiet insidious resignation to the knowledge that your life will soon forever change, that your two greatest caregivers, supporters, champions, heroes and best friends are deminishing, and absolute certainty about what your future with them holds.
My father has become gravely ill, and while the doctors tell us not to give up hope, all of us, each of us know he isn't long for this world. When we left the hospital last night they were preparing to intubate him so that a respirator could control his breathing for him. He has a progressive form of lung disease that causes fiberous scare tissue to develop in his lungs, and is making it difficult for him to breathe. When we got him back to the emergency room last night after only having him home for a single day he was breathing well over 30 times per minute, and the doctors feared his heart would fail if they didn't take over breathing for him. However, they believe a secondary infection has set in which could make a difficult situation more desperate. There are still dangers of pulminary edema and heart failure.
My parents have been married for now more than 55 years. And though she is so very tired, my mother is marching forward like a soldier going to war, still taking care of her family. It has been so very painful to watch and at the same time so amazing to watch my mother gently and lovingly take care of my father, hoping she won't, but knowing she is about to loose her life long partner and soul mate.