Closure...
I am absolutely amazed at the peace closure can bring. Instantaneously. I'm fine. I think I shed the tears I had for this relationship months ago. Cuz I have not shed one since this news was delivered. This was a formality to give me the closure I needed to let it go. I felt sick to my stomach when I heard it, but also a sense of peace. A sense of relief.
I'm better than that. I mean it. I feel it. I know it. Without a doubt. There is something, someone, so much better. I thought I had it at the beginning, which is why it hurt so bad for those few months. But the last several months, I don't think I've really believed it since. I talked a big game, and wanted it, or thought I did. Maybe I just wanted to want it for the sake of finding someone who cared about me who could mesh. But the truth is, he has no backbone, and I see that now so incredibly clearly. Thats something I really dont see. And without the rose colored glasses, I see many other things I would have hated and would never have worked.
Still though, what an asshole! I'm angry. Very angry. Still embarassed. That's the best word I have. Cuz I was so incredibly wrong. But I was led on and fell for it. So what? I didn't lose anything I can't get back. Just some time. But I'm young, I have much of that. At least I'm not wasting anymore time on it.
I'm fine. Off to see the Bubby tonight, and then to the Stews tomorrow. How's THAT for a long weekend?
Its ok. I've never felt so sure that I am truly better than the bullshit I put myself through. What an idiot.
Still, you live, you learn. I have learned this: No more BS interpretations, say what you mean, and mean what you say. I'll know better for next time.
In the meantime. Bring it on. I'm a young single female with an active lifestyle, both physically active and socially. I'm bound to meet him somewhere, somehow. Just gotta keep my eyes open. Or actually open them. Maybe I'll meet somebody on a run, or at the gym, or who knows where. But somewhere.
:)
I'm better than that. I mean it. I feel it. I know it. Without a doubt. There is something, someone, so much better. I thought I had it at the beginning, which is why it hurt so bad for those few months. But the last several months, I don't think I've really believed it since. I talked a big game, and wanted it, or thought I did. Maybe I just wanted to want it for the sake of finding someone who cared about me who could mesh. But the truth is, he has no backbone, and I see that now so incredibly clearly. Thats something I really dont see. And without the rose colored glasses, I see many other things I would have hated and would never have worked.
Still though, what an asshole! I'm angry. Very angry. Still embarassed. That's the best word I have. Cuz I was so incredibly wrong. But I was led on and fell for it. So what? I didn't lose anything I can't get back. Just some time. But I'm young, I have much of that. At least I'm not wasting anymore time on it.
I'm fine. Off to see the Bubby tonight, and then to the Stews tomorrow. How's THAT for a long weekend?
Its ok. I've never felt so sure that I am truly better than the bullshit I put myself through. What an idiot.
Still, you live, you learn. I have learned this: No more BS interpretations, say what you mean, and mean what you say. I'll know better for next time.
In the meantime. Bring it on. I'm a young single female with an active lifestyle, both physically active and socially. I'm bound to meet him somewhere, somehow. Just gotta keep my eyes open. Or actually open them. Maybe I'll meet somebody on a run, or at the gym, or who knows where. But somewhere.
:)