#93 - Stacey McGill, Super Sitter
First post here. Feel free to poke fun at me, as well.
Not sure if this has been done before, but the book's certainly deserving of a good snark or 10.
First, the cover, which can be found over at Dibbly Fresh.
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Hey, Stace, you're dressed like an idiot. Also, who are you looking at? Way to break the fourth wall.
Do kids usually look at their babysitters with looks of complete adoration? I didn't think so.
Chapter 1
We open with more dialogue. Hey whoa, surprise. Stacey and Robert are running through the snow, "glove and glove", heading off to Stacey's house. Stacey's house is quiet, vacant, and warm. Do I sense a romantic scene? Stacey and Robert drift into the kitchen to the soothing sound of the boiler's gentle thunk.
The phone rings. It's Stacey's dad. He thought she might be lonely, he says, with her mother out working. She tells him that Robert's there with him, and her dad gets a might uncomfortable.
"Uh...is is alright with your mother is Robert's in the house when she's not around?" he asked in an anxious voice.
"Oh, Dad," I told him, exasperated. "You don't have to worry. Everyone knows that in Stoneybrook you don't hit puberty until your seventh consecutive year in 8th grade!"
"Phew," said Dad. "That's probably alright, then."
He goes on to tell her he's thinking about getting tickets to a Broadway musical. Stacey, unsurprisingly, is dibbly excited. She hangs up the phone and starts talking Robert's ear off, telling him about this time at a restaurant when she and her dad overheard two producers talking about who they wanted to star in their next play.
"They were mentioning names like Keanu Reeves, Macaulay Culkin, and Winona Ryder." (Wow, this sounds like the worst play in existence. Macaulay will stand there with his hands on his face, and Keanu will look confused and say "Whoa." Maybe the producers were Bialystock and Bloom.)
Robert remarks that Stacey really loves the city (way to state the obvious, there) while Stacey peels a carrot for herself. It's for her diabeetis. She could give Wilford Brimley a run for his money.
After the usual diabetes chat, she and Robert talk for a little while more. He mentions that he's not a fan of the city (OH NO! I guess it's time for Stacey to leave him forever), and Stacey tries to convince him otherwise. Robert's polite about it, though, and instead of saying something like "It's stupid to try to change my opinions on this just by telling me how much you like the city", opts to change the subject by telling her someday she'll be a supermodel. Even though this isn't that flattering to Stacey, she melts at the thought, and the move closer to each other...
And then the phone rings. WHO ON EARTH WOULD CALL TO RUIN THIS ROMANTIC MOMENT?!?!? Why, it's Kristy the Cantankerous! She and Mary Anne are at the mall. They want to buy glue, but can the treasury afford it? Super Math Skillz Stacey to the rescue! She does the math in her head, and tells Kristy to "GO FOR IT!" She hangs up the phone and tells Robert about the call. Robert presents a good point: "She's the president. Why doesn't she just go ahead and buy it?" Oh, Robert, if only we knew such things. +1 to common sense, though.
The rest of the chapter is mostly uneventful. Stacey and Robert do homework. Stacey's mom comes home and uses the word "zooey" to describe her day. Stacey and here mom make dinner, and Stacey has a Great Idea of her own!
"I'm going to take Robert to a Broadway musical for his birthday!" (But Stacey, I thought you liked Robert!)
"Nice idea, Stacey, but have you checked out the price of a ticket lately?" Mom asked. "They're awfully expensive. Two decent seats will probably cost you over a hundred dollars."
Heh. Try WAY over a hundred dollars. And at $1.50 an hour, you're probably not going to be able to afford those tickets by Robert's birthday. What a dilemma! (Foreshadowforeshadow.)
Chapter 2
Wednesday meeting of The Cult. Blah blah blah. Overarching plot summary of the past 93 books in 4 pages. Kristy bought the glue. Thanks for tying up that cliff-hanger from the last chapter. Claudia's wearing something ridiculous again. "For instance, today she wore a long-sleeved tie-dyed shirt that she'd dyed herself. Under it she had on black leggings onto which she'd sewn patches of the tie-dyed material. Her silky, long black hair was tied back with a matching tie-dyed scrunchy." More basic descriptions, although this time around Kristy is described as not looking "particularly impressive". Mary Anne misses Dawn. Jessi's still black. ("People can be such jerks sometimes!" says Stacey.) Mallory still thinks she's ugly. Abby's late to the meeting, gets glared at by K.Ron, and doesn't seem to care. (Go, Abby! Show that cult leader who's boss!)
In terms of plot development, though, only one important thing happens. Stacey asks for lots of jobs because she wants to get those tickets for Robert, and lo and behold, a new client calls, wanting someone to watch her kids every day after school! And no one else can do it, so Stacey gets the job! What luck! It's all so perfect! It's like the plot of some lame-ass book!
Chapter 3
Stacey bikes to meet her new clients, the Cheplins. Mrs. Cheplin seems surprised to see her there. She was expecting someone...older, and hoping for a high school student. Stacey seems mildly offended and mentions that she's 13, and can get references for Mrs. Cheplin, if she needs them.
Mrs. Cheplin begins to explain her situation, and why she's looking for an older sitter. Personally, I think she brings up a lot of good points. She needs someone really responsible, who can pick up her kids from the bus on time, who can help her kids with their homework, and who can do some light housekeeping. Stacey is not thrilled about the prospect of the housework, but needs the money, and does her best to convince Mrs. Cheplin that she's the right person for the job, by explaining things like how she's got to be on time for meetings (which is Kristy's policy more than her own) and the Kid-Kits, which somehow prove organization (again, Kristy's idea. I'm starting to feel like Kristy should have this job.) But Mrs. Cheplin is still unsure, what with her above worries, and her worries about her daughter, Dana, who's just been diagnosed with diabetes...
WHOA! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! DID YOU SAY DIABETES? What a coincidence! Stacey has diabetes! Mrs. Cheplin is shocked. But you seem so healthy! Stacey is AWESOME. She can do ANYTHING other girls can do! (Actual quote from the book. Clearly, she can't do anything that boys can do...)
Mrs. Cheplin decides to hire Stacey, possibly on the basis of her disease, for a trial week. She then tells Stacey how much she's going to pay her, and Stacey nearly faints from shock. It's almost twice as much as most babysitting jobs! Can it be? A whole...$2.25 an hour! She agrees to check with her mother to make sure it's fine, and tells Mrs. Cheplin that she'll call her tonight.
Stacey leaves in a great mood, and on her way back to her house, runs in to Mary Anne and Kristy. Kristy doesn't want Stacey to take the job; she think that it'll tie Stacey up too much and she won't be able to take more jobs. Stacey tries to remind her that she'll be babysitting everyday until five-thirty. Mary Anne breaks in - "Hey whoa, guys. If Stacey's sitting 'till 5.30, how will she be able to come to meetings?" Stacey is sheepish. "I forgot about meeting", she says. K. Ron EXPLODES in a giant ball of fire and fury. "YOU FORGOT ABOUT MEETINGS??? WHAT KIND OF CULT MEMBER ARE YOU??" Then she turns into a giant monster and bites off Stacey's head. End of book.
I wish.
What actually happens is that Stacey says she'll come late, and that she'll still take jobs on weekends. And Kristy's like "Grr grr fine. I hope your mom says no."
Chapter 4
Stacey's mom says the job sounds great! Kristy will be so sad.
Robert and Stacey go on a double date with Logan and Mary Anne. They're going bowling. Naturally, Robert has to make half a page of terrible bowling puns first. Gee, Stace, you're right, he sure is a catch.
Before they go bowling, Stacey gets dressed while imagining how great taking Robert to a Broadway show will be. She decides to wear blue leggings and a bright pink sweater to the bowling alley. This book was published in 1996. Why are they still wearing leggings???
At the bowling alley, Mary Anne and Logan demonstrate exactly how lame they are by having brought sharpened pencils to the bowling alley. Logan's even worse, bringing a bowling ball of his father's.
They bowl for a little while, and Robert and Stacey don't suck as much as usual. Robert jokes around with Logan. "You'd better have a talk with your dad's ball," Robert kidded. "Tell him it's time to get tough."
(Hmm. Maybe Stacey should just give Robert both tickets to the Broadway show, so he can take Logan.)
Stacey and Logan go to the food counter, and he tells her he plans on buying Mary Anne a ring for Valentine's Day. Stacey gushes, and suggests that he take Kristy out with him to help him buy it, since he wants to make sure Mary Anne will love it. He tells Stacey he's also made reservations at Chez Maurice for their Valentine's Day dinner. (Personally, I think he's going to propose to her, so they can finally go all the way.)
They all head home. Mrs. McGill is surprised that Stacey bowled strikes. I thought your only talent was math, Stacey! Stacey and her mom discuss Logan giving Mary Anne a ring. Stacey's mom asks if Logan and Mary Anne are going steady. Um. 1996. I know you guys live in a time warp, but come on. Stacey says she hopes that they will get married. Mrs. McGill, survivor of a painful divorce, says that a lot can go wrong between now and then.
Stacey ends the chapter with "But I had no idea how much was about to go wrong - and very soon!" FORESHADOW FORESHADOW FORESHADOW!!!
Boy, I bet none of us can see where this is going, huh? More next time...
Not sure if this has been done before, but the book's certainly deserving of a good snark or 10.
First, the cover, which can be found over at Dibbly Fresh.
Hey, Stace, you're dressed like an idiot. Also, who are you looking at? Way to break the fourth wall.
Do kids usually look at their babysitters with looks of complete adoration? I didn't think so.
Chapter 1
We open with more dialogue. Hey whoa, surprise. Stacey and Robert are running through the snow, "glove and glove", heading off to Stacey's house. Stacey's house is quiet, vacant, and warm. Do I sense a romantic scene? Stacey and Robert drift into the kitchen to the soothing sound of the boiler's gentle thunk.
The phone rings. It's Stacey's dad. He thought she might be lonely, he says, with her mother out working. She tells him that Robert's there with him, and her dad gets a might uncomfortable.
"Uh...is is alright with your mother is Robert's in the house when she's not around?" he asked in an anxious voice.
"Oh, Dad," I told him, exasperated. "You don't have to worry. Everyone knows that in Stoneybrook you don't hit puberty until your seventh consecutive year in 8th grade!"
"Phew," said Dad. "That's probably alright, then."
He goes on to tell her he's thinking about getting tickets to a Broadway musical. Stacey, unsurprisingly, is dibbly excited. She hangs up the phone and starts talking Robert's ear off, telling him about this time at a restaurant when she and her dad overheard two producers talking about who they wanted to star in their next play.
"They were mentioning names like Keanu Reeves, Macaulay Culkin, and Winona Ryder." (Wow, this sounds like the worst play in existence. Macaulay will stand there with his hands on his face, and Keanu will look confused and say "Whoa." Maybe the producers were Bialystock and Bloom.)
Robert remarks that Stacey really loves the city (way to state the obvious, there) while Stacey peels a carrot for herself. It's for her diabeetis. She could give Wilford Brimley a run for his money.
After the usual diabetes chat, she and Robert talk for a little while more. He mentions that he's not a fan of the city (OH NO! I guess it's time for Stacey to leave him forever), and Stacey tries to convince him otherwise. Robert's polite about it, though, and instead of saying something like "It's stupid to try to change my opinions on this just by telling me how much you like the city", opts to change the subject by telling her someday she'll be a supermodel. Even though this isn't that flattering to Stacey, she melts at the thought, and the move closer to each other...
And then the phone rings. WHO ON EARTH WOULD CALL TO RUIN THIS ROMANTIC MOMENT?!?!? Why, it's Kristy the Cantankerous! She and Mary Anne are at the mall. They want to buy glue, but can the treasury afford it? Super Math Skillz Stacey to the rescue! She does the math in her head, and tells Kristy to "GO FOR IT!" She hangs up the phone and tells Robert about the call. Robert presents a good point: "She's the president. Why doesn't she just go ahead and buy it?" Oh, Robert, if only we knew such things. +1 to common sense, though.
The rest of the chapter is mostly uneventful. Stacey and Robert do homework. Stacey's mom comes home and uses the word "zooey" to describe her day. Stacey and here mom make dinner, and Stacey has a Great Idea of her own!
"I'm going to take Robert to a Broadway musical for his birthday!" (But Stacey, I thought you liked Robert!)
"Nice idea, Stacey, but have you checked out the price of a ticket lately?" Mom asked. "They're awfully expensive. Two decent seats will probably cost you over a hundred dollars."
Heh. Try WAY over a hundred dollars. And at $1.50 an hour, you're probably not going to be able to afford those tickets by Robert's birthday. What a dilemma! (Foreshadowforeshadow.)
Chapter 2
Wednesday meeting of The Cult. Blah blah blah. Overarching plot summary of the past 93 books in 4 pages. Kristy bought the glue. Thanks for tying up that cliff-hanger from the last chapter. Claudia's wearing something ridiculous again. "For instance, today she wore a long-sleeved tie-dyed shirt that she'd dyed herself. Under it she had on black leggings onto which she'd sewn patches of the tie-dyed material. Her silky, long black hair was tied back with a matching tie-dyed scrunchy." More basic descriptions, although this time around Kristy is described as not looking "particularly impressive". Mary Anne misses Dawn. Jessi's still black. ("People can be such jerks sometimes!" says Stacey.) Mallory still thinks she's ugly. Abby's late to the meeting, gets glared at by K.Ron, and doesn't seem to care. (Go, Abby! Show that cult leader who's boss!)
In terms of plot development, though, only one important thing happens. Stacey asks for lots of jobs because she wants to get those tickets for Robert, and lo and behold, a new client calls, wanting someone to watch her kids every day after school! And no one else can do it, so Stacey gets the job! What luck! It's all so perfect! It's like the plot of some lame-ass book!
Chapter 3
Stacey bikes to meet her new clients, the Cheplins. Mrs. Cheplin seems surprised to see her there. She was expecting someone...older, and hoping for a high school student. Stacey seems mildly offended and mentions that she's 13, and can get references for Mrs. Cheplin, if she needs them.
Mrs. Cheplin begins to explain her situation, and why she's looking for an older sitter. Personally, I think she brings up a lot of good points. She needs someone really responsible, who can pick up her kids from the bus on time, who can help her kids with their homework, and who can do some light housekeeping. Stacey is not thrilled about the prospect of the housework, but needs the money, and does her best to convince Mrs. Cheplin that she's the right person for the job, by explaining things like how she's got to be on time for meetings (which is Kristy's policy more than her own) and the Kid-Kits, which somehow prove organization (again, Kristy's idea. I'm starting to feel like Kristy should have this job.) But Mrs. Cheplin is still unsure, what with her above worries, and her worries about her daughter, Dana, who's just been diagnosed with diabetes...
WHOA! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! DID YOU SAY DIABETES? What a coincidence! Stacey has diabetes! Mrs. Cheplin is shocked. But you seem so healthy! Stacey is AWESOME. She can do ANYTHING other girls can do! (Actual quote from the book. Clearly, she can't do anything that boys can do...)
Mrs. Cheplin decides to hire Stacey, possibly on the basis of her disease, for a trial week. She then tells Stacey how much she's going to pay her, and Stacey nearly faints from shock. It's almost twice as much as most babysitting jobs! Can it be? A whole...$2.25 an hour! She agrees to check with her mother to make sure it's fine, and tells Mrs. Cheplin that she'll call her tonight.
Stacey leaves in a great mood, and on her way back to her house, runs in to Mary Anne and Kristy. Kristy doesn't want Stacey to take the job; she think that it'll tie Stacey up too much and she won't be able to take more jobs. Stacey tries to remind her that she'll be babysitting everyday until five-thirty. Mary Anne breaks in - "Hey whoa, guys. If Stacey's sitting 'till 5.30, how will she be able to come to meetings?" Stacey is sheepish. "I forgot about meeting", she says. K. Ron EXPLODES in a giant ball of fire and fury. "YOU FORGOT ABOUT MEETINGS??? WHAT KIND OF CULT MEMBER ARE YOU??" Then she turns into a giant monster and bites off Stacey's head. End of book.
I wish.
What actually happens is that Stacey says she'll come late, and that she'll still take jobs on weekends. And Kristy's like "Grr grr fine. I hope your mom says no."
Chapter 4
Stacey's mom says the job sounds great! Kristy will be so sad.
Robert and Stacey go on a double date with Logan and Mary Anne. They're going bowling. Naturally, Robert has to make half a page of terrible bowling puns first. Gee, Stace, you're right, he sure is a catch.
Before they go bowling, Stacey gets dressed while imagining how great taking Robert to a Broadway show will be. She decides to wear blue leggings and a bright pink sweater to the bowling alley. This book was published in 1996. Why are they still wearing leggings???
At the bowling alley, Mary Anne and Logan demonstrate exactly how lame they are by having brought sharpened pencils to the bowling alley. Logan's even worse, bringing a bowling ball of his father's.
They bowl for a little while, and Robert and Stacey don't suck as much as usual. Robert jokes around with Logan. "You'd better have a talk with your dad's ball," Robert kidded. "Tell him it's time to get tough."
(Hmm. Maybe Stacey should just give Robert both tickets to the Broadway show, so he can take Logan.)
Stacey and Logan go to the food counter, and he tells her he plans on buying Mary Anne a ring for Valentine's Day. Stacey gushes, and suggests that he take Kristy out with him to help him buy it, since he wants to make sure Mary Anne will love it. He tells Stacey he's also made reservations at Chez Maurice for their Valentine's Day dinner. (Personally, I think he's going to propose to her, so they can finally go all the way.)
They all head home. Mrs. McGill is surprised that Stacey bowled strikes. I thought your only talent was math, Stacey! Stacey and her mom discuss Logan giving Mary Anne a ring. Stacey's mom asks if Logan and Mary Anne are going steady. Um. 1996. I know you guys live in a time warp, but come on. Stacey says she hopes that they will get married. Mrs. McGill, survivor of a painful divorce, says that a lot can go wrong between now and then.
Stacey ends the chapter with "But I had no idea how much was about to go wrong - and very soon!" FORESHADOW FORESHADOW FORESHADOW!!!
Boy, I bet none of us can see where this is going, huh? More next time...