Keep Out, Claudia! Part The End!
Greetings, lovelies! How is everyone doing this fine, sweltering day? Me? I'm sweltering. But I'm also productive so, I finished this bitch up! I also wanted to announce that this will be my last post on LJ. After that I'm switching to Dreamwidth. I'll probably be deleting my whole account within the next month. Sorry about that but LJ's kinda going through bullshit as you know and I just don't have the spoons to deal with that stress. So, here's my farewell snark. Wish it was something funnier but whatcha gonna do? Welll, let's go!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
This chapter is a fucking bore. At a goddamn kids' band rehearsal, Jackie makes the announcement that instead of doing the music from Annie, they should do it from Fiddler on the Roof. Because Ann likes making the Ramsey family idiots, Becca asks what the Hell is Fiddler on the Roof. Actually, that makes me an idiot too because I would have asked the exact same question at eight. I would think it'd be a precious few that would know that musical well enough to make that their set. I'm 30 years older than these kids and all I know is 'If I Were a Rich Man' and I only know that because that pop singer who sampled it in a song I'm too lazy to look up. It makes no sense and is only there for *gasp!* drama! Of course, these are Stoneybrook kids Who were probably singing the whole of Jesus Christ: Super Star outta the womb. But I can't fault them wanting to do Fiddler as I have a weakness for a Jewish guy.
Come to my house and kill me, Danny boy
After that's agreed upon, who should show up but Mrs White Power USA and her brats? Claudia actually greets her with a hello when a heil would be more appropriate. I would have done it. Nothing pisses off racists more than telling them they're racists. I do feel bad for Claud being awkward around this shitty woman. I wish I could give her my 'fuck you' attitude to be boring holes of 'I would fucking kick you in the ovaries' in her face. Shit lady mutters hi then walks up to Dawn all, 'Are you a sitter because it looks like we have so much in common! Isn't ketchup spicy?! Do you use spf 453 when you go out?! Isn't having blue eyes because of mutation great?!'
She asks Dawn if she's in charge and this is probably the only time Dawn isn't the worst person in the conversation. Dawn says actually, Claudia's in charge. Fish belly has nothing to say to that and just comments on the 'assortment' of kids there. Dawn realizes she means...ethnicities? And again, this doesn't fucking work with all white children! There's not even any Jewish kids till Abby comes along! And unless one of them is running around in a yarmulke, who the fuck can tell?! She's not the fucking Terminator with special vision that tells all the kids' ancestry! And again!! They're all WHITE!! Just like I, a mild mannered, sex-repulsed asexual, should not write a book about hardcore fucking, Ann, a fucking white woman who writes nothing but white characters, should not be writing a book on racism! I'm fraught with the stupidity of it all!
Dawn tells her that they're going to be playing music from Fiddler and Mrs Mayo '92 shits a puppy right there and calls her kids to come here now, we're going home! The kids complain and she all but drags them away by their hair. I just realized what Mrs Lowell is. She's one of those boomer bitches that always asks to speak to the manager. The kind that votes for a pussy grabbing, POS POTUS. The kind that screams outside abortion clinics but wants to cut funding for children. The kind of woman who won't get her kid vaccinated but hits the tanning bed every weekend. The kinda bitch with an asshole so tight she can barely shit out a single grain of rice. Holy fuck! I managed to piss myself off! Aaaahhhh!
Okay, I made myself a Valium smoothie and feel better. When Herr Lowell leaves she gives Claudia a disgusted look and I wish Claud had drop-kicked her in the ass on the way out. Hmm...I just realized I have Sims...urge to kill rising. Anyhoo, the BSC gathers around Claudia and comforts her in an uncharacteristic show of compassion. K Ron was all ready to snatch Mrs Lowell bald for dissing Emily. Uh, if you want people who don't like Emily, look to your parents who adopted her on a whim and spend exactly zero time with her. They worry a bit that other parents won't be happy with them doing Fiddler but realize only non-BSC families are shitty. Yeah, that's how it always goes.
Chapter 12!
Hoo boy, I knew I was in trouble when I read Karen was involved in helping Claudia. We'll get to that in a minute. First I want to point out how really sheltered kids in the 'brook are by Claudia saying she never thought there was anything different about her. That people would treat her differently due to her race. 8 year old me cries at the thought of not being made fun of for my eyebrows or my arm hair in the middle of class. About strangers coming up to me asking '¿Cómo estás?' and not being able to answer because being Mexican was shameful so I was never taught Spanish. Why I'm still not able to let go of Euro-centric beauty standards and hate my skin, my eyes, my hair. I would have killed to think there was equality between me and my white friends till I was 13. And also I call bullshit on all that because the BSC is known to make a very big deal about the fact that Claudia is Japanese. They're constantly talking about how different she is. Just because it's positive doesn't make it any less racist.
Anyways, Claudia has a sitting job at the Brewer/Thomas mansion for all the kids because spending time with your children you only see every other weekend is for losers. I'm kidding of course. If I had Karen as a kid I'd move to Jupiter, so, I don't blame Watson any. Case in point, Karen says they need to practice their music and appoints herself All Glorious Leader without asking any of the other kids what they want to do. David M even points out the bullshittery of this but Karen says it was her idea that's why she gets to decide everything.
The kids start up their band and it's mostly percussion with a kazoo and a harmonica so you know it sucks. Karen stops and says so and then is like, we need uniforms! Which means an obligatory mention of movies from another decade. The only reason I know about The Music Man is because of the monorail episode of The Simpsons. Best episode ever bt-dubs. The kids think that's a good idea and Karen starts bossing them around again because she's 'full of ideas'. No wonder K Ron adores this little butt fart. They both talk over everyone and never let them speak so they think their ideas are flawless. I fucking hate Karen. And in another K Ron moment, her idea is complete shite because she just dresses like a reject from RuPaul's Drag U. Yeah, not Drag Race, Drag U. The boys are like 'Your idea is bad and you should feel bad'. And omg, do I fucking die when it's Nancy who comes up with the idea to all wear jeans and a red shirt. So, yeah, Ann basically wrote the same annoying taint stain twice and called them Kristy and Karen. She couldn't even think of a different letter to start their names with. This chapter is fucking stupid and it ends there. And no I don't know what Karen did to help Claudia.
Chapter 13!
The BSC is going over the fliers for the 'concert' and they had stupidly put Claudia in charge of making the fliers so they had to throw out a bunch because she's a facking moron. Seriously, she spelled 'band' 'bad'. I wonder what kinda fucking mush mouth Ann thinks Claudia is if she can't see that there's an n in band. Just like how she randomly add Rs into words that have zero r sound. Th rest of the chapter is a fucking snore. I wouldn't care about this shit if I knew these kids personally. The only thing I'll point out is Claire throws a epic fucking tantrum and the BSC just sits by. No Claire is 'impossible!' Claire is a 'brat!' Just 'let's see how this pans out'. This book is a bigger headache then I'd thought.
Chapter 14!
God, this book got boring fast. At a BSC meeting, K Ron wants to discuss what to do if Mrs Lowell calls them. Claudia says to do exactly what they should do and say they don't associate with bigots. K Ron says they can't do that and uh, why the fuck not? You're not supposed to tiptoe around the feelings of racists. You're supposed to punch 'em in the Goddamn jaw and make them cry like a little bitch. Claudia also says they can say they don't sit for blue eyed blondes and Dawn gets mad because she's the kinda fuck head who thinks reverse racism is real and Stacey backs her up because she's also a fuck. They come to no satisfying conclusion and just say they won't take any jobs with her till she gives up. They spout a bunch of hippie shit about hate the sin, love the sinner and I say fuck that noise. Sorry to break it to you Ann, but I fucking loathe racists. These people want me dead. They want my friends dead. They could all die in the most painful way possible and I'd fucking hold a ten year party. Fuck racists and fuck you Ann for acting like we have to tolerate them.
Chapter 15!
I literally don't give two shits about this bullshit kids' band so, I'm cutting to the end. The band does well and we'll never hear about it again like so many other things that were going to be a monthly thing. That was fucking boring so I'll leave you a clip from my favorite musical: Jeepers Creepers: Semi-Star.
Next up for me will be Stacey's Choice for no other reason than I liked her outfit and the shopping trip. Stay lovely! Thanks for reading!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
This chapter is a fucking bore. At a goddamn kids' band rehearsal, Jackie makes the announcement that instead of doing the music from Annie, they should do it from Fiddler on the Roof. Because Ann likes making the Ramsey family idiots, Becca asks what the Hell is Fiddler on the Roof. Actually, that makes me an idiot too because I would have asked the exact same question at eight. I would think it'd be a precious few that would know that musical well enough to make that their set. I'm 30 years older than these kids and all I know is 'If I Were a Rich Man' and I only know that because that pop singer who sampled it in a song I'm too lazy to look up. It makes no sense and is only there for *gasp!* drama! Of course, these are Stoneybrook kids Who were probably singing the whole of Jesus Christ: Super Star outta the womb. But I can't fault them wanting to do Fiddler as I have a weakness for a Jewish guy.
Come to my house and kill me, Danny boy
After that's agreed upon, who should show up but Mrs White Power USA and her brats? Claudia actually greets her with a hello when a heil would be more appropriate. I would have done it. Nothing pisses off racists more than telling them they're racists. I do feel bad for Claud being awkward around this shitty woman. I wish I could give her my 'fuck you' attitude to be boring holes of 'I would fucking kick you in the ovaries' in her face. Shit lady mutters hi then walks up to Dawn all, 'Are you a sitter because it looks like we have so much in common! Isn't ketchup spicy?! Do you use spf 453 when you go out?! Isn't having blue eyes because of mutation great?!'
She asks Dawn if she's in charge and this is probably the only time Dawn isn't the worst person in the conversation. Dawn says actually, Claudia's in charge. Fish belly has nothing to say to that and just comments on the 'assortment' of kids there. Dawn realizes she means...ethnicities? And again, this doesn't fucking work with all white children! There's not even any Jewish kids till Abby comes along! And unless one of them is running around in a yarmulke, who the fuck can tell?! She's not the fucking Terminator with special vision that tells all the kids' ancestry! And again!! They're all WHITE!! Just like I, a mild mannered, sex-repulsed asexual, should not write a book about hardcore fucking, Ann, a fucking white woman who writes nothing but white characters, should not be writing a book on racism! I'm fraught with the stupidity of it all!
Dawn tells her that they're going to be playing music from Fiddler and Mrs Mayo '92 shits a puppy right there and calls her kids to come here now, we're going home! The kids complain and she all but drags them away by their hair. I just realized what Mrs Lowell is. She's one of those boomer bitches that always asks to speak to the manager. The kind that votes for a pussy grabbing, POS POTUS. The kind that screams outside abortion clinics but wants to cut funding for children. The kind of woman who won't get her kid vaccinated but hits the tanning bed every weekend. The kinda bitch with an asshole so tight she can barely shit out a single grain of rice. Holy fuck! I managed to piss myself off! Aaaahhhh!
Okay, I made myself a Valium smoothie and feel better. When Herr Lowell leaves she gives Claudia a disgusted look and I wish Claud had drop-kicked her in the ass on the way out. Hmm...I just realized I have Sims...urge to kill rising. Anyhoo, the BSC gathers around Claudia and comforts her in an uncharacteristic show of compassion. K Ron was all ready to snatch Mrs Lowell bald for dissing Emily. Uh, if you want people who don't like Emily, look to your parents who adopted her on a whim and spend exactly zero time with her. They worry a bit that other parents won't be happy with them doing Fiddler but realize only non-BSC families are shitty. Yeah, that's how it always goes.
Chapter 12!
Hoo boy, I knew I was in trouble when I read Karen was involved in helping Claudia. We'll get to that in a minute. First I want to point out how really sheltered kids in the 'brook are by Claudia saying she never thought there was anything different about her. That people would treat her differently due to her race. 8 year old me cries at the thought of not being made fun of for my eyebrows or my arm hair in the middle of class. About strangers coming up to me asking '¿Cómo estás?' and not being able to answer because being Mexican was shameful so I was never taught Spanish. Why I'm still not able to let go of Euro-centric beauty standards and hate my skin, my eyes, my hair. I would have killed to think there was equality between me and my white friends till I was 13. And also I call bullshit on all that because the BSC is known to make a very big deal about the fact that Claudia is Japanese. They're constantly talking about how different she is. Just because it's positive doesn't make it any less racist.
Anyways, Claudia has a sitting job at the Brewer/Thomas mansion for all the kids because spending time with your children you only see every other weekend is for losers. I'm kidding of course. If I had Karen as a kid I'd move to Jupiter, so, I don't blame Watson any. Case in point, Karen says they need to practice their music and appoints herself All Glorious Leader without asking any of the other kids what they want to do. David M even points out the bullshittery of this but Karen says it was her idea that's why she gets to decide everything.
The kids start up their band and it's mostly percussion with a kazoo and a harmonica so you know it sucks. Karen stops and says so and then is like, we need uniforms! Which means an obligatory mention of movies from another decade. The only reason I know about The Music Man is because of the monorail episode of The Simpsons. Best episode ever bt-dubs. The kids think that's a good idea and Karen starts bossing them around again because she's 'full of ideas'. No wonder K Ron adores this little butt fart. They both talk over everyone and never let them speak so they think their ideas are flawless. I fucking hate Karen. And in another K Ron moment, her idea is complete shite because she just dresses like a reject from RuPaul's Drag U. Yeah, not Drag Race, Drag U. The boys are like 'Your idea is bad and you should feel bad'. And omg, do I fucking die when it's Nancy who comes up with the idea to all wear jeans and a red shirt. So, yeah, Ann basically wrote the same annoying taint stain twice and called them Kristy and Karen. She couldn't even think of a different letter to start their names with. This chapter is fucking stupid and it ends there. And no I don't know what Karen did to help Claudia.
Chapter 13!
The BSC is going over the fliers for the 'concert' and they had stupidly put Claudia in charge of making the fliers so they had to throw out a bunch because she's a facking moron. Seriously, she spelled 'band' 'bad'. I wonder what kinda fucking mush mouth Ann thinks Claudia is if she can't see that there's an n in band. Just like how she randomly add Rs into words that have zero r sound. Th rest of the chapter is a fucking snore. I wouldn't care about this shit if I knew these kids personally. The only thing I'll point out is Claire throws a epic fucking tantrum and the BSC just sits by. No Claire is 'impossible!' Claire is a 'brat!' Just 'let's see how this pans out'. This book is a bigger headache then I'd thought.
Chapter 14!
God, this book got boring fast. At a BSC meeting, K Ron wants to discuss what to do if Mrs Lowell calls them. Claudia says to do exactly what they should do and say they don't associate with bigots. K Ron says they can't do that and uh, why the fuck not? You're not supposed to tiptoe around the feelings of racists. You're supposed to punch 'em in the Goddamn jaw and make them cry like a little bitch. Claudia also says they can say they don't sit for blue eyed blondes and Dawn gets mad because she's the kinda fuck head who thinks reverse racism is real and Stacey backs her up because she's also a fuck. They come to no satisfying conclusion and just say they won't take any jobs with her till she gives up. They spout a bunch of hippie shit about hate the sin, love the sinner and I say fuck that noise. Sorry to break it to you Ann, but I fucking loathe racists. These people want me dead. They want my friends dead. They could all die in the most painful way possible and I'd fucking hold a ten year party. Fuck racists and fuck you Ann for acting like we have to tolerate them.
Chapter 15!
I literally don't give two shits about this bullshit kids' band so, I'm cutting to the end. The band does well and we'll never hear about it again like so many other things that were going to be a monthly thing. That was fucking boring so I'll leave you a clip from my favorite musical: Jeepers Creepers: Semi-Star.
Click to viewNext up for me will be Stacey's Choice for no other reason than I liked her outfit and the shopping trip. Stay lovely! Thanks for reading!