Claudia, Queen of the Seventh Grade - Part 1
Hello! I’m a long-time lurker and almost first-time snarker (I think I tried snarking the BSC postcard set many years ago but only did a fraction of them). I'm also incredibly shy, so I don't comment much, even though I read and love the entries that you all post. I've been wanting to snark a book for awhile now, and I finally have some free time, so no excuses! I kind of suck at sarcasm (I’m on the autism spectrum), so if I’m not witty enough, feel free to give feedback.
I was going to snark “Claudia Makes Up Her Mind,” but I was confused about Claudia being a queen, especially when there’s also a class president. And I know SMS has a dance every time someone shits, but they also have a Prom? So yeah, page 4 and so confused that I realized I needed to read this one first.
Chapter 1
We open with Claudia leading a study group. Actually, we open with the stupidest line ever:
“Wait. You mean you can’t have a cross between a monkey and a horse because they’re not in the same family?”
*blinks*
I’ve been rereading Harry Potter for the past few months, and they’ve got some really nifty animals, but I’m having an impossible time trying to figure out what a horse-monkey would look like. So is Google, apparently. I just searched for “half horse half monkey” and the results include a monkey-elephant, horse-squirrel, alligator-duck, and a couple pictures of half of a horse (like, head, shoulders, front legs, and tail. And the half of a donkey is the head, hind legs and tail).
Gogmangog on DeviantArt came through!
Hmm, one sentence in and my head is already spinning. Where was I? Oh, Claudia is leading a study group and is trying to explain species versus families. She impresses me by knowing the order of species grouping: kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species. She further impresses me by explaining the “Kishi Learning System,” where she used the mnemonic “kindly pass Claudia Oreos for goodness sake!” Clever. She said she tried to use artists’ names but that it was too difficult (Kahlo, Picasso, Cezanne, O’Keefe, Frankenthaler, Gauguin, and Seurat).
Claudia tells us that she started out in 8th grade and was sent to 7th. That does suck, because from what I’ve read and you’ve all written in your snarks, it sounds like while yeah, she’s not a “real genius,” she’s not stupid, either. Didn’t someone just recently do a book where she admitted to not having done much any school work all year? It’s hard to feel too badly for her when she has a sister and parents and a best friend who are all more than willing to tutor her and she just blows them off.
And then I read the line where she says she felt “devastated, destroyed, and humiliated,” and I feel like a jerk for not being as sympathetic.
Claudia talks about her 7th grade friends (I have not read any of the books from the time she was sent back to 7th grade through now, so I’m curious to see how Kristy’s dealing with this whole other set of friends) and we learn that Claudia has a Very Special Friend. No, not that type of special friend. Jeannie is special because she’s Asian-American too (Korean, not Japanese). Jeannie is crazy about clothes too, but she gets her fashion guidance from YM (props to Ann for mentioning an actual 90s magazine. Fun fact: I’ve always been a “late bloomer” so to speak, and when I was in 7th grade I decided I wanted to be like the “cool” kids, so I begged my mom for a subscription to YM. She agreed without reading the magazine first, and when my first issue showed up, that’s when she decided to make sure it was appropriate. There was an advice column and this girl had written in about how she was 13 or 16 and had had sex with three different men, including her best friend’s father, and she was pregnant and had no idea who the father was. My mother wasn’t sure whether to hand over the magazine or not, but I think she ultimately decided to because I was finally showing interest in “normal teenage girl stuff”).
Here’s our first outfit description:
Leopard-pattern blouse, sixties-style hip-huggers, a wide headband, and plain black flats with white ankle socks. I wish I had my old laptop with Photoshop so I could make a picture of this outfit.
As Claudia is pulling up her ankle socks she notices that she only has 22 minutes to make it back to her bedroom in time for the BSC (more about it later) meeting, including travel time. As she’s getting ready to leave, her friends hem and haw about a “surprise,” which turns out to be that they nominated Claudia for Queen of the Seventh Grade.
Finally, answers to the “why is there a queen and a class president” question! Turns out, SMS has been doing this tradition since “World War I,” where each grade elects a king and a queen. Then there’s a coronation ceremony, the winners pick their best friends to be attendants, and they all work together to plan the problem prom (ha, the e-book does say “plan the problem together.” Foreshadowing by a cheeky editor?). Oh, and get this: On prom night, when the King and Queen are dancing to the class song, everyone chants “Kiss! Kiss!” and I don’t think they’re talking about Gene Simmons. Is this how it is at real proms? I didn’t go to mine. But in what world is it appropriate for two students who are not a couple (or even if they are) to be expected to kiss?
Anyway, Claudia is kind of annoyed at being nominated, but after her friends (other than Jeannie, there are Josh, Joanna, and Shira) reassure her, she starts to get excited. She doesn’t think she will win (but of course she will because why wouldn’t she?) but she thinks it will be a great way to get to know more of her new classmates.
And she’s on her way to see her best friends in the entire world. Of course they’ll be thrilled for her too!
Chapter 2
I haven’t read a BSC book in so long that I think I’ll try and read this chapter. Even as a kid I skipped this stuff. Then I learned that I was missing out on some weird shit when my friends were discussing a Chapter 2 where Dawn says that if you can touch your tongue to your nose, you’ll have big boobs, and Kristy is freaking out because she can do that.
Let’s see. Claudia arrives just in time to see Kristy hanging up her phone, because of course it’s okay for her to answer calls outside of club hours. She says she was calling 911 because Claudia wasn’t there yet, and Claudia fell for it, and then there’s a marshmallow fight. Kristy ends up juggling a few of the marshmallows, and at 5:30 she catches one of the marshmallows in her mouth. You know, the marshmallows THAT HAD BEEN PICKED UP OFF THE FLOOR during their food fight.
Hey, this sounds fun: Baby-sitters Club, the musical. Book and lyrics by Mallory, choreography by Jessi, and set design by Claudia. Fan fic idea, anybody?
Our B plot is introduced: The Addisons need a sitter every Thursday for the next month. Apparently their son Sean is an arsonist? The BSC caught him setting fires in the library because of course they were the only ones capable of doing so. There’s some hesitation in the BSC accepting this assignment, but since we need a B plot, they need to take the job.
And now that that’s squared away, Claudia makes the mistake of bringing up non-club business. Mal and Jessi are thrilled about the Queen nomination, but her 8th grade friends all react rather shittily. Kristy, of course, worries about the time commitment. Stacey says it would be cheating, since she’s thirteen and that makes her an 8th grader. Does Stacey not understand the concept of having a birthday during the school year? I turned 13 in 7th grade and they didn’t let me go over to 8th. Claudia points out that she wasn’t allowed to attend the 8th grade Halloween dance (which implies that there were THREE separate Halloween dances this time-loop?) and she’s not allowed to eat with the 8th graders, so she’s a 7th grader and not a cheater, so just shut up, Bitch!
She downplays her disappointment by stressing that she doesn’t think she has a chance at winning. Best friends my ass.
Chapter 3
English class, which means books! They are comparing Call of the Wild and Hatchet. I don’t really remember Call of the Wild (I read that in 5th grade, I think), but I loved Hatchet. I wanted to be Brian. Claudia mentions that compared to last year, when she felt forced to read the books, this year she’s finding that she enjoys them so much that she can’t put them down. Wouldn’t it be great to see that attitude show up in a Chapter 2, where she reads something more than just Nancy Drew?
Here’s where we meet the boy we know will be King. Mark Jaffe, who has luscious brown eyes and high cheekbones. And the girls all look at him like he’s a rock star.
Claudia makes a clever joke about the lunch bell being the real “Call of the Wild.” Amen, sister! I’m a case manager and I get so caught up with work that I forget to eat. It’ll be about 2pm when I start to get hangry.
Claudia’s friend Josh has taken it upon himself to be Claudia’s P.R. person, so the entire lunch period consists of people saying hi to Claudia and telling her they would vote for her. Oh, and her friend Shira’s mother should adopt Dawn. Mrs. Shira sent cans of chicken noodle soup to school with Shira because she wants her to start a food drive. And Mumsy has also been on the local news leading a protest, plus she has like a million bumper stickers on her car for different causes.
On their way out of the cafeteria, 7th grade friends run into 8th grade friends. I feel bad when I read this line: “seeing my BSC friends on their way to eighth grade lunch is painful…I missed going to lunch with them. I missed our conversations. Every day I wondered what they were talking about, what jokes I was missing, what gossip I’d be the last to hear.” I can relate. I went to four different school districts, and the place I went to in 5th and 6th grade, you had to sit with your homeroom class for lunch, so even though my two best friends that I’d known since kindergarten were in my same grade and ate lunch at the same time as me, they were in one homeroom and I was in another. It especially sucked in the 5th grade, because that was the year we started middle school, so there were kids from 5 different elementary schools.
Abby and Stacey try to include Claudia in a discussion about the Addisons, but when Claudia tries to include her friends Josh and Jeannie in the discussion, things get awkward.
Since this is my first book snark, I’m just tackling the first three chapters this time. Thanks for reading.
I was going to snark “Claudia Makes Up Her Mind,” but I was confused about Claudia being a queen, especially when there’s also a class president. And I know SMS has a dance every time someone shits, but they also have a Prom? So yeah, page 4 and so confused that I realized I needed to read this one first.
Chapter 1
We open with Claudia leading a study group. Actually, we open with the stupidest line ever:
“Wait. You mean you can’t have a cross between a monkey and a horse because they’re not in the same family?”
*blinks*
I’ve been rereading Harry Potter for the past few months, and they’ve got some really nifty animals, but I’m having an impossible time trying to figure out what a horse-monkey would look like. So is Google, apparently. I just searched for “half horse half monkey” and the results include a monkey-elephant, horse-squirrel, alligator-duck, and a couple pictures of half of a horse (like, head, shoulders, front legs, and tail. And the half of a donkey is the head, hind legs and tail).
Gogmangog on DeviantArt came through!
Hmm, one sentence in and my head is already spinning. Where was I? Oh, Claudia is leading a study group and is trying to explain species versus families. She impresses me by knowing the order of species grouping: kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species. She further impresses me by explaining the “Kishi Learning System,” where she used the mnemonic “kindly pass Claudia Oreos for goodness sake!” Clever. She said she tried to use artists’ names but that it was too difficult (Kahlo, Picasso, Cezanne, O’Keefe, Frankenthaler, Gauguin, and Seurat).
Claudia tells us that she started out in 8th grade and was sent to 7th. That does suck, because from what I’ve read and you’ve all written in your snarks, it sounds like while yeah, she’s not a “real genius,” she’s not stupid, either. Didn’t someone just recently do a book where she admitted to not having done much any school work all year? It’s hard to feel too badly for her when she has a sister and parents and a best friend who are all more than willing to tutor her and she just blows them off.
And then I read the line where she says she felt “devastated, destroyed, and humiliated,” and I feel like a jerk for not being as sympathetic.
Claudia talks about her 7th grade friends (I have not read any of the books from the time she was sent back to 7th grade through now, so I’m curious to see how Kristy’s dealing with this whole other set of friends) and we learn that Claudia has a Very Special Friend. No, not that type of special friend. Jeannie is special because she’s Asian-American too (Korean, not Japanese). Jeannie is crazy about clothes too, but she gets her fashion guidance from YM (props to Ann for mentioning an actual 90s magazine. Fun fact: I’ve always been a “late bloomer” so to speak, and when I was in 7th grade I decided I wanted to be like the “cool” kids, so I begged my mom for a subscription to YM. She agreed without reading the magazine first, and when my first issue showed up, that’s when she decided to make sure it was appropriate. There was an advice column and this girl had written in about how she was 13 or 16 and had had sex with three different men, including her best friend’s father, and she was pregnant and had no idea who the father was. My mother wasn’t sure whether to hand over the magazine or not, but I think she ultimately decided to because I was finally showing interest in “normal teenage girl stuff”).
Here’s our first outfit description:
Leopard-pattern blouse, sixties-style hip-huggers, a wide headband, and plain black flats with white ankle socks. I wish I had my old laptop with Photoshop so I could make a picture of this outfit.
As Claudia is pulling up her ankle socks she notices that she only has 22 minutes to make it back to her bedroom in time for the BSC (more about it later) meeting, including travel time. As she’s getting ready to leave, her friends hem and haw about a “surprise,” which turns out to be that they nominated Claudia for Queen of the Seventh Grade.
Finally, answers to the “why is there a queen and a class president” question! Turns out, SMS has been doing this tradition since “World War I,” where each grade elects a king and a queen. Then there’s a coronation ceremony, the winners pick their best friends to be attendants, and they all work together to plan the problem prom (ha, the e-book does say “plan the problem together.” Foreshadowing by a cheeky editor?). Oh, and get this: On prom night, when the King and Queen are dancing to the class song, everyone chants “Kiss! Kiss!” and I don’t think they’re talking about Gene Simmons. Is this how it is at real proms? I didn’t go to mine. But in what world is it appropriate for two students who are not a couple (or even if they are) to be expected to kiss?
Anyway, Claudia is kind of annoyed at being nominated, but after her friends (other than Jeannie, there are Josh, Joanna, and Shira) reassure her, she starts to get excited. She doesn’t think she will win (but of course she will because why wouldn’t she?) but she thinks it will be a great way to get to know more of her new classmates.
And she’s on her way to see her best friends in the entire world. Of course they’ll be thrilled for her too!
Chapter 2
I haven’t read a BSC book in so long that I think I’ll try and read this chapter. Even as a kid I skipped this stuff. Then I learned that I was missing out on some weird shit when my friends were discussing a Chapter 2 where Dawn says that if you can touch your tongue to your nose, you’ll have big boobs, and Kristy is freaking out because she can do that.
Let’s see. Claudia arrives just in time to see Kristy hanging up her phone, because of course it’s okay for her to answer calls outside of club hours. She says she was calling 911 because Claudia wasn’t there yet, and Claudia fell for it, and then there’s a marshmallow fight. Kristy ends up juggling a few of the marshmallows, and at 5:30 she catches one of the marshmallows in her mouth. You know, the marshmallows THAT HAD BEEN PICKED UP OFF THE FLOOR during their food fight.
Hey, this sounds fun: Baby-sitters Club, the musical. Book and lyrics by Mallory, choreography by Jessi, and set design by Claudia. Fan fic idea, anybody?
Our B plot is introduced: The Addisons need a sitter every Thursday for the next month. Apparently their son Sean is an arsonist? The BSC caught him setting fires in the library because of course they were the only ones capable of doing so. There’s some hesitation in the BSC accepting this assignment, but since we need a B plot, they need to take the job.
And now that that’s squared away, Claudia makes the mistake of bringing up non-club business. Mal and Jessi are thrilled about the Queen nomination, but her 8th grade friends all react rather shittily. Kristy, of course, worries about the time commitment. Stacey says it would be cheating, since she’s thirteen and that makes her an 8th grader. Does Stacey not understand the concept of having a birthday during the school year? I turned 13 in 7th grade and they didn’t let me go over to 8th. Claudia points out that she wasn’t allowed to attend the 8th grade Halloween dance (which implies that there were THREE separate Halloween dances this time-loop?) and she’s not allowed to eat with the 8th graders, so she’s a 7th grader and not a cheater, so just shut up, Bitch!
She downplays her disappointment by stressing that she doesn’t think she has a chance at winning. Best friends my ass.
Chapter 3
English class, which means books! They are comparing Call of the Wild and Hatchet. I don’t really remember Call of the Wild (I read that in 5th grade, I think), but I loved Hatchet. I wanted to be Brian. Claudia mentions that compared to last year, when she felt forced to read the books, this year she’s finding that she enjoys them so much that she can’t put them down. Wouldn’t it be great to see that attitude show up in a Chapter 2, where she reads something more than just Nancy Drew?
Here’s where we meet the boy we know will be King. Mark Jaffe, who has luscious brown eyes and high cheekbones. And the girls all look at him like he’s a rock star.
Claudia makes a clever joke about the lunch bell being the real “Call of the Wild.” Amen, sister! I’m a case manager and I get so caught up with work that I forget to eat. It’ll be about 2pm when I start to get hangry.
Claudia’s friend Josh has taken it upon himself to be Claudia’s P.R. person, so the entire lunch period consists of people saying hi to Claudia and telling her they would vote for her. Oh, and her friend Shira’s mother should adopt Dawn. Mrs. Shira sent cans of chicken noodle soup to school with Shira because she wants her to start a food drive. And Mumsy has also been on the local news leading a protest, plus she has like a million bumper stickers on her car for different causes.
On their way out of the cafeteria, 7th grade friends run into 8th grade friends. I feel bad when I read this line: “seeing my BSC friends on their way to eighth grade lunch is painful…I missed going to lunch with them. I missed our conversations. Every day I wondered what they were talking about, what jokes I was missing, what gossip I’d be the last to hear.” I can relate. I went to four different school districts, and the place I went to in 5th and 6th grade, you had to sit with your homeroom class for lunch, so even though my two best friends that I’d known since kindergarten were in my same grade and ate lunch at the same time as me, they were in one homeroom and I was in another. It especially sucked in the 5th grade, because that was the year we started middle school, so there were kids from 5 different elementary schools.
Abby and Stacey try to include Claudia in a discussion about the Addisons, but when Claudia tries to include her friends Josh and Jeannie in the discussion, things get awkward.
Since this is my first book snark, I’m just tackling the first three chapters this time. Thanks for reading.