Keep Out, Claudia! Part 2!
Hey, dolls! So, I'm up late playing around and decided to snark. This part isn't the funniest snark seeing as this is a Very Special Episode book but I tried. It wasn't easy not getting furious at this book but I maintained my temper. It's hard for me to read books about racists without getting that smashy smashy feeling. Well, let's go!
Part 1!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6!
At the next BSC meeting, Claud is offering around paydays and Stacey asks for chips and Dawn asks specifically for wheat germ crackers. Claudia asks her if 'unsalted, stone ground wheat crackers' are okay and you ever notice that more more adjectives you put in food, the more likely pricks like Dawn are to eat it? Like Claudia could have said 'wheat crackers' and Dawn would have been like ew! Not special enough! Like, they're fancy wheat thins, you fuck. Get a grip. And I will point out how fucking nice it is of Claudia to take Dawn's fucking picky ass diet into consideration when Dawn would never show her the same courtesy. Dawn has shown when she needs to cater, she only makes what she likes. And then she gets pissy when nobody likes it. I fucking hate Dawn.
Once everyone is settled, the phone rings and it's wine mom. She asks to speak to K Ron and everyone's wondering what's up with that, yo? K Ron takes the call and asks who's free next Wednesday. Mary Anne tells her only Jessi is and what was she talking with Mrs Lowell. She says that Mrs Lowell said she needed a sitter but it had to be anyone but Claudia. I'm really curious what Mrs Lowell said because K Ron did ask her why she didn't want Claudia. What excuse did she use? She asks Claudia if anything happened at the Lowells and Claudia said no, nothing bad. Jessi asks if one of the kids is a 'walking disaster' like Jackie and fuck you, Ramsey. Claudia also earns a fuck you by saying all the 'horrible' things that happen when sitting for Jackie like 'broken vases, grape juice on the carpet, skinned knees, banged heads'. That the Lowells are 'angels' compared to Jackie. Riddle me this, bitch. Has Jackie ever oh, broken your leg? No? Stop acting like Jackie is some kind of big problem when you've had a sitting job you needed to call 911 for. I swear Ann has never spent a moment with a normal kid.
I don't know why Ann has these bouts of making her characters as stupid as imaginable. Like, when Claudia says the Lowells reminded her of the Delaneys Mary Anne is like, 'Durr, they do kinda look alike.' Mary Anne you numb fuck, she means they're bratty. Omg. When Claudia explains how the Lowells misbehaved K Ron says she should have told her and Claudia says she wrote about it in the notebook. Ho-oly fuck! Now who's not reading the notebook, your royal bitchiness?! I'm fucking screaming! I sat through an entire song giggling maniacally because I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I'm not on vodka soaked tampons like Ann.
'I'm brainstorming with Captain Morgan tonight!'-Ann
They try to figure out why Mrs Lowell doesn't want her to sit but can't think of anything. Claudia says she figured it out! It was her outfit! Mrs Lowell doesn't appreciate meth clown chic! And she was a little early. K Ron says that's not a reason to ask her not to sit anymore. They get more calls which distracts them from the problem. At the end of the meeting, Claudia points out uh, no one else said I couldn't sit for them. K Ron says maybe she'll call Mrs Lowell on her own but says she feels weird about it. What a great leader and president! She's so good at taking charge and handling club problems!
Chapter 7!
After the club meeting, Jessi goes home and decides to prepare for her job at the Lowells. She goes through her kid kit and takes out some things to put in some books she thinks Celeste would like. She adds some stuff for Mackenzie then for Caitlin she asks Becca what she likes to play with. Becca tells her she and Charlotte like playing office so Jessi puts together office supplies and thinks how she deserves an award for it. I wonder how big the kid kit is. Because they always pack puzzles and board games along with a lot of other stuff. How are they carrying them when they take a bike? In the comics they're pretty big. I've always been curious about this.
This next part just breaks my heart and I have a hard time reading it. Jessi arrives at the Lowells and when Mrs Lowell answers the door she looks horrified. Jessi asks if she came at the right time and Mrs Lowell says she suddenly doesn't need a sitter anymore and slams the door in Jessi's face. Jessi stands there a moment, feeling like crying but she can't pinpoint why. She doesn't feel like going home so, she walks to Mallory's house and by the time she gets there, she's crying. It doesn't give us a play by play of Mal comforting her and instead cuts to the BSC meeting. They try to figure out why Mrs Lowell acted like a bitch and Jessi says maybe she expected someone older. Again K Ron says maybe she should call her but she never does. Mary Anne says she has a job with them coming up and she'll see what she can find out.
Chapter 8!
Claudia is sitting at the Rodowskys and the boys are trying to to come up with a name for their band. After nixing the Beatles and Jackie Rodowsky's All Star Orchestra the come up with the saccharine name All the Children. One of the things that gets me is they say their band is made of kids of 'all colors'. Hmm, I see two colors. Becca and a lot of white. Your 'we're so multi-ethnic!' angle doesn't work so well when you can't write more than a single token, Ann. She further shits the pool by saying they're diverse because the Rodowskys are Polish, the Papadakis are Greek and the Hobarts are Australian. In other words:
That's the Papadakis at the end
The rest of the chapter is unremarkable so I'll just post the highlights.
-Archie-kins has better rhythm than me on tambourine. The rhythm parts on Rock Band are my bane.
-Somehow Shea and Charlotte are going to be playing on the same electric keyboard.
-Karen doesn't know how to talk in a normal voice and yells everything.
-They decide to make a banner with the band name on it but they want to make it out of felt which means they'd need a big ass piece of felt when cotton fabric would be more sensible.
-The kids think they should put on a concert for their families.
-The band mostly consists of oatmeal can drums, kazoos, a harmonica and two keyboard players.
-This band blows.
Chapter 9!
On Thursday, K Ron called Mary Anne and asked if she minds if she takes her job with the Lowells because she's curious about them. She says it's okay of course because why wouldn't she obey K Ron? When K Ron gets to the Lowells, Mrs Lowell gives her a once over but welcomes her in. After she tells her where she'll be, K Ron asks her if she's happy with the BSC. She says she is and she asks why she doesn't want Claudia to sit and she says it's because the kids like Mary Anne. When she asks about Jessi, Mrs Lowell just cuts her off and yells for her kids.
Wine mom leaves and the kids behave for K Ron. When she gives them a snack she talks to them some about the band and Mary Anne. She asks them if they liked Claudia and Caitlin says she was 'funny looking' which Claudia takes offense to because the BSC is always talking about pulling a Buffalo Bill and wearing her skin. K Ron brings up that Jessi was supposed to sit for them but didn't. The kids ask about her and when she mentions she's black they choke on their juice and say they guess their mom didn't like her. At least that's what K Ron thinks they said. But it sounded like that's why she didn't like her.
K Ron thinks this over all day and that night she asks her mom if they can have a talk. And wow, Elizabeth actually asks if it's 'girl talk' which may be the closest mention of menstruation in these books. K Ron says no, there's no puberty in the 'brook outside of growing boobs and says she wants Watson and Nannie to join their discussion. They all go to the living room and K Ron tells them her suspicions that the Lowells are racists. They pretty much confirm it but can't think of anything to do about it. Frankly I'd spray paint 'Go back to Europe!' on the hood of their car and take a shit in their mailbox.
Chapter 10!
Oh, God. I was dreading this chapter for the utter stupidity in it. At the next BSC meeting, K Ron beats around the bush about what she suspects of the Lowells. She finally gets around to it and Claudia is furious and Jessi is just resigned to it. They start talking about racism and Mary Anne utters the stupidest line in a book where Dawn 'doesn't care' when people disagree with her-'“This is scary,” she whispered. “I wonder if those skinheads could get me for anything. I think maybe some of my ancestors were Russian. I wonder if that’s a problem.”' Yes, Mary Anne. Those white supremacists are going to hate you for being white. I wish Jessi fucking kicked her in the throat for that.
Mary Anne's family history
They get a call from the Grand Wizard Lowell herself asking if she can have one of the Aryan sitters she's heard about. Whaaaat? H-how? How did she hear about them? Was she asking Mrs Newton about the BSC and like 'Gimme the chapter two on them all.' Did her kids see them at a band practice and say 'Say, mommy. Turns out the BSC has some almighty whiteys in it.' It's just bizarre. Both Stacey and Dawn say they wouldn't be caught dead at the Lowells and K Ron actually gets an idea. She calls Mrs Lowell back and says no one's available but Logan. Oh, what's that? Boys don't sit? Well, I might be able to sit if I'm not taking care of my very Vietnamese sister. What? Something suddenly came up? Okay, bye, scrote.
Everyone cheers K Ron and I will admit that wasn't half bad. K Ron says Mrs Lowell probably wouldn't like Stacey or Dawn either because their parents are divorced. And a line I always liked, Claudia says 'I'm telling! I'm telling Mrs Lowell!' I dunno what it is about it, but it makes me happy. Mary Anne says they all have something against them but her own 'fault' is pretty lame in that she has a stepsister. What about your Russian roots, Mary Anne? I'll never get over the stupidity of that. That night Claudia talks to her family about the Lowells and they say yeah, they're crusty assholes but the important thing is that you aren't. Since this post was a little heavy, have a funny gif.
R.I.P. in pieces
Part 1!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6!
At the next BSC meeting, Claud is offering around paydays and Stacey asks for chips and Dawn asks specifically for wheat germ crackers. Claudia asks her if 'unsalted, stone ground wheat crackers' are okay and you ever notice that more more adjectives you put in food, the more likely pricks like Dawn are to eat it? Like Claudia could have said 'wheat crackers' and Dawn would have been like ew! Not special enough! Like, they're fancy wheat thins, you fuck. Get a grip. And I will point out how fucking nice it is of Claudia to take Dawn's fucking picky ass diet into consideration when Dawn would never show her the same courtesy. Dawn has shown when she needs to cater, she only makes what she likes. And then she gets pissy when nobody likes it. I fucking hate Dawn.
Once everyone is settled, the phone rings and it's wine mom. She asks to speak to K Ron and everyone's wondering what's up with that, yo? K Ron takes the call and asks who's free next Wednesday. Mary Anne tells her only Jessi is and what was she talking with Mrs Lowell. She says that Mrs Lowell said she needed a sitter but it had to be anyone but Claudia. I'm really curious what Mrs Lowell said because K Ron did ask her why she didn't want Claudia. What excuse did she use? She asks Claudia if anything happened at the Lowells and Claudia said no, nothing bad. Jessi asks if one of the kids is a 'walking disaster' like Jackie and fuck you, Ramsey. Claudia also earns a fuck you by saying all the 'horrible' things that happen when sitting for Jackie like 'broken vases, grape juice on the carpet, skinned knees, banged heads'. That the Lowells are 'angels' compared to Jackie. Riddle me this, bitch. Has Jackie ever oh, broken your leg? No? Stop acting like Jackie is some kind of big problem when you've had a sitting job you needed to call 911 for. I swear Ann has never spent a moment with a normal kid.
I don't know why Ann has these bouts of making her characters as stupid as imaginable. Like, when Claudia says the Lowells reminded her of the Delaneys Mary Anne is like, 'Durr, they do kinda look alike.' Mary Anne you numb fuck, she means they're bratty. Omg. When Claudia explains how the Lowells misbehaved K Ron says she should have told her and Claudia says she wrote about it in the notebook. Ho-oly fuck! Now who's not reading the notebook, your royal bitchiness?! I'm fucking screaming! I sat through an entire song giggling maniacally because I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I'm not on vodka soaked tampons like Ann.
'I'm brainstorming with Captain Morgan tonight!'-Ann
They try to figure out why Mrs Lowell doesn't want her to sit but can't think of anything. Claudia says she figured it out! It was her outfit! Mrs Lowell doesn't appreciate meth clown chic! And she was a little early. K Ron says that's not a reason to ask her not to sit anymore. They get more calls which distracts them from the problem. At the end of the meeting, Claudia points out uh, no one else said I couldn't sit for them. K Ron says maybe she'll call Mrs Lowell on her own but says she feels weird about it. What a great leader and president! She's so good at taking charge and handling club problems!
Chapter 7!
After the club meeting, Jessi goes home and decides to prepare for her job at the Lowells. She goes through her kid kit and takes out some things to put in some books she thinks Celeste would like. She adds some stuff for Mackenzie then for Caitlin she asks Becca what she likes to play with. Becca tells her she and Charlotte like playing office so Jessi puts together office supplies and thinks how she deserves an award for it. I wonder how big the kid kit is. Because they always pack puzzles and board games along with a lot of other stuff. How are they carrying them when they take a bike? In the comics they're pretty big. I've always been curious about this.
This next part just breaks my heart and I have a hard time reading it. Jessi arrives at the Lowells and when Mrs Lowell answers the door she looks horrified. Jessi asks if she came at the right time and Mrs Lowell says she suddenly doesn't need a sitter anymore and slams the door in Jessi's face. Jessi stands there a moment, feeling like crying but she can't pinpoint why. She doesn't feel like going home so, she walks to Mallory's house and by the time she gets there, she's crying. It doesn't give us a play by play of Mal comforting her and instead cuts to the BSC meeting. They try to figure out why Mrs Lowell acted like a bitch and Jessi says maybe she expected someone older. Again K Ron says maybe she should call her but she never does. Mary Anne says she has a job with them coming up and she'll see what she can find out.
Chapter 8!
Claudia is sitting at the Rodowskys and the boys are trying to to come up with a name for their band. After nixing the Beatles and Jackie Rodowsky's All Star Orchestra the come up with the saccharine name All the Children. One of the things that gets me is they say their band is made of kids of 'all colors'. Hmm, I see two colors. Becca and a lot of white. Your 'we're so multi-ethnic!' angle doesn't work so well when you can't write more than a single token, Ann. She further shits the pool by saying they're diverse because the Rodowskys are Polish, the Papadakis are Greek and the Hobarts are Australian. In other words:
That's the Papadakis at the end
The rest of the chapter is unremarkable so I'll just post the highlights.
-Archie-kins has better rhythm than me on tambourine. The rhythm parts on Rock Band are my bane.
-Somehow Shea and Charlotte are going to be playing on the same electric keyboard.
-Karen doesn't know how to talk in a normal voice and yells everything.
-They decide to make a banner with the band name on it but they want to make it out of felt which means they'd need a big ass piece of felt when cotton fabric would be more sensible.
-The kids think they should put on a concert for their families.
-The band mostly consists of oatmeal can drums, kazoos, a harmonica and two keyboard players.
-This band blows.
Chapter 9!
On Thursday, K Ron called Mary Anne and asked if she minds if she takes her job with the Lowells because she's curious about them. She says it's okay of course because why wouldn't she obey K Ron? When K Ron gets to the Lowells, Mrs Lowell gives her a once over but welcomes her in. After she tells her where she'll be, K Ron asks her if she's happy with the BSC. She says she is and she asks why she doesn't want Claudia to sit and she says it's because the kids like Mary Anne. When she asks about Jessi, Mrs Lowell just cuts her off and yells for her kids.
Wine mom leaves and the kids behave for K Ron. When she gives them a snack she talks to them some about the band and Mary Anne. She asks them if they liked Claudia and Caitlin says she was 'funny looking' which Claudia takes offense to because the BSC is always talking about pulling a Buffalo Bill and wearing her skin. K Ron brings up that Jessi was supposed to sit for them but didn't. The kids ask about her and when she mentions she's black they choke on their juice and say they guess their mom didn't like her. At least that's what K Ron thinks they said. But it sounded like that's why she didn't like her.
K Ron thinks this over all day and that night she asks her mom if they can have a talk. And wow, Elizabeth actually asks if it's 'girl talk' which may be the closest mention of menstruation in these books. K Ron says no, there's no puberty in the 'brook outside of growing boobs and says she wants Watson and Nannie to join their discussion. They all go to the living room and K Ron tells them her suspicions that the Lowells are racists. They pretty much confirm it but can't think of anything to do about it. Frankly I'd spray paint 'Go back to Europe!' on the hood of their car and take a shit in their mailbox.
Chapter 10!
Oh, God. I was dreading this chapter for the utter stupidity in it. At the next BSC meeting, K Ron beats around the bush about what she suspects of the Lowells. She finally gets around to it and Claudia is furious and Jessi is just resigned to it. They start talking about racism and Mary Anne utters the stupidest line in a book where Dawn 'doesn't care' when people disagree with her-'“This is scary,” she whispered. “I wonder if those skinheads could get me for anything. I think maybe some of my ancestors were Russian. I wonder if that’s a problem.”' Yes, Mary Anne. Those white supremacists are going to hate you for being white. I wish Jessi fucking kicked her in the throat for that.
Mary Anne's family history
They get a call from the Grand Wizard Lowell herself asking if she can have one of the Aryan sitters she's heard about. Whaaaat? H-how? How did she hear about them? Was she asking Mrs Newton about the BSC and like 'Gimme the chapter two on them all.' Did her kids see them at a band practice and say 'Say, mommy. Turns out the BSC has some almighty whiteys in it.' It's just bizarre. Both Stacey and Dawn say they wouldn't be caught dead at the Lowells and K Ron actually gets an idea. She calls Mrs Lowell back and says no one's available but Logan. Oh, what's that? Boys don't sit? Well, I might be able to sit if I'm not taking care of my very Vietnamese sister. What? Something suddenly came up? Okay, bye, scrote.
Everyone cheers K Ron and I will admit that wasn't half bad. K Ron says Mrs Lowell probably wouldn't like Stacey or Dawn either because their parents are divorced. And a line I always liked, Claudia says 'I'm telling! I'm telling Mrs Lowell!' I dunno what it is about it, but it makes me happy. Mary Anne says they all have something against them but her own 'fault' is pretty lame in that she has a stepsister. What about your Russian roots, Mary Anne? I'll never get over the stupidity of that. That night Claudia talks to her family about the Lowells and they say yeah, they're crusty assholes but the important thing is that you aren't. Since this post was a little heavy, have a funny gif.
R.I.P. in pieces