Starring the Baby-sitters Club! Part The End!
Greeting, lovelies! Oh, boy have I been on a creative streak lately! Sure, a psychiatrist might call it a manic episode but I perfer to think of myself as motivated. I just hope it lasts long enough for me to get even more work done. So, we have the last part of this book which contains the single most unbelievable thing ever commited to print. I was flabbergast when I read it. I'm used to Ann's writing making my want to dig a hole to bury myself in, but this was...wow. I'm almost afraid to keep doing snarks lest she somehow tops this. Oh, I'm just playing. I'll be snarking till I run out of books. Well, let's go!
Part 1! Part 2! Part 3! Part 4!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 21! Jessi!
Jessi must have been making out with Dawn because she starts by whining about not going to opening night. Because just like Dawn and the recycling center, if she's not the center of attention, she doesn't want anything to do with it. Not even go to support her friends. Not even go to support her best friend and her costumes. 'The best friends you'll ever have!' Jessi is a little better than Dawn by saying she realizes she's being an asshole. She even vows to 'act more human' after the play is over because it's not fair to Mal. Wow. I'm totally shocked that a BSC member would have a moment of self reflection that doesn't center on how great they are. Jessi says the only reason she went to opening night was Ms Halliday asked her to come to help out with the kids. She says the delightful line that she'll go but she's not happy about it. Now that's more like it! I was worried for a sec.
Opening night and everyone is backstage in a fluster. Jessi gathers the kids around and Ms Halliday tells her Mr Cheney wants her. She goes to see him and he tells her Pete fell off his bike and broke his nose, so would she play the crocodile and Nana? Jessi blanks out, thinking 'Jessi Ramsey in a non-speaking, non-dancing role?' Jessi. You. Do not. Speak. In ballet.
Mr Cheney is like 'Hello, McFly! Anyone home?' and Jessi asks if she can think about it. He tells her not really, time is running out, you moron and she agrees. Mr Cheney tells her to find Mal and Savannah to try on the costumes and she finds Mal first. Mallory is pretty excited by the whole thing but Jessi is still being a sad sack of shit. After they try on the costumes Mal tells Jessi she should call her parents to let her know she'll be in the play. Jessi calls them and afterwards she's actually feeling a little excited. Mary Anne comes up to her and asks her if she could put on the crocodile costume real quick. When she does she shows Jackie that it's Jessi inside and Jackie feels much better and is over his fear. Awww.
Chapter 22! Kristy!
Right out the gate, this chapter makes me hate Ann and Karen. Because when Charlie tells them break a leg, David M gets insulted and Karen tells him it means good luck, everyone knows that. I always hated how Ann done dirty David M by making him dumber than Karen when he's older. He's always stupid and perplexed while she has all the answers. Nobody likes a fucking know it all, Ann. Anyways, K Ron says she's super nervous and that's understandable. This is something she's never done before. I think it would ease her mind if she thought of the audience as her minions because God only knows what a loud showoff she is around them.
K Ron heads backstage and on the way passes Cokie's mop closet/dressing room. Cokie comes out and psyches K Ron out by saying it took her forever to learn her lines so she hopes she does well tonight. K Ron stalks away and runs into Dawn and yells about Cokie being an asshole. She asks Dawn if she thinks she'll mess up and she says no. Dawn says she's nervous too and feels sick to her gutty works and K Ron asks her if she ate anything weird. Dawn says she didn't eat anything at all and K Ron finds Mary Anne to tell her to do something about her sister.
Once that's taken care of, K Ron goes to peek at the audience but Jessi tells her not to. She says just imagine the auditorium is empty. The play begins and K Ron is grateful that she doesn't have to make her appearance alone, she has Nyogtha, The Thing Which Should Not Be with her. Her cue comes up and she jumps onto the windowsill and...forgets her line. But then she sees Jessi in the wings and she whispers her line. After that, K Ron has no problem remembering anything. When it comes time for her song number with Cokie, she sings along with her solo lines to show how well she knows the play. That...doesn't make Cokie look bad there genius. It makes it look like you don't know your performance. I guess K Ron made out with Claudia and caught stupidity.
Chapter 23! Dawn!
I absolutely lose my shit when Dawn starts her chapter by saying she doesn't like being the center of attention. OMG!! How can anyone write such a stupendous lie and the whole universe not burst into flames?! Every. Single. Dawn book is about people not paying attention to her! She's constantly drawing attention to herself about how special she is for the way she eats/dresses/acts! I sat here for like five minutes trying to figure out how Ann thought she could get away with that line. Dawn doesn't like being the center of attention. I've read some stupid things in these books but I think that one sentence alone is the single most unbelievable one. In any book ever really. Dawn doesn't like being the center of attention. Wow, Ann, just wow.
She continues to outright lie by saying she quietly does her own thing and is always there for people. What the fuck?! No she doesn't! Quietly does her own thing?! That's what she calls yelling at people for not eating organic kiwi shavings and free range cockroach milk?! That's what she calls for insulting her friends looks for not eating what she does?! Always there for people?! Like you were when Mary Anne got her haircut?! Like you were when your dad proposed to Carol?! Holy fuck! How can anyone write this badly?! How can anyone have their characters say one thing and have them act the complete opposite?! Dawn has never shown any of these qualities! I...I just don't know what to say. I'm literally dumbstruck. I do have an appropriate gif though.
Anyhoo, Dawn says that she got this idea in her head that she's gonna throw up on stage so, she didn't eat all day. So, after what we already read last chapter, Mary Anne makes Dawn eat some peanut butter crackers from the vending machine. Which of course Dawn has to bitch about being filled with chemicals. Dawn's the kind of stupid fuck who doesn't vaccinate their kids and tries to cure their polio with kale smoothies. The BSC gathers backstage and K Ron has an actual sad moment when she wishes her dad was there. Dawn says she wishes hers was too but I don't feel for the queen of the harpies. Stacey says she feels spoiled because her dad is here but she was mad he's not staying in her house. Which is a little stupid. I mean, did she really expect him to? But I'm only speaking from my experience where my dad was the worst thing my mom ever did to me and when I heard he died I said 'Huh' and went back looking at a big sandwich.
The play goes on and Dawn, fucking Dawn, says she does like being the center of attention. No shit, bitch! Again, I'm just reeling from this and can't think of anything clever to say. I know I say this a lot but Ann forces me to, but this is the worst writing I've ever read. Now, I haven't written fiction in like 15 years, but when I did, I knew my characters. I knew their personalities and what they would and wouldn't do or say. I was careful not to have them contradict themselves. But Ann, fucking Ann sitting on her pile of cash, doesn't know the basics of character writing. Ha ha! I'm so fucking angry right now! Anyways, the play is a success and Richard recorded it to send to Dawn's dad. Because he's a thoughtful man who doesn't know his stepdaughter hates him. I'm crying.
Epilogue!
Nothing much to report here. The play pulled in $1,000 which is $1,750 in 2017 monies. Not terrible but I bet SMS blew it all on streamers and balloons for their next dance. Jessi writes that being in the play made her realize she wanted that all along but she was too busy throwing a tantrum to see that. Or maybe she saw that Karen's tantrums always let her get her way and thought it'd work for her too. She seems to forget she's not the princess. Everyone writes their stupid final thoughts with Mal taking the cake by saying she lost her measuring tape and hopes it not around Captain Hook's waist. Yes, Mallory. The guy playing Hook has gone weeks with a measuring tape around his waist. That's completely plausible. I weep for that girl sometimes. And on that idiotic note, we're done! I'll see what I'll do next time but in the meantime, thanks for reading!
Part 1! Part 2! Part 3! Part 4!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 21! Jessi!
Jessi must have been making out with Dawn because she starts by whining about not going to opening night. Because just like Dawn and the recycling center, if she's not the center of attention, she doesn't want anything to do with it. Not even go to support her friends. Not even go to support her best friend and her costumes. 'The best friends you'll ever have!' Jessi is a little better than Dawn by saying she realizes she's being an asshole. She even vows to 'act more human' after the play is over because it's not fair to Mal. Wow. I'm totally shocked that a BSC member would have a moment of self reflection that doesn't center on how great they are. Jessi says the only reason she went to opening night was Ms Halliday asked her to come to help out with the kids. She says the delightful line that she'll go but she's not happy about it. Now that's more like it! I was worried for a sec.
Opening night and everyone is backstage in a fluster. Jessi gathers the kids around and Ms Halliday tells her Mr Cheney wants her. She goes to see him and he tells her Pete fell off his bike and broke his nose, so would she play the crocodile and Nana? Jessi blanks out, thinking 'Jessi Ramsey in a non-speaking, non-dancing role?' Jessi. You. Do not. Speak. In ballet.
Mr Cheney is like 'Hello, McFly! Anyone home?' and Jessi asks if she can think about it. He tells her not really, time is running out, you moron and she agrees. Mr Cheney tells her to find Mal and Savannah to try on the costumes and she finds Mal first. Mallory is pretty excited by the whole thing but Jessi is still being a sad sack of shit. After they try on the costumes Mal tells Jessi she should call her parents to let her know she'll be in the play. Jessi calls them and afterwards she's actually feeling a little excited. Mary Anne comes up to her and asks her if she could put on the crocodile costume real quick. When she does she shows Jackie that it's Jessi inside and Jackie feels much better and is over his fear. Awww.
Chapter 22! Kristy!
Right out the gate, this chapter makes me hate Ann and Karen. Because when Charlie tells them break a leg, David M gets insulted and Karen tells him it means good luck, everyone knows that. I always hated how Ann done dirty David M by making him dumber than Karen when he's older. He's always stupid and perplexed while she has all the answers. Nobody likes a fucking know it all, Ann. Anyways, K Ron says she's super nervous and that's understandable. This is something she's never done before. I think it would ease her mind if she thought of the audience as her minions because God only knows what a loud showoff she is around them.
K Ron heads backstage and on the way passes Cokie's mop closet/dressing room. Cokie comes out and psyches K Ron out by saying it took her forever to learn her lines so she hopes she does well tonight. K Ron stalks away and runs into Dawn and yells about Cokie being an asshole. She asks Dawn if she thinks she'll mess up and she says no. Dawn says she's nervous too and feels sick to her gutty works and K Ron asks her if she ate anything weird. Dawn says she didn't eat anything at all and K Ron finds Mary Anne to tell her to do something about her sister.
Once that's taken care of, K Ron goes to peek at the audience but Jessi tells her not to. She says just imagine the auditorium is empty. The play begins and K Ron is grateful that she doesn't have to make her appearance alone, she has Nyogtha, The Thing Which Should Not Be with her. Her cue comes up and she jumps onto the windowsill and...forgets her line. But then she sees Jessi in the wings and she whispers her line. After that, K Ron has no problem remembering anything. When it comes time for her song number with Cokie, she sings along with her solo lines to show how well she knows the play. That...doesn't make Cokie look bad there genius. It makes it look like you don't know your performance. I guess K Ron made out with Claudia and caught stupidity.
Chapter 23! Dawn!
I absolutely lose my shit when Dawn starts her chapter by saying she doesn't like being the center of attention. OMG!! How can anyone write such a stupendous lie and the whole universe not burst into flames?! Every. Single. Dawn book is about people not paying attention to her! She's constantly drawing attention to herself about how special she is for the way she eats/dresses/acts! I sat here for like five minutes trying to figure out how Ann thought she could get away with that line. Dawn doesn't like being the center of attention. I've read some stupid things in these books but I think that one sentence alone is the single most unbelievable one. In any book ever really. Dawn doesn't like being the center of attention. Wow, Ann, just wow.
She continues to outright lie by saying she quietly does her own thing and is always there for people. What the fuck?! No she doesn't! Quietly does her own thing?! That's what she calls yelling at people for not eating organic kiwi shavings and free range cockroach milk?! That's what she calls for insulting her friends looks for not eating what she does?! Always there for people?! Like you were when Mary Anne got her haircut?! Like you were when your dad proposed to Carol?! Holy fuck! How can anyone write this badly?! How can anyone have their characters say one thing and have them act the complete opposite?! Dawn has never shown any of these qualities! I...I just don't know what to say. I'm literally dumbstruck. I do have an appropriate gif though.
Anyhoo, Dawn says that she got this idea in her head that she's gonna throw up on stage so, she didn't eat all day. So, after what we already read last chapter, Mary Anne makes Dawn eat some peanut butter crackers from the vending machine. Which of course Dawn has to bitch about being filled with chemicals. Dawn's the kind of stupid fuck who doesn't vaccinate their kids and tries to cure their polio with kale smoothies. The BSC gathers backstage and K Ron has an actual sad moment when she wishes her dad was there. Dawn says she wishes hers was too but I don't feel for the queen of the harpies. Stacey says she feels spoiled because her dad is here but she was mad he's not staying in her house. Which is a little stupid. I mean, did she really expect him to? But I'm only speaking from my experience where my dad was the worst thing my mom ever did to me and when I heard he died I said 'Huh' and went back looking at a big sandwich.
The play goes on and Dawn, fucking Dawn, says she does like being the center of attention. No shit, bitch! Again, I'm just reeling from this and can't think of anything clever to say. I know I say this a lot but Ann forces me to, but this is the worst writing I've ever read. Now, I haven't written fiction in like 15 years, but when I did, I knew my characters. I knew their personalities and what they would and wouldn't do or say. I was careful not to have them contradict themselves. But Ann, fucking Ann sitting on her pile of cash, doesn't know the basics of character writing. Ha ha! I'm so fucking angry right now! Anyways, the play is a success and Richard recorded it to send to Dawn's dad. Because he's a thoughtful man who doesn't know his stepdaughter hates him. I'm crying.
Epilogue!
Nothing much to report here. The play pulled in $1,000 which is $1,750 in 2017 monies. Not terrible but I bet SMS blew it all on streamers and balloons for their next dance. Jessi writes that being in the play made her realize she wanted that all along but she was too busy throwing a tantrum to see that. Or maybe she saw that Karen's tantrums always let her get her way and thought it'd work for her too. She seems to forget she's not the princess. Everyone writes their stupid final thoughts with Mal taking the cake by saying she lost her measuring tape and hopes it not around Captain Hook's waist. Yes, Mallory. The guy playing Hook has gone weeks with a measuring tape around his waist. That's completely plausible. I weep for that girl sometimes. And on that idiotic note, we're done! I'll see what I'll do next time but in the meantime, thanks for reading!