Claudia and the Genius of Elm Street! Part The End!
Greeting, my lovelies! Sorry this ran a little late. What happened was I thought my anti-virus ran out so I wasn't risking going on the internet till I could pay for it. But when I checked it today everything was fine so, I felt like a fool. But I spent that time well (killing K Ron and Karen on Sims) but I'm still glad to be back snarking. And you know? This book ain't that bad. Yeah, it's got it's stupid moments and the BSC is terrible to Rosie for no damned good reason but otherwise, it's fine. Let's hope my upcoming snarks are a little more batshit. Well, lets go!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
Claudia is on her way with the Wilders to a tv station for Rosie's recording on Uncle Dandy's Star Machine. At least this time she admits Uncle Dandy isn't really big time. Janine must have sneezed on her. Claudia says that since Rosie admitted to liking art, she's 'loosened up' and they bonded some. See? Wasn't that easy? You can get along with any kid fine as long as you're good to them and don't treat them like garbage for being different. She says the ride over to Hartford was fun because the played games and the Wilders sang songs in harmony. Again, they're a perfectly normal family but Claudia felt the need to piss and moan about them because Rosie wasn't sunny all the time. Really all the kids they think are brats are just normal kids if a little quiet and withdrawn. Well, except Jackie who's a demon because he's a ginger.
When they get to the studio, Claudia is way excite to see different show sets and some news casters. I never understood the excitement over news casters. I never saw them as celebrities. But that might be because I hate the news. Claudia notices that Rosie seems calm and comments on it. Rosie says the studios she's been to in New York are much more impressive. Somehow Stacey doesn't come screeching down the hallway all the way from Stoneybrook about New York! Fuck yeah! And this studio is really so store name cereal because the audience isn't even real seats but folding chairs. And the neon sign says 'Uncle Andy's Tar Machine'. I guess they couldn't afford anything that nice as Uncle Dandy is clearly on la cocaina. Well, Ann they do say write what you know.
They watch the other performers and Mrs Wilder is a bitch who whispers that another tap dancer 'is no Rosie'. Rosie finally comes on and plays the piano. Then she plays another song and sings along with it. Claudia is bursting with pride because as we all know, the BSC always thinks a kid they're sitting for talent is their own. Once the Tar Machine is over and hugs and kisses and congratulations exchanged, a 'handsome' man comes up to the Wilders to ask them about Rosie. He's an agent and says he has offices in New York (fuck yeah!) and connections to movie studios. The Wilder parents of course get all foamy mouthed and Rosie protests. She says she likes Ms Yu but of course they don't hear her above the call of glamour and glitter and fashion and fame.
On the way home, Mr and Mrs Wilder talk about changing agents and Claudia congratulates Rosie some more. She asks Rosie how she knew what camera to look at and Rosie explains that the have a light when it's on. And to this day, I think about this conversation whenever I see someone looking into a camera as it switches. They pass an ice cream shop and Rosie begs her parents to stop and get some. They tell her she needs to get to bed because she has a rehearsal in the morning and Rosie flips the fuck out. At first she just says she wants ice cream but when her parents say she needs to rest for her rehearsal, she says she doesn't care about the rehearsal or performing, she just wants to be a normal kid. They have nothing to say to that and everyone goes silent. Claudia tries to comfort Rosie but she just curls into a ball and ignores her. Maybe now that it's all spelled out for her, Claudia will finally figure out what's wrong with her. But I won't get my hopes up.
Chapter 12!
It's the day of Rosie's crossword competition, and Claudia is an actual good person for a change and wants to go to it to cheer Rosie on because those classmates were rude to her. She says she wanted another BSC member to come with her but no one wanted to. She finally convinced Mary Anne to come along even though she's not exactly thrilled. Yet if Karen took a particularly smooth dump, you'd hire the SHS marching band to cheer her on. When they get there, Rosie comes up to greet them but then tells them to have a seat so she can stay focused. For some reason, Mary Anne finds this incredulous. Um, Mary Anne? There's absolutely zero wrong with that. It's a competition. People need to stay focused before a competition. It just makes Mary Anne seem a little...special.
As they leave Rosie, some girls make fun of her because she's a brain. Poor Rosie. I wonder if she even has any friends. They take their seat and the competition gets started. When the teacher announces Rosie only Claudia and Mary Anne and a few kids cheer. Most of them just boo. Which is really shitty seeing as the other grades cheered their representative. Wouldn't they be 'brains' too? I'll say one thing for Ann, she's good at writing shitty people. Again, write what you know. Once the teacher shuts them the Hell up, the competitors get started. And given that Rosie was studying college level puzzles, the actual one she gets are pure fluff. Like Abraham Lincoln and opposite of high which is low instead of the real opposite of high, Richard. Rosie wins the competition and only a few kids cheer for her. All the other say ew and shit.
After she collects her trophy, Claudia and Mary Ann congratulate Rosie but she just wants to go home. As they're walking home Rosie asks why her classmates treat her like that. She says she's not mean to them, she just does her best and omg, this is heart breaking. Poor Rosie! She starts to cry and Claudia and Mary Anne comfort her, telling her people can be mean to others who are different. Like if you drink a certain amount of coffee or don't like kale. Oh, wait. That's just Dawn who's shitty to peple different than her. Mary Anne says Claudia has her share of problems and Rosie is stunned because Claudia is so 'popular'. Claudia explains that she's the only member of her family that stuffs crayons up her nose and Rosie asks if her parents don't appreciate her art skills. Claudia says they've only just start coming around and that breaks my heart too. It makes me grateful I had an awesome mom who fed my creativity and was proud of all of my accomplishments. I can see the Kishis wanting Claudia to read above a kindergarten level but I also think they push her a little hard. They shouldn't push their child to be a genius when she once ate silly putty thinking it was taffy.
They reach the Wilder house and Mary Anne makes her own way home telling Rosie 'I barely know you, Rosie, but I think you’re very special, even aside from your talents' which makes Rosie super happy. Aww. I love when Ann remembers how to write her own characters and makes Mary Anne nice. When Claudia and Rosie get inside, they find a note that says Mrs Wilder will be back in about an hour and Claudia asks Rosie what she wants to do. And what else does she want to do but draw? She brings down some sketches she'd been working on and Claudia gives her a few pointers. They have a nice time bonding and when Rosie draws a Doritos bag that looks like a dog, they go nuts barking and howling. They're making so much noise, they don't notice that the Wilders came home and are staring at them like they've gone nuts. Dun dun dunnn!
Chapter 13!
Mrs Wilder asks if her voice teacher called in sick and when Rosie says she didn't she asks her why she isn't practicing. Rosie is like 'Look! A huge distracting thing!' and shows them her trophy. The distraction only works for a moment but then they ask again why she isn't working and Rosie flips her shit. She starts yelling that she doesn't want to practice and she hates her life which should be a huge red flag but Stoneybrook parents aren't known for their quick wit and understanding. Rosie runs up to her room and everyone else just stands around awkwardly. Claudia psyches herself up and starts talking to the Wilders about Rosie. She butters them up a bit by saying Rosie is the most talented kid she's ever met but that she's hiding one of her talents. She shows them Rosie's sketches and points out how well they're done.
The Wilders actually listen to Claudia and are especially interested to hear she studied in New York because she doesn't mention what an asshole she was and how she wouldn't listen to the teacher. She sees that the Wilders are starting to get that rabid coyote look when they talk about enrolling Rosie in some of those fancy shmancy New York classes. Janine really must have sneezed on her earlier because she realizes that her parents are the reason she's been hiding her art talent. That they'll just see it as something else to push her into and she'll grow to hate it too. Claudia gets the bright idea to tell the Wilders about her art show and asks whether Rosie can show some of her art in it. She says the ultimate fishhook and says it'll be good exposure. They Wilders agree though she can't stay long because she has a go see. Claudia goes to tell Rosie the good news and Rosie is super excite. But then she gets gloomy wondering how she'll have time to work on her art with all the other things she has to do and Claudia says she has faith in her. They hug and Claudia heads home.
Chapter 14!
It's the day of the art show which Claudia has named ''Disposable Comestibles' a Pop-Art Multi-Media Extravaganza' after something Janine said. Dawn thinks the name is bad and Claudia should feel bad because she's trying to sound too 'smart'. Because Dawn is a big enough bitch to point out to Claudia that she's not smart. Have I mentioned I hate Dawn? Everyone is there and Rosie is fussing over her sketches. Claudia tells her they're fine and checks her paintings. She has prices on them because she figures the point of a show is to sell your work. She says she'll use the money to buy more supplies and donate some to the BSC. But just some. Somehow, K Ron and her thought police don't beat her to pulp and tell her the BSC comes first, Goddammit!
The show starts and Mr Wilder thinks a painting Claudia did is by Rosie. This always bugged me, not because his ego, but because I would think he'd know if Rosie was working on a painting. I mean, wouldn't he at least notice if she'd bought a canvas? Or have bought the canvas himself? Jesus, Ann. I was 11 when I caught that one. Things go smoothly until Alan shows up and acts a fool. And then an art snob shows up and blithers about Bauhaus and dadaists. Claudia is of course like 'Big words! Subtitles!' and peaces the fuck out. Suddenly Suzi screams about a painting and Claudia sees that Alan has been drawing gross pictures and putting them on the walls. For some reason it's pictures of ugly people rather than dongs and boobs like a normal 13 year old boy. Claudia is like 'Alan if you don't get the fuck out, I'll make you sniff Kristy' and he leaves. But then they find out that he left a bunch of chewed bubblegum all over the floor. The BSC picks up the gum and the rest of the show goes well. People even bought two paintings. Although one of those people was Watson so I'm guessing K Ron bullied him into that after hearing some of the proceeds would go to the BSC. It gets time for Rosie to leave and Claudia asks her if she's spoken to her parents yet. She says she hasn't but promises she will.
Chapter 15!
The next Friday is Claudia's last regular sitting job for Rosie and she's actually sad about it. She picks up Rosie from science club and Rosie tells her she didn't get the part for 'Meet Me in St Louis'. Claudia, being an idiot, says that's too bad even though Rosie is grinning. Rosie says it's a good thing because she didn't want the part anyways. Rosie asks if they can have fun today since it's their last job and Claudia says she has the perfect project. She finds a bunch of old magazines and cuts out pictures of people and animals then mix and match their heads, bodies and legs. Then they play really complicated hangman and it's a good thing the pointed out they used a dictionary because I was about to bitch.
After they do that, they go for a walk. Rosie tells Claudia that she talked to her parents about cutting back on some of her activities. They agreed and she's only going to be taking math club, violin and art class. Claudia asks her about the art class and Rosie asks if she'll teach her. Somehow, K Ron doesn't come screeching down the road, sock Rosie in the throat and scream 'NO! Claudia can only spend time on the club!' Claudia agrees (she'll be whipped behind the shed later) and tells Rosie that Janine bought one of her paintings. Rosie says she always like Janine so there you go. That's all the evidence I need that Rosie is a million times a better person than Karen. And on that, we are done! So, next up will be 'Mary Anne and Miss Priss' which I've never read before and don't even know who the titular Miss Priss is. But I can tell you this much if it's Jenny or a kid like Jenny, I'm shooting my laptop. As always, thanks for reading!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
Claudia is on her way with the Wilders to a tv station for Rosie's recording on Uncle Dandy's Star Machine. At least this time she admits Uncle Dandy isn't really big time. Janine must have sneezed on her. Claudia says that since Rosie admitted to liking art, she's 'loosened up' and they bonded some. See? Wasn't that easy? You can get along with any kid fine as long as you're good to them and don't treat them like garbage for being different. She says the ride over to Hartford was fun because the played games and the Wilders sang songs in harmony. Again, they're a perfectly normal family but Claudia felt the need to piss and moan about them because Rosie wasn't sunny all the time. Really all the kids they think are brats are just normal kids if a little quiet and withdrawn. Well, except Jackie who's a demon because he's a ginger.
When they get to the studio, Claudia is way excite to see different show sets and some news casters. I never understood the excitement over news casters. I never saw them as celebrities. But that might be because I hate the news. Claudia notices that Rosie seems calm and comments on it. Rosie says the studios she's been to in New York are much more impressive. Somehow Stacey doesn't come screeching down the hallway all the way from Stoneybrook about New York! Fuck yeah! And this studio is really so store name cereal because the audience isn't even real seats but folding chairs. And the neon sign says 'Uncle Andy's Tar Machine'. I guess they couldn't afford anything that nice as Uncle Dandy is clearly on la cocaina. Well, Ann they do say write what you know.
They watch the other performers and Mrs Wilder is a bitch who whispers that another tap dancer 'is no Rosie'. Rosie finally comes on and plays the piano. Then she plays another song and sings along with it. Claudia is bursting with pride because as we all know, the BSC always thinks a kid they're sitting for talent is their own. Once the Tar Machine is over and hugs and kisses and congratulations exchanged, a 'handsome' man comes up to the Wilders to ask them about Rosie. He's an agent and says he has offices in New York (fuck yeah!) and connections to movie studios. The Wilder parents of course get all foamy mouthed and Rosie protests. She says she likes Ms Yu but of course they don't hear her above the call of glamour and glitter and fashion and fame.
On the way home, Mr and Mrs Wilder talk about changing agents and Claudia congratulates Rosie some more. She asks Rosie how she knew what camera to look at and Rosie explains that the have a light when it's on. And to this day, I think about this conversation whenever I see someone looking into a camera as it switches. They pass an ice cream shop and Rosie begs her parents to stop and get some. They tell her she needs to get to bed because she has a rehearsal in the morning and Rosie flips the fuck out. At first she just says she wants ice cream but when her parents say she needs to rest for her rehearsal, she says she doesn't care about the rehearsal or performing, she just wants to be a normal kid. They have nothing to say to that and everyone goes silent. Claudia tries to comfort Rosie but she just curls into a ball and ignores her. Maybe now that it's all spelled out for her, Claudia will finally figure out what's wrong with her. But I won't get my hopes up.
Chapter 12!
It's the day of Rosie's crossword competition, and Claudia is an actual good person for a change and wants to go to it to cheer Rosie on because those classmates were rude to her. She says she wanted another BSC member to come with her but no one wanted to. She finally convinced Mary Anne to come along even though she's not exactly thrilled. Yet if Karen took a particularly smooth dump, you'd hire the SHS marching band to cheer her on. When they get there, Rosie comes up to greet them but then tells them to have a seat so she can stay focused. For some reason, Mary Anne finds this incredulous. Um, Mary Anne? There's absolutely zero wrong with that. It's a competition. People need to stay focused before a competition. It just makes Mary Anne seem a little...special.
As they leave Rosie, some girls make fun of her because she's a brain. Poor Rosie. I wonder if she even has any friends. They take their seat and the competition gets started. When the teacher announces Rosie only Claudia and Mary Anne and a few kids cheer. Most of them just boo. Which is really shitty seeing as the other grades cheered their representative. Wouldn't they be 'brains' too? I'll say one thing for Ann, she's good at writing shitty people. Again, write what you know. Once the teacher shuts them the Hell up, the competitors get started. And given that Rosie was studying college level puzzles, the actual one she gets are pure fluff. Like Abraham Lincoln and opposite of high which is low instead of the real opposite of high, Richard. Rosie wins the competition and only a few kids cheer for her. All the other say ew and shit.
After she collects her trophy, Claudia and Mary Ann congratulate Rosie but she just wants to go home. As they're walking home Rosie asks why her classmates treat her like that. She says she's not mean to them, she just does her best and omg, this is heart breaking. Poor Rosie! She starts to cry and Claudia and Mary Anne comfort her, telling her people can be mean to others who are different. Like if you drink a certain amount of coffee or don't like kale. Oh, wait. That's just Dawn who's shitty to peple different than her. Mary Anne says Claudia has her share of problems and Rosie is stunned because Claudia is so 'popular'. Claudia explains that she's the only member of her family that stuffs crayons up her nose and Rosie asks if her parents don't appreciate her art skills. Claudia says they've only just start coming around and that breaks my heart too. It makes me grateful I had an awesome mom who fed my creativity and was proud of all of my accomplishments. I can see the Kishis wanting Claudia to read above a kindergarten level but I also think they push her a little hard. They shouldn't push their child to be a genius when she once ate silly putty thinking it was taffy.
They reach the Wilder house and Mary Anne makes her own way home telling Rosie 'I barely know you, Rosie, but I think you’re very special, even aside from your talents' which makes Rosie super happy. Aww. I love when Ann remembers how to write her own characters and makes Mary Anne nice. When Claudia and Rosie get inside, they find a note that says Mrs Wilder will be back in about an hour and Claudia asks Rosie what she wants to do. And what else does she want to do but draw? She brings down some sketches she'd been working on and Claudia gives her a few pointers. They have a nice time bonding and when Rosie draws a Doritos bag that looks like a dog, they go nuts barking and howling. They're making so much noise, they don't notice that the Wilders came home and are staring at them like they've gone nuts. Dun dun dunnn!
Chapter 13!
Mrs Wilder asks if her voice teacher called in sick and when Rosie says she didn't she asks her why she isn't practicing. Rosie is like 'Look! A huge distracting thing!' and shows them her trophy. The distraction only works for a moment but then they ask again why she isn't working and Rosie flips her shit. She starts yelling that she doesn't want to practice and she hates her life which should be a huge red flag but Stoneybrook parents aren't known for their quick wit and understanding. Rosie runs up to her room and everyone else just stands around awkwardly. Claudia psyches herself up and starts talking to the Wilders about Rosie. She butters them up a bit by saying Rosie is the most talented kid she's ever met but that she's hiding one of her talents. She shows them Rosie's sketches and points out how well they're done.
The Wilders actually listen to Claudia and are especially interested to hear she studied in New York because she doesn't mention what an asshole she was and how she wouldn't listen to the teacher. She sees that the Wilders are starting to get that rabid coyote look when they talk about enrolling Rosie in some of those fancy shmancy New York classes. Janine really must have sneezed on her earlier because she realizes that her parents are the reason she's been hiding her art talent. That they'll just see it as something else to push her into and she'll grow to hate it too. Claudia gets the bright idea to tell the Wilders about her art show and asks whether Rosie can show some of her art in it. She says the ultimate fishhook and says it'll be good exposure. They Wilders agree though she can't stay long because she has a go see. Claudia goes to tell Rosie the good news and Rosie is super excite. But then she gets gloomy wondering how she'll have time to work on her art with all the other things she has to do and Claudia says she has faith in her. They hug and Claudia heads home.
Chapter 14!
It's the day of the art show which Claudia has named ''Disposable Comestibles' a Pop-Art Multi-Media Extravaganza' after something Janine said. Dawn thinks the name is bad and Claudia should feel bad because she's trying to sound too 'smart'. Because Dawn is a big enough bitch to point out to Claudia that she's not smart. Have I mentioned I hate Dawn? Everyone is there and Rosie is fussing over her sketches. Claudia tells her they're fine and checks her paintings. She has prices on them because she figures the point of a show is to sell your work. She says she'll use the money to buy more supplies and donate some to the BSC. But just some. Somehow, K Ron and her thought police don't beat her to pulp and tell her the BSC comes first, Goddammit!
The show starts and Mr Wilder thinks a painting Claudia did is by Rosie. This always bugged me, not because his ego, but because I would think he'd know if Rosie was working on a painting. I mean, wouldn't he at least notice if she'd bought a canvas? Or have bought the canvas himself? Jesus, Ann. I was 11 when I caught that one. Things go smoothly until Alan shows up and acts a fool. And then an art snob shows up and blithers about Bauhaus and dadaists. Claudia is of course like 'Big words! Subtitles!' and peaces the fuck out. Suddenly Suzi screams about a painting and Claudia sees that Alan has been drawing gross pictures and putting them on the walls. For some reason it's pictures of ugly people rather than dongs and boobs like a normal 13 year old boy. Claudia is like 'Alan if you don't get the fuck out, I'll make you sniff Kristy' and he leaves. But then they find out that he left a bunch of chewed bubblegum all over the floor. The BSC picks up the gum and the rest of the show goes well. People even bought two paintings. Although one of those people was Watson so I'm guessing K Ron bullied him into that after hearing some of the proceeds would go to the BSC. It gets time for Rosie to leave and Claudia asks her if she's spoken to her parents yet. She says she hasn't but promises she will.
Chapter 15!
The next Friday is Claudia's last regular sitting job for Rosie and she's actually sad about it. She picks up Rosie from science club and Rosie tells her she didn't get the part for 'Meet Me in St Louis'. Claudia, being an idiot, says that's too bad even though Rosie is grinning. Rosie says it's a good thing because she didn't want the part anyways. Rosie asks if they can have fun today since it's their last job and Claudia says she has the perfect project. She finds a bunch of old magazines and cuts out pictures of people and animals then mix and match their heads, bodies and legs. Then they play really complicated hangman and it's a good thing the pointed out they used a dictionary because I was about to bitch.
After they do that, they go for a walk. Rosie tells Claudia that she talked to her parents about cutting back on some of her activities. They agreed and she's only going to be taking math club, violin and art class. Claudia asks her about the art class and Rosie asks if she'll teach her. Somehow, K Ron doesn't come screeching down the road, sock Rosie in the throat and scream 'NO! Claudia can only spend time on the club!' Claudia agrees (she'll be whipped behind the shed later) and tells Rosie that Janine bought one of her paintings. Rosie says she always like Janine so there you go. That's all the evidence I need that Rosie is a million times a better person than Karen. And on that, we are done! So, next up will be 'Mary Anne and Miss Priss' which I've never read before and don't even know who the titular Miss Priss is. But I can tell you this much if it's Jenny or a kid like Jenny, I'm shooting my laptop. As always, thanks for reading!