#46 Mary Anne Misses Logan (Chapters 11-15)
It's the final countdown!
Chapter 11:
Damn, kids today have it so easy. When I was younger, I had to slum it up in the library like Pete and Mary Anne are doing. There was no Wikipedia. We had Encyclopedia. Which only got updated yearly (if that was even in the budget).
Mary Anne and Pete are diligently working on the project. Logan and Coke-fiend are slacking off and generally not helping at all. Pete and Mary Anne decide that they have to do the work for them, since they don’t want to screw up their grades because they’re paired with such losers.
Who here is surprised? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Pete suggests that they don’t even meet with the two slackers anymore. Mary Anne is thrilled to not see Cokie anymore, but she hesitates about Logan. Pete then slaps her back to reality.
“I know Logan used to be your boyfriend,” said Pete. “But come on. Give it a rest. He isn’t being fair to us.”
OMG - I’m in luv with Pete!
Mary Anne, why don’t you go out with Pete? Outside of the whole bra-snapping incident, he seems like a good guy. Assertive, but not overbearing. Would prefer not to read these books, but puts his nose to the grindstone when it matters. Also, I’m pretty sure he’d let you eat grilled cheese.
At school the next day, the assistant principal, Mr. Kingbridge, holds an emergency assembly for the 8th graders during third period. I’m hoping it’s in reference to a widespread chlamydia breakout.
So Mary Anne finds her two bestest friends, Dawn and Kristy, and they sit together at the assembly.
Kristy tries to make snarky comments during the assistant principal’s introduction. But A. she’s not funny and B. shut the fuck up, Kristy. You call Alan immature?
Mr. Kingbridge declares Friday as “Author’s Day” (clever title) and announces that a few of the authors will make the journey to appear at this random-ass middle school in Connecticut. Including Ann M. Martin Megan Rinehart! Those groups have to present on stage in front of their authors, which is pretty badass if you ask me. I’d be super pumped if one of my favorite authors was going to appear at my school and I got to present to him or her.
Instead of being excited, Mary Anne shuts down and starts reciting how she’ll die. I mean sure, I’d probably be a little nervous, but Mary Anne makes it seem like Megan is going to put her in a guillotine.
Mary Anne calls an emergency meeting that afternoon with Pete, Cokehead, and Logan to strategize. Good thing this wasn’t on a BSC day.
Of course Pete and Mary Anne are well prepared with their work. The other two, not so much.
Pete’s happy about this though, since the written report will be solid, and Logan and Cokie will look like fools on stage.
Mary Anne feels bad that Logan will be embarrassed. WHYYYYY? He’s done nothing to contribute to this project. And again, he is dating your mortal enemy!
And I really need to mention the emotional abuse he put you through, since you apparently have amnesia. Mary Anne, you’re getting on my last nerve. Logan deserves much worse than being humiliated in front of hundreds of people.
She then claims that she likes Logan too much. Yes, Mary Anne. Yes, you do. And I’d love to know why.
But nah. Mary Anne just ends the chapter and leaves me (and Joan) hanging.
Chapter 12:
Mary Anne is talking to Tigger about her Logan and Author’s Day situation. Tigger is not really paying attention. I don’t blame him. He is however, digging a hole into her sweater, but she doesn’t care. I bet Richard will care when he has to buy you a new shirt, dumbass.
She’s sitting around waiting to check in with her parole officer go to the BSC meeting when the phone rings.
And guess who it is! Just guess!
You got it - it’s LOGAN.
Logan requests that they work together on the project. Rather than hanging up the phone like I would have, she continues the conversation.
But first, she gives us this gem of a thought:
“Well. I couldn’t believe this. Logan had frittered away his time with Cokie and now he was coming to me for help? (And I, who had just been feeling sorry for Logan, was now offended by his behavior, which seemed quite irresponsible? Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing.)”
I completely agree with her that nothing in this book makes sense.
Apparently, Logan has done his research and write-up, and I bet it’s totally half-assed.
We then get this, courtesy of Logan:
“Mary Anne, let’s not fight. We’re supposed to be working as a group - and before you say anything, I know Cokie hasn’t done her fair share, but let’s forget about that, okay?”
Let’s not fight. Let’s just totally forget how you’ve been dicking around for the entire project. And now you want to pitch in at the last minute? Yeah, that would be a big FUCK OFF from me!
But of course, since Mary Anne has no spine, she agrees to work with his lazy ass. After the BSC meeting, naturally.
Logan is an asshole, but Mary Anne is an even bigger asshole for agreeing to this.
Anyhoo…Logan comes over and gets pissy that Pete and Mary Anne wrote his section for him. Well, DICK, that’s your fault for not participating in any of the work.
This turns into a conversation about how was spending all his time with Cokie. His reasoning for dating Cokie is that he missed Mary Anne. So he dates her mortal enemy? This…is stupid. The Toilet Monster is more logical than these two!
Now Logan’s grades are slipping and he realized that he would look like a jerk if he didn’t do something for the presentation. He gives Mary Anne the puppy-dog eyes, and she just melts like butter. Aw, it’s OK Logan, we’ll work together now, and totally retrofit your crappy section in our awesome section, even though it takes several days. And poor Pete just has to go along with this, because the BSC members always come first. I imagine he pitched a fit offscreen, or maybe Logan just gave him the irresistible puppy dog eyes.
Pete, you’re too good for these idiots.
They finish up the report, sans-Cokie, and Mary Anne starts freaking out about meeting Megan Rinehart.
Chapter 13:
Kristy’s all up her own ass because she claims to have solved the Toilet Monster problem.
After this, she calls Mary Anne (from the Korman’s phone!) to ask her about how she’s doing. Kristy caring about someone other than herself? This book really is crazy!
Kristy tries to assuage Mary Anne’s fears, but that’s like putting toothpaste back in the tube.
Then the Toilet Monster comes and kills them both. Well, it would have happened if I wrote this book.
Chapter 14:
It’s Author Day!
But first, we have to hear about how Dawn told Mary Anne to visualize herself succeeding at her speech. Which is decent advice actually. +1 to you, Dawn. Don’t make me take away that point!
Of course Mary Anne disregards this advice, and visualizes herself completely bombing and making a fool of herself. Well done, genius.
Author Day is such a big deal that both Richard and Sharon are going to attend. And Richard is bringing his camera! It’s just a regular film camera, not one of those fancy-schmanzy video recorders.
Oh man, imagine Mary Anne nowadays. Someone from SMS would put up a YouTube Channel dedicated to filming every moment that Mary Anne cries.
Mary Anne is nervous about speaking, but she’s also excited about meeting Megan. And right before they go up to speak, she and Logan are holding hands.
Sure, why not…let’s just pile on the nonsense. Go for broke, Ann!
Pete goes first and totally rocks his speech. Yeah, you go, Pete!
Mary Anne gets up there next and gives an apparently well-received speech, even if her presentation skills are a little lacking.
Logan takes his turn and unfortunately does not totally embarrass himself.
Then Cokie gets up there and reads off the book summary, word-for-word. And then she thanks Megan for being her favoritist writer EVAR. The audience gives some smattering of applause but Cokie knows that she screwed up. Take that, Cokie!
There’s a Q&A period and Cokie repeats the same question someone just asked. I’m not sure why she wanted to draw more attention to herself, but she's a moron, so that’s probably the reason.
Mary Anne, Pete and Logan get to meet Megan Rinehart afterward. She’s very polite and nice, and gives them all signed books (which the Cokester missed out on because she beat it the hell out of there ASAP).
When Megan leaves, Logan asks Mary Anne out to dinner. But only if it’s convenient for her. Yeah, nice try Logan, Mary Anne isn’t going to fall for - nevermind, Mary Anne happily agrees to this.
Ugh.
Chapter 15:
Mary Anne goes on this spiel about how she’s so much more confident now, and bull-fucking-shit you are. If you were confident, you wouldn't even be considering getting back together with Logan.
Logan does actually ask for Mary Anne’s input on where they should eat, and they agree to go to the Italian restaurant.
As Mary Anne is getting ready, Dawn tries in vain to point out all of Logan’s flaws. But Mary Anne misses him, so it doesn’t matter.
Mary Anne - just, ugh. I hate you right now. Not as much as Dawn and Kristy, but close.
They get seated and begin the inevitable “let’s get back together” talk.
Mary Anne claims that she doesn’t even remember why they stopped talking to each other and this is me right about now:
There’s some more relationship talk, and then we find out that Kristy totally didn’t solve the Toilet Monster situation.
HA!
I'm just gonna cut to the chase. Mary Anne and Logan get back together and all is right with the world. The book ends with Mary Anne doodling MAS + LB 4-Ever.
And there we have it. I generally try to stay positive so….um….at least there was no Karen in this book. And Dawn wasn’t as wenchy as she normally is.
Yes, MAS + LB 4-Ever.
Chapter 11:
Damn, kids today have it so easy. When I was younger, I had to slum it up in the library like Pete and Mary Anne are doing. There was no Wikipedia. We had Encyclopedia. Which only got updated yearly (if that was even in the budget).
Mary Anne and Pete are diligently working on the project. Logan and Coke-fiend are slacking off and generally not helping at all. Pete and Mary Anne decide that they have to do the work for them, since they don’t want to screw up their grades because they’re paired with such losers.
Who here is surprised? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Pete suggests that they don’t even meet with the two slackers anymore. Mary Anne is thrilled to not see Cokie anymore, but she hesitates about Logan. Pete then slaps her back to reality.
“I know Logan used to be your boyfriend,” said Pete. “But come on. Give it a rest. He isn’t being fair to us.”
OMG - I’m in luv with Pete!
Mary Anne, why don’t you go out with Pete? Outside of the whole bra-snapping incident, he seems like a good guy. Assertive, but not overbearing. Would prefer not to read these books, but puts his nose to the grindstone when it matters. Also, I’m pretty sure he’d let you eat grilled cheese.
At school the next day, the assistant principal, Mr. Kingbridge, holds an emergency assembly for the 8th graders during third period. I’m hoping it’s in reference to a widespread chlamydia breakout.
So Mary Anne finds her two bestest friends, Dawn and Kristy, and they sit together at the assembly.
Kristy tries to make snarky comments during the assistant principal’s introduction. But A. she’s not funny and B. shut the fuck up, Kristy. You call Alan immature?
Mr. Kingbridge declares Friday as “Author’s Day” (clever title) and announces that a few of the authors will make the journey to appear at this random-ass middle school in Connecticut. Including Ann M. Martin Megan Rinehart! Those groups have to present on stage in front of their authors, which is pretty badass if you ask me. I’d be super pumped if one of my favorite authors was going to appear at my school and I got to present to him or her.
Instead of being excited, Mary Anne shuts down and starts reciting how she’ll die. I mean sure, I’d probably be a little nervous, but Mary Anne makes it seem like Megan is going to put her in a guillotine.
Mary Anne calls an emergency meeting that afternoon with Pete, Cokehead, and Logan to strategize. Good thing this wasn’t on a BSC day.
Of course Pete and Mary Anne are well prepared with their work. The other two, not so much.
Pete’s happy about this though, since the written report will be solid, and Logan and Cokie will look like fools on stage.
Mary Anne feels bad that Logan will be embarrassed. WHYYYYY? He’s done nothing to contribute to this project. And again, he is dating your mortal enemy!
And I really need to mention the emotional abuse he put you through, since you apparently have amnesia. Mary Anne, you’re getting on my last nerve. Logan deserves much worse than being humiliated in front of hundreds of people.
She then claims that she likes Logan too much. Yes, Mary Anne. Yes, you do. And I’d love to know why.
But nah. Mary Anne just ends the chapter and leaves me (and Joan) hanging.
Chapter 12:
Mary Anne is talking to Tigger about her Logan and Author’s Day situation. Tigger is not really paying attention. I don’t blame him. He is however, digging a hole into her sweater, but she doesn’t care. I bet Richard will care when he has to buy you a new shirt, dumbass.
She’s sitting around waiting to check in with her parole officer go to the BSC meeting when the phone rings.
And guess who it is! Just guess!
You got it - it’s LOGAN.
Logan requests that they work together on the project. Rather than hanging up the phone like I would have, she continues the conversation.
But first, she gives us this gem of a thought:
“Well. I couldn’t believe this. Logan had frittered away his time with Cokie and now he was coming to me for help? (And I, who had just been feeling sorry for Logan, was now offended by his behavior, which seemed quite irresponsible? Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing.)”
I completely agree with her that nothing in this book makes sense.
Apparently, Logan has done his research and write-up, and I bet it’s totally half-assed.
We then get this, courtesy of Logan:
“Mary Anne, let’s not fight. We’re supposed to be working as a group - and before you say anything, I know Cokie hasn’t done her fair share, but let’s forget about that, okay?”
Let’s not fight. Let’s just totally forget how you’ve been dicking around for the entire project. And now you want to pitch in at the last minute? Yeah, that would be a big FUCK OFF from me!
But of course, since Mary Anne has no spine, she agrees to work with his lazy ass. After the BSC meeting, naturally.
Logan is an asshole, but Mary Anne is an even bigger asshole for agreeing to this.
Anyhoo…Logan comes over and gets pissy that Pete and Mary Anne wrote his section for him. Well, DICK, that’s your fault for not participating in any of the work.
This turns into a conversation about how was spending all his time with Cokie. His reasoning for dating Cokie is that he missed Mary Anne. So he dates her mortal enemy? This…is stupid. The Toilet Monster is more logical than these two!
Now Logan’s grades are slipping and he realized that he would look like a jerk if he didn’t do something for the presentation. He gives Mary Anne the puppy-dog eyes, and she just melts like butter. Aw, it’s OK Logan, we’ll work together now, and totally retrofit your crappy section in our awesome section, even though it takes several days. And poor Pete just has to go along with this, because the BSC members always come first. I imagine he pitched a fit offscreen, or maybe Logan just gave him the irresistible puppy dog eyes.
Pete, you’re too good for these idiots.
They finish up the report, sans-Cokie, and Mary Anne starts freaking out about meeting Megan Rinehart.
Chapter 13:
Kristy’s all up her own ass because she claims to have solved the Toilet Monster problem.
After this, she calls Mary Anne (from the Korman’s phone!) to ask her about how she’s doing. Kristy caring about someone other than herself? This book really is crazy!
Kristy tries to assuage Mary Anne’s fears, but that’s like putting toothpaste back in the tube.
Then the Toilet Monster comes and kills them both. Well, it would have happened if I wrote this book.
Chapter 14:
It’s Author Day!
But first, we have to hear about how Dawn told Mary Anne to visualize herself succeeding at her speech. Which is decent advice actually. +1 to you, Dawn. Don’t make me take away that point!
Of course Mary Anne disregards this advice, and visualizes herself completely bombing and making a fool of herself. Well done, genius.
Author Day is such a big deal that both Richard and Sharon are going to attend. And Richard is bringing his camera! It’s just a regular film camera, not one of those fancy-schmanzy video recorders.
Oh man, imagine Mary Anne nowadays. Someone from SMS would put up a YouTube Channel dedicated to filming every moment that Mary Anne cries.
Mary Anne is nervous about speaking, but she’s also excited about meeting Megan. And right before they go up to speak, she and Logan are holding hands.
Sure, why not…let’s just pile on the nonsense. Go for broke, Ann!
Pete goes first and totally rocks his speech. Yeah, you go, Pete!
Mary Anne gets up there next and gives an apparently well-received speech, even if her presentation skills are a little lacking.
Logan takes his turn and unfortunately does not totally embarrass himself.
Then Cokie gets up there and reads off the book summary, word-for-word. And then she thanks Megan for being her favoritist writer EVAR. The audience gives some smattering of applause but Cokie knows that she screwed up. Take that, Cokie!
There’s a Q&A period and Cokie repeats the same question someone just asked. I’m not sure why she wanted to draw more attention to herself, but she's a moron, so that’s probably the reason.
Mary Anne, Pete and Logan get to meet Megan Rinehart afterward. She’s very polite and nice, and gives them all signed books (which the Cokester missed out on because she beat it the hell out of there ASAP).
When Megan leaves, Logan asks Mary Anne out to dinner. But only if it’s convenient for her. Yeah, nice try Logan, Mary Anne isn’t going to fall for - nevermind, Mary Anne happily agrees to this.
Ugh.
Chapter 15:
Mary Anne goes on this spiel about how she’s so much more confident now, and bull-fucking-shit you are. If you were confident, you wouldn't even be considering getting back together with Logan.
Logan does actually ask for Mary Anne’s input on where they should eat, and they agree to go to the Italian restaurant.
As Mary Anne is getting ready, Dawn tries in vain to point out all of Logan’s flaws. But Mary Anne misses him, so it doesn’t matter.
Mary Anne - just, ugh. I hate you right now. Not as much as Dawn and Kristy, but close.
They get seated and begin the inevitable “let’s get back together” talk.
Mary Anne claims that she doesn’t even remember why they stopped talking to each other and this is me right about now:
There’s some more relationship talk, and then we find out that Kristy totally didn’t solve the Toilet Monster situation.
HA!
I'm just gonna cut to the chase. Mary Anne and Logan get back together and all is right with the world. The book ends with Mary Anne doodling MAS + LB 4-Ever.
And there we have it. I generally try to stay positive so….um….at least there was no Karen in this book. And Dawn wasn’t as wenchy as she normally is.
Yes, MAS + LB 4-Ever.