BSC #10: LOGAN LIKES MARY ANNE! OR HOW MARY ANNE GOT HER GROOVE BACK! PART 1!
BSC #10: LOGAN LIKES MARY ANNE! OR HOW MARY ANNE GOT HER GROOVE BACK! PART 1!
Hello my peeps, hope everyone’s enjoying the warm weather! Sorry it’s been awhile, but I think I burned out snarking those two BATSHIT INSANE BOOKS back to back and I needed a little rest. I swear, I spent most of last week wondering FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME… WHY ISN’T ANN MARKETING WHATEVER THE HELL SHE’S SMOKING TO THE MASS PUBLIC FOR CRAMPS? I SPENT LIKE TWO DAYS CRYING/SCREAMING IN PAIN! FREAKIN HELL!
The only good thing that happened…besides my awesome husband taking such good care of me… was this:
THAT’S RIGHT PEEPS! I SENT A TWEET TO SHEAMUS FROM WWE AND HE FAVORITED IT! I FINALLY GOT A WWE WRESTLER TO ACKNOWLEDGE ONE OF MY TWEETS! HAPPY DANCE!
Now without any further ado:
The one I own:
Mary Anne and Logan are sitting for our second favorite ginger, Jackie and Logan’s helping Jackie get a jar off his hand. This is the first time either boy has been on a cover; this being their first appearance in the series and all. Logan actually looks like a twelve year old Zack Morris from Good Morning Miss Bliss and it almost makes you forget what a douchebag he’s gonna end up being. Mary Anne looks cute though, and I like the ribbon in her hair and the slight flirting she’s doing with her eyes and stance. What I don’t like is the fact that Jackie looks like a girl; I swear when I first got this book… I thought this was gonna be revealed as Cokie or something. I have to ask; WHY THE FUCK IS JACKIE EYE-FUCKING THE SHIT OUT OF LOGAN?! I GET WHY MARY ANNE IS; BUT WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE JACKIE’S FLIRTING TOO?! LORD ALMIGHTY…I’M GETTING THE SQUICKS FROM THIS CRAP! MOSTLY BECAUSE I CAN’T TELL JUST WHO THE FUCK LOGAN’S LOOKING AT; IT’S HARD TO TELL! I’M LEGIT LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW:
UK Cover:
DA HOLY FUCK IS THAT? WHY DOES LOGAN LOOK LIKE An OLD, BALD CREEPER? WHY DOES MARY ANNE LOOK MY AGE?! IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE STACEY’S PARTY? WHY DON’T WE EVER SEE THE FAMOUS CITIES SKIRT? WHY ARE THE UK COVERS SO FUCKING SCARY? LOGAN LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO KIDNAP AND KILL MARY ANNE! FUCKING HELL!
Chapter 1:
MA says that the summer’s flown by and now it’s time to start the eighth grade. HOLY SHIT, I COMPLETELY FORGOT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THEY WENT THROUGH THE EIGHTH GRADE! FUCK YOU ANN, FOR MAKING ME THINK THE FIRST TIME I READ THIS THAT THESE BITCHES WERE EVER GETTING TO HIGH SCHOOL!
We get an early info dump about the Cult and I get to skim! I land on MA remembering the Sea City debacle; but find no mention of Stacey acting like a complete twat in that book. She does call the slut a ‘pain’ but that’s it. Me, I would’ve been like: ‘I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF EIGHT MOTHERFUCKING KIDS BY MYSELF AS THIS BITCH TRIED TO GET AN FUCKING EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD TO COMMIT A GODDAMN FELONY WITH THE PROMISE OF A BLOW JOB UNDER THE BOARDWALK, DOWN BY THE MOTHERFUCKING SEA! MY SUMMER SUCKED ASS AND I HATE YOU ALL!’ but I’m bitchy like that! She brings up Alex and the ring he gave her; and how she’s happy that she can talk to boys now. Or some such shit, I don’t care.
Dawn comes over to pick up MA for the Cult meeting and we get an OUTFIT DESCRIPTION! ‘Hot-Pink shorts with a big, breezy island-print shirt over a white tank top.’ Sounds like something Claudia probably wore at some point later on. Dawn says that the shirt came from Jack in Cali; leading MA to say that she better not mention that part to K-Ron, because of her asshole dad. OK, as I said last week in my Mother’s Day snark; SHUT THE FUCK UP! I GET THAT K-RON’S PISSED SHE DOESN’T HAVE A DAD AND MARY ANNE’S PISSED ABOUT NOT HAVING A MOM, BUT WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE ALWAYS NEED TO MAKE SURE NOT TO MENTION THEIRS? AND BOTH OF THOSE INCIDENTS HAPPENED YEARS AGO; WHY KEEP BRINGING IT UP?! FUCKING HELL!
The two head out to the meeting, with MA wishing she had a cat to keep her company and I TOTALLY FORGOT THIS WAS THE BOOK SHE GOT TIGGER TOO! HOLY HELL, I MUST BE GETTING OLD; MY MIND’S SLIPPING! They stop at the mailbox, where MA FREAKS THE FUCK OUT OVER SIXTEEN MAGAZINE WITH CAM GEARY ON THE COVER!
PLUS, THERE’S A POSTER!
Dawn says that she’s amazed that MA likes the dick now, she really thought she’d be K-Ron’s bitch for life. And MA proceeds to fangirl the whole way to the meeting, and we’ve all been there. Hell, I fangirled at the start of this snark already!
Can’t blame her really!
They run into Mimi and I get sad, I loved that character. No joke you guys, Claudia and Mean Janine is one of my favorite BSC books and I’ve been dying to snark it and I really can’t because it’s so sad at times. Anyway, they rush up to the meeting BECAUSE GOD FORBID THEY’RE A HALF-SECOND LATE!
This leads into a short info dump about the Cult, because it’s only book ten and Ann wasn’t a complete fucking crackhead yet; so no pages upon pages of unnecessary BULLSHIT this time around!
The girls talk a bit about Cam Geary and how he’s dating some chick from a show called ‘Once Upon A Dream’ and I wonder what that’s supposed to be a reference too. This leads to talk about the chick’s massive tits, but before K-Ron gets a chance to put the visual in her spank bank for later; the phone rings to set up a job. And it goes on and on the whole meeting, with everyone calling for a sitter; because GOD FORBID anyone in that bumfuck town watch their own fucking kids for two seconds!
The chapter ends with the girls leaving, dreading the first day of school the next day.
Chapter 2:
MA walks to school with Claudia and Stacey the next day and she tells us that she has new school supplies and I remember that being one of the highlights of going back to school. Well, that and seeing/hoping my friends were in my classes and what boys got cute. Things like that. She even has her Cam Geary poster ready to go, with gum to stick in the corners to hang in her locker. Couple of questions; 1. Who had lockers in junior high? I didn’t have one until high school. 2. What’s the fucking problem with taping things to the lockers, sticking gum is worse and nastier!
MA’s all happy about being in the eighth grade, saying that ‘in June, we would have a real graduation ceremony.’
SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW FUNNY THAT SHIT IS YET!
Stacey does her.. PORKY PIG VOICE? SINCE WHEN THE FUCK COULD SHE DO THAT? And the girls spilt up and head to their lockers. MA hangs up the picture of Cam and goes to her homeroom; feeling shy and I can’t snark that because I’m shy as fuck and I hate being in a room where I know no one and I’m waiting for friends. Dawn shows up and the class goes okay. MA gives us her class schedule; and it looks like every other schedule in school I ever had. At least she gets to eat with her friends.
All the girls sit together for the first time; an act that completely FUCKING BAFFLES MA! UH…YOU DO YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH THESE PEOPLE, RIGHT? AND WHAT’S THIS SHIT ABOUT ‘BROWN BAGS BEING BABYISH’? I RATHER EAT A DAMN BROWN BAG THAN ANY OF THAT SHIT K-RON’S ALWAYS BITCHING ABOUT! FUCKING HELL, THESE BITCHES ARE MORONS!
AND OF COURSE, K-RON HAS TO SAY SOMETHING NASTY ABOUT THE FOOD SMELLS! THEN DON’T EAT THE FUCKING FOOD, JACKASS! BRING A SANDWICH FROM HOME OR BARRING THAT, GET A FUCKING PB&J FROM THE LUNCH LINE! YOU CAN’T TELL ME THEY DON’T HAVE THAT, MY SCHOOL DID!
MA brings up Cam’s pic hanging in her locker and Claudia says that she wants a pic of Max Morrison from …’OUT OF THIS WORLD?’ YOU MEAN THIS…
DID ANN ACTUALLY MAKE A REFERENCE FROM THE EIGHTIES?! WHO CARES IF THERE WAS NO ONE NAMED MAX MORRISON ASSOCIATED WITH THE SHOW, SHE ACTUALLY MADE A REAL REFERENCE TO A SHOW I ACTUALLY WATCHED! WAY TO GO, ANN!
MA starts looking around the school and sees… CAM FUCKING GEARY? DA HOLY FUCK? No, turns out it’s just Logan; who Stacey knows from a couple of classes. STAKE YOUR CLAIM MARY ANNE, DON’T TRUST THAT BITCH!
And after this guy for a grand total of TWO SECONDS, with only the knowledge that he’s new, from Kentucky, with a southern accent… MA’S IN LOVE WITH HIM!
FUCKING HELL!
Chapter 3:
MA tells us that everyone showed up late to the next meeting and I’m surprised K-Ron didn’t bring the floggers out. I know she’s late too, but still. K-Ron gets a GREAT IDEA to make flyers for the Cult and have them ready for the PTA meeting coming up, this way they get new clients. The girls suggest K-Ron putting up flyers in her own neighborhood and Elizabeth’s volunteered to make copies AGAIN! They do offer to pay her EIGHT WHOLE DOLLARS, WITH K-RON PROMISING TO BRING BACK CHANGE! FUCKING HELL, ANN! GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE PIPE AND DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH FOR ONCE!
Claudia found her pic of Max to put in her locker and MA swoons over Logan some more. This leads to the girls teasing her about it, because BEST FRIENDS FOREVER! They talk about some chick getting a bra and MA reveals she got one too; leaving K-Ron the only one without a bra but with a hell of fucking visual.
They vow to get the flyers out soon and the chapter ends with the ominous ‘little did we know what we were getting ourselves into.’
That’s all for now guys, more soon! Thank you all for reading and commenting!
I also have some more Golden Girls snarks up here. Let me know what you think and thanks again!
Hello my peeps, hope everyone’s enjoying the warm weather! Sorry it’s been awhile, but I think I burned out snarking those two BATSHIT INSANE BOOKS back to back and I needed a little rest. I swear, I spent most of last week wondering FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME… WHY ISN’T ANN MARKETING WHATEVER THE HELL SHE’S SMOKING TO THE MASS PUBLIC FOR CRAMPS? I SPENT LIKE TWO DAYS CRYING/SCREAMING IN PAIN! FREAKIN HELL!
The only good thing that happened…besides my awesome husband taking such good care of me… was this:
THAT’S RIGHT PEEPS! I SENT A TWEET TO SHEAMUS FROM WWE AND HE FAVORITED IT! I FINALLY GOT A WWE WRESTLER TO ACKNOWLEDGE ONE OF MY TWEETS! HAPPY DANCE!
Now without any further ado:
The one I own:
Mary Anne and Logan are sitting for our second favorite ginger, Jackie and Logan’s helping Jackie get a jar off his hand. This is the first time either boy has been on a cover; this being their first appearance in the series and all. Logan actually looks like a twelve year old Zack Morris from Good Morning Miss Bliss and it almost makes you forget what a douchebag he’s gonna end up being. Mary Anne looks cute though, and I like the ribbon in her hair and the slight flirting she’s doing with her eyes and stance. What I don’t like is the fact that Jackie looks like a girl; I swear when I first got this book… I thought this was gonna be revealed as Cokie or something. I have to ask; WHY THE FUCK IS JACKIE EYE-FUCKING THE SHIT OUT OF LOGAN?! I GET WHY MARY ANNE IS; BUT WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE JACKIE’S FLIRTING TOO?! LORD ALMIGHTY…I’M GETTING THE SQUICKS FROM THIS CRAP! MOSTLY BECAUSE I CAN’T TELL JUST WHO THE FUCK LOGAN’S LOOKING AT; IT’S HARD TO TELL! I’M LEGIT LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW:
UK Cover:
DA HOLY FUCK IS THAT? WHY DOES LOGAN LOOK LIKE An OLD, BALD CREEPER? WHY DOES MARY ANNE LOOK MY AGE?! IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE STACEY’S PARTY? WHY DON’T WE EVER SEE THE FAMOUS CITIES SKIRT? WHY ARE THE UK COVERS SO FUCKING SCARY? LOGAN LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO KIDNAP AND KILL MARY ANNE! FUCKING HELL!
Chapter 1:
MA says that the summer’s flown by and now it’s time to start the eighth grade. HOLY SHIT, I COMPLETELY FORGOT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THEY WENT THROUGH THE EIGHTH GRADE! FUCK YOU ANN, FOR MAKING ME THINK THE FIRST TIME I READ THIS THAT THESE BITCHES WERE EVER GETTING TO HIGH SCHOOL!
We get an early info dump about the Cult and I get to skim! I land on MA remembering the Sea City debacle; but find no mention of Stacey acting like a complete twat in that book. She does call the slut a ‘pain’ but that’s it. Me, I would’ve been like: ‘I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF EIGHT MOTHERFUCKING KIDS BY MYSELF AS THIS BITCH TRIED TO GET AN FUCKING EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD TO COMMIT A GODDAMN FELONY WITH THE PROMISE OF A BLOW JOB UNDER THE BOARDWALK, DOWN BY THE MOTHERFUCKING SEA! MY SUMMER SUCKED ASS AND I HATE YOU ALL!’ but I’m bitchy like that! She brings up Alex and the ring he gave her; and how she’s happy that she can talk to boys now. Or some such shit, I don’t care.
Dawn comes over to pick up MA for the Cult meeting and we get an OUTFIT DESCRIPTION! ‘Hot-Pink shorts with a big, breezy island-print shirt over a white tank top.’ Sounds like something Claudia probably wore at some point later on. Dawn says that the shirt came from Jack in Cali; leading MA to say that she better not mention that part to K-Ron, because of her asshole dad. OK, as I said last week in my Mother’s Day snark; SHUT THE FUCK UP! I GET THAT K-RON’S PISSED SHE DOESN’T HAVE A DAD AND MARY ANNE’S PISSED ABOUT NOT HAVING A MOM, BUT WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE ALWAYS NEED TO MAKE SURE NOT TO MENTION THEIRS? AND BOTH OF THOSE INCIDENTS HAPPENED YEARS AGO; WHY KEEP BRINGING IT UP?! FUCKING HELL!
The two head out to the meeting, with MA wishing she had a cat to keep her company and I TOTALLY FORGOT THIS WAS THE BOOK SHE GOT TIGGER TOO! HOLY HELL, I MUST BE GETTING OLD; MY MIND’S SLIPPING! They stop at the mailbox, where MA FREAKS THE FUCK OUT OVER SIXTEEN MAGAZINE WITH CAM GEARY ON THE COVER!
PLUS, THERE’S A POSTER!
Dawn says that she’s amazed that MA likes the dick now, she really thought she’d be K-Ron’s bitch for life. And MA proceeds to fangirl the whole way to the meeting, and we’ve all been there. Hell, I fangirled at the start of this snark already!
Can’t blame her really!
They run into Mimi and I get sad, I loved that character. No joke you guys, Claudia and Mean Janine is one of my favorite BSC books and I’ve been dying to snark it and I really can’t because it’s so sad at times. Anyway, they rush up to the meeting BECAUSE GOD FORBID THEY’RE A HALF-SECOND LATE!
This leads into a short info dump about the Cult, because it’s only book ten and Ann wasn’t a complete fucking crackhead yet; so no pages upon pages of unnecessary BULLSHIT this time around!
The girls talk a bit about Cam Geary and how he’s dating some chick from a show called ‘Once Upon A Dream’ and I wonder what that’s supposed to be a reference too. This leads to talk about the chick’s massive tits, but before K-Ron gets a chance to put the visual in her spank bank for later; the phone rings to set up a job. And it goes on and on the whole meeting, with everyone calling for a sitter; because GOD FORBID anyone in that bumfuck town watch their own fucking kids for two seconds!
The chapter ends with the girls leaving, dreading the first day of school the next day.
Chapter 2:
MA walks to school with Claudia and Stacey the next day and she tells us that she has new school supplies and I remember that being one of the highlights of going back to school. Well, that and seeing/hoping my friends were in my classes and what boys got cute. Things like that. She even has her Cam Geary poster ready to go, with gum to stick in the corners to hang in her locker. Couple of questions; 1. Who had lockers in junior high? I didn’t have one until high school. 2. What’s the fucking problem with taping things to the lockers, sticking gum is worse and nastier!
MA’s all happy about being in the eighth grade, saying that ‘in June, we would have a real graduation ceremony.’
SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW FUNNY THAT SHIT IS YET!
Stacey does her.. PORKY PIG VOICE? SINCE WHEN THE FUCK COULD SHE DO THAT? And the girls spilt up and head to their lockers. MA hangs up the picture of Cam and goes to her homeroom; feeling shy and I can’t snark that because I’m shy as fuck and I hate being in a room where I know no one and I’m waiting for friends. Dawn shows up and the class goes okay. MA gives us her class schedule; and it looks like every other schedule in school I ever had. At least she gets to eat with her friends.
All the girls sit together for the first time; an act that completely FUCKING BAFFLES MA! UH…YOU DO YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH THESE PEOPLE, RIGHT? AND WHAT’S THIS SHIT ABOUT ‘BROWN BAGS BEING BABYISH’? I RATHER EAT A DAMN BROWN BAG THAN ANY OF THAT SHIT K-RON’S ALWAYS BITCHING ABOUT! FUCKING HELL, THESE BITCHES ARE MORONS!
AND OF COURSE, K-RON HAS TO SAY SOMETHING NASTY ABOUT THE FOOD SMELLS! THEN DON’T EAT THE FUCKING FOOD, JACKASS! BRING A SANDWICH FROM HOME OR BARRING THAT, GET A FUCKING PB&J FROM THE LUNCH LINE! YOU CAN’T TELL ME THEY DON’T HAVE THAT, MY SCHOOL DID!
MA brings up Cam’s pic hanging in her locker and Claudia says that she wants a pic of Max Morrison from …’OUT OF THIS WORLD?’ YOU MEAN THIS…
Click to viewDID ANN ACTUALLY MAKE A REFERENCE FROM THE EIGHTIES?! WHO CARES IF THERE WAS NO ONE NAMED MAX MORRISON ASSOCIATED WITH THE SHOW, SHE ACTUALLY MADE A REAL REFERENCE TO A SHOW I ACTUALLY WATCHED! WAY TO GO, ANN!
MA starts looking around the school and sees… CAM FUCKING GEARY? DA HOLY FUCK? No, turns out it’s just Logan; who Stacey knows from a couple of classes. STAKE YOUR CLAIM MARY ANNE, DON’T TRUST THAT BITCH!
And after this guy for a grand total of TWO SECONDS, with only the knowledge that he’s new, from Kentucky, with a southern accent… MA’S IN LOVE WITH HIM!
FUCKING HELL!
Chapter 3:
MA tells us that everyone showed up late to the next meeting and I’m surprised K-Ron didn’t bring the floggers out. I know she’s late too, but still. K-Ron gets a GREAT IDEA to make flyers for the Cult and have them ready for the PTA meeting coming up, this way they get new clients. The girls suggest K-Ron putting up flyers in her own neighborhood and Elizabeth’s volunteered to make copies AGAIN! They do offer to pay her EIGHT WHOLE DOLLARS, WITH K-RON PROMISING TO BRING BACK CHANGE! FUCKING HELL, ANN! GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE PIPE AND DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH FOR ONCE!
Claudia found her pic of Max to put in her locker and MA swoons over Logan some more. This leads to the girls teasing her about it, because BEST FRIENDS FOREVER! They talk about some chick getting a bra and MA reveals she got one too; leaving K-Ron the only one without a bra but with a hell of fucking visual.
They vow to get the flyers out soon and the chapter ends with the ominous ‘little did we know what we were getting ourselves into.’
That’s all for now guys, more soon! Thank you all for reading and commenting!
I also have some more Golden Girls snarks up here. Let me know what you think and thanks again!