Dawn and the School Spirit War! Part The End!
My, oh my, pretty ladies! This one was rough. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid this book is. Now when I read an Ann book I'm not exactly expecting a Newbery winner. But I expect something a little better than what a brain damaged jellyfish could produce. I don't know how this one made it pass the editors. It can't imagine the amount of cocaine Ann went through when she came up with this one. What gold coins are to Scrooge McDuck cocaine is to Ann. I'm pretty sure she has a huge bin of the stuff that she just goes swimming in and calls it 'brainstorming'. I'm used to her blowing problems out of proportion but this book! And it's just always Dawn, isn't it? She causes more shit than White Castle. It's the last bit, gal! We can do it! Lets go!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
Tuesday night, the night of the school meeting. The Stoneybrook and the Stamford news are there along with several papers. Horribly, I agree with Dawn again when she says she can't believe they're getting news coverage. What other news do you think they cover? 'Local Waitress Receives $5 Tip!' 'Several Neighborhood Pets Startled by Siren!' 'News Station Office Copy Machine Low on Toner!' Living in Stoneybrook must suck. When Dawn, Mary Anne, and Sharon get to the auditorium, Mimi Snowden pounces on them asking Dawn if she's the head of the protest. Sharon butts in saying she doesn't want her taking to her kid when she 'misrepresented' her before. God, Sharon, dial back on the reefer. It's making you paranoid. They walk away and Dawn says she doesn't want people thinking she's a 'revolutionary'. And that is the single most unbelievable thing I have ever read in any book ever. Being a revolutionary is what Dawn gets her rocks off on more than a kale enema. Unless Suzanne Weyn was trying to say that Dawn really isn't a revolutionary and is really nothing but a conformist in the disguise of a martyr. If so, I'll have to upgrade her bouquet to skunk cabbage.
Everyone is already fighting among themselves so Mr Taylor gets up and tells everyone to stfu. He starts calling people in the audience and the pro SSM people are...well...they're fucking stupid. They say that if the kids won't obey the school rules they'll soon end up drinking and smoking and doing drugs. Seriously, what a bunch of fuckholes. First of all, dressing in a colour is not fucking mandatory. Second of all, if your kid turns to drugs because they didn't feel like wearing a silly hat or some shit, that's on you and your kid. SSM is supposed to be a fun little thing to get kids riled up for sports. If someone doesn't give a shit about sports what's the point of forcing them to pretend they do? If they're anything like me, it'll just make them hate sports more because holy fuck! Look what the sports team forced me to do!
Mr Bruno gets up and says that everyone is forgetting that SSM is about supporting the baseball team. That at this rate they're morale is gonna get lowered and gasp! They might lose! Someone yells to blame the Tofu Tampon and Cryie McGee and Sharon jumps up and tells them to stfu! She's proud of her little shit stirrers! Then someone calls her an unfit mother and I choke on my tea. If they only knew. If they only knew Sharon once traded Dawn's baby teeth for a dime bag.
All Hell breaks loose and two guys get in an actual fist fight so, Mr Taylor is like 'Fuck all y'all. Get out of my auditorium.' So, the meeting breaks up and the news teams swoop in like vultures to interview people. Dawn, Mary Anne, and Sharon head out and stop at a drive-thru for sodas. Right. Sharon and Dawn got sodas. When they get home, Richard is watching the news with just happens to be showing the SSM coverage at that moment. Mimi Snowden is talking about Sharon saying she nearly started a riot. This revs Richard's Harley and he starts teasing Sharon. The phone rings and when Dawn answers it, some guy says to 'Go back to California, you freak before someone gets hurt.' And again, Dawn doesn't do anything about it. She doesn't even get worried about it. Such keen survival skills! How did she last on that island again?
Chapter 12!
The next morning, the meeting news is all over the paper. And apparently in rival school Who Gives a Shit, someone rammed their car into another person's car. And someone at SMS threw paint on someone's car. Part of me is like, 'Jesus that's crazy'. But another part of me has seen people react to their sports teams either winning or losing. And yet another part of me is like 'No one would give this much of a shit about a middle school.' Richard is still all kinky from last night and keeps teasing Sharon about 'Ooo! You're such a bad girl! Causing riots! You're gonna get punished!' I won't kink shame you, Richard, you do you.
The girls head for school where it's Retro Day and Dawn says she's going as herself from a month ago. Alan is dressed in a toga which is delightful. This is how Alan should be acting. In homeroom, Mr Taylor announces that the baseball team won another game last night, continuing their winning streak. He also says that the faculty council has reached a decision and SSM has been canceled. He tells the students not to start any fights over this. Dawn says that she should feel happy because she 'won' but instead she just feels numb. This book is just heavy with falsehoods. Like Dawn wouldn't be screeching about herself and how great she is.
Chapter 13!
Something something Barrett/DeWitt. I really don't care. The only thing I'll point out is Ann put in some of her beloved parallels and something something someone is ruining someone's fun. I know this because I skimmed and K. Ron was writing about it in the notebook. I know Mary Anne is always touted as being the passive-aggressive one, but I think every member has put some shit talk in the notebook. And yet, I think it annoys me the most when K. Ron does it. Because you know her attitude is 'My subordinates have displeased me. Can't physically cut a bitch. Must let them know my hate another way.' If I was a BSC member I'd-well, I'd shoot myself-but if I was a BSC member I'd bust K. Ron on not using the notebook properly. But that would expect K. Ron to apply her own rules to herself and we know she avoids that like she avoids laundering her clothes.
Chapter 14!
While who gives a fuck is going on with the Barrett/DeWitts, Dawn is sitting in her room thinking about her 'victory'. She thinks about how she was worried the pro kids would have done something or the anti kids would be obnoxious but neither happened. Excuse me a moment while I yell 'What the fuck?!' WHAT THE FUCK?! Dawn thought people would be obnoxious over winning?! Dawn who constantly acts like she won a fucking solid gold diamond mountain when she perceives she won something?! The same Dawn who laughed with her equally shitty brother that she'd upset Richard?! The same Dawn that giggled and rubbed her hands together when she freaked out Mary Anne?! This Dawn?! She thinks people would be obnoxious over winning?! Can I tell you the most surprising thing I've ever stated? I FUCKING HATE DAWN!!
While Dawn's busy being a hypocrite, Logan comes over to see Mary Anne. Dawn says she wants something to eat but you know her nosy ass just wanted to eavesdrop. Mary Anne is telling Logan she does care about the baseball team and he pouts that it doesn't seem that way. He continues to whine about how everyone forgot that SSM was supposed to be about supporting the team. Mary Anne tells him she does support the team but she doesn't see how making her come to school in her pyjamas does that. Fucking thank you! I honestly doubt that any of the SSM supporters gave a shit about the baseball team. It was probably all about breaking routine and getting to be silly in a public space. Do you really think K. Ron cared anything about a team she doesn't coach? Of course not! She just wanted to show off! Do you think Alan is going to the games and cheering on the teams? Hell no! He just wanted to show off too! Logan is fucking delusional if he thinks anyone cared about the team that much.
Later, when Dawn goes back to her room, Mary Anne comes in to talk. Dawn says that when they started out they just wanted SSM to be voluntary, not to cancel it all together. Really?! Excuse me while I gather receipts! 'We, the undersigned, petition for the immediate elimination of School Spirit Month.' Hmm! Dawn being a lying little scrotum smell smell?! When does that happen?! And hello, McFly! It was fucking voluntary! On Colour Day did you get punished for not wearing yellow? No, you fucking didn't! Learn to fucking proof read, Ann! God! How do you forget something you wrote 50 pages ago?! Oh, my Goddddd!! This is so fucking bad! Are Scholastic editors just paid in meth and concussions?!
Monday at school, Dawn and Mary Anne take a proposal to Mr Taylor about SSM. And it is fruity. And it is stupid. And it's so pointless. They go on the PA system and say SSM should be voluntary. *sobs* It already was! I always knew Ann and Dawn would drive me to my breaking point and here we are! This is so fucking STUPID! How?! HOW?! I thought the new Twilight book would be my month's 'Stupid Literary Moment' but Jesus Christ! How are these stupid fucking authors so rich when they can't write?! As your resident poor person it just makes me flame in anger! Someone who writes this poorly doesn't deserve to have so much money! She should be known across the world as the shitty writer she is! There should be memes about it! If I ever meet Ann I'll look her dead in the eye and tell her I hate her! I'll report her to the ASPCA for abusing her cats by letting them live in a miasma of stupidity! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Chapter 15!
Okay. I helped myself to a handful of horse tranquilizers and am feeling better. And this chapter starts with the big game against school Who Gives a Shit and reading about sports puts me to sleep. Dawn says everyone in school is being friendly with each other because SSM was reinstated as a voluntary thing. Like it was in the first fucking place!! She says pyjama day came and went and she was able to 'enjoy the silliness'. I just don't know, gals. I just don't know how the Hell I can hate someone so much. The thing that gets me is that Dawn seems to be doing the usual BSC thing in not allowing people to enjoy things they personally don't. There was nothing keeping her from not wearing her pyjamas in the first place and thinking it was funny that others did. Nothing. But no, she had to break out her cross to bear and solve something that wasn't even a problem in the first place, then act like she's too saintly for words. Because there is no one, NO ONE, with a more tremendous, self-righteous martyr complex than Dawn Read Schafer.
And that's pretty much it. SMS wins the big game and Dawn says she's full of school spirit and if it wasn't the month of Halloween, I'd be hiring a deep web assassin to kill a fictional character. With every bad book I do, I think to myself 'Well, that was the worst thing I've ever read!' but they keep getting worse and worse. So, right now this one has the top spot but Ann always manages to surprise me like a Jack in the box with a warhead. We'll see if she can ever top herself. It'll be hard since this one ended with a problem being solved that never existed in the first place. So, next up will be Beware, Dawn and then we'll see what's what. Cheers to all for making it through this one with me! Thanks for reading!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 11!
Tuesday night, the night of the school meeting. The Stoneybrook and the Stamford news are there along with several papers. Horribly, I agree with Dawn again when she says she can't believe they're getting news coverage. What other news do you think they cover? 'Local Waitress Receives $5 Tip!' 'Several Neighborhood Pets Startled by Siren!' 'News Station Office Copy Machine Low on Toner!' Living in Stoneybrook must suck. When Dawn, Mary Anne, and Sharon get to the auditorium, Mimi Snowden pounces on them asking Dawn if she's the head of the protest. Sharon butts in saying she doesn't want her taking to her kid when she 'misrepresented' her before. God, Sharon, dial back on the reefer. It's making you paranoid. They walk away and Dawn says she doesn't want people thinking she's a 'revolutionary'. And that is the single most unbelievable thing I have ever read in any book ever. Being a revolutionary is what Dawn gets her rocks off on more than a kale enema. Unless Suzanne Weyn was trying to say that Dawn really isn't a revolutionary and is really nothing but a conformist in the disguise of a martyr. If so, I'll have to upgrade her bouquet to skunk cabbage.
Everyone is already fighting among themselves so Mr Taylor gets up and tells everyone to stfu. He starts calling people in the audience and the pro SSM people are...well...they're fucking stupid. They say that if the kids won't obey the school rules they'll soon end up drinking and smoking and doing drugs. Seriously, what a bunch of fuckholes. First of all, dressing in a colour is not fucking mandatory. Second of all, if your kid turns to drugs because they didn't feel like wearing a silly hat or some shit, that's on you and your kid. SSM is supposed to be a fun little thing to get kids riled up for sports. If someone doesn't give a shit about sports what's the point of forcing them to pretend they do? If they're anything like me, it'll just make them hate sports more because holy fuck! Look what the sports team forced me to do!
Mr Bruno gets up and says that everyone is forgetting that SSM is about supporting the baseball team. That at this rate they're morale is gonna get lowered and gasp! They might lose! Someone yells to blame the Tofu Tampon and Cryie McGee and Sharon jumps up and tells them to stfu! She's proud of her little shit stirrers! Then someone calls her an unfit mother and I choke on my tea. If they only knew. If they only knew Sharon once traded Dawn's baby teeth for a dime bag.
All Hell breaks loose and two guys get in an actual fist fight so, Mr Taylor is like 'Fuck all y'all. Get out of my auditorium.' So, the meeting breaks up and the news teams swoop in like vultures to interview people. Dawn, Mary Anne, and Sharon head out and stop at a drive-thru for sodas. Right. Sharon and Dawn got sodas. When they get home, Richard is watching the news with just happens to be showing the SSM coverage at that moment. Mimi Snowden is talking about Sharon saying she nearly started a riot. This revs Richard's Harley and he starts teasing Sharon. The phone rings and when Dawn answers it, some guy says to 'Go back to California, you freak before someone gets hurt.' And again, Dawn doesn't do anything about it. She doesn't even get worried about it. Such keen survival skills! How did she last on that island again?
Chapter 12!
The next morning, the meeting news is all over the paper. And apparently in rival school Who Gives a Shit, someone rammed their car into another person's car. And someone at SMS threw paint on someone's car. Part of me is like, 'Jesus that's crazy'. But another part of me has seen people react to their sports teams either winning or losing. And yet another part of me is like 'No one would give this much of a shit about a middle school.' Richard is still all kinky from last night and keeps teasing Sharon about 'Ooo! You're such a bad girl! Causing riots! You're gonna get punished!' I won't kink shame you, Richard, you do you.
The girls head for school where it's Retro Day and Dawn says she's going as herself from a month ago. Alan is dressed in a toga which is delightful. This is how Alan should be acting. In homeroom, Mr Taylor announces that the baseball team won another game last night, continuing their winning streak. He also says that the faculty council has reached a decision and SSM has been canceled. He tells the students not to start any fights over this. Dawn says that she should feel happy because she 'won' but instead she just feels numb. This book is just heavy with falsehoods. Like Dawn wouldn't be screeching about herself and how great she is.
Chapter 13!
Something something Barrett/DeWitt. I really don't care. The only thing I'll point out is Ann put in some of her beloved parallels and something something someone is ruining someone's fun. I know this because I skimmed and K. Ron was writing about it in the notebook. I know Mary Anne is always touted as being the passive-aggressive one, but I think every member has put some shit talk in the notebook. And yet, I think it annoys me the most when K. Ron does it. Because you know her attitude is 'My subordinates have displeased me. Can't physically cut a bitch. Must let them know my hate another way.' If I was a BSC member I'd-well, I'd shoot myself-but if I was a BSC member I'd bust K. Ron on not using the notebook properly. But that would expect K. Ron to apply her own rules to herself and we know she avoids that like she avoids laundering her clothes.
Chapter 14!
While who gives a fuck is going on with the Barrett/DeWitts, Dawn is sitting in her room thinking about her 'victory'. She thinks about how she was worried the pro kids would have done something or the anti kids would be obnoxious but neither happened. Excuse me a moment while I yell 'What the fuck?!' WHAT THE FUCK?! Dawn thought people would be obnoxious over winning?! Dawn who constantly acts like she won a fucking solid gold diamond mountain when she perceives she won something?! The same Dawn who laughed with her equally shitty brother that she'd upset Richard?! The same Dawn that giggled and rubbed her hands together when she freaked out Mary Anne?! This Dawn?! She thinks people would be obnoxious over winning?! Can I tell you the most surprising thing I've ever stated? I FUCKING HATE DAWN!!
While Dawn's busy being a hypocrite, Logan comes over to see Mary Anne. Dawn says she wants something to eat but you know her nosy ass just wanted to eavesdrop. Mary Anne is telling Logan she does care about the baseball team and he pouts that it doesn't seem that way. He continues to whine about how everyone forgot that SSM was supposed to be about supporting the team. Mary Anne tells him she does support the team but she doesn't see how making her come to school in her pyjamas does that. Fucking thank you! I honestly doubt that any of the SSM supporters gave a shit about the baseball team. It was probably all about breaking routine and getting to be silly in a public space. Do you really think K. Ron cared anything about a team she doesn't coach? Of course not! She just wanted to show off! Do you think Alan is going to the games and cheering on the teams? Hell no! He just wanted to show off too! Logan is fucking delusional if he thinks anyone cared about the team that much.
Later, when Dawn goes back to her room, Mary Anne comes in to talk. Dawn says that when they started out they just wanted SSM to be voluntary, not to cancel it all together. Really?! Excuse me while I gather receipts! 'We, the undersigned, petition for the immediate elimination of School Spirit Month.' Hmm! Dawn being a lying little scrotum smell smell?! When does that happen?! And hello, McFly! It was fucking voluntary! On Colour Day did you get punished for not wearing yellow? No, you fucking didn't! Learn to fucking proof read, Ann! God! How do you forget something you wrote 50 pages ago?! Oh, my Goddddd!! This is so fucking bad! Are Scholastic editors just paid in meth and concussions?!
Monday at school, Dawn and Mary Anne take a proposal to Mr Taylor about SSM. And it is fruity. And it is stupid. And it's so pointless. They go on the PA system and say SSM should be voluntary. *sobs* It already was! I always knew Ann and Dawn would drive me to my breaking point and here we are! This is so fucking STUPID! How?! HOW?! I thought the new Twilight book would be my month's 'Stupid Literary Moment' but Jesus Christ! How are these stupid fucking authors so rich when they can't write?! As your resident poor person it just makes me flame in anger! Someone who writes this poorly doesn't deserve to have so much money! She should be known across the world as the shitty writer she is! There should be memes about it! If I ever meet Ann I'll look her dead in the eye and tell her I hate her! I'll report her to the ASPCA for abusing her cats by letting them live in a miasma of stupidity! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Chapter 15!
Okay. I helped myself to a handful of horse tranquilizers and am feeling better. And this chapter starts with the big game against school Who Gives a Shit and reading about sports puts me to sleep. Dawn says everyone in school is being friendly with each other because SSM was reinstated as a voluntary thing. Like it was in the first fucking place!! She says pyjama day came and went and she was able to 'enjoy the silliness'. I just don't know, gals. I just don't know how the Hell I can hate someone so much. The thing that gets me is that Dawn seems to be doing the usual BSC thing in not allowing people to enjoy things they personally don't. There was nothing keeping her from not wearing her pyjamas in the first place and thinking it was funny that others did. Nothing. But no, she had to break out her cross to bear and solve something that wasn't even a problem in the first place, then act like she's too saintly for words. Because there is no one, NO ONE, with a more tremendous, self-righteous martyr complex than Dawn Read Schafer.
And that's pretty much it. SMS wins the big game and Dawn says she's full of school spirit and if it wasn't the month of Halloween, I'd be hiring a deep web assassin to kill a fictional character. With every bad book I do, I think to myself 'Well, that was the worst thing I've ever read!' but they keep getting worse and worse. So, right now this one has the top spot but Ann always manages to surprise me like a Jack in the box with a warhead. We'll see if she can ever top herself. It'll be hard since this one ended with a problem being solved that never existed in the first place. So, next up will be Beware, Dawn and then we'll see what's what. Cheers to all for making it through this one with me! Thanks for reading!