Abby and the Best Kid Ever (1-5)
This is the direct sequel to the book I snarked last, "Kristy and the Worst Kid Ever." I shouldn't be as ragey with this one as with that one, because while Kristy is the most detestable BSC member in my eyes, I happen to really like Abby. However, she's not exactly cool in this book.
Let me start out by talking about the cover. I had no clue Abby had a bitchface, but apparently she does because it's right here. Lou is in a dress now, and this is probably what bothers me the most about this cover. So she was the "worst kid ever" in jeans and overalls, and has to put on a dress to be the "best kid ever?" Not to mention growing her hair out longer. These books have a very confusing depiction of tomboyishness. On Kristy it's empowering and awesome, but on one of the kids, it means they're bad and rebellious??? Thankfully, Lou seems to keep up her tomboyish mode of dress in the book by wearing polos and courdoroys. The dress is never mentioned...which sort of irks me more because I feel like the artist felt the need to draw her in a dress so she could be a "believable" good kid.
Chapter 1
Abby opens up like any other BSC member: by going on about what month it is, her family, and the BSC. But she admits she doesn't really like Kristy, and that makes me smile. She says "Kristy is an obnoxious, pushy bitch" in the nicest possible way. Oh, and she says this after Kristy just bursts into her house because Abby opens the door. How fucking rude is it to just dart into somebody else's house, even if you were let in?
It turns out that the Addisons are moving away. Do these sitters always have to say something judgy about every kid they meet? I don't know the Addisons, but apparently Sean was having some problems at home that caused him to act up. Instead of empathizing, Abby decides to snark about how he was such a bad kid. Kristy even says he was on the cusp of becoming the new Worst Kid Ever. Maybe if you girls can't handle the fact that kids are complex little humans who have real problems and emotions, you SHOULDN'T SIT FOR THEM. Anyway, there's some foreshadowing when Abby talks about school Black History Month projects that get submitted to a local exhibition, and then Kristy realizes it's BSC meeting time and freaking GRABS HER BY THE ARM, pulling her at full speed out of her OWN house. She doesn't even let the poor girl grab a coat and gloves. If I were Abby, Kristy would've had a brand new red mark across her stupid face. You do not just grab people and yank them out of their own houses!
Chapter 2
This is the BSC hawking chapter, of course. We do get a Claudia outfit: a red tunic with an orange and red braided belt, rose-colored leggings, black ballet flats with rosettes, a red silk head scarf, and silver snowflake earrings. It's not Claudia's best outfit, but a Claud outfit is a Claud outfit. And of course all of the gushing over physical appearances stops at Mallory because she's an ugly little troll and back under the bridge with her! Anyway, after all the bullshit is pushed through and the Addisons' move is announced, the Papadakises call to announce that Lou McNally and her family are moving into town...and everyone's anuses immediately clench about that because remember, Lou is the Worst Kid Ever, committing the grand crimes of "dealing with emotional trauma the only way she knew how" and "daring to call out the BSC." And while they all shit themselves over the return of this obvious demon child, I wonder why the hell Lou's family still has contact with the Papdakises after all of the shit THEY pulled with Lou. What with exacerbating her trauma by leaving her alone EVERY DAMN DAY.
I guess Abby knows about Lou because she's been passed around like a spoopy scary campfire tale ever since she left Stoneybrook--"And they say that she even refused to play with KAREN!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" "And poor Dawn Schafer still has nightmares about the day she told her that nobody likes her carob!" Some of this is pure and unadulterated bullshit and clearly this ghost has not even read the original book: "Her stunts and behavior often incited an all-out war with the kids around her." Excuse me, I mucked through that entire book for the sake of having something amusing to post online, and WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? Sure, she argued with her foster siblings a lot, but what kids DON'T fight? When did she ever cause a battle royale between any child who dared to get within a 3 foot radius of her?!
Anyway, the McNallys are moving in and need someone to watch after Lou while they set up the house. Abby takes the job, and everyone still fully believes that this child is going to be a bat out of hell, even after ALLEGEDLY learning that she wasn't the "worst kid ever."
I really wish Lou had just stayed the fuck away from Stoneybrook forever. :\
Chapter 3
We cut away to the scenario that sets up the b-plot. Abby is doing badly in history class, so her teacher the Dolly Parton Lookalike has a talk with her. Abby decides to get her grade up by doing a Black History Month project, and she decides that she wants to use the neighborhood kids as free labor for this project. Dolly tells her in the nicest possible way that she needs to do her own fucking project and leave the kids out of it, but Abby is too adamant and too much of a BSC member to back down. Finally, the teacher agrees to let her do it so long as it's a well put together project. Abby realizes she's been way too cocky about it because she doesn't even know how to set up this project or what it will be about. It's okay, your little slaves will figure it out for you. -_-
Chapter 4
Abby meets Lou McNally's aunt and uncle, and then Lou comes in and says "You're not Kristy." And thank the fucking stars for that! Lou approaches Abby and formally introduces herself as Louisa McNally (ARE YOU READY TO PEE ALL OVER YOURSELF NOW, MARY ANNE?!) and apologizes for being rude. Jay comes in, and it turns out that this 11-year-old boy--same age as Mallory and Jessi, might I add--is expected to be part of the babysitting deal as well. Abby, a 13-year-old, has been set up to babysit a boy the same fucking age as two of the members of her club. And nobody's taking Jay's call-out of their bullshit for an answer. Anyway, Lou is very prim and proper and slightly neurotic about it, making the dog stay outside so she wouldn't make a mess, getting scared when the dog runs in and acts like a typical puppy, apologizing for her own "rudeness" as well as Jay's. Yeah, this child has been completely messed up by not only losing every family member she's ever had up until now, but being branded as the Worst Kid Ever. You really think she didn't pick up on that despite not being outright told? Abby asks Lou if she wants to go for a walk with Happy the dog. Lou agrees and promises to stay out of trouble. They make small talk and talk about the neighbors until they pass by a house with another dog, and Happy goes sillybuggers and Lou gets scared that Happy's gonna get into trouble, even though the two dogs are just greeting eachother. Lou refuses to play with Jay and Happy because she's worried about getting dirty and oh god, poor kid. :( She stands there like a stone and watches instead.
Abby says that Lou is "amazingly unlike the bad kid I had been expecting" AND MAYBE THAT'S 'CAUSE SHE WAS NEVER A BAD KID IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE. Back at the house, Lou tries to pour some water for Happy's bowl, but drops the glass and it shatters, and the poor girl has a complete caniption about it. Abby isn't helping with her hyperbole about how the floor "now looks like a small lake." Girrrrl, it was ONE little glass. While the glass is cleaned up, Lou keeps repeatedly apologizing. This really has to be picked up on. There's gotta be SOMEONE who isn't too clueless to realize what is going on and that this girl needs help. Right? Right? Crickets...
Chapter 5
Babysitting chapter with the departing Addisons. These are so boring. Claudia does some art projects with the boys to help them cope with moving. Sean seems so much younger than only three years Claudia's junior. But then I remember everyone under 11 is an infant. And apparently 11 is an infant now too, if sitting for Jay is anything to go by.
It's not going to get any better for Lou, guys. Just warning you now. :(
Let me start out by talking about the cover. I had no clue Abby had a bitchface, but apparently she does because it's right here. Lou is in a dress now, and this is probably what bothers me the most about this cover. So she was the "worst kid ever" in jeans and overalls, and has to put on a dress to be the "best kid ever?" Not to mention growing her hair out longer. These books have a very confusing depiction of tomboyishness. On Kristy it's empowering and awesome, but on one of the kids, it means they're bad and rebellious??? Thankfully, Lou seems to keep up her tomboyish mode of dress in the book by wearing polos and courdoroys. The dress is never mentioned...which sort of irks me more because I feel like the artist felt the need to draw her in a dress so she could be a "believable" good kid.
Chapter 1
Abby opens up like any other BSC member: by going on about what month it is, her family, and the BSC. But she admits she doesn't really like Kristy, and that makes me smile. She says "Kristy is an obnoxious, pushy bitch" in the nicest possible way. Oh, and she says this after Kristy just bursts into her house because Abby opens the door. How fucking rude is it to just dart into somebody else's house, even if you were let in?
It turns out that the Addisons are moving away. Do these sitters always have to say something judgy about every kid they meet? I don't know the Addisons, but apparently Sean was having some problems at home that caused him to act up. Instead of empathizing, Abby decides to snark about how he was such a bad kid. Kristy even says he was on the cusp of becoming the new Worst Kid Ever. Maybe if you girls can't handle the fact that kids are complex little humans who have real problems and emotions, you SHOULDN'T SIT FOR THEM. Anyway, there's some foreshadowing when Abby talks about school Black History Month projects that get submitted to a local exhibition, and then Kristy realizes it's BSC meeting time and freaking GRABS HER BY THE ARM, pulling her at full speed out of her OWN house. She doesn't even let the poor girl grab a coat and gloves. If I were Abby, Kristy would've had a brand new red mark across her stupid face. You do not just grab people and yank them out of their own houses!
Chapter 2
This is the BSC hawking chapter, of course. We do get a Claudia outfit: a red tunic with an orange and red braided belt, rose-colored leggings, black ballet flats with rosettes, a red silk head scarf, and silver snowflake earrings. It's not Claudia's best outfit, but a Claud outfit is a Claud outfit. And of course all of the gushing over physical appearances stops at Mallory because she's an ugly little troll and back under the bridge with her! Anyway, after all the bullshit is pushed through and the Addisons' move is announced, the Papadakises call to announce that Lou McNally and her family are moving into town...and everyone's anuses immediately clench about that because remember, Lou is the Worst Kid Ever, committing the grand crimes of "dealing with emotional trauma the only way she knew how" and "daring to call out the BSC." And while they all shit themselves over the return of this obvious demon child, I wonder why the hell Lou's family still has contact with the Papdakises after all of the shit THEY pulled with Lou. What with exacerbating her trauma by leaving her alone EVERY DAMN DAY.
I guess Abby knows about Lou because she's been passed around like a spoopy scary campfire tale ever since she left Stoneybrook--"And they say that she even refused to play with KAREN!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" "And poor Dawn Schafer still has nightmares about the day she told her that nobody likes her carob!" Some of this is pure and unadulterated bullshit and clearly this ghost has not even read the original book: "Her stunts and behavior often incited an all-out war with the kids around her." Excuse me, I mucked through that entire book for the sake of having something amusing to post online, and WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? Sure, she argued with her foster siblings a lot, but what kids DON'T fight? When did she ever cause a battle royale between any child who dared to get within a 3 foot radius of her?!
Anyway, the McNallys are moving in and need someone to watch after Lou while they set up the house. Abby takes the job, and everyone still fully believes that this child is going to be a bat out of hell, even after ALLEGEDLY learning that she wasn't the "worst kid ever."
I really wish Lou had just stayed the fuck away from Stoneybrook forever. :\
Chapter 3
We cut away to the scenario that sets up the b-plot. Abby is doing badly in history class, so her teacher the Dolly Parton Lookalike has a talk with her. Abby decides to get her grade up by doing a Black History Month project, and she decides that she wants to use the neighborhood kids as free labor for this project. Dolly tells her in the nicest possible way that she needs to do her own fucking project and leave the kids out of it, but Abby is too adamant and too much of a BSC member to back down. Finally, the teacher agrees to let her do it so long as it's a well put together project. Abby realizes she's been way too cocky about it because she doesn't even know how to set up this project or what it will be about. It's okay, your little slaves will figure it out for you. -_-
Chapter 4
Abby meets Lou McNally's aunt and uncle, and then Lou comes in and says "You're not Kristy." And thank the fucking stars for that! Lou approaches Abby and formally introduces herself as Louisa McNally (ARE YOU READY TO PEE ALL OVER YOURSELF NOW, MARY ANNE?!) and apologizes for being rude. Jay comes in, and it turns out that this 11-year-old boy--same age as Mallory and Jessi, might I add--is expected to be part of the babysitting deal as well. Abby, a 13-year-old, has been set up to babysit a boy the same fucking age as two of the members of her club. And nobody's taking Jay's call-out of their bullshit for an answer. Anyway, Lou is very prim and proper and slightly neurotic about it, making the dog stay outside so she wouldn't make a mess, getting scared when the dog runs in and acts like a typical puppy, apologizing for her own "rudeness" as well as Jay's. Yeah, this child has been completely messed up by not only losing every family member she's ever had up until now, but being branded as the Worst Kid Ever. You really think she didn't pick up on that despite not being outright told? Abby asks Lou if she wants to go for a walk with Happy the dog. Lou agrees and promises to stay out of trouble. They make small talk and talk about the neighbors until they pass by a house with another dog, and Happy goes sillybuggers and Lou gets scared that Happy's gonna get into trouble, even though the two dogs are just greeting eachother. Lou refuses to play with Jay and Happy because she's worried about getting dirty and oh god, poor kid. :( She stands there like a stone and watches instead.
Abby says that Lou is "amazingly unlike the bad kid I had been expecting" AND MAYBE THAT'S 'CAUSE SHE WAS NEVER A BAD KID IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE. Back at the house, Lou tries to pour some water for Happy's bowl, but drops the glass and it shatters, and the poor girl has a complete caniption about it. Abby isn't helping with her hyperbole about how the floor "now looks like a small lake." Girrrrl, it was ONE little glass. While the glass is cleaned up, Lou keeps repeatedly apologizing. This really has to be picked up on. There's gotta be SOMEONE who isn't too clueless to realize what is going on and that this girl needs help. Right? Right? Crickets...
Chapter 5
Babysitting chapter with the departing Addisons. These are so boring. Claudia does some art projects with the boys to help them cope with moving. Sean seems so much younger than only three years Claudia's junior. But then I remember everyone under 11 is an infant. And apparently 11 is an infant now too, if sitting for Jay is anything to go by.
It's not going to get any better for Lou, guys. Just warning you now. :(