Karen's Sleepover (1-6)
Hi, everybody! This is Star Ultranova/formerly xenaeilonwy reporting live from her new account! I did delete my old journal, as I said I would, but I'm back and ready to hurl more vitriol at everyone's favorite snark magnet, Karen!
Also I discovered I like Karen snarking more than BSC snarking. I need to order more Karen books. I'm actually really glad to see this comm survived the Livejournal death throes.
Chapter 1
Karen and the Musketeers are playing Going Camping, and for some reason they can't just have a nice camping trip without pretending someone's gonna get eaten by a bear. Being eaten by a bear is a camping rite of passage, after all! They decide it's a smart thing to do to sleep on nasty bug-laden leaves and lament their lack of sleeping bags. The talk of sleeping bags progresses into a talk of sleepovers, and they learn that neither of them have ever had one. I'm in my 20s and have never had one (minus an unplanned one due to my friend being locked out of her house all night) because I fucking hate the idea of strange people sleeping in my house when they should be sleeping at their own houses. The Musketeers agree that sleepovers are boss, and Karen asks Watson if she can have one, knowing that Watson will never, ever say no to anything. Not even if she asked if she could drive the car to New York City. I'm one-hundred percent sure he would not say no to that.
Chapter 3
For those of you unfamiliar with my snark style, I skip chapter 2 of the Karen books because it is usually the stupid "I'm a two-two because my parents are divorced" chapter. Karen runs into class blaring like a siren about her sleepover and Miss Colman, as always, is like "Lower your fucking voice." Hannie and Nancy are like NO WAI about the sleepover. Karen can invite ten girls to her sleepover because her dad has a hella big mansion, and Ricky is all "trololol I'm crashing ur sleepover." Karen's just like "Hmm go right ahead" because she wants him bad and then he's like "Nevermind I'm just gonna spy on your nightgowns" and Nancy starts screaming. Excuse me but what is so immodest about nightgowns? Especially on 7-year-olds. By the end of the day Karen is so fucking loud that everyone in the class knows about her stupid sleepover...probably because it's all she talked about all damn day...before she even has invitations made.
Chapter 4
Karen consults Kristy the All-Knowing Sage of Wisdom (can't write THAT with a straight face!) to tell her the ways of the sleepover. She tells her they're gonna need a shit ton of food to gorge themselves on, and then Karen gets butthurt because you don't decorate for a sleepover. She gets so butthurt that Kristy gives in and tells her to use crepe paper and balloons because why the fuck not. Karen decides that they're gonna watch a movie, eat pizza, make cookies, and try on makeup. Some people in previous snarks though that last activity to be a bit age inappropriate, but I started playing with makeup when I was around Karen's age and so I don't see any problem with it. At that age, makeup is just crayons you can use to draw on your face, so just let the kids have fun drawing on their faces. She slips the invitations in the mailbox instead of just passing them out in class for some reason. She doesn't hand out invitations in class to a party for EVERY girl in the class, yet she's okay with handing out invitations to a half-birthday party for only HALF the class? Of course she is, it's Karen. Karen goes to all of her brothers and is just like "Stay the hell away from my party" and Sam is just like "You're a dope, you know that?" I love Sam xD With Charlie it's "Stay the hell away from my party, but stay just long enough to entertain my subjects with a ghost story" and Charlie allows himself to be used like this because he's used to it from Kristy anyway. He probably understands even at this early age that Karen is just Kristy 2.0 and it never fucking ends.
Chapter 5
So, because stupid Karen decided to use the mail instead of just giving the invites out in person, Nancy did not get an invitation. Karen's like "Who the fuck cares? You know you're invited anyway" and Nancy's like "Bitch, everyone else has a written invitation and I want one too." To be honest, this is a little unreasonable of her. So Nancy's invitation never comes because it was lost in the mail, and Nancy whines that it must mean Karen doesn't really want her at the party. Uh, Nancy, she just told you in PERSON that she did. You're being a brat. Karen's just like "But I DO want you at the party" and Nancy's like "You don't really meeeean thaaaat ;_;" Yeah, Nancy has problems in this one. So Karen sits and doodles in her textbook and Nancy's like "HA! NOW I GOT YOU, YOU BITCH!" and tells Miss Colman about this act of textbook vandalism. Karen is punished by having her recess taken away, because this is an early book before Miss Colman drinks the kool-aid. I can understand Karen's upset here because I feared punishment from my teachers at school because I didn't want them to hate me. But she really shouldn't have been doodling in a textbook in the first place.
Chapter 6
Karen decides that Nancy's a stupid ho for calling her out on her vandalism. She decides it's Nancy's problem for tattling and not her problem for doodling because, well, if Nancy did it SHE wouldn't tell! So the two are hella mad at eachother, but lo and behold, when Karen gets home she gets a call from Nancy bouncing around about finally getting her invite. Nancy displays remorse, something Karen rarely does, and apologizes for getting her in trouble. Karen's just like "Too late now, bitch, now you stay the hell away from my party." Karen's conscience kicks in and is just like "You BRAT, call her up and apologize! What is WRONG with you? She's trying to make peace and you just blow her off?" But Karen tells her conscience to stfu and stfd because getting Karen punished is a capital offense punishable immediately by excommunication.
And that's all for now. See ya'll later.
Also I discovered I like Karen snarking more than BSC snarking. I need to order more Karen books. I'm actually really glad to see this comm survived the Livejournal death throes.
Chapter 1
Karen and the Musketeers are playing Going Camping, and for some reason they can't just have a nice camping trip without pretending someone's gonna get eaten by a bear. Being eaten by a bear is a camping rite of passage, after all! They decide it's a smart thing to do to sleep on nasty bug-laden leaves and lament their lack of sleeping bags. The talk of sleeping bags progresses into a talk of sleepovers, and they learn that neither of them have ever had one. I'm in my 20s and have never had one (minus an unplanned one due to my friend being locked out of her house all night) because I fucking hate the idea of strange people sleeping in my house when they should be sleeping at their own houses. The Musketeers agree that sleepovers are boss, and Karen asks Watson if she can have one, knowing that Watson will never, ever say no to anything. Not even if she asked if she could drive the car to New York City. I'm one-hundred percent sure he would not say no to that.
Chapter 3
For those of you unfamiliar with my snark style, I skip chapter 2 of the Karen books because it is usually the stupid "I'm a two-two because my parents are divorced" chapter. Karen runs into class blaring like a siren about her sleepover and Miss Colman, as always, is like "Lower your fucking voice." Hannie and Nancy are like NO WAI about the sleepover. Karen can invite ten girls to her sleepover because her dad has a hella big mansion, and Ricky is all "trololol I'm crashing ur sleepover." Karen's just like "Hmm go right ahead" because she wants him bad and then he's like "Nevermind I'm just gonna spy on your nightgowns" and Nancy starts screaming. Excuse me but what is so immodest about nightgowns? Especially on 7-year-olds. By the end of the day Karen is so fucking loud that everyone in the class knows about her stupid sleepover...probably because it's all she talked about all damn day...before she even has invitations made.
Chapter 4
Karen consults Kristy the All-Knowing Sage of Wisdom (can't write THAT with a straight face!) to tell her the ways of the sleepover. She tells her they're gonna need a shit ton of food to gorge themselves on, and then Karen gets butthurt because you don't decorate for a sleepover. She gets so butthurt that Kristy gives in and tells her to use crepe paper and balloons because why the fuck not. Karen decides that they're gonna watch a movie, eat pizza, make cookies, and try on makeup. Some people in previous snarks though that last activity to be a bit age inappropriate, but I started playing with makeup when I was around Karen's age and so I don't see any problem with it. At that age, makeup is just crayons you can use to draw on your face, so just let the kids have fun drawing on their faces. She slips the invitations in the mailbox instead of just passing them out in class for some reason. She doesn't hand out invitations in class to a party for EVERY girl in the class, yet she's okay with handing out invitations to a half-birthday party for only HALF the class? Of course she is, it's Karen. Karen goes to all of her brothers and is just like "Stay the hell away from my party" and Sam is just like "You're a dope, you know that?" I love Sam xD With Charlie it's "Stay the hell away from my party, but stay just long enough to entertain my subjects with a ghost story" and Charlie allows himself to be used like this because he's used to it from Kristy anyway. He probably understands even at this early age that Karen is just Kristy 2.0 and it never fucking ends.
Chapter 5
So, because stupid Karen decided to use the mail instead of just giving the invites out in person, Nancy did not get an invitation. Karen's like "Who the fuck cares? You know you're invited anyway" and Nancy's like "Bitch, everyone else has a written invitation and I want one too." To be honest, this is a little unreasonable of her. So Nancy's invitation never comes because it was lost in the mail, and Nancy whines that it must mean Karen doesn't really want her at the party. Uh, Nancy, she just told you in PERSON that she did. You're being a brat. Karen's just like "But I DO want you at the party" and Nancy's like "You don't really meeeean thaaaat ;_;" Yeah, Nancy has problems in this one. So Karen sits and doodles in her textbook and Nancy's like "HA! NOW I GOT YOU, YOU BITCH!" and tells Miss Colman about this act of textbook vandalism. Karen is punished by having her recess taken away, because this is an early book before Miss Colman drinks the kool-aid. I can understand Karen's upset here because I feared punishment from my teachers at school because I didn't want them to hate me. But she really shouldn't have been doodling in a textbook in the first place.
Chapter 6
Karen decides that Nancy's a stupid ho for calling her out on her vandalism. She decides it's Nancy's problem for tattling and not her problem for doodling because, well, if Nancy did it SHE wouldn't tell! So the two are hella mad at eachother, but lo and behold, when Karen gets home she gets a call from Nancy bouncing around about finally getting her invite. Nancy displays remorse, something Karen rarely does, and apologizes for getting her in trouble. Karen's just like "Too late now, bitch, now you stay the hell away from my party." Karen's conscience kicks in and is just like "You BRAT, call her up and apologize! What is WRONG with you? She's trying to make peace and you just blow her off?" But Karen tells her conscience to stfu and stfd because getting Karen punished is a capital offense punishable immediately by excommunication.
And that's all for now. See ya'll later.