Mary Anne and the Bad Luck Mystery! Part 2!
So, I was trying to get sleepy and thought, 'Hey. Why not do a chapter of your snark?' So, I tried and then a chapter became another one and now it's 3:30am and I'm still awake. Just when I fixed my sleep schedule too. Plus Lowtax started doing Let's Plays again so I had to watch that. All this means I'll probably oversleep tomorrow which kinda sucks but by golly do I love snarking. Well, let's go!
Part 1!
-Spooky Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6!
The next day at school and there's more bad luck! Oh, sob! There was a fire, and a Bunsen burner exploded, and someone twisted their ankle! Clearly a necklace caused this! I mean, like, what else can it be?! Coincidence? Sha! At lunch, MA thinks...this...'The little seed was resting at the bottom of its glass globe. I decided that it looked like something that was carefully, calmly planning horrible deeds' Oh, Mary Anne. You're a bit tetched, aren't you? She also says there's been other signs of bad luck and one of the examples is a black cat crossed her path. Lies! Black kitties aren't bad luck! Yes, they can be little buttheads when they decide to take a leisurely stroll in front of you when you're trying to get somewhere but that's not bad luck! That's just plain catitude.
MA says that they're cursed and have to do something about it. She also notices that Cokie and Grace seem super interested in their conversation and nothing? No clues on why these girls that hate you are watching you like hawks? Nope? You just think it's because you're super interesting? Okay, then. They say they should go to the library and look up curses and Claudia fucking whines. God, shut up, Claudia. Sorry, but I dislike people who can't even be assed to pick up a book. I mean, I get that she reads Nancy Drew but Christ. There's more to life you know? I hate willful ignorance. Has Claudia really never looked up art books? Is she so dead set on being an idiot that just going to the library to look something up offends her? Even when I was little I was like 'Shut the Hell up!'
Kristy, being the iron fisted dictator she is, says Claudia has to come, the club sticks together. On one hand Kristy, shut up. You're not her mom. On the other hand, did Claudia really not want to help her friend (in a stupid way, I'll admit) just because she hates the library so much? What an ass. If my friend was having a problem that I thought could be solved with some light reading, you know what? I'd fucking do it. Because that's what friends do. Even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone. Jesus.
They get to library and Mal and Jessi get to act like they're too smart for words because they know how to use the card catalogue. Ooh la-la! Now, I'm old enough to remember actual card catalogues and they weren't that hard, you guys. Kristy asks if they should look in the children's section or the adults and I just...Kristy, what kind of witchcraft books are you expecting to find in the kid's section? Baby's First Exorcism? Pat the Sacrificial Goat? One Witch, Two Witch, Red Witch, Blue Witch? What a moron. They end up each checking out a book to read.
Chapter 7!
A super boring baby-sitting chapter with Jessi at the Newtons. Jamie is scared of Halloween which only an all-mighty BSC member can cure him of. Instead of recapping it, I offer you this super exclusive pic of the upcoming Jurassic World.
Chapter 8!
Ugh. Another baby-sitting chapter I refuse to recap. It's just at the Pikes and Claudia and Mal act like giant diaper babies over nothing. MA says it's the worst baby-sitting experience any of them have had. Really. Because I think Jenny going to the hospital, Claudia breaking her leg, and Buddy being kidnapped might be a bit higher on the scale. Anything that involves emergency services kinda overthrows a kid losing a tooth. Since that was stupid and boring I offer the scariest image known to man. Proceed with caution!
Chapter 9!
Oh, ho-fucking-rray. An emergency club meeting. Kristy says they're gathered to try and do something about 'Mary Anne's problem'. And they're just so stupid I keep having to look over at my new Gravity Falls poster to get my brain working again but Jesus, guys, listen to to what MA thinks the necklace will cause-'Death, destruction, and the end of civilization as we know it'. And Claudia, that beacon of intelligence, thinks-'it could mean the end of junk food'. I just...hold on. I need a mo.
Okay, I'm back. Claudia offers candy which makes Dawn snot that they'll have dentures when they're old but she'll still have her real teeth. Choke on a dildo, Schafer. Also, guess what, dumbass? Obsessively brushing your teeth actually weakens them. It would warm my cold, black heart for Dawn's teeth to shatter like china because she brushes every time she even looks at sugar. Growing up I never brushed my teeth regularly (I'm a gross tomboy, remember?) and I used to chew through wood. And now I have the strongest teeth in my family. I also brush now just not obsessively.
They find various spells that they can't do because they need stuff like books of sorcery and sea snake scrapings. They start down the right path of wondering who sent the charm and Kristy derails that smart line of thinking by saying the stupidest thing imaginable. That it may have been sent by-'an evil powermaster, or maybe just an evil force'.
And Jessi actually gets scared.
Oh, dear sweet honeyed Jesus on a biscuit. Do they not realise how stupid they sound? They sound like fucking Karen. 'My new principal told me not to yell. I think he's an evil powermaster.' Do they really think Saruman is sitting up in his tower sending out bad luck charms to teen girls rather than that someone is just fucking with them? If you believe in 'evil powermasters' you should not be in charge of children because there's a good chance they're smarter than you.
They get derailed in their search for a spell and start talking about the Halloween Hop. They say who's going with whom and Claudia brings up that Grace must hate MA and the BSC because she wants Logan. And do you think that makes any synapses pop? Oh ho! Sorry to say but your brains and logic aren't welcome in Ann's world! MA doesn't think anything of this other than it's more signs of bad luck.
Chapter 10!
Hee hee hee! Omg. It's time for the Halloween Hop and I'm crying with laughter at this bit. Just the thought of those two lunkheads dressed as Broadway Cats. In all my years of celebrating Halloween I have never, NEVER, seen a boy dress as a cat. That has always been a strictly girl's costume. I'm not saying it's wrong for a boy to dress as a cat, even a-'rough, tough tomcat'-but I find it highly unlikely. I also remember when I was about six, I decided to change things up and go as a Siamese cat and some dumb boy said I was the girl on the Pussycat Theatre sign and I shoved him. Yes, a porno theatre was so prevalent in my town, two grade schoolers knew about it.
MA scares the Hell outta Tigger and Richard with her fur headress. When Mrs. Bruno comes to pick them up, we get this delightful cherry-'You two look wunduhful. It’s just that Ah’ve nevah driven anywhere with cat-people in the backseat.' Oh, Ann. My spell check hates you.
At the dance, MA says that Dawn-'had smeared green makeup on her face and stuck a plastic wart on her nose. She looked like a young, blonde witch. I told you Dawn is an individual.' Oh, really. Putting on a stupid half-assed 'costume' makes you an individual. Dawn's the kind of loser who wears a 'This is my costume' shirt. I may dress as a witch every year because I can just use my regular clothes but I still put in more effort than that.
MA talks to Claud who points out Cokie and Grace and says that they think they're better than everyone else. MA says she thought they said they (the BSC) think they're better than everyone else and Claud says, 'We are'. *sigh* Just because you have a business looking after little snot monkeys and dress like a blind hobo clown doesn't make you better than anyone. Need I remind you that you couldn't even spell 'argue'? Shut up, Kishi. You twit.
When MA is dancing with Logan, Cokie breaks in and mentions MA's bad luck charm by name. Jesus Christ, Mary Anne! Nothing?! Let's ask someone not known for their brains who sent the charm! Jynxie, who sent the charm?
'It was Cokie and Grace' 'Thank you, Jynxie'
After the dance, Mrs. Wunduhful drives MA home where she finds another horrifying letter! Omg! It says how she and the BSC have to go to the local boneyard at midnight on Halloween and 'await their fate'. Cokie...midnight on Halloween isn't scary. That's the start of the Christmas season. MA of course thinks this is super scary! Because it's not like this screams 'prank' or anything. I should know. I have my degree in demonolgy and demononomy.
Part 1!
-Spooky Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6!
The next day at school and there's more bad luck! Oh, sob! There was a fire, and a Bunsen burner exploded, and someone twisted their ankle! Clearly a necklace caused this! I mean, like, what else can it be?! Coincidence? Sha! At lunch, MA thinks...this...'The little seed was resting at the bottom of its glass globe. I decided that it looked like something that was carefully, calmly planning horrible deeds' Oh, Mary Anne. You're a bit tetched, aren't you? She also says there's been other signs of bad luck and one of the examples is a black cat crossed her path. Lies! Black kitties aren't bad luck! Yes, they can be little buttheads when they decide to take a leisurely stroll in front of you when you're trying to get somewhere but that's not bad luck! That's just plain catitude.
MA says that they're cursed and have to do something about it. She also notices that Cokie and Grace seem super interested in their conversation and nothing? No clues on why these girls that hate you are watching you like hawks? Nope? You just think it's because you're super interesting? Okay, then. They say they should go to the library and look up curses and Claudia fucking whines. God, shut up, Claudia. Sorry, but I dislike people who can't even be assed to pick up a book. I mean, I get that she reads Nancy Drew but Christ. There's more to life you know? I hate willful ignorance. Has Claudia really never looked up art books? Is she so dead set on being an idiot that just going to the library to look something up offends her? Even when I was little I was like 'Shut the Hell up!'
Kristy, being the iron fisted dictator she is, says Claudia has to come, the club sticks together. On one hand Kristy, shut up. You're not her mom. On the other hand, did Claudia really not want to help her friend (in a stupid way, I'll admit) just because she hates the library so much? What an ass. If my friend was having a problem that I thought could be solved with some light reading, you know what? I'd fucking do it. Because that's what friends do. Even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone. Jesus.
They get to library and Mal and Jessi get to act like they're too smart for words because they know how to use the card catalogue. Ooh la-la! Now, I'm old enough to remember actual card catalogues and they weren't that hard, you guys. Kristy asks if they should look in the children's section or the adults and I just...Kristy, what kind of witchcraft books are you expecting to find in the kid's section? Baby's First Exorcism? Pat the Sacrificial Goat? One Witch, Two Witch, Red Witch, Blue Witch? What a moron. They end up each checking out a book to read.
Chapter 7!
A super boring baby-sitting chapter with Jessi at the Newtons. Jamie is scared of Halloween which only an all-mighty BSC member can cure him of. Instead of recapping it, I offer you this super exclusive pic of the upcoming Jurassic World.
Chapter 8!
Ugh. Another baby-sitting chapter I refuse to recap. It's just at the Pikes and Claudia and Mal act like giant diaper babies over nothing. MA says it's the worst baby-sitting experience any of them have had. Really. Because I think Jenny going to the hospital, Claudia breaking her leg, and Buddy being kidnapped might be a bit higher on the scale. Anything that involves emergency services kinda overthrows a kid losing a tooth. Since that was stupid and boring I offer the scariest image known to man. Proceed with caution!
Chapter 9!
Oh, ho-fucking-rray. An emergency club meeting. Kristy says they're gathered to try and do something about 'Mary Anne's problem'. And they're just so stupid I keep having to look over at my new Gravity Falls poster to get my brain working again but Jesus, guys, listen to to what MA thinks the necklace will cause-'Death, destruction, and the end of civilization as we know it'. And Claudia, that beacon of intelligence, thinks-'it could mean the end of junk food'. I just...hold on. I need a mo.
Okay, I'm back. Claudia offers candy which makes Dawn snot that they'll have dentures when they're old but she'll still have her real teeth. Choke on a dildo, Schafer. Also, guess what, dumbass? Obsessively brushing your teeth actually weakens them. It would warm my cold, black heart for Dawn's teeth to shatter like china because she brushes every time she even looks at sugar. Growing up I never brushed my teeth regularly (I'm a gross tomboy, remember?) and I used to chew through wood. And now I have the strongest teeth in my family. I also brush now just not obsessively.
They find various spells that they can't do because they need stuff like books of sorcery and sea snake scrapings. They start down the right path of wondering who sent the charm and Kristy derails that smart line of thinking by saying the stupidest thing imaginable. That it may have been sent by-'an evil powermaster, or maybe just an evil force'.
And Jessi actually gets scared.
Oh, dear sweet honeyed Jesus on a biscuit. Do they not realise how stupid they sound? They sound like fucking Karen. 'My new principal told me not to yell. I think he's an evil powermaster.' Do they really think Saruman is sitting up in his tower sending out bad luck charms to teen girls rather than that someone is just fucking with them? If you believe in 'evil powermasters' you should not be in charge of children because there's a good chance they're smarter than you.
They get derailed in their search for a spell and start talking about the Halloween Hop. They say who's going with whom and Claudia brings up that Grace must hate MA and the BSC because she wants Logan. And do you think that makes any synapses pop? Oh ho! Sorry to say but your brains and logic aren't welcome in Ann's world! MA doesn't think anything of this other than it's more signs of bad luck.
Chapter 10!
Hee hee hee! Omg. It's time for the Halloween Hop and I'm crying with laughter at this bit. Just the thought of those two lunkheads dressed as Broadway Cats. In all my years of celebrating Halloween I have never, NEVER, seen a boy dress as a cat. That has always been a strictly girl's costume. I'm not saying it's wrong for a boy to dress as a cat, even a-'rough, tough tomcat'-but I find it highly unlikely. I also remember when I was about six, I decided to change things up and go as a Siamese cat and some dumb boy said I was the girl on the Pussycat Theatre sign and I shoved him. Yes, a porno theatre was so prevalent in my town, two grade schoolers knew about it.
MA scares the Hell outta Tigger and Richard with her fur headress. When Mrs. Bruno comes to pick them up, we get this delightful cherry-'You two look wunduhful. It’s just that Ah’ve nevah driven anywhere with cat-people in the backseat.' Oh, Ann. My spell check hates you.
At the dance, MA says that Dawn-'had smeared green makeup on her face and stuck a plastic wart on her nose. She looked like a young, blonde witch. I told you Dawn is an individual.' Oh, really. Putting on a stupid half-assed 'costume' makes you an individual. Dawn's the kind of loser who wears a 'This is my costume' shirt. I may dress as a witch every year because I can just use my regular clothes but I still put in more effort than that.
MA talks to Claud who points out Cokie and Grace and says that they think they're better than everyone else. MA says she thought they said they (the BSC) think they're better than everyone else and Claud says, 'We are'. *sigh* Just because you have a business looking after little snot monkeys and dress like a blind hobo clown doesn't make you better than anyone. Need I remind you that you couldn't even spell 'argue'? Shut up, Kishi. You twit.
When MA is dancing with Logan, Cokie breaks in and mentions MA's bad luck charm by name. Jesus Christ, Mary Anne! Nothing?! Let's ask someone not known for their brains who sent the charm! Jynxie, who sent the charm?
'It was Cokie and Grace' 'Thank you, Jynxie'
After the dance, Mrs. Wunduhful drives MA home where she finds another horrifying letter! Omg! It says how she and the BSC have to go to the local boneyard at midnight on Halloween and 'await their fate'. Cokie...midnight on Halloween isn't scary. That's the start of the Christmas season. MA of course thinks this is super scary! Because it's not like this screams 'prank' or anything. I should know. I have my degree in demonolgy and demononomy.