Karen's New Holiday
Chapter 1
So when I was skimming LS books to see if I wanted to snark any, I noticed that some of them start out with Karen saying it’s her turn. Right now it’s her turn at hopscotch. How long do you think Karen waits before she says it’s her turn again? I can’t imagine her waiting patiently for her turn. Karen is a very good hopscotch player. I’m sure Karen is good at everything, and if she isn’t, she’ll lie and say that she is. This chapter is pretty boring. The ice cream man comes and Karen and her friends go to get ice cream. Karen considers what to get.
Chapter 2
We all know the story about how Karen’s life got flipped turned upside down.
Chapter 3
Nannie asks Karen if she wants to go to the store with her and Karen shouts. I think that Karen forgetting to use her indoor voice is something that won’t change. It’s book 112 and Karen still hasn’t learned to use her indoor voice. I haven’t grown out of certain habits like slouching. I wonder if there are more effective ways to get Karen to talk quietly. Reminding her to use her indoor voice after she yells doesn’t seem to work. Telling my little brother and my younger cousins to stop sucking their thumbs didn’t work. My brother duct taped his thumb so that he wouldn’t suck it. I think my mom told me a story about how they got my older cousin to stop sucking his thumb-they put pepper on it. I never sucked my thumb because my mom wouldn’t let me. By the time my brother was born, she figured it wasn’t a big deal.
Karen and Nannie go to town and Karen looks in the windows. She sees sweaters and long pants and wonders why anyone would wear these clothes in the summer and where the bathing suits are. If it’s later summer months, I guess stores would start putting out fall clothes. Karen sees back to school supplies and she’s like, “WTF? It’s August, not September!” I always went back to school in August, not September. But I agree with Karen about seeing school supplies and back to school commercials. I’m always like, “We have three more weeks before school! Let me enjoy them in peace without seeing back to school commercials! Why are these kids so happy to go back to school?” when I see back to school commercials and supplies in July.
Karen asks Nannie what’s with the decorations and she says it’s because August doesn’t have any holidays, the stores like to decorate the windows with school supplies. Is that really why or is Nannie lying? Karen thinks there are better things to decorate a window with that school supplies and I agree with her. It’s not like I hated school, but when I’m on summer vacation, I don’t really feel like seeing reminders that I’ll have to go back to school which means I’ll have to wake up early. Karen finds out that there are no holidays in August and thinks this is impossible because August is the best and happiest month. I’m neutral to August. To me, August means summer vacation is winding down and I’ll go back to school. I’m kind of neutral to lots of months, now that I think about it. I like October because I like Halloween, and I like March because my birthday is in March. And I guess I like the summer months because I hate being cold, but I live in Florida, so I can wear a tank top in December so that point is moot. I like summer months because I’m on vacation and I can go to the beach.
I also like certain months because it means my shows will be back on the air or places will start carrying products I like, such as pumpkin muffins. Right now I usually just look to see if any books I like are coming out in a certain month and I’ll look forward to that month.
Chapter 4
Karen goes to check the calendar. There are two holidays- Friendship Day and Susan B. Anthony Day, but those don’t count because you don’t get to dress up or get presents. I’m trying to figure out how many holidays you dress up or get presents on. Maybe I should count dressing up in fine clothes as well, since I think Karen said she enjoyed that. I’m sorry if I forget a holiday. Maybe I’m not a huge holiday celebrator. Actually, I just decided to check my phone because it has holidays marked.
New Years- as far as I’m aware, you don’t get presents for that. Maybe some families might give out a trinket, but I don’t think it’s a tradition. I suppose if people were going to a party they might dress up, but I don’t know if anyone is expected to dress up.
MLK Day- No dressing up and no presents. I think people get the day off.
Groundhog Day- no dressing up and no presents.
President’s Day- no dressing up and no presents.
Valentine’s Day- dressing up isn’t required. People can get chocolates and flowers, but Valentine’s Day isn’t a huge present haul for everyone. I usually just asked my mom to pick up a box of chocolates. My father might have bought my mom flowers on occasion.
St. Patrick’s Day- don’t dress up and I don’t think there are any presents. I think at school we got circular pieces of chocolate that were supposed to be gold from the leprechaun’s pot of gold. I don’t know if that counts.
April Fool’s Day- No dressing up and I would distrust any presents given to me on this day.
Easter- The only reason I can think to dress up in nice clothes on Easter is to go to church and I don’t know if Karen’s family does. I usually got some chocolates and money from my aunt, but it wasn’t like I was receiving a huge haul of presents on Easter.
Earth Day- no dressing up and no presents.
Mother’s Day- No dressing up and Karen isn’t the one getting presents, so I doubt it counts.
Memorial Day- No dressing up and no presents.
Father’s Day- No dressing up and again, no presents for Karen.
4th of July- no dressing up and no presents.
Labor Day- no dressing up and no presents.
Columbus Day- no dressing up and no presents. I suppose a teacher could dress as Columbus as part of a lesson plan, though.
Halloween- dressing up and candy. Plus cool decorations. I like Halloween decorations better than Christmas decorations.
Veteran’s Day- No dressing up and no presents.
Thanksgiving- we usually put on nice clothes when we have lunch at my aunt’s, but I don’t know if every family does this. No presents on Thanksgiving, but my aunt’s a good cook, so I’m cool with Thanksgiving.
Christmas- The only reason I can think to get dressed up on Christmas is going to church. My family usually spends the day at my aunt’s house, so we put on something nice. However, if I’m lazing around at home, I might not even change out of my pajamas.
So what I’ve found out is that as far as I’m aware, you don’t get to dress up on a lot of holidays or get a lot of presents on a lot of holidays. Karen didn’t mention anything about getting the day off from school. I wonder if Karen should be complaining about more holidays, then. People aren’t giving her presents on Veteran’s Day, after all.
Chapter 5
I get happy when Karen mentions playing Nintendo because I played Nintendo when I was a kid. I wasn’t a gamer and I’m still not, but I liked a few video games. Although I mostly just watched my cousin play. We had an Aladdin video game, a Speedy Gonzalez video game, a Lion King video game, and a Super Mario video game. I managed to beat the Aladdin game. I didn’t make it past the second levels in the Lion King Game, and the Speedy game. I was making good progress on the Mario game, but our Nintendo broke. I downloaded the Mario game on an emulator and I saw that the final boss fight was lame when I watched a Youtube video, so I rage quit before I made it to that point. I was so mad. I wasted a bunch of my life on that game. Most of the time I just play Pokemon anyway.
Karen sees a program about kids making a difference and I’m sure that isn’t going to be a plot device. I can kind of see Karen wanting to do something good for the community so that she’ll get lots of attention and praise for it. Karen has a gigundoly great idea. Meanwhile, Hannie and Nancy feel a shiver go down their spines. They’ve sensed a disturbance in the force. I can imagine the same thing happening with Kristy and her friends. I think if I was friends with Kristy or Karen, I’d get burnout out from dealing with all their great ideas.
Chapter 6
Karen invites her minions over so that they can begin plotting world domination. First they will have a Karen themed holiday in August, and then every day of the year will be devoted to celebrating Karen. Karen makes them watch the tape and Hannie asks why Karen is so happy. I’d be thinking, “You invited me over to watch a tape about some do-gooder children?” Karen starts to talk but Hannie tells her they don’t have a park that needs to be cleaned up. That won’t stop her, Hannie. Karen can find a park or make people build a park and then pollute it so that she can look like a hero when she cleans it up. I’m just going to imagine Hannie rubbing her temples and going, “We don’t need to clean up a park, Karen.” I’m imagining her saying this like an exasperated parent. If I was friends with Karen or Kristy, I’d be like, “I don’t have the energy to deal right now. Can’t we just watch TV?” Now I’m imagining one of them saying, “I can’t take part in one of your gigundoly great ideas. I’m sick.”And Karen will be like, “Boo, you whore.”
Karen says there’s something else and when she talks about the decorations in the store, Nancy interrupts. I’m going to imagine Hannie and Nancy are interrupting on purpose and trolling Karen so she’ll forget about her idea and they won’t have to be a part of it. Nancy asks if he needs help cleaning is store and Karen is like, “Please, like I’d do something for someone else.” Karen says that she needs a new holiday in August. Everyone does because Karen Brewer doesn’t like the fact that there are no big holidays in August, so everyone else must feel the same way. I’m quite fine with having no holidays in August. Karen says they can make their own national holiday with their own Kid Power. Yeah, I’m sure three little kids can make a national holiday. Maybe if they did something heroic and someone devoted a holiday but other than that, no. Why do you even have to make a national holiday? Why can’t you just make up a holiday and celebrate it with your friends? I guess Karen wouldn’t receive national recognition, so it doesn’t count.
I’m imagining Karen standing with her arms outspread and this huge grin on her face while Hannie and Nancy have flat what expressions on her face. Hannie and Nancy come around to the idea and I’m going to imagine that they’re just going along with Karen because they don’t want to put up with her tantrums. I’m imagining a conversation going like this.
“Do you think Karen has another one of her hare-brained schemes?”
“Probably. Think she’ll rope us in?”
“Without a doubt. We should say no.”
“But then she’ll throw a tantrum and you know what a pain in the ass those are.”
“Her idea will end up blowing up in our faces.”
“But we’re going to help her out anyway?”
“Yeah. She’ll rope us in either way and maybe we can prevent her from doing something stupid.”
“Unlikely.”
“Okay, something really stupid.”
“We’ve lost control of our lives, haven’t we?”
“Yup.” Then they go and pretend to be enthusiastic about Karen’s idea.
Karen wants to have a holiday for kids. Are there any holidays that target kids specifically? I know that some people might have an issue with adults dressing up on Halloween, and the kids usually got the best haul on Christmas, but I don’t know what holidays were designed with kids in mind.
Chapter7
A bunch of kids are having a meeting in Karen’s backyard. I’m surprised that there are so many kids and not a BSC member in sight. Let’s see, there’s Hannie, Karen, and Nancy, Scott and Timmy, David Michael, Bill, Melody, Andrew, Maria. I can’t believe all these kids care about getting a new holiday in August. Maybe they want to be on TV. I can’t imagine Karen sharing the spotlight, though. I’m imagining a reporter trying to talk to another kid and Karen keeps butting in. Karen asks if anyone has any ideas for the holiday, but we know this show of democracy isn’t going to last. There are a bunch of ideas and Karen is having a hard time writing them down. Some of these ideas include costumes, candy, presents, parades, and fireworks.
Hannie wants to know what they’ll celebrate in August. I’d probably go with an event from a book, like my favorite characters birthday or the day my favorite series was released. I don’t think I’d try to make it a national holiday, though. Nancy suggests that they go to the library and look up stuff that happened in August.
Chapter 8
If I saw Karen at the library, I’d be displeased. I love it when kids get pleasure out of reading, but I hate when people are really loud in the library. Seeing as how Karen as to be reminded to use in indoor voice constantly, I can just imagine her yelling out a bunch of times until a librarian tells her to be quiet or GTFO.
There’s a National Mustard Day and a National Clown Day. The committee is getting a little loud, so Kristy tells them to quiet down. There’s nothing really to celebrate in August, so Karen has an outburst. The librarian tells her to be quiet. The librarian comes over to help them and points out that Orville Wright’s birthday was in August. Scott and Linny want to dress up as pilots and make cool airplanes, but Karen doesn’t, and as we all know, her wishes outrank all. To be honest, I don’t like planes much because I get motion sickness when flying (thankfully not enough to throw up) but I’d have kept an open mind. There’s a national hair day, which celebrates hair. Everyone starts to get rowdy again, even the librarian. At this point I’d have left the library while grumbling about inconsiderate shits.
They still haven’t decided on a holiday.
Chapter 9
Elizabeth offers Karen watermelon and asks what she’s doing. Karen explains and Elizabeth tells her to write to the Congresswoman. I’m sure the Congresswoman has nothing better to do than to indulge the whims of a random child she doesn’t know. Who am I kidding, of course she doesn’t. Everyone in this universe exists to please Karen. Realistically speaking, I don’t know if the Congresswoman would get Karen’s letter and if she’d respond. I don’t know if she’d declare a national holiday because a kid whined. I’m sure she would have more important things to do. Maybe Elizabeth just wanted to encourage Karen. On one hand, I think it’s good to encourage kids. On the other hand, I wonder if you should be realistic with them and tell them that it’s possible the Congresswoman might not read your letter or decide to make a holiday, but there’s no harm in trying. Karen makes a list to send to the Congresswoman.
1. There are no holidays for kids in August. Isn’t that just a crying shame? I’d read this and think, “So? What the hell’s your point?” Also, what about adults who want to have a fun holiday?
2. Everyone loves holidays. Like I said before, I don’t give a shit about most holidays, except Halloween and Christmas. The only other reason I care is because I get the day off from school.
3. Kids would not have to miss school because there’s no school in August. Same thing goes for the 4TH of July. And I had school in August. It was at the end of August, but I still had school in August.
4. People love summer. Well, I do, but I don’t think everyone does.
Karen fantasizes about the Congresswoman reading her letter and bringing it to the White House. I’m rolling my eyes at her ego, but I had unrealistic hopes as well when I was younger. I thought I’d write a best- selling novel at thirteen and be interviewed on TV. I don’t know if I took that fantasy very seriously, though, but it was fun to think about.
Chapter 10
They’re having lunch at the big house when Karen tells her family about her holiday idea. Sam and Charlie rightfully don’t take it seriously at all and tease Karen. Watson steps in because poor Karen isn’t being worshipped and we can’t have that. All Sam and Charlie said was that maybe they can have a watermelon themed holiday and eat watermelon or a holiday to celebrate her awesome older brothers. As someone who is a total Mary Anne, I think Karen should get a thicker skin and a sense of humor if that’s all they said. She’s going to be one of those people who can’t handle criticism and go crying to Watson to sort it out. I can see Karen having trouble in college and Watson going to yell at the Dean because how dare someone correct Karen or inconvenience her in any way?
Watson says that some holidays honor important people and that they need to think of what’s special in August for them to celebrate. Karen writes down a list of her favorite August activities.
1. Playing outside, even after dinner. So Karen can’t do that on any month besides August?
2. Going swimming. Again, she can’t do that any month besides August? It’s warm enough to go swimming in June and July.
3. Getting ice cream from Mr. Tastee. So he only comes in August?
4. Watermelon. So watermelon is only available in August in Stoneybrook? These don’t seem specific to August at all. Going swimming sounds specific to summer and I guess I can associate watermelon with summer, but I’m not looking at this list and thinking that’s what people do in August.
Chapter 11
It’s time for the next committee meeting. Hawaii was made a state in August, so they suggest having a luau. Scott is still interested in an Aviation Day. Karen says they can’t put on airplane displays because they’re just kids and the others are like, “Not cool, Karen.” They couldn’t put on real airplane displays, but I’m sure they can come up with fun activities relating to airplanes. Maria wants to celebrate their dogs because her mom said that the end of summer is called the dog days of summer. Everyone starts getting excited about the idea and think that they can have a parade for their dogs.
Karen is a party pooper again and says this is supposed to be a holiday, not a parade. Yeah, it isn’t like there aren’t any parades on holidays. Maybe the parade can be an event on the holiday. Karen also points out that not everyone in the neighborhood has dogs. Would that really exclude someone from participating? Can’t one of their friends lend a dog to them? Didn’t Karen say her friend couldn’t participate in her kitty cat club because she didn’t have a cat?
Anyway, everyone agrees to celebrate something that happened in August and to call the holiday Augustania.
Chapter 12
The committee gets together again to discuss ideas. Scott seems really taken with the aviation theme and wants to wear cool pilot sunglasses. Karen shoots him down. Hannie tells her that just because Augustania was her idea doesn’t mean she shouldn’t listen to others. Karen is in a snit because she was listening. No, you were basically dismissing Scott’s idea because you aren’t into the aviation theme. You don’t have to wear sunglasses, Karen. I don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. If others want to wear cool pilot sunglasses, let them. Karen tells her minions to make fliers and congratulates herself on being such a good leader. Kid Power will think so when they come to interview her. Oh, Karen. Sometimes I can’t muster up the energy to do anything but shake my head and roll my eyes. But she is seven, so I guess she can be forgiven in this case.
Chapter 13
Everyone works on fliers and makes plans for Augustania. Sunflowers will be the official flower. They also tell people about the holiday, including Mrs. Porter. If I saw Karen Brewer at my door, I’d be tempted to slam it in her face. Mrs.Porter is wearing black, like a witch, because witches can’t wear colors other than black and only witches wear black. Everyone is excited about Augustania.
Chapter 14
Karen decides to bother the Congresswoman about Augustania, because she clearly doesn’t have anything better to do than discuss a holiday a random kid made up. She calls the Congresswoman and a woman says the Congresswoman and her staff are busy, but they answer all her mail, so Karen needs to be patient. Karen can’t be patient. I think she believes in instant gratification. The line about answering all her mail reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Ringo was determined to answer all his fan mail even years later. I’m imagining the Congresswoman answering Karen’s letter years later. Karen is annoyed because Augustania is only a few days away. Is there any reason you can’t celebrate with your friends if it doesn’t become a national holiday? Shouldn’t you just have fun with your friends instead of worrying about fame and recognition? Maybe some holidays had humble beginnings and didn’t begin with national recognition.
Also, the Congresswoman is busy, Karen. You can’t expect her to just drop whatever she’s doing and focus on you. Okay, maybe Karen can because Karen is entitled and I guess children might not have a good understanding of the fact that people have things of their own to deal with. But Elizabeth should have told Karen that the Congresswoman was very busy and might not respond to her, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. Elizabeth should have told Karen to be patient. Then again, Karen probably figured that being patient wasn’t something that applied to her and badgered the Congresswoman daily. I don’t think I’d have told my kid to write to my member of Congress if they wanted to make up a new holiday national holiday. I’d have just said that they should invent a new holiday with their friends and have fun with them. I wouldn’t think it’d be possible for them to get a member of Congress to make their new holiday a national holiday. I feel like telling this to Karen now. Am I crushing her dreams?
Karen actually mentions she’s not very good at being patient. Karen goes to hang out with Nannie when Sam comes in and asks about the dog parade. Karen is confused about the dog parade because she didn’t approve this idea. Sam says fliers are advertising a dog parade and Karen decides she needs to call an emergency committee meeting so she can murder them for doing something without getting her permission.
Chapter 15
Karen tells the committee that they need to be deprogrammed because they didn’t follow her directions. It’s pointed out that Karen just said to make fliers, not what to put on them. They’ve advertised a luau and a pie eating contest. Karen disapproves because pies are for Thanksgiving. As someone who loves pie, I’d like to say, shut up, Karen. Pies are for any time of the year if I so choose. Everyone is talking about Augustania and looking forward to it. I think it sounds like fun. It sounds like there are a bunch of events for everyone. The dog parade and luau sounds like fun and I might be able to grab a slice of leftover pie from the pie-eating contest. I’m not into the aviation thing, but there are other aspects to enjoy.
Karen is upset because people are having ideas that she doesn’t approve of. People can only implement her ideas. The committee wasn’t supposed to have ideas of their own- just mindlessly implement hers. This wasn’t what she had in mind for Augustania. Then what did you have in mind? She wanted to celebrate something specific to August, but a celebration of Orville Wright’s birthday and the addition of Hawaii of a state seem perfectly valid, but she’s shooting those ideas down. Karen complains because there are so many things and people won’t know how to celebrate Augustania and it won’t be a national holiday. Hannie and Nancy try to tell her to chill out, but Karen is about to have a tantrum and there’s no stopping her. Karen cries that Augustania was her idea and apparently that means no one else is allowed to have ideas on how to celebrate. No one is listening to Karen.
First of all, just because it was your idea doesn’t mean you can’t listen to other ideas. Also, what exactly has Karen contributed? She just seems to shoot down everyone else’s ideas, but isn’t coming up with a lot of her own. It’s not like she’s suggesting ideas and everyone is ignoring her. She’d be a nightmare to work with on group projects. Everything would always have to be her way and the others would be her slaves. I’d pray not to be stuck with Karen as a partner.
Karen runs off because no one is listening to her. Those jerks actually have the audacity to have their own ideas. Elizabeth comes to talk to her and says she can’t give up because being the head of something was hard work. Karen ran off because people weren’t doing exactly what she said, not because it was hard work. Maybe she’d have been fine with the hard work if people were mindlessly following her directions. Elizabeth tells Karen that sometimes people have to make compromises for the good of the group. Karen whines some more that it was her idea. At this point I’d have just snapped and told her, “Just because it was your idea doesn’t give you the right to dismiss your friends’ ideas and throw tantrums when you aren’t always getting your way. Now quit your damn whining.”
Karen completely ignores Elizabeth’s advice that sometimes leaders have to listen to other ideas because she’s still mad. Andrew asks if Karen will come to another meeting. Karen agrees because her public Augustania needs her. Besides, Karen isn’t going to pass up the chance to boss people around some more and blame them for her tantrum.
Chapter 16
Some committee members are still mad at Karen. Karen is still mad. She doesn’t really have a leg to stand on. She’s just mad because she isn’t getting her way all the time. If this is her attitude all the time, it’s a miracle people want to be around her. I’m just imagining her throwing a tantrum because she doesn’t want to play freeze tag but everyone else does. I’m going to imagine that Watson paid people off to be her friends. Everyone wants Augustania to be perfect. Andrew asks why people can’t celebrate the way they want. That’s perfectly valid. But it’s not Karen’s idea, so they can’t go with that. Karen can’t stand not to have her own way. Karen tells her friends that Augustania was her idea. I guess that means all other ideas are invalid. Hannie calls Karen a bossy bragger. People should call Karen out more often.
Karen doesn’t know what to do. Being the head of something is hard work. You could stop dismissing your friends’ ideas and yelling that Augustania was your idea for starters. Karen gets a phone call and it’s some news reporter who wants to film them or some shit. I’m skimming because seeing this stupidity and Karen getting her way yet again is making me want to bash my brains in with my cellphone.
Chapter 17
One more day to Augustania. Karen is excited. There are last minute preparations.
Chapter 18
It’s a beautiful day for Augustania. Part of me wanted it to rain so Karen wouldn’t get her way, but I don’t want to have to deal with her tantrums. Augustania is a success. The news reporter comes to interview her. I don’t know why anyone would care about a made up holiday by some random kid, but I’m not interested in news stories about children, so I’m biased. I’m just rolling my eyes at the fact that Karen got to be interviewed by a news crew.
Chapter 19
After the news crew leaves, Karen sees she has a letter. It’s from the Congresswoman. She says that they need to discuss Augustania as a national holiday, which I hope is a polite answer for they trashed Karen’s letter and aren’t going to think about Augustania anymore. Elizabeth says that she was friends with the news reporter and called her because people needed to know about Augustania. I would not have felt the urge to call my reporter friend to come interview my kid because she was trying to make a national holiday.
Chapter 20
Some kid calls to ask Karen permission to celebrate Augustania. This seems kind of stupid. Can Karen really ban someone from celebrating Augustania? Just because a holiday was Karen’s idea doesn’t mean she’s the only one allowed to celebrate it, does it? If that’s the case, how the hell would it work as a national holiday? It’s kind of like asking the inventor of something if it’s okay for them to use the invention as well after they’ve made it available to the public. Karen learns a last minute lesson about listening to other people and asks the rest of the committee if it’s okay. They agree.